Tag: get to know yourself

The Inner Work of Women’s Spiritual Leadership

Yes, we are continuing on this series of women’s spiritual leadership. This week, looking at the inner work involved. Look, some of the things I was seeing online and elsewhere around Imbolc have inspired this. And even if you don’t feel called to leadership,. let these articles inform your choice of leader! (previous posts are here, here, and here)

Navigating Power, Vulnerability, and Growth

There’s a part of leadership that nobody prepares you for: the way the role rearranges your inner world. On the outside, the tasks are clear enough. Hholding ritual, making decisions, guiding conversations, offering perspective. But inside, women’s spiritual leadership opens complicated doors.

Old patterns wake up. Tender places ask for attention. You discover that holding space for others requires you to hold deeper space for yourself: the kind that can feel both tender and fierce at the same time. Remember, Brigid is a firm proponent of the slap to the back of the head technique when we’re not listening! And she is particularly adept at highlighting when I’m not attending to the inner work. Spiritual leadership requires it. Trust me.

I used to think leadership was something I would “grow into,” like a coat that would eventually fit. Now I think of it more like a landscape I walk through daily, one that changes with the weather of my life and the seasons of my soul. Some days are clear and bright; everything feels simple. Other days are fogged with self‑doubt or pricked by old memories. Nothing is wrong when that happens. It’s just the terrain reminding me that inner work is not a separate practice from leadership. It is the heart of it.

A green background allows various shades of green to reflect a hill, a path, some trees. A black female figure walks the land. This is the Inner Work of Women’s Spiritual Leadership

The Tension Between Humility and Self‑Erasure

Many women were raised to make ourselves small so that others could be comfortable. Then we step into leadership and try to reconcile confidence with care, visibility with gentleness, authority with humility. It can be easy to mistake self‑erasure for virtue. But humility is not the silence of your power; it is the clarity with which you use it. It’s standing in your centre without inflation or apology, refusing to dominate the room, but also refusing to abandon it. When we address the inner work of women’s spiritual leadership, we have to acknowledge this tension.

And ok – sometimes you need to dominate the room. And other times you need to abandon said room. But horses for courses, ok?

When that old impulse to shrink arrives, and for many of us, it does, I take it as a signal to slow down and check in:

Am I avoiding clarity because I fear I will be judged?

Am I softening my language so I won’t be called “too much”?

Leadership asks for honesty here. Sometimes the most ethical, generous thing you can do is to speak plainly and trust the strength of the space you’re holding.

For some of us, speaking plainly comes more easily than others, but it’s a skill worth cultivating.

Meeting the Old Stories with New Courage

Women’s spiritual leadership often collides with old narratives:

🔥the teacher who didn’t believe you,

🔥a priest who shamed your questions,

🔥the community that rewarded your helpfulness but punished your voice.

Those memories don’t always arrive as thoughts. Sometimes they show up as a squeezing in the chest, a need to over‑explain, a jitter under the skin that makes you rush when you could move slowly. The inner work of women’s spiritual leadership can escalate these feelings. It rarely reduces them.

When that happens, I don’t treat it as failure. I treat it as information. The body remembers what the mind tries to tidy away. I ask:

What age is this reaction?

Whose voice am I hearing?

What do I need now to meet this moment as the woman I am, not the girl I was?

Sometimes the answer is a breath and a glass of water. It can be cancelling a commitment and going to the land. Sometimes it is calling a trusted peer who will remind me of what is true. And occasionally, it’s arriving on a friend’s doorstep in floods of tears, begging for help.

Intuition and Discernment

Spiritual leadership invites intuition to sit at the table. But intuition is not infallible, and discernment is not the enemy of mystery. I often imagine these two as companions walking with me: intuition bringing the spark and the knowing, discernment asking the kind of questions that keep us honest. What else could be true? What do I know for sure? Is this mine or does it belong to the other person? Where is my edge here?

Women are often praised for intuition and not taught the discipline of discernment. The truth is we need both. Intuition opens doors we didn’t know existed. Discernment checks that we have the keys we need, the consent we require, and the capacity to walk through without doing harm.

