Category: Catholicism

This category deals with Catholicism as a whole, as opposed to the saint specifically.

You Left. But You Didn’t Leave Everything.

This Easter weekend, my social media feeds were full of it.

Families at Mass. Easter Sunday tables. The smell of candles and lilies practically coming through the screen. And somewhere in the middle of all of it, I kept seeing the other posts too – the quieter ones. The women noting, without quite saying it, that they didn’t know what to do with themselves. That something felt off. That the day had a shape they no longer inhabited, and nothing had grown in its place yet.

For me personally, Easter these days is a lovely three-day weekend. Some time to slow down, to reconnect with myself, to remember what I actually think and feel when I’m not just moving through the week. And honestly, there’s never a bad time for a free day off work. But I’m aware that I have structures in place – practices, rhythms, ways of checking in with my inner life – that give me the kind of grounding that Easter provides for practising Christians. I’m not adrift during that weekend because I’ve built something to stand on. A lot of women haven’t had the chance to do that yet. And Easter, with all its weight and visibility, can make that absence feel very loud.

If that was you this weekend, this post is for you.

Leaving religion hasn't created so much of a spiritual vacuum that I can't appreciate my daffodils in the garden! (Which is what's in this picture!)

The vacuum nobody tells you about

Leaving a high-control religion (Catholicism, evangelical Christianity, any tradition that told you exactly what to believe and what happened if you didn’t) is often framed as a liberation. And in many ways, it is. You step away from the guilt, the authority, the rules that never quite fit. That part is real. (Also, rarely a bad time for REM!)

What doesn’t get talked about as much is what comes after.

The liturgical calendar that still lives in your body, even when you’re no longer observing it. The way Christmas and Easter arrive with a weight that has nothing to do with chocolate eggs or family dinners. The strange grief of sitting outside something that was, for a long time, the whole shape of the year.

Easter is a particularly pointed example. It’s not a minor feast. It’s the pivot of the entire Christian year: the death, the waiting, the rising. If you grew up inside that, it’s in you in a way that’s hard to articulate. And when you’re no longer inside it, the weekend can feel oddly hollow, even if you know, intellectually, that you left for good reasons.

And it’s not just Christianity. Nearly every religious tradition I’ve encountered has its equivalent: a moment in the year that carries the full weight of the community’s belief, that marks time in a way that’s impossible to ignore. Passover. Eid. Diwali. Vesak. These are not decorative occasions. They are the hinge points of the year for the people inside them, the moments when the community gathers, when something larger than the individual is acknowledged. When you’re no longer inside that community, those hinge points don’t disappear. They just become visible from the outside, which is a different and sometimes lonelier experience.

That hollowness is not a sign you made the wrong choice. It’s a sign that spirituality was never nothing to you, even inside a framework that may have done you harm.

You left the institution. You didn’t leave the hunger.

Here’s what I’ve come to believe after years of working with women navigating this particular terrain: the thing that draws people into religion in the first place is rarely the doctrine. It’s the ritual, the community, the sense of being held inside something larger than yourself. The marking of time. The acknowledgement that life is not just a series of tasks to be completed.

When you leave, you take the doctrine off. But you often don’t take the hunger off. The desire to mark the turning of the year. To tend to something. To have a practice that feels like it means something.

And that’s where a lot of women get stuck. Because what’s on offer, in the broad spiritual marketplace, on social media, in the wellness space, doesn’t quite fit either. It can feel too vague, too performative, too much like swapping one unexamined set of beliefs for another. Or it asks you to stop taking spiritual life seriously altogether, which also isn’t right.

Neither of those is the only option.

The neither/nor of it

I’m not here to sell you a replacement religion. I’m not here to tell you that Brigid, or paganism, or Irish mythology, or any other tradition is what you’ve been missing and you just didn’t know it yet. That’s not how this works, and anyone who tells you otherwise is not being straight with you.

What I am here to say is that the vacuum you felt this weekend, if you felt it, is worth paying attention to. Not because it means you should go back. But because it tells you something real about yourself: that your inner life matters to you, that you’re not quite ready to let it wither, and that you’re looking for something that takes you seriously.

That is a reasonable thing to be looking for. It exists. And it doesn’t require you to step into any ready-made container that someone else has built for you.

Where this goes

Over the next few weeks I’m going to be writing about exactly this: what it looks like to build a spiritual life after religion, how you work out what you actually believe (as opposed to what you were told to believe), and what figures like Brigid – who has survived and adapted across more than a thousand years of Irish history – might have to offer women who are doing this work.

If any of that is landing for you, the best thing to do is make sure you don’t miss what comes next.

And if you want to share this with someone who had a quiet Easter weekend and couldn’t quite explain why, please do. Sometimes the most useful thing is knowing someone else has noticed the same thing.

Or drop me a line or comment on the post!

Brigid and guilt

I know Brigid isn’t strongly associate with Christmas or Solstice for that matter. But guilt is. It’s a big one this time of year! Today we’re going to talk about how to manage guilt and use Brigid to help.

Now, I’ve written in passing about guilt before. But I’ve not done a deep dive into it at all. And particularly with women, particularly at this time of year, guilt tends to end up playing a major role in events.

OK, this isn't Brigid and guilt, but it does show a cartoon woman, with a collar and chain around her neck, and a large ball with "guilt" written on it that she's trying to pull around with her. Guilt has weight.
OK, it’s not always this obvious, but that’s part of the problem!

Guilt vs Shame

The two can often get confused. I like Psychology Today‘s differentiation:

Shame and guilt are two closely related concepts. While each has been defined in different ways, guilt is typically linked to some specific harm, real or perceived, and shame involves negative feelings about one’s self more generally.

Now, ok that article doesn’t link Brigid and guilt, but bear with me, ok?

Guilt has been posited to be useful in developing social conscience, communities, interpersonal relationships. Mainly in the “apologising when we do wrong” arena. But honestly, that’s not the guilt we’re talking about here.

The problem is that guilt can lead to shame. And both can lead to, or be an element in, mental illness.

So, y’know, I like to give some options.

Particular guilt around holidays

Listen, this is a time of year when “you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people, all of the time” comes into play. Brigid didn’t play with guilt when she had stuff she needed to get done! But also, Brigid wasn’t living in the modern world…

There are loads of conflicting priorities and it gets worse where there are kids involved.

  • Cost of presents
  • Trying to ensure the child doesn’t get the same pressie from 5 different people
  • The time everything takes
  • The inevitable feeling that one family or another feels left out
  • The growing list of things that make up Christmas (or Hannukah, or Solstice, or whatever your holiday is at this time of year)
  • The feeling of begrudgery at having to do all of this
  • The feeling of guilt over the begrudgery, followed by anger at the guilt, followed by guilt at the “lack of gratitude”…

Listen, we can spiral away here. What we need are some tried and true tactics.

Brigid, Guilt, What?

