Ongoing tiredness

So this coronavirus thing has been going on for a while now and honestly, I can say, the most overwhelming effect on me has been tiredness. I feel tired. Really tired.

Even just looking at the news right now has this wave of exhaustion rolling over me. It’s just depressing, depressing, depressing. There’s nothing really positive coming out of the official news, the reports of people recovering are few and far between, even though people ARE recovering, all we see is the numbers infected and the numbers passed on rising and rising every day.

It’s horrible.

So, what to do? Well this week, I’m back in work. My first morning right now in fact. I’m struggling. I had big anxiety about leaving the house (this isn’t necessarily virus related, I tend to want to be in the house where it’s safe in general…) I had a worry about being stopped by the guards on the way to work. I had a worry about not passing the temperature checks at the gate. I was worried.

But I made it through all that. And so my anxiety is being soothed somewhat. I’m also making sure I have a substantial lunch with me (quiche, apple tart, apple, banana) as well as decent breakfast (granola). I went to bed at 9:30 last night, even after a 2 hr nap in the afternoon, cos I was tired. I had a nice relaxing shoulder rub from the darling husband before going to bed, which was lovely. I ate a small dinner because I really didn’t want to eat. I spent most of the afternoon baking so I’d have food for lunches this week.

I made cookies!

I started this morning with my attempts at a sun salutation (it’s entirely possible a highly experienced yogi might recognise some elements of it, but most people probably wouldn’t, my skill level is low) and some meditation.

I am taking into account right now that at this time, my usual activities and attitudes may not be helping and I need to be more proactive about my self care. (This may or may not have come from a slap upside the head from herself over the weekend!) And let’s face it – yoga and meditation are no bad practices to have in general. They will help and assist me in general once I get the habit re-formed.

It’s so easy right now to look at the world and think, “OK, I’ve got all this time now, I’ll write that book or train to run a marathon” but sometimes that doesn’t help at all. Sometimes, it’s ok to sit on the couch for a few days, with or without the kids, watch crap TV and eat comfort food. Sometimes it’s ok to look at what would help you feel better and take small steps to doing that. Sometimes it’s ok to just to nothing.

We all cope with anxiety and trauma in different ways. My predominant symptom is tiredness, hence writing this post, but I’ve had a lot of practice with depression and anxiety so at least I’m starting to recognise that now. Some people -this is their first bout with this level of anxiety and it’s scary.

Honestly? There’s so many different ways to deal with this, only you will know what works for you. You can experiment. Try yoga for a few days, see how you get on. Try pilates. Try jumping jacks or skipping rope or walking around the kitchen table. Try step ups on the stairs. Try sitting on the couch and thinking about moving. Trying eating ice cream from the tub and watching someone else moving.

For me -coming back into work was important cos a) it’s food industry and well we all need food! and b) for myself, I left the house and overcame that fear. For you, the big step might be something completely different.

And for anyone saying well if I can work from home, I should – yes, sometimes I can work from home, but I’m an engineer my darlins, I need to see shit in person as well sometimes!

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