Or, in the words of an ex-colleague of mine: just because it smells like shit, doesn’t mean it will promote growth.

Shadow Work as an Ethical Practice

Shadow is not a moral failing; it’s the part of us that prefers to be unseen. In leadership, shadow can look like subtle superiority (“I know best”), quiet resentment (“I give more than I receive”), or slippery avoidance (“If I’m kind enough, I won’t have to set the boundary”). The work isn’t to banish these impulses; it’s to notice them early and choose differently.

I think of shadow work as a daily hygiene: a quick scan for contractions in the body, a look for places where I’m seeking approval rather than truth, a willingness to say, “I was wrong,” while the moment is still fresh enough to repair. This is not self‑punishment. It’s devotion to clean leadership, the kind that leaves people more sovereign, not more dependent.

Of course, there is deeper shadow work I have done, am doing and will do in the future. That’s normal and human. But it’s also the daily check ins we so often forget. The inner work of women’s spiritual leadership very often forces more shadow work upon us, as we work through the old torments.

The Land, the Body, and the Gods

When the inner weather turns, I go outside if I can. I’m privileged to have a garden that allows this. The land has a way of re‑sizing my concerns and returning me to proportion. I walk until my breath finds me. Put my hand on a tree and listen. Make a drink and watch the steam. (Or I make a drink and appreciate the taste of the grapes in the wine…) Simple practices. Old practices. The body follows the land’s lead. The nervous system remembers what safety feels like when we move slowly and pay attention.

If you are a devotee of gods or saints, bring them into this, not as a task to perform, but as companionship. I don’t ask the divine to erase my humanity. I spent too long remembering that humanity! Instead, I ask for the courage to inhabit it with grace. Leadership doesn’t require us to be perfect. It asks us to be honest, to keep learning, and to return again and again to the practices that make us kind, clear, and steady.

The Inner Work of Women’s Spiritual Leadership: A Quiet Benediction

If you are a woman stepping into spiritual leadership, know this: the parts of you that tremble are not disqualifying. The tremble is evidence that you care. The path you’re walking is not about becoming untouchable; it’s about becoming trustworthy, which is a very different thing. Trustworthiness grows in the soil of felt reality, the days you tell the truth gently, repair quickly, and choose groundedness over performance.

Your inner landscape will keep changing as the seasons change. Let it. Let it teach you. Make you a leader who carries warmth without burning, clarity without cutting, and power without pretending you never doubted. That’s leadership people can breathe around. That’s leadership that heals.

Spiritual Leadership

I’ve been on threads a lot over the last few weeks. Yes, it’s still Meta, but it’s better than X. (In my opinion, obvs!)

And yes, I have written about this before. But there’s a different slant on it this time. Because, sometimes, in warning people about potential dangers, concerns or potholes on their path, we’re denounced with “gatekeeping”, “blocking”, or “hiding information”. In my opinion, yes, there are folk who gatekeep knowledge. Usually with good reason. But I want to talk about some of the responsibilities inherent in being a spiritual leader in the modern world.

Spiritual leadership isn't just pretty pictures. Although this one is lovely. A figure standing in a valley, with a multicoloured night sky above them, going from orange on the left, pink in the middle and blue on the right.

What Spiritual Leadership Actually Means Today

At its core, spiritual leadership isn’t about titles or followers but about service, presence, and accountability. It means showing up with integrity, Listening more than you speak. Possibly most importantly, acknowledging the limits of your own knowledge.

In older Irish traditions, leaders weren’t chosen because they demanded authority – they were recognised because they lived in a way the community trusted. The bean feasa rarely if ever chose their own title.

The same remains true now: leadership is earned through action, not assumed through aesthetics or self-branding. As in, judge the leader by their actions, not their words.

And remember, it’s easy to show a persona on social media. It’s not so easy to get your hands dirty in the real world.