Brigid doesn’t play with guilt too much. Particularly in the hagiographies, we see her, time and again, taking steps to make things better rather than live with the guilt.

There’s no element of guilt in here when she makes an unborn baby “go away”. (Read: abortion). Certainly none mentioned at giving away her father’s sword, not to mention pulling out her brother’s eye…

She’s fierce practical, and practicality doesn’t always leave room for guilt. It does sometimes, no one’s perfect. But, y’know, it’s a barrier against guilt.

Y’see, it’s not that Brigid doesn’t feel guilt, I’m sure of that. The TDD weren’t necessarily human in the way we understand it, but they overlap a lot with humans. And that means guilt is on the menu.

But we can’t let guilt paralyse us.

What can we do?

Well, first and foremost, outline the areas where you might be feeling guilt. For most of us, it’s conflicting family needs and wants. There are many people who have a fixed idea of what Christmas must look like and any deviation from that is sacrilegious.

And when you’re the person who needs/wants to deviate from that set idea… well, it can lead to guilt tripping on a massive scale.

Now – there are people who will tell you they don’t feel guilt. I challenge those people to deal with a Catholic family background and say the same. It’s not that it’s a moral failing to not feel guilt. It’s more that it’s bred or bet into us…

So, what are the situations that guilt comes up?

  • Kids don’t get the toys they want
  • Parents or in-laws don’t feel like you’ve spent enough time with them
  • People feel the exchange of gifts was unequal

Honestly, the top two there are the main ones, and really… the second one is the killer.

Brigid was a mother too

Very true. And I’ve no doubt, as a mother, Brigid used guilt as a weapon in her toolbox to try and engage with her kid(s)

And, going by my experience in the last few days, it’s usually mothers pulling on the guilt strings. Worse – it’s usually their daughters they’re pulling on.

When the sayings such as “your son is your son til he gets a wife, your daughter is your daughter all your life” are still so common, maybe it’s no wonder.

But as Gen X women, and older Millennials, we are breaking these chains, ok?

And that means standing up and shaking off the guilt. Reach into yourself and imagine how you want your kids to feel about you in their 40’s, 50’s and beyond.

And think of what’s important to you in this holiday season.

Truly important

Do you hanker after a house full of people, chaotic, but full of love?

Is more a quiet day with no phones beeping?

A grand feast, with everyone squishing around the table?

My husband? His essential component is the Dr Who Christmas Special.

Mine? Two solid days away from work, emails, etc to read. And watch some films.

It hasn’t been easy getting here. But we had always said once we got married, we’d be spending Christmas on our own, building our own traditions.

But once people have built expectations, how do you re-set?

Bit by bit.

Looks, Brigid – nor guilt – never said things were easy or quick. And this probably won’t be either. But this year, pick one thing that is truly important to you. Is it a carol service? A walk with the family? A single hour alone, with no demands being placed on you?

Talk to those who will be affected by this. Set this plan in motion. Make sure it’s feasible. While I’d love to fly our whole family over to Lanzarote for a week in the sun – it’s not feasible. Not unless I win the lotto tomorrow night and even then…

But be clear on what you’re claiming for you this Christmas.

But the guilt, Orlagh!

Yeah, I know. Just remember, someone else trying to guilt you, doesn’t mean you have to take on their attempts.

And always have a few key phrases in your back pocket.

  1. “I hear that this matters to you. Here’s what I can realistically do.”
    This acknowledges their feelings while clearly stating your limits.
  2. “I appreciate how much you care about family traditions. I need to do what works for my family this year.”
    Shows respect for their values but asserts your autonomy.
  3. “I understand this is disappointing. My decision is not about you, it’s about what’s best for me right now.”
    Separates their emotions from your choices, reducing guilt.
  4. “I love you and want to enjoy our time together. That means I need to set this boundary so I don’t feel overwhelmed.”
    Frames the boundary as a way to preserve the relationship.
  5. “I can’t do everything you’re asking, but here’s what I can offer.”
    Keeps the tone collaborative while maintaining control.

Now, this isn’t easy. Especially not if you’re not used to setting boundaries and dealing with guilt. But it’s worth it.

The above phrases are the basis, but you’ll probably need to adjust to suit your situations. For example:

  1. Listen, I know you love the whole family being there on Christmas Day. The thing is, it’s a 3 hour round trip and we’ll be exhausted. How about we spend the night on the 28th instead?
  2. I completely understand that ye’ve always gone to Midnight Mass together. But we need to start traditions for our family now. And for us, it’s more important for the kids to get to bed before 9pm than to go to Midnight Mass.
  3. I completely understand you’re disappointed about not seeing us on Christmas Day. This isn’t about not wanting to see you, it’s about letting the kids relax in their own home.
  4. I love you, I want to spend time with you. But honestly, I finish work on Christmas Eve and I’m back in on the 27th. I just need to crash those few days so I don’t get completely overwhelmed.
  5. I don’t get enough time off work to stay with ye for 2 weeks. I could come up for New Year’s Eve and stay 2 days?

While Brigid might not have had to deal with this sort of guilt, she doesn’t understand clear boundaries. Operating in the liminal can be powerful, but when it comes to families – clear, concrete, deliberate boundaries tend to work best.

Don’t spend the holidays eaten up with guilt

Take a leaf out of Brigid’s book and try to wash away the guilt. It doesn’t do any good and basically, ties you and probably half the family in knots.

Set clear boundaries.

Stick to said boundaries.

Plan in time for your important thing.

And do better next year!

The Rosary

Last week, I wrote about the Memorare. This week, it’s the Rosary. I know, two Catholic posts in a row, but they’re heavily linked. Now, if you’re looking for the official Roman Catholic approach to the Rosary, the Vatican website on the topic is probably your best bet.

An image of a rosary, or rosary beads. A brown cross, with a light brown bead, then three dark brown beads n a string. This then linked to a circle of beads, from that 1 light brown bead, 10 brown beads, a gap, another light brown bead, a gap, etc. until you get around the 5 sets of 10 brown beads.
An image of a rosary

What is the Rosary?

The word “rosary” apparently means something along the lines of “crown of roses” or “garland of roses” in Latin. And it’s a prayer heavily linked to Mary. In fact, remember all those visitations I mentioned last week? Well, in pretty much all of them, she talks about the Rosary. Now, traditional convention is that when talking about the prayer beads, we use a lower case “r” and when talking about the prayer, we use the upper case “R”.

When I was growing up, the Rosary consisted of 3 rounds of 5 Mysteries, although it’s rare you’d be saying all 15 at once. Then in 2002 I think it was. John Paul II added another set (Luminous).

The Mysteries

Joyful Mysteries

  1. The Annunciation. Fruit of the Mystery: Humility.
  2. The Visitation. Fruit of the Mystery: Love of Neighbor.
  3. The Birth of Jesus. Fruit of the Mystery: Poverty, Detachment from the things of the world, Contempt of Riches, Love of the Poor.
  4. The Presentation of Jesus at the Temple. Fruit of the Mystery: Gift of Wisdom and Purity of mind and body (Obedience).
  5. The Finding of Jesus in the Temple. Fruit of the Mystery: True Conversion (Piety, Joy of Finding Jesus).

