High Control Religion (part 2)

Part 1 of High Control Religions can be found here.

I want to delve a little bit deeper into what high control religions are, as well as some indicators of any group that might be high control. Essentially – I want to talk about red flags. For ease of referencing – this information is available widely on the internet, but this article by Anastasia Somerville-Wong is the one I found most information on. It is also very clearly laid out! Now, I’m not going into the detail Somerville-Wong did. I’m trying to keep this series digestible and I know not everyone will dive into a rabbit hole as willing as I do…

But I will say that I’d like ye to keep in mind a few points:

• Any group can be a high control group, even a non-religious group
• Some very mainstream groups can be high control
• Just because a group is small, doesn’t mean it is high control
• Just because everyone agrees on certain things, doesn’t mean it’s high control
• A red flag is just that – an indicator. One might not be too bad. But two or more might suggest a theme developing…

Let’s talk about self-doubt

Self-doubt is normal. And self-questioning and self-assessment are, to my mind, important parts of human life. But a high control religion encourages self-doubt. Most healthy groups encourage and nurture self-esteem and self-confidence in their members. But a confident person isn’t as easily controlled as someone who continually doubts themselves. Just ask my current employers…

But in a high control religion, self doubt and self questioning is always encouraged. It keeps people off-balance. It almost forces people to use energy in ways that are not questioning leadership .

Now, this can start off really low level as well. Leadership encourages the general member to think the leader has better knowledge, more experience, or just knows things. So, of course they know better how the member should behave.

Or they can pick and choose scripture or holy writings or information to support their position. Which is of course, better, higher, more advanced than the ordinary member. Or the leader can ask questions meant to “increase your self understanding” but which are designed to create self-doubt.

Not to mention, any negative things that happen – illness, loss of money, death in the family, anything – will be put down as lack of faith.

High control rules… but only for you!

A sense of the leader or leadership being above the law is inherent in high control religion. While strict, draconian laws and rules might hold the main group in check… no one will hold the leader to account for not adhering to the same standards.

This can show up in different ways. But a lot of the time, it’s sex related. Or clothing. And the excuses are widespread. The leader needs the stress relief. The leader needs to make an impression. He (because it’s pretty much always a he) needs to populate the world. The leader is of a higher spiritual order, so doesn’t need the same restrictions to maintain his holiness.

Sometimes a high control religion will establish layers of rules and privileges. So that the more “spiritual” you are, the more freedom you can access. With the leader being the “freest” of all, obviously. Not only does this enforce their own “specialness”, it also builds in a sense of hierarchy and authority to support them. No one wants to be stripped of privileges, after all…

Threats, violence and threats of violence

For a high control group, it is very common to penalise members for leaving. Now, ok, this doesn’t always end in violence. But penalisation…. oh that’s a broad term. Here are a few options:

• Lose contact with friends and family still in the group
• Lose any money invested
• Threatened with hell or other afterlife consequences
• Have your nature and character disparaged by those still in the group – even those who were formerly close to you
• Name calling
• Threats of violence or death
• Actual violence or death

Now, in leaving a high control group, losing money may not be your primary worry. But another aspect of high control group, as I said last week, is that they can control your money as well. So, when you leave, you leave with nothing.

In many cases, this is definitely the better option. But money makes the world go round and especially for women and children, a lack of money adds to other oppressive factors outside the group. It makes people think, “well, at least here we have food and shelter and clothing… of some sort”.

The thought of waiting til children reach a certain age, or until some event has passed… it’s really tempting. But the fact of the matter is, the longer you leave it, the more difficult it is to get out.

In a not-high-control group, leaving is easy. Honestly, I’ve left many groups in my time. Mostly, you just stop paying your dues. Seriously, it’s that easy. However, there is a group I can’t leave. The Roman Catholic Church. Yup. No way to leave it. There was a loophole up to 1996, but I missed the cut off date.

And most of us accept this as normal…

Here’s a good one…

Members frequently experience feelings of shame, guilt, fear and dread…

(That’s a direct heading from the blog post I linked earlier. Heading 17, if you’re interested)

This hit me hard. We joke in Ireland about the “Catholic guilt” we all feel, but it’s true. Catholics are pretty much meant to feel guilty about everything… I think they’d limit breathing sometimes, if they could.

I won’t speak for other Catholics around the world, but I can say for definite in Ireland there is

• shame about perfectly normal human activities, e.g. sex, masturbation
• a disconnect between what Jesus said and what the Church dictates
• a lot of abuse hidden behind closed doors, some carried out by clergy and religious folks, some “just” endorsed by them
• a attitude of full disclosure required from the congregation but no disclosure required from the clergy
• the “sanctity of the confessional” protecting criminals, abusers and paedophiles. Among others. Google it if you have the stomach for it.

The people who are meant to look after the flock, the congregation, are the ones tormenting them with shame, guilt, fear and dread. And worse – protecting those who prey on the innocent.

The wrong people are feeling guilty.

Some repetition

I’ll be revisiting this topic again. And I know some of today was repetition from last time on this topic. But these are the parts I think it’s worth investigating.

I still call myself a Pagan Catholic, because it’s the closest I can get to describing my faith and spirituality. And I still see immense value in the teachings of Jesus and the Catholic faith itself.

I see many problems in the institution of the church and how the hierarchy is failing to address them. Or worse, obstructing genuine efforts to address the failures and the hypocrisy and the crimes inherent in that hierarchy.

Have a think. Maybe the organisation you’re involved in is trying to be high control, but failing mightily because it’s too easy to escape them. Or maybe you’re looking at these blog posts and thinking some of this seems familiar, but is your church really high control? Or is it a problem for you? It might not be.

At the very least, I hope it’s provoked some thoughts. Which will hopefully lead to action. And if you’re really unsure – reach out to me. I’ll do my best to help.