The Responsibilities of Holding Knowledge

One of the deepest responsibilities in spiritual leadership is knowing when knowledge should be shared. And when it requires grounding, maturity, or support. Some practices stir unresolved trauma; others raise energy people aren’t ready to channel; others belong to lineages or traditions that require preparation. Sharing everything instantly, without context, isn’t generosity. It’s carelessness. Responsible leaders offer information at the right time, in the right setting, with the right structure.

This is particularly true with closed practices. Practitioners have the right to maintain control over traditional practices. Not to mention – point on when someone isn’t following traditional ways. I see a lot of people, every single fucking year saying Brigid is so gentle, and calm, and quiet. This is not held true by either saint or deity original texts. At all. And so, I challenge it.

And I’m usually challenged saying I don’t know what I’m talking about.

The thing is, I do know what I’m talking about on this. While Brigid can be extremely calm and supportive, she is the transformative fire. The healing ocean.

She’s not a delicate flower.

When Warnings Get Misinterpreted

Part of modern spiritual leadership is accepting that sometimes people will misunderstand you. When you say “not yet,” some will hear “never.” When you explain the need for foundation, some will accuse you of controlling the path. This is less about your intent, and more about the listener’s insecurities, expectations, or impatience. Digital platforms reward speed over depth, certainty over nuance. And warnings rarely survive that environment intact.

Everyone wants to know everything now, all at once. And some see this caution to wait, to learn, as blocking and gatekeeping. No more than a 4-yr old playing with fire, there are some things spiritually that will burn you. And frankly, a sensible leader will point this out.

Not every learner wants to listen, and that then causes more work for the spiritual leader. Usually cleaning up the mess.

Think I’m joking? I’m really not. If you’re not capable of cleaning up your own mess, someone else has to. And while that’s acceptable for a 4-yr old, it’s not for an adult.

Why Not Everything Should Be Freely Distributed

Every tradition includes knowledge that must be handled with care, and spiritual leadership means understanding that not all information belongs on the open internet. Some practices require initiation; some require safety structures; some require a relationship with land, deity, or community. Sharing everything freely isn’t transparency. It’s removing the protective container that allows deep work to unfold safely.

I’m asked sometimes why some courses and workshops are so tightly controlled in numbers. It’s so I can take care of the people involved and I won’t get overwhelmed by the number of things happening at once. I know my limits when it comes to virtual and in-person energy management. And to be honest, the virtual stuff is harder for me to manage. It’s much easier for me to manage energy in person.

I hold virtual events to be more accessible. But they take more out of me, they cost me more in time, energy, etc and therefore they will be charged at a higher cost.

I won’t extend myself beyond what I’m capable of. And I won’t deliver information or teachings that I’m not comfortable delivering.

Boundaries as Sacred Responsibility

This is a bit of a continuation. Healthy boundaries are essential to sustainable spiritual leadership, even if they disappoint people. Leaders cannot be endlessly available, constantly accessible, or permanently open. Boundaries ensure that the leader’s own energy, wellbeing, and practice remain intact. They ensure that the community receives considered, grounded guidance rather than exhaustion-frayed scraps of attention. A leader with no boundaries can’t lead for long.

Being blunt about it, a leader with no boundaries will burn themselves out. Usually, quickly. That’s whether being physically available for consults, or spiritually available for teaching. Some teaching requires a lot more energy form the teacher, and the student should be grateful when a teacher realises they should wait before teaching it. It’s safety, it’s consideration, it’s common sense.

Leadership Without Ego

Ego has no place in genuine spiritual leadership. True leaders make space, not empires. They guide without demanding devotion. They stay rooted in humility, continuing to learn, listen, evolve, and question. And they don’t seek to create dependency but to foster sovereignty. The role isn’t about being elevated above others; it’s about being in right relationship with the work, the community, the land, and the divine.

Now look, we’re all human. We all have egos. That’s not what I’m talking about. But a spiritual leader should be able to put that ego aside and do what’s best for the community. And sometimes, that means taking a step back and letting someone else lead. Or even, taking a step back and letting someone continue on their path without the leader.

Sometimes, it means letting a student make a small mistake now, to prevent a larger mistake later.