Luminous Mysteries

  1. The Baptism of Jesus in the Jordan. Fruit of the Mystery: Openness to the Holy Spirit, the Healer.
  2. The Wedding at Cana. Fruit of the Mystery: To Jesus through Mary, Understanding of the ability to manifest-through faith.
  3. Jesus’ Proclamation of the Kingdom of God. Fruit of the Mystery: Trust in God (Call of Conversion to God).
  4. The Transfiguration. Fruit of the Mystery: Desire for Holiness.
  5. The Institution of the Eucharist. Fruit of the Mystery: Adoration.

Sorrowful Mysteries

  1. The Agony in the Garden. Fruit of the Mystery: Sorrow for Sin, Uniformity with the Will of God.
  2. The Scourging at the Pillar. Fruit of the Mystery: Mortification (Purity).
  3. The Crowning with Thorns. Fruit of the Mystery: Contempt of the World (Moral Courage).
  4. The Carrying of the Cross. Fruit of the Mystery: Patience.
  5. The Crucifixion and Death of our Lord. Fruit of the Mystery: Perseverance in Faith, Grace for a Holy Death, Forgiveness.

Glorious Mysteries

  1. The Resurrection. Fruit of the Mystery: Faith.
  2. The Ascension. Fruit of the Mystery: Hope, Desire to Ascend to Heaven.
  3. The Descent of the Holy Spirit. Fruit of the Mystery: Love of God, Holy Wisdom to know the truth and share it with everyone, Divine Charity, Worship of the Holy Spirit.
  4. The Assumption of Mary. Fruit of the Mystery: Union with Mary and True Devotion to Mary.
  5. The Coronation of the Virgin. Fruit of the Mystery: Perseverance and an Increase in Virtue (Trust in Mary’s Intercession).

So, each number along there represents the one Our Father, 10 Hail Marys and one Glory Be we say.

Each round of the prayers above is devoted to consideration of and meditation on one mystery. Officially.

Unofficially?

OK, so I know plenty of people get all caught up on the “official” way to pray the Rosary. In my experience, I find Mary isn’t keeping count. Seriously.

I’ve used a decade or two to calm my mind. I’ve used the Rosary as a way to combat insomnia. Meditation. Desperation. Joy. Support. Thankfulness.

I’ve used 1 decade. I’ve used 100 decades.

There are times and seasons in my life I’ve turned to the Rosary and more and less than others. Saying it in Irish is different in my head to saying it in English.

Our Father

Ár nAthair, atá ar neamh, go naomhaítear t’ainm, go dtaga do ríocht, go ndeintear do thoil ar an dtalamh mar a ndeintear ar neamh. Ár n-arán laethúil tabhair dhúinn inniu, agus maith dhúinn ár bhfiacha, mar a mhaithimid d’ár bhféichiúnna féin, agus ná lig sinn i gcathú, ach saor sinn ó olc. áiméin.

Hail Mary

Sé do bheatha, a Mhuire, atá lán de ghrásta, tá an Tiarna leat. Is beannaithe thú idir na mná agus is beannaithe toradh do bhroinne, Íosa. A Naomh-Mhuire, a Mháthair Dé, guigh orainn na peacaigh,anois agus ar uair ár mbáis. áiméin.

Glory Be

Glóire don Athair is don Mhac is don Spiriod Naomh, mar a bhí ar dtúis, mar atá anois, is mar a bheidh go deo, trí shaol na saol. áiméin.

Why share this?

Well, today is the 8th December, which is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. In other words, it’s the day the Roman Catholic Church celebrates the fact that Mary, the mother of God, was the one person in the entire history of the world, that was born without original sin.

Yeah, it’s got nothing to do with Jesus at all, other than she was his mother.

The Immaculate Conception is very often misunderstood as a feast, with many people thinking it’s because Mary was a virgin who gave birth. Those of you who pay attention to my writings will know how I feel about virginity in general. But because Mary was going to be a vessel for the son of God, she’s special.

Personally though, there’s a bit more to this. As many of ye also know, I went to boarding school for secondary school and the 8th December was the day we celebrated Christmas as a school (well the boarders did. It used to be a day off in the 90’s ok?)

So for me, 8th December stands as the start of the Christmas season.

It’s a personal thing.

And no, it’s not the start of the 12 Days of Christmas – that’s from Christmas Day to Nollag na mBan or Women’s Christmas (also known as the Feast of the Epiphany) on 6th January.

So, this time of year, I start to think more about Mary. And pray the Rosary.

There’s a lot of light and hope there and I need it!

The Memorare

The Memorare is a lovely, powerful prayer to the Virgin Mary. And it’s one I have found reverberating through my head in the last few weeks.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known
that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help,
or sought thy intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence
I fly unto thee,
O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To thee do I come,
before thee I stand,
sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Amen.

Why this prayer?

I’ve written about my Catholic side many times before on this blog. But the Memorare is special to me.

The Memorare as a prayer card. It has the lines of the prayer on it, as well as pictures of roses on the top left and bottom right corners. A gold banner surrounds the worlds of the prayer as well.
I had – well not exactly this card, but close enough!

And yes, I was introduced to it by the nuns in secondary school. At the time, I wasn’t fully appreciative of the thing, cos it mean morning prayers lasted those few seconds longer. Thinking back -prayer wasn’t a huge part of my life in those days.

But these days, definitely more so. And this prayer in particular is a major part of my practice when times get tough.

Why the Memorare?

“Memorare” means “to remember” in Latin. Listen, the Catholic Church held onto Latin, and still does in many, many areas, far past the time it was considered a living language. So, calling a prayer by a Latin term? It’s not the worst they could do. As they have proved. Many, many, many times…

But why this prayer? What’s so special?

I love it.

Now, the Irish pantheon doesn’t have a mother-goddess figure. But, as with many pagan pantheons, there are plenty of strong goddesses within the pantheon. So, it’s no wonder the Irish – and many other Catholic countries around the world – have a strong devotion to Mother Mary. She’s a distinct and powerful entity in her own right in the Church.

And she’s an easier personage to approach than some of the male saints and entities around the place.

Look – when the angels appear, the first thing out of their mouths is usually “Don’t panic, we’re not here to cause harm”. Because people were bloody terrified of them.

Not so with Mary. For a start, she often appears to women and children, children especially. And she offers messages of hope and persistance, usually encouraging folk to pray the rosary.

In the Memorare, we are asking Mary to remember her vast power and her propensity to help those who come to her with petitions or requests.

Personal meaning for me

The regular words of a prayer I have known and prayed – with varying degrees of intention and integrity – for more than 30 years hold particular power for me. And the words themselves remind me that I am not alone in this Universe, that there are entities out there who support me and help me as best they can.

