Wants and needs

Many times in our spiritual practice, it’s easy to confuse wants and needs. Now, I know last week, I was talking about self care. And I mentioned Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which is a great way to test out if something is a want or a need.

But very often, it’s more nuanced that than. So let’s explore this concept in a bit more detail.

If you google “wants vs needs” you get all sorts of results. Everything from psychology to financial management gives you a definition. But here’s a secret. Are you ready?

YOU GET TO DECIDE WHAT’S A WANT AND WHAT’S A NEED IN YOUR LIFE.

I know, shocking isn’t it?

Is that really true though?

Well, here’s the thing. The most common delineation of the difference between “want” and “need” is that want is something you could technically live without, whereas “need” is something you can’t live without.

If we are truly honest with ourselves, we need air, water, shelter, sleep. Probably clothing. Basically, the absolute bottom level of Maslow’s hierarchy right there. We can actually live as a person without reproducing, although as a species, we can’t.

So, once you have air, water, food, shelter, sleep and clothing, you should be satisfied, right? Because that’s all your needs met?

Maslow was a bit more sensible than that though. He recognised that people have other needs as well, to live a truly enriched life.

What kind of things do you mean?

Here’s the thing: this is where it becomes highly individualised. I mean, technically speaking, we don’t need to mourn our dead, but Brigid considered this so important, she gave us the means to do so. To express our emotions in a socially acceptable, relief-giving way. (See the quote below)

Now that was damaging to the Fomoire, and they picked a man to reconnoitre the battle and the practices of the Túatha Dé—Rúadán, the son of Bres and of Brig, the daughter of the Dagda—because he was a son and a grandson of the Túatha Dé. Then he described to the Fomoire the work of the smith and the carpenter and the brazier and the four physicians who were around the well. They sent him back to kill one of the áes dána, Goibniu. He requested a spearpoint from him, its rivets from the brazier, and its shaft from the carpenter; and everything was given to him as he asked. Now there was a woman there grinding weapons, Crón the mother of Fíanlach; and she ground Rúadán’s spear. So the spear was given to Rúadán by his maternal kin, and for that reason a weaver’s beam is still called ‘the spear of the maternal kin’ in Ireland.

But after the spear had been given to him, Rúadán turned and wounded Goibniu. He pulled out the spear and hurled it at Rúadán so that it went through him; and he died in his father’s presence in the Fomorian assembly. Bríg came and keened for her son. At first she shrieked, in the end she wept. Then for the first time weeping and shrieking were heard in Ireland. (Now she is the Bríg who invented a whistle for signalling at night.)

– pg 37, Cath Maige Tuired: The Second Battle of Mag Tuired (ucc.ie)

So, while my ancestors might have survived for a few hundred years in a relatively healthy state physically by eating spuds and dairy, that’s not really what I’d consider a decent diet these days. (Spuds are also the highest food on the satiety index, just as an fyi)

But, while I could survive on spuds and dairy, I don’t want to. Are all other foods “wants” rather than “needs” then? Should I just return to the pre-Famine (and to be fair, post-Famine) Irtsh diet?

Hell no.

That would be boring as hell and I’d crumble within hours, never mind, days, weeks or months!

However, for my ancestors, life was different and having an adequate supply of spuds probably did mean their food needs were met, according to them.

When we consider needs and wants, we need to consider context as well. So let’s go there now.

Context in terms of needs and wants

You know the way I keep saying you don’t actually need tools to work with/for Brigid? I mean it. I really do. You don’t need anything for meditation – I’ve seen people meditate on the Tube in London. It’s not something I’d advise, but hey, each to their own!

So, there is nothing that you need to start working with Brigid. I’d suggest an internet connection to access sources of information and the means to check whether that information is valid and true to the lore. That would make life easier. But people working with/for Brigid long before the internet was on the scene.

In the same way, I don’t necessarily need other sources of food aside from spuds and dairy, but I want more. And it’s easier to maintain a balanced food intake when I vary my foods. I mean, the introduction of lime juice and coriander to my diet makes it far easier to stomach salads for a start. And salads are far easier to eat in summer than spuds are.

But we can determine our own needs within our own context. It’s probable that no one needs a well-fitted suit, but in certain contexts, like customer facing roles in consultancies, it’s a requirement. Or something very similar would be required. It’s considered the basic dress code. In my own workplace, one doesn’t need to wear company-branded gear to look professional or part of the team. We all want it though, cos it makes dressing for work so much easier!!!

In a spiritual context then

So, you may be working in a spiritual group where everyone has a specific spiritual tool – a robe, an athame, whatever it is. Now, you know that technically you don’t need this. But to fit in, to adhere to group norms, you may want it and it might be a need if you want to take part in certain rituals. You make the choice.

But how do you make the choice?

• Journal around the topic. I know, this is becoming a theme of mine. But starting one journal entry by writing “I need this because…” and allowing your hand to start writing is a wonderful way to examine the way your brain is working. Cos it’s not always clear to us! And I’d suggest setting a time limit of at least 10mins and if you run out of words before then, rewrite “I need this because” a few times until the words start floing again.
• Assess whether the items or course or whatever aligns with your core beliefs and values, not to mention long term goals. I know – wordy to say the least. But it could be linked with your journaling, or it could be different. But if you pull up a list of your long term goals, would this item align with those gaols? Now just because it doesn’t, doesn’t mean you don’t get it – these are just factors to feed into the decision. My collection of smut books doesn’t really align with my long term goals, but they’re fun…
• Seek guidance from divination. A pendulum using yes/no. A card pull. Ogham. There’s all sorts of ways that Brigid can send signs. And other people as well, obviously. But I’m assuming you’re reading this blog because you have an interest at least in Brigid.
• Trust your gut. Sometimes, your gut is your best guide ever. Does this feel right? Is it a serious consideration that this might adversely affect your life if you do or don’t get the thing?

In the end…

It’s only you that knows. So, for me, I do buy things that look pretty, or don’t really qualify as a “need” all the time. So just because something is a “want” isn’t a big deal. That’s why Maslow has that “hierarchy” of needs, in that really, if you’re worried about getting enough food into you, or your physical safety, you’re not going to be worried about whether that food is healthy. You’re going to care about whether it will fill you up enough.

But being clear on your values helps make those decisions. Being clear on your long term goals makes it easier to decide. Even acknowledging and caring about your own areas of weaknesses (for me: books, chocolate, clothes) help you in deciding one whether something is a want or a need. And if it is a want, is it a want that’s going to be fulfilled?

It’s hard to work out this path. I know.

But it’s so worth it to be solid in yourself, in your decisions, in your desires.