And sometimes, it means realising we’re not the right person to help this student and leaving them go.

A Call to Discernment

As you navigate your own path, consider what spiritual leadership looks like in practice. Not the titles or branding, but the behaviour. Look for people who share responsibly, who act with integrity, and who don’t flinch from offering uncomfortable truth when needed. And if you’re stepping into leadership yourself, remember that your words carry weight. Your guidance matters. Your boundaries matter. And your discernment, more than anything, shapes the path you help build.

Listening to ourselves

I struggling with listening to my body. And I think this is something we all struggle with: listening to ourselves. Even when we desperately need rest!

Last week started by me being attacked by the shed in our garden. (Pic of similar shed below for entertainment purposes) I came into work and said the shed had jumped out at me and hit the car.

Everyone knew what I meant. Everyone realised I didn’t actually believe the shed had jumped at me. If ever a shed existed that is unlikely to jump anywhere, it’s the stereotypical Irish stone shed.

I'm fairly certain we could learn from this shed about listening to ourselves. It's a stone built Irish shed, with corrugated roof and one slit window, one slightly square window, grass in the foreground. It's doing nothing but what it's built to do!
Very typical construction here

What was going on?

Apparently, either an ear infection, a sinus infection or a wonderful mixture of both. On finally heading to the doctor later, he decided the nuclear option was best and put me on antibiotics. And painkilling cream in case it was my jaw.

Why am I bothering telling you this?

Because I didn’t back into the shed, ahem, I mean, the shed didn’t attack me, completely unprovoked, because I was on top of my game. I was dizzy, tired, sick, and probably, in hindsight, shouldn’t have been driving.

Small details.

The key thing is, I’d been fighting something off for weeks. It wasn’t quite bad enough to take time off work, or, horror of horrors, actually go see the doctor. But it was bad enough to make my life miserable. If I’d been better versed in listening to myself, I might have picked up on just how bad I’d felt sooner.

But I didn’t. Because I have been well schooled in the art of not “listening to ourselves”.

Listening to ourselves in a world which doesn’t want us to

Y’see, if I had listened to myself, I might have realised that this thing wasn’t going away. It had been operating in my system and my system was kinda containing it, but not really defeating it.

And a cold/flu/ear infection/ sinus infection thing that’s lasting for a month? Probably needs something more than Vick’s Vaporub to fix it.

I had work to get through.

I’m working (slowly) on a part time doctorate.

Running Brigid’s Forge and EngineerHer.

Managing home, school and work.

There’s a lot on. And I’m not saying this, because I think I’ve got it worse than anyone else. We’ve all got a lot on.

The modern world is not made for simplicity.

And that’s all before you take into account the shitshow that’s currently going down in numerous places across the world… (but, y’know, hard side-eye towards the US here)

It’s easier for the world at large if we don’t listen to ourselves. It’s easier for our families, our workplaces, everyone, if we just keep on keeping on.

And there’s times we have to do that New baby, audit in work, major project… whatever it is, there are times we actually do have to keep on keeping on. But not always.

And we fall into the trap. We cope, because we see no other way.

Listening to ourselves leads to failure, or dropping the ball on something.

Hard lessons

One of the strongest lessons I learned earlier in my career was when I was off work, sick, for 3 months. I came back and checked in with my boss on all the things that were deemed so important, so vital to the running of the business.

90% of them hadn’t been kept up while I was away. So, I took a radical step. I stopped doing them.

If they weren’t important enough for someone else to pick up, then why was I wasting my time? I immediately freed up almost 20hours a week.

HALF MY WORKING WEEK.

I had been running myself ragged working on reports, presentations, information… that nobody really needed.

I had most definitely not been listening to myself.

Now, mind you, I’m a slow learner. That wasn’t the first, or indeed, the last time I work myself sick. Last week was a minor example of it.

But we have to ask ourselves: when we don’t listen to ourselves, what good are we to our people?

Whether our people are family, friends, colleagues, dependents, whatever – what good are we?

That old thing about no one praising someone at their funeral for spending all that time in the office?