Mary for me has always been a more approachable character than either God or Jesus. They’re too big, too powerful, too male. (Although there is something to be said for the sophia aspect of God as being female… people sure do get upset when you use she/her pronouns though)

Mary was the mother of God, but she was also human. She got up, went about her day, did her work, all as a human woman. She had neighbours, work, bills, etc. Notably, she had a fairly rare type of son to rear.

She had family drama, was only a teenager herself when she got pregnant… she got it in ways that I couldn’t imagine God or Jesus getting it.

Pavlovian response to the Memorare?

And yes, there is an element of calming to the prayer for me. Just saying it helps me recapture the calmness of the nun’s chapel in school. We only ever said the Memorare on Fridays and December 8th (our Christmas celebration).

And just listen to the words:

Never was it known, that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.

No matter who comes to you for help, for sanctuary, for protection – you gave them help. You’re here, universally, for everyone. So, if you’re wondering can you pray to the Virgin Mary? Yes, you can. You don’t have to – I know damn well many people read this blog and are purely appalled when I talk about Catholicism. They tell me fairly frequently.

But the fact is, I’m Pagan Catholic, not pure pagan. That’s my life. Complicated.

This might be personal

I get that not everyone will be as drawn to this prayer as I am. But a prayer repeated so often is powerful. A prayer is essentially a spell after all – words with intention behind them.

And yes, of course, we can write our own prayers. That’s the joy and challenge of private, personal practice. And we can build up power in those prayers for ourselves by repetition. People underestimate repetition far too much in paganism I think.

But this prayer in particular sings to me. Maybe it’s just the repetition. Maybe there have been times in my life where there appears to have been no help and this was the lifeline I held on to.

Sometimes – my brain throws this prayer at me at random moments and I’ve stopped asking why. Because, I’ve learned it takes seconds to say, but has massive effects.

Do you have to pray the Memorare? Of course not! I’m offering it here for those who follow a similar path to mine. It’s an option. A beautiful and power option, but still only an option.

That’s the joy of personal practice!

Are Catholics Christian?

I’ve previously done an entire series on Catholicism. But more and more, I’m seeing on line people questioning Are Catholics Christian or not. Or indeed, in one message I received, the gyst was, “If Catholics are practicing paganism, can they really be considered to be ‘of God’?”

So, I thought I’d see what’s at the root of this.

Are Catholics Christian?

The fundamental answer here is “yes”. Obviously. They believe in Jesus Christ, follow his teachings, so Catholics are de facto Christian. (Ahem, in fact, according to the Roman Catholic Church, they are the OG Christians and all you other Christians are the result of schisms from the original… but that’s an argument for another day.)

Some of the question appears to come from two elements:

  • the idea that Catholics and their relationship to saints, ritual and other elements of the faith are more akin to paganism than “good, solid Protestantism”
  • my own relationship with Catholicism, Jesus, Mary and the saints.
An image of what looks like Jesus and the Devil arm wrestling with Jesus on the right in bright white background and the Devil on the left in a darker, more reddy background. Are Catholics Christian? On the side of Jesus or the Devil?
Catholicism, Christian or pagan?

Catholics and how the religion developed

Look, let’s be serious here. The Roman Catholic Church isn’t, and wasn’t, daft. They made sure their major celebrations and festivals coincided with those that people were already used to celebrating. There’s no point in pretending otherwise. So there’s

Christmas? Winter solstice. Although they weren’t as fussy about the Summer Solstice, although there are a fair number of Blesseds and Saints remembered on the 20th and 21st June.

The term “holiday”? Comes from Holy Day. And Catholics were the Christians on the ground when that was developed. Christianity has shaped the English language in ways beyond this, of course, but if you asked anyone in the 14th century in England if they obeyed the Pope or some other Christian leader, it would be the Pope they’d go for.

So, we have a religion here that is working with the systems in place and working, more importantly, with the expectations of the local people to convert them. I’m speaking of Ireland here of course – Ireland was not converted to Catholicism or Christianity at the point of a sword. At the point of hunger, sure, but not the sword. It was a reasonably peaceful conversion. Kinda.

Look at the days of the week in Irish:

Dé Luain = Moon Day (From the Latin “luna”: Moon). (Monday)

Dé Máirt = Mars’ Day (From the Roman god Mars). (Tuesday)

Dé Sathairn = Saturn’s Day (From the Roman god Saturn). (Saturday)

Other names come from early Christian practice, and were almost certainly brought to Ireland by the monks:

Dé Céadaoin = Day of the first fast (Wednesday)

Déardaoin = Day between the fasts (Thursday)

Dé hAoine = Day of the [primary] fast (Friday)

These three came from the monastic practice of fasting on Wednesday and Friday.

Dé Domhnaigh = Day of the Lord (from the Latin “dominus”: lord) (Sunday)

Are there elements of paganism in Catholicism?

I mean maybe?

It depends on how you define paganism. For some fundamentalist Protestants, even the mention of saints is enough to have them claiming paganism. For others, the plethora of saints in Catholicism, in place of a personal relationship with Jesus, is enough to warrant claims of paganism. Others view with concern the sometimes elaborate rituals of the Catholic Church is enough to make the claim.

But fundamentally? Catholics are Christian in that they follow Jesus Christ. The path to Heaven is through Jesus. To go to Heaven, you come to God. Okay, there’s a bit about being baptised, repenting, etc but fundamentally, believing in God, following Jesus and repenting of sins is key.

Where people tend to get confused is there a lot of rich (in more ways than one) history and details around what sin is, what repentance is, etc, etc, etc.

Add in the complications and nuance of 2000 years of people exploring details of specific situations, and working out problems through letters, and Papal bulls and all the rest of it… things get a lot more wordy.

And initially, the Church was less cohesive, to say the least, in the beginning. Pretty much from the day Jesus was crucified, his followers started disagreeing on stuff. And these people disagreed on things related to the general practices they and their people followed. And in spiritual matters, these would be pagan. Or Jewish. But either way not Christian.

So, some of the practices in paganism made it into Christianity.

The key bits people disagree with when calling Catholics Christian

People consider representations of saints, Jesus, Mary, and God as possible idolatry, something God is famously against.

Praying to saints rather than to God and Jesus.

Consideration of Mother Mary as a key figure in Jesus’ life. (The early Church wasn’t quite as patriarchal as some of the later Protestant ones).

The buying of indulgences – basically short cuts to repentance which meant that rich people never had to worry about dying in a state of grace.

The generally faffery around Catholic rituals. Austerity is and was the name of the game in many Protestant congregations. (The High Church in Anglician tradition excepted).

Wikipedia has a decent article on the whole thing.

Returning to the key point

Yes, Catholics are Christian.

No, Catholics don’t consider themselves pagan, and neither did the generations of Irish people who were practicing Catholics, even while believing in the Other Crowd. There were and are perfectly reasonable explanations for these things in the culture.