The Act of Radical Listening to Ourselves

I read Louis Hay‘s work on racial self care years ago. It’s a bit dated now, but there is some good stuff in there. First and foremost, she advocates listening to ourselves. Our bodies. Our souls.

And taking the time to rest and allow these messages to come through.

In a world where the powers that be appear to want us chaotic and confused, resting and knowing ourselves (those of us with the privilege to do so, of course) is radical.

It’s an expression of intent.

Or an invitation for care.

Rest.

Absorption and integration.

(And while we’re on the topic – yes, you can grab a limited spot on the upcoming Imbolc retreat to do just this, if you wish)

But in the meantime, think about how you can build in listening to yourself as a continual thing. How do you build in rest when it’s needed? How do you recognise you need rest? (Highly recommend not backing into the shed as a wake up call. Seriously!)

Is it meditation? Time away from everyone? Regular catch ups with close friends? How do you best build in that time?

Drop me a line and let me know!

Energy is rising!

I’m lucky that the energy is rising at the time I most need it.

Yes, I am re-using this song. It’s a great song!!!

Now, I get it. You might be thinking, wasn’t last week’s blog post all about energy? Well, yes, it was.

But I want to get more focused this week. On specifically, the energy I can use and feed off – and the energy you can use as well!

Energy rising?

Look, I know. Ireland at the minute is having a cold snap. There was frost ALL over this morning.

Unfortunately, not bad enough for an excuse to stay home from work, but still…

OK granted, not much energy rising in a picture of a sheep in a lightly snowed landscape (this looks similar to my garden this morning but it was too dark to get a pic!) Picture is of a sheep in a snowy, Irish field, hills in the background and a lone tree standing.
No, this isn’t my garden, it was took dark to take a pic, but it’s a close representation

So, why am I talking about energy rising? Because the earth is stirring. I can feel it. Below the frost, there is energy. New life is starting.

I mean, the sheep in that pic doesn’t look pregnant, but there’s a chance she is. (Unless it’s actually a ram – my sheep expertise mostly runs towards staying out of their way, to be honest)

The days are getting longer. Not massively, as yet, but definitely there’s a few minutes each day. On 21st December, we technically had 7hrs 29mins of daylight. Today? We have 7 hrs 43 mins.

I know 14mins doesn’t seem like a lot, but trust me on this, ok?

We use this elsewhere as well

Much of the New Year, New Me energy builds from this as well. It’s riding a wave of rising energy. We’re emerging from the winter darkness. And ok, the darkness is still there, but we can see the light approaching.

Now, I’m not a fan of completely overhauling your life as that blog post will show. But there’s a means to engage with the energy without overkill.

For me, this is the time to prepare for planting those seeds. Not actually plant them yet, but get ready for it. Make sure the soil is prepared, ensure there’s water and nutrients and rest and everything ready. Clear the decks for growth so to speak.

How can we do this?

Well, here are some options:

  • clear up any loose ends from before the holiday season
  • help the energy move by moving yourself
  • help the energy move by giving the house a good scrub – or however you can manage a clean.
  • clear out your head! (More on this later)

What I will be doing

Well here’s the thing. Mostly, life will be continuing as normal. However, there are a few things I will be doing to make use of the energy.

This morning, I’m wearing a nice outfit for work. A green dress, with brown boots and a brown cardie. Dressing nicely does help me in the gloomy mornings. And the boots are comfy, but also give me a “fuck off” walk, which helps a lot in work these days when everyone is all eager-beaver and trying to catch up on all the stuff they didn’t finish before Christmas!

But there’s another reason to dress differently. It helps me rotate my clothes. So, I’m not doing a massive clear out or anything, but by taking a few minutes every day to assess a different outfit from my usual “work top and plain trousers”. It’s a way for me to migrate from the pre-holidays “Christmas outfits every day” to more standard fare.

I know it won’t last. But it’s nice while it does.

I’m also making a list of shorter jobs that need doing, but I just don’t get around to. So, for example, I had some candles melt really weirdly a few months ago – I just need to clean up the candlebra so I can use it again. Will take about 15mins, but I’ve just not done it yet.

Riding this wave of new year energy, I’ll make a list of similar things to be done and tick off as many as I can.

What I won’t be doing

Even with the energy rising, I will not be overhauling my life. I’ve learned over the years, that while it’s possible to use the rising energy of the year to do this, it doesn’t work for me in terms of lasting change.

Energy rising in January is more about clearing the way, laying the foundations, that sort of thing. So no, I won’t be starting a massive new exercise routine. I won’t be implementing a whole new nutritional plan.

I definitely won’t be committing to hours and hours of “self care” in the form of expensive treatments, time consuming hobbies, etc.

But this is your busiest time of year?

Yes, it is. And I will be surfing that rising energy wave all the way to March. Possibly April, to be honest. But it’s about the small actions for me right now.

Look at this list for items to do in January in an Irish garden. There’s mostly prep work and continuing work going on, not new work. That’s my approach.

So, yes, I will be setting some things up for Imbolc. I will be organising some online rituals, will probably be holding a retreat for the occasion. I will be helping people lay the ground work for the coming year.

Remember!

The calendar year is just that – the calendar year. It was set by Julius Caesar, with some accommodations by Pope Gregory XIII in the late 16th century.

There’s nothing really magical or innovative about having a New Year in January, other than we all need a bit of celebration in the winter. You can start afresh at the beginning of each new moon, new month, new day, new hour…

But it’s worth considering carefully how to take advantage of the rising energy and optimism of a clean new year.

(And, if you can, try not to feed the horrendous things being done by the US in particular, but also Israel and Russia in the new year. That’s not the sort of energy we really need to be rising right now! If you have energy to work on it, fight as best you can, however you can!)

Ascending to Imbolc

Ascending to Imbolc and lighting candles all round us! A female looking hand holds a small thin lit candle against a background of more candles.
Your Imbolc prep requires candles, right?

I’ve written before around preparing for Imbolc. I mean, I generally write a few times a year on the topic. But this year, I want to discuss ascending to Imbolc. Because, I want to change the focus a little bit.

I want to talk about coming up out of winter and into Spring.

Out of darkness, into the light.

Away from dreams and into action.

Do you get the feeling I’m projecting? The energy of the earth is starting to wake up again. The plants have already started growing again here in Ireland. No, seriously.

Climate change is real.

Ascending to Imbolc

But what do I mean by ascending to Imbolc?

Just that, really. The movement from dreaming to doing. The change in energy of the earth. Part of the year when we start thinking about “new year, new you” rubbish.

A picture of some green snowdrops with white petals showing against brown twigs and brown earth.
Snowdrops, in Dublin on St. Stephen’s Day

It won’t be long before we’ll be proclaiming the “grand stretch in the evenings”.

And, yes, I know, half of ye, at least, are still in a stupor of Christmas turkey and ham, boxes of sweets, mince pies, etc. But that’s half the reason that Imbolc feels like an ascent rather than a descent.

The energy is low at this time of the year. We’ve just passed midwinter, the Solstice, when the sun is at its weakest (in the Northern Hemisphere – of you’re in Australia, New Zealand, Oceania, etc – come back to this post round the end of June, ok?)

But now?

Now the energy’s rising! (From about 25 seconds in anyway)

We’re moving upward. Out of the winter blankies. Out of the earth. Into the sun. Ascending to Imbolc.

Practically speaking?

Well, it’s the perfect time to start thinking about developing that daily spiritual relationship with Brigid. Or thinking about developing your own spiritual path. But aside from that.

Ascending to Imbolc can mean putting in the last preparations for the festival. Cleaning the house, clearing out the energy after being stuck in winter. Shaking out the cobwebs – figuratively and literally. Read something challenging – either because of literacy level or challenging ideas.

Start gathering what supplies you need, or planning when your ritual will take place. Or start planning to do nothing at all, and how does that look?

Look for the signs – things like those snowdrops. Or the grass growing. Maybe buds