No, Catholics are not pagan.

Yes, me calling myself a Pagan Catholic doesn’t help matters, but you know what? I’m not really here to help the Catholic Church!!

The sanctity of the confessional

Last week, I mentioned the “sanctity of the confessional” in the post on high control religions. It occurred to me afterwards that it’s entirely probable there are people out there who are not familiar with the term and may not be aware of its uses and problems and loopholes. So here we go!

What is a confessional?

The confessional is the fancy box in a Catholic Church where people go to make their confessions. It’s usually three compartments in a row: the one in the middle is where the priest goes, with sliding windows into the two at the for the penitent sit or kneel in. The priest would slide open one window and slide closed the other to hear a confession. It’s meant to be private, and the priest is not technically meant to even know whose confession he’s hearing.

This is, of course, less true in practice. A priest who has served in a given parish for longer than 3 months will learn to recognise certain parishioners voices and habits. Not to mentioned, these days, it’s few enough people going to confession in Ireland anyway…

The whole point is to unburden your soul of sin. It’s one of the seven sacraments of the Church. The full list?

  • Baptism
  • Confession
  • Communion
  • Confirmation
  • Holy Orders (men only)
  • Marriage
  • Last Rites (Anointing of the Sick)

In the Roman Catholic faith, you get plenty of chances to confess throughout your life and the idea is that it is a continual process. It wasn’t always this way of course, but at one stage in Ireland, the weekly trip to confession was absolutely necessary if you didn’t want to get turned away by the priest at Communion. Kinda putting paid to the “anonymous” idea…

What is the sanctity of the confessional?

In shorthand, it’s the Catholic Church’s version of “what happens in Vegas…” OK that’s a bit glib, but listen to me. It’s written into Canon Law. Or at least the Catechsim. Quoting Canon 983.1 of the Code of Canon Law, the Catechism states, “…It is a crime for a confessor in any way to betray a penitent by word or in any other manner or for any reason”.

A picture of my copy of the 2nd edition of the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Wherein - Quoting Canon 983.1 of the Code of Canon Law outlining the sanctity of the confessional is described.
Why yes, I am re-using a picture from an old post.

Now, the theological reasons for this are fairly well grounded.

The whole point of making a confession is to unburden your soul to God. The priest is there so someone human hears it, but essentially, the trust is between you and God. No one else. So, the sanctity of the confessional is paramount in keeping that sacred trust. The thinking is that in unburdening their soul, the penitent is engaging with a sacred ritual, and should be free to say what they wish with no intervention from anyone else but the priest.

A priest, therefore, cannot break the seal to save his own life, to protect his good name, to refute a false accusation, to save the life of another, to aid the course of justice (like reporting a crime), or to avert a public calamity. He cannot be compelled by law to disclose a person’s confession or be bound by any oath he takes, e.g. as a witness in a court trial. A priest cannot reveal the contents of a confession either directly, by repeating the substance of what has been said, or indirectly, by some sign, suggestion, or action. A Decree from the Holy Office (Nov. 18, 1682) mandated that confessors are forbidden, even where there would be no revelation direct or indirect, to make any use of the knowledge obtained in the confession that would “displease” the penitent or reveal his identity.

– The Seal of the Confessional – CERC

The church takes this pretty seriously and has gone up against the law on many occasions for this. There are stories of priests being killed, tortured, imprisoned, etc for refusing to give up information given to them as part of the sacrament.

And this is admirable.

However…

Problems

I’m sure you can see the problems right?

This brings a priest right into conflict with the Children First Act (2015). Section 14…

  1. (1) Subject to subsections (3), (4), (5), (6) and (7), where a mandated person knows, believes or has reasonable grounds to suspect, on the basis of information that he or she has received, acquired or becomes aware of in the course of his or her employment or profession as such a mandated person, that a child—

(a) has been harmed,

(b) is being harmed, or

(c) is at risk of being harmed,

he or she shall, as soon as practicable, report that knowledge, belief or suspicion, as the case may be, to the Agency.

(2) Where a child believes that he or she—

(a) has been harmed,

(b) is being harmed, or

(c) is at risk of being harmed,

and discloses that belief to a mandated person in the course of the mandated person’s employment or profession as such a person, the mandated person shall, subject to subsections (5), (6) and (7), as soon as practicable, report that disclosure to the Agency.

– Children First Act 2015, Section 14

There’s a whole section of the Act that outlines the “mandated persons”, many of which might apply to a priest, but priests are specifically called out in Schedule 1 to do with activities:

“Any work or activity as a minister or priest or any other person engaged in the advancement of any religious beliefs which would or could bring that minister, priest or other person, as the case may be, into contact with a child.”

So… you can see how this would affect things. Children go through confession from the age of about 8ish (in Ireland it’s done through schools – don’t start me – so it’s done by class….) And many of the survivors of the industrial schools and the mother and baby homes and orphanages run by clergy… have all outline the many, many ways the “sanctity of the confessional” could be used to protect abusers.

That’s focusing mainly on children, of course. It could protect the perpetrators of many crimes – and did! And of course, as part of the act of reconciliation, the confessor (the priest) is meant to encourage the sinner to come forward to the law, make amends, etc. But that’s counselling and enforceable. Although, the confessor could withhold forgiveness, but that’s another days work.

When can it be useful?

Well, there is spiritual relief in unburdening your soul. I firmly agree with that. I just don’t think it should protect you from the law. On the other hand, priests have used the sanctity of the confessional to help with rebel organisations throughout Irish history -or at least the 800 years where we were (and some parts still are) colonised by our neighbours to our east…

Mind you, torture was used in those situations as well, and some stories were better than others in the outcome.

Where does this leave us?

For many years, centuries, the Roman Catholic Church was an immense power in its own right in Europe. And it got to set the rules and expect rulers to obey.

It’s not the case any more and there are many occasions when rulers have, for good or ill, disagreed with the church. The sanctity of the confessional is one where the church won’t budge though. And there’s a reluctance to test it in Ireland anyway. (Or there appears to be…)

And there are very sincere priests out there who hold this sanctity and obligation and privilege dear to their hearts. No less sincerely than I hold my own spiritual beliefs. I find it hard to forgive the offenses committed against the oppressed and suffering in our societies in times gone by, particularly those that were further perpetrated by clergy being moved from pillar to post, always just ahead of trouble and rumours and retribution…

Joy as a revolutionary act

Joy as a revolutionary act might seem counter intuitive, right? I get it. Joy seems so innocuous, so innocent, so easy. But it’s not easy. Otherwise, we wouldn’t need to talk about it. But in this post, I’m going to talk about why this is so and what the alternatives are. I mean, I’ve written about Brigid and joy before, but today I want to focus on a different aspect of joy!

What is joy?

I mean, joy is the third step in my 6-step Brigid’s Path to find your spiritual path in life. There’s a reason for that. But I suppose, I’d better talk about what joy is first. Talking about joy as a revolutionary act is no good if we don’t have a shared understanding of joy!

There are elements, as always, to a shared understanding of joy:

  • great delight or happiness
  • positive energy
  • well-being
  • success
  • good fortune

We can be joyous about small things as well. A standard joke in Ireland is, “Do you remember last summer?” “Sure, it was a Tuesday afternoon, right?”

But when the sun comes out in this country, we have fun. The banks of the Grand Canal in Dublin, and indeed most other waterways across the country, will be crowded with people out enjoying the sunshine, with a few drinks and some friends. Old friends, new friends, whoever’s about. It’s a truly joyous experience.

A picture of a Grand Canal in Dublin, by a lock, with not a spare patch of ground to be seen because of the crowds there. All hanging around, drinking, having a bit of fun. Joy is a revolutionary act!
A picture of the traditional crowds around the Grand Canal on a summer’s day

But it could be the sight of a rainbow, on a filthy, wet day. The first flower in springtime. The joy of seeing the sun rise before heading to the office for the day. Joy can come in all sorts of forms.

These are not necessarily examples of joy as a revolutionary act, of course, but they can be. For years, in Ireland, just even the notion of celebrating, of feeling joy, took mammoth effort and was definitely revolutionary. Basically, we have form in this area!

What’s the opposite of joy?

Fear. Fear is the opposite of joy. If you look at the rigid, religious structures in the world, you will notice they control people using fear. Whether it’s fear of the afterlife, fear of standing out, fear of failure… it doesn’t really matter what fear they’re using. But fear will work.

And joy is a wonderful way of confronting fear. When you are feeling strongly, deeply, firmly, rooted into your spiritual path, when you feel that joy in your soul… people find it much, much harder to control you. I speak from the history of the Catholic church in Ireland. I speak from experience of “respectability politics”. This comes from a place of knowledge.

When you are afraid, whether of the afterlife, or losing your job, or illness, or starvation… you are easier to control. On an individual level and on a population level. And when people seek to control you, joy becomes a revolutionary act. Smiling into the darkness.

Joy as a revolutionary act

The image shows a Baton Rouge protestor, Iesha Evans, a black woman, standing calmly, silently, quietly, in the face of oncoming riot police. She is rooted, strongly in her power. they are off-balance and nervous, despite their heavy looking army and protective helmets, and her attire of sun top and flowy skirt. Joy, as a revolutionary act
This image rocked around the world during the riots following George Floyd’s death in 2016. Iesha Evans standing calmly, quietly, in the face of oncoming riot police in Baton Rouge.

I saw a post on Facebook a few days ago, outlining the memories and advice given to an offspring from their father, who had been captured by the Gestapo and tortured for four days in World War 2. You can see the full thread here. There are a few key things we can learn from this man and I will tie them into joy as a revolutionary act.

  • The point of the resistance is to create friction, make it hard for your adversary to operate, to increase transaction costs. They will find it easier to control you if you are fearful, because you won’t dare create the friction. But even laughing at the oppressor is a revolutionary act and can cause joy in others!
  • Resistance doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can be refusing to bow down to fear. It can be persevering in feeling joy in the world, despite the oppression.
  • Use your privilege. Yes, feeling joy can feel like privilege, but sometimes that can help you help others.
  • Sometimes, the best way to do things is out in the open. And that can lead to hearts racing, nerves, etc. But laughter and joy can hide some of the physical effects of this. And honestly – you can fake joy when you know it well enough!
  • Bide your time and take the opportunity as it arises. Sometimes, this means possibly risking a laugh at a ridiculous statement or action. Sometimes it means taking that extra time to process something for an oppressor. It can mean helping someone else hide by sharing a joke and being obviously joyful – standing out to hide.
  • Operate in cells to limit the people who can be hurt when the cell is taken out. Limit the damage. But also, build strong relationships with your fellow cell members. Which includes sharing joy. But also…
  • … beware of informers. The stronger the bonds you share with your partners, the harder it will be for informers to gain entrance. But they can and will. I’m struggling to find the joy in this one people!

OK but really, joy as a revolutionary act?

What could be more revolutionary than finding joy in a life that someone is determined to make miserable? Joy, laughter, happiness… these are all tools to fight oppression with. Trust me, the Irish have been doing this for centuries.

I’m going to suggest you go have a look at the old 1980’s comedy, The Irish RM. Based on a book by the same name. The Irish in this show are continually getting one over the Regional Magistrate – the Englishman of the title. Have a look at how the whole community will conspire to get the outcome they want or need… and laugh at the danger of it.

There are reasons the Irish have a dark sense of humour, of course. We are well experienced in most forms of revolution, including joy. Sometimes existing is an act of revolution. Existing with joy? Well that just makes things better.

So think about. Where is the joy in your life? When the world around you is trying to turn you to fear, to force you into small, fearful, homogenous groups… Joy can expand your mind, transform the fear into action.

Look at those trying to control you with fear. What are they trying to accomplish? Usually, it’s a power grab. That’s what I saw happening in the US elections a few weeks ago. And now is the time to revolt.

Revolution isn’t necessarily guns and violence.

Joy can be an act of revolution.

Brigid, fire, water

Brigid’s links with fire should be fairly obvious if you’ve been reading me a long time, but water might not be so clear. I called the blog “Brigid’s Forge!” after all. Why would I do that, if I didn’t see a clear link between Brigid and fire.

Well, here’s the thing. Water is as important in a forge as fire is. Water is used to clean off scale, clean tools, cool tools down and – depending on the item you’re making – occasionally used to temper the metal. Although, this isn’t too often, because water is a fairly severe quench and can cause metal to crack.

Still… I hope you can see why Brigid would have links to both fire and water, even in the forge!

Transformation

Fundamentally though, I chose the Forge as a name for this blog, because the forge is a place of transformation. And I’ll talk more about how both fire and water transform things in a bit.

two pictures one on top of the other. The top is of an orange flame and the bottom is of a white and black sea, with the white being the foam on the waves. Brigid has links to both fire and water!
You wouldn’t believe how difficult it was to get a picture of fire and water together… so I made my own!

I believe Brigid is a being of transformation. I’ve written before about her being the “gateway drug”, in getting people from mainstream religions (usually Catholicism, but wider Christianity and others as well) But just by being that gateway, she transforms us.

Brigid can use fire and water to transform, but she can definitely transform us!

Brigid and fire transformation

Now, if you think about it, fire is also fundamentally a transformational event. Fire turns flammable materials into heat and warmth – that’s what most of us think of fire these days. Fire doesn’t create or destroy as such. Although it is fair to say that in the transformation, things are lost.

But the transformation offered by fire tends to be hard and fast. Unlike Brigid and water, fire pushes hard, moves quickly and leaves behind… something. It’s for when things need to change now and we don’t have time to wait.

Think about fire. Even when it burns slowly, it’s still a relatively quick transformation. Now, I’m not saying the transformation is always good. It might be horrific. And I don’t think that Brigid focuses on the destruction part of the equation.

But when you want fast, abrupt, total transformation – fire is where you head to. We’re not really talking Pax Romana here either. While it may seem like the healthy forest you had growing previously is now wasteland and useless, it categorically won’t be long until those green shoots peek through the ground again.

Fire can be used for transformation. And within transformation, there nearly always is destruction, then creation. It can be sharp, sudden, fatal. But you will be changed afterwards!

Water transformation

I need to be careful here, because in my mind, water transformation is slower, and therefore, gentler, than fire transformation. This doesn’t mean the transformation is any less dramatic or spectacular. But it is the difference between the development of something like the Grand Canyon, over millennia and the after effects of forest fires.

Both are transformative, but the water transformation is, in many ways, slower, gentler. But it can be deeper and more long lasting as well. Think of it as a sprint versus a marathon. The energy expended per mile is probably the same, but they have different effects.

Water is often thought of as healing, predominantly, but really, that patient chipping away at things over time gets results. It’s the idea of turning up daily, consistently, continually.

Is one more suitable than the other?

Of course! But it depends on the situation. In times of crisis? Fire is definitely where I’d be looking. If you’ve had a heart attack, it’s possible that you need to implement life style changes immediately. If however, you’ve just noticed (or more probably, your doc has just noticed) certain blood markers have started wandering from where they should be – the water approach could be the route to talk.

(Please note, this is not medical advice!!! I’m just using examples here!)

I have used both routes in my life. Well, I should say that Brigid has pushed me towards both fire and water at different points. Although at the time, I would not have been able to describe them as fire or water routes. My moving from Catholic to Irish Catholic to Pagan Catholic was one of predominantly water, with bursts of fire in between. Building my career has been mostly water with a bit of fire.

As always, we don’t go for one over the other in totality, but consider what’s most appropriate in the time frame we have.

The right tool for the right job

Brigid uses fire and water in all her areas of influence. I’ve utilised the imagery of the forge earlier, but think of healing as well. Fevers burn in our bodies to fight infection. Water washes away the dirt that causes the infection. At different stages and for different parts of the body, both are useful. Sometimes, steam and cool air are used together to help lungs function better (think of babies with croup)

The poet as well uses fire and water. A hellraising speech given by a satirist to raise awareness of something happening and needing to be address right now is not the same as a more water-focused approach of getting legislation passed in government. Both have an impact.

It is, as always, a matter of choosing the correct tool for the job!

Brigid Catholicism Paganism

I’ve written about a Brigid practice mixing Catholicism and Paganism before. (Check out those posts here) But it has been coming up again recently and I thought I’d write about it again. So here we go. Brigid Catholicism Paganism might seem controversial as a title, but trust me…

I’m going to put a warning in here that while what I’m writing about here is based on my study and experience, the whole damn post needs to be considered UPG. OK?

It has to be admitted, there are some clear conflicts between the Roman Catholic teachings and paganism. The first and main one is the first commandment: I am the Lord, your God, you shall have no other gods before me”. (I will be referring to the Roman Catholic Church as RCC for the rest of the post to save myself typing it out!)

An image showing the Brigid mural in Dundalk, with the left hand side showing the nun/saint in a green cloak, white wimple and brown sleeve and the right hand side showing the pagan deity, with loose red hair, a white quill and flames in the background, wearing a torque around her neck. Brigid Catholicism and Paganism in the public eye in Ireland.
An image of the Brigid mural in Dundalk, showing pagan deity and Christian saint, by artist Friz. Brigid Catholicism and Paganism in the public eye in Ireland.

The engineer in me says this doesn’t preclude the existence of other gods, just that the RCC God wants to be first in our devotions. That’s not the mainstream view of things however. So, let’s dive into this.

One God

See, I do actually believe that there is one divine power in this world. This makes me definitely not a hard polytheist. But equally, I don’t fully align with soft polytheism either. And, while this belief appears to be very convenient, I have come to this after many years of thought, study, engagement, etc. I’m hesitant to even type it out, to be honest, because this will not work for everyone. But, I work with Brigid, Catholicism and Paganism, and that colours my beliefs in ways that I do sometimes struggle to explain.

For me, there is one Divine force in the universe. Similar to gravity. I don’t believe that any deity is pulling from a wholly unique power to activate their godhood. Or deification. I firmly believe that any being regarded as a deity in this world is pulling from this Divine Power. There is only one of them. This is where I agree with the RCC.

Where I disagree? Is that their depiction of deity is One True Way. The only right depiction of deity. From working with Brigid, as a Catholic and as a pagan, I know this not to be true. In my experience.

My own path

I have been working on developing the framework I’m calling “Brigid’s Path” for several years. In fact, the first introductory course is available now, but we won’t be starting classes until August. (It’s six months, so leads us nicely into Imbolc!) And I have arrived at a mix of Brigid, Catholicism and paganism that works for me. Right now, anyway!

But I started off firmly in the RCC camp. As a teenager and young adult, I didn’t even consider being pagan, it just wasn’t part of my worldview. Being Catholic was an inherent part of my identity. When I moved to England, I considered the differences between my practice and the English Catholics to be because I was Irish.

Then I started learning about synchronicity. And I started looking into just how Christianity had spread to Ireland. And about how many of our folk practices most likely hark back to pagan practices.

Then I started engaging with my own experiences with Brigid in particular, but also with Mary, St. Therese of Lisieux, the rest of the Tuatha de Danann… Things just aren’t clear cut. And I questioned some of the RCC teachings even more. I did a lot of reading around how the church managed it’s affairs throughout the centuries. Honestly, power appeared to be more important a lot of the time than spirituality.

Liminal saint

Brigid straddles the line between Catholicism and paganism. I’ve worked with her as saint and deity. She’s forced me to look at things different and less as black and white. And it’s forced me to look at the fundamental teachings of the church. As in, what Jesus actually said, as opposed to the centuries of arguing that have followed.

I also looked at other holy books, from other religions. And honestly, most of them preach similar fundamentals. Be decent. Treat others properly. Work to your conscience and ethics. Do the thinking and work required to develop that conscience and the ethics.

So, when I see the basic truths there, I don’t see a major problem with engaging with Brigid in Catholicism and Paganism. She is as she is and I am as I am. Neither of us really go towards clear cut delineation.

This isn’t an easy path. And honestly, it’s a lot easier to write about at this stage in my life than it would have been 5, 10, 15 years ago.

Before you jump in

There are a few things to consider before you jump into a path similar to mine.

People will and do judge. People have referred to my path as “pick and mix”, “new agey”, “diddering”, etc, etc, etc. These are not meant as compliments. And they ignore the work done to get to where I am.

But neither am I really concerned with these people. The people who think my path is less valid or less thoughtful, are not the people who are meant to engage with me. At least, not right now. I have said before that anyone engaging with Brigid will struggle to deal with purely the saint or purely the deity. Brigid takes Catholicism and paganism and works in both spheres.

So, be aware of this. Be aware of the backlash you may experience. You may not, or the backlash you experience may be from people you don’t really care about (I mean, there are loads of people talking about me a lot of the time. Mostly, they don’t bother me!) Be prepared for people to question these things and that the questions they ask may send you down a route of investigation that lands you somewhere new.

The point is to be open and receptive, but also use your critical thinking skills. Not everyone has a valid point to make. And the point they make, you may even have considered and reconciled for yourself already. So, trust yourself – do the work, complete what you need to complete, listen to who you need to listen to and make up your own mind.

Brigid’s Path

I’ve designed Brigid’s Path for those of us who don’t sit fully in one bucket or the other. Or perhaps, like Brigid herself, feel a calling towards both Christianity and Paganism. Or think you might be in one place but want to be more certain…

The steps are, on the face of it, fairly simple.

Core beliefs and self-knowledge: Brigid asks you to explore the places you are limiting yourself. And to know yourself, deeply and thoroughly.
Reconciling the past: Here, Brigid asks you to face and deal with the elements of past spiritual practice that has not been beneficial to you.
Joy: Brigid is not opposed to joy. It’s important to take a look at what makes your soul sing, whether it be human, divine or Brigid herself!
Three marks of a poet: Brigid doesn’t call everyone to be a poet, but there are elements of the poet to be felt on this path. This means delving deep into the knowledge that illuminates, words when needed and true knowing of things.
The path forward: Brigid isn’t just pulling you to her path, she’s pulling you to the path you need to walk. It’s important to explore more deeply the path of learning, the path of knowing and the path of exploring so that you know which path is best for you right now.
Your cauldron: There is no One True Way to follow Brigid, and here, she is calling you to create, nurture and grow your own cauldron. It’s important to set regular time aside to explore what has changed for you over this time, what you still want to change and confirm for you your path forward with Brigid. Or indeed, without Brigid!

But if you do this work, it’s hard. It’s worthwhile. Also, it’s never ending… It’s massively helpful in defining your beliefs, whether you’re interested in Brigid, Catholicism and Paganism or some other path entirely. But my expertise, such as it is, is with Brigid, Catholicism and Paganism. So I’m teaching and coaching from that perspective.

Hope this helps!

Rigid Spirituality

I don’t associate Brigid with rigid spirituality. At all. But she is linked with some rigid spiritual structures (ahem, Roman Catholic Church…) and it can be so difficult for people coming from these rigid spiritualities to then explore a looser form of spirituality. So, I’m going to talk about it.

What do I mean by “rigid spirituality”?

Honestly, the most common measure I use for this, is assessing whether people within this spirituality expect everyone to adhere to their social, religious and moral mores.

It sounds easy right? It’s not necessarily a clear rule, but it’s reasonable. I mean, I know plenty of Catholics, Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, etc, etc, etc, who don’t expect anyone to live by their rules. Which is good, cos there are some conflicts even within the broad categories of religious organisations.

A picture of what I think is a nebula, white circle in top of the pic with a blueish background and a wider cloud like corona around it. Towards the bottom right, there's a ray-like red wash of colour. And dots of white/ star like images scattering the background. Got it when searching for "rigid spirituality".
Nebula? Not sure. But this is one of the pics that came up when I searched for “rigid spirituality”

So, for a bit more of a concrete definition of “rigid spirituality”, here we go. First off, there are likely to be a lot of rules. Not just about how to worship, but what to wear, eat, who you may engage with, how you interact with the world.

When I think of these sort of rules, I kinda think of documentaries on the various “family compounds” in Utah. (Not that there’s anything wrong with Utah, it’s just most of the documentaries I’ve seen are based there.) These are usually one man as head of the household and multiple wives. (In the documentaries. Not in Utah in general. Nothing against Utah ok?)

There are strict lines of authority in these religious organisations. There can be very strict control over finances, even outside the family home. Huge emphasis on socialising and engaging with the religious community above secular community or those outside the community. Marriage within the community. Family only within the community. Rigid spiritual structures.

This seems focused on one particular type of spirituality.

Yeah you’re right There are other ways to express rigid spirituality. I mean, if you follow the Roman Catholic Catechism to the letter, it’s fairly strict. Over the years, various things have dropped off the list. It’s no longer a requirement in Ireland anyway for a woman to cover her hair when entering a church, although you do see the remnants of this tradition in the whole “hats for weddings” thing.

When I was growing up, I never considered Catholicism that rigid. The rules didn’t really appear to intrude on my life at all. But when I look back, there were some fairly rigid spirituality rules that kinda permeated my life.

For example, I can count on one hand with fingers left over the number of times I missed Mass as a child. Because it was family routine, I never considered it rigid, until I started looking around me.

The Catholic messages around abortion and having multiple sexual partners entered my subconscious, although probably not with the intentions the church had. I figured having been assaulted at a young age, I was useless as a life partner. Might as well have fun then…

I have a whole series on Catholicism, so check it out…

Why is this a problem?

Well, here’s the thing. Many people leaving rigid spirituality structures can struggle a bit with their new “freedom”. Indeed, the freedom can feel as restricting as the previous restrictions from fear if nothing else.

There can appear to be unspoken rules everywhere in general life. And this affects women more than men, because, patriarchy is inherent in the majority (read: all) of the rigid spirituality structures I’ve come across. So, when you are leaving a strict set of rules, where you always knew how to behave because the rules were usual explicit, it can be really difficult to move into a less rigid, more secular role in society.

For example, if you have always been restricted in your clothing, so that there really was very little choice in what you wore, choosing what to wear in the morning could be reasonably straight forward. Then you leave that environment and there appear to be zero rules. Except there are. Lots of rules really. But no one makes them obvious. No one hands you a rule book. You have to figure it out as you go.

Now take that uncertainty, and think of your spiritual life. There may be parts of your previous spirituality, no matter how rigid, that were comforting and helpful to you. But now, because you have left that community, you’ve lost that connection and those supports.

What do you do?

Well, honestly, this is part of my work and part of what Brigid’s Path Collective is about. It does start with getting to know yourself, as I wrote about in the last post. We move forward in deciding what’s important for you on your spiritual path. How can we develop a path for you that helps you, comforts you, supports you?

Breaking free from rigid spirituality

This work isn’t easy. And many people go their whole lives without even questioning their spirituality. This isn’t work that everyone is drawn to. Most people will just trundle along.

But for some of us, this isn’t enough. We’re not willing to just go with the flow. Not in terms of spirituality. Because it’s too important to leave to chance, or the community you were born into.

Start by questioning. Are questions allowed in your community? If not, that is a major red flag. Do you feel restricted in your current path? Another reason to start questioning.

What do you want from your spiritual life? It’s a real tough one and not one with a quippy, one-line answer. But with hard work, you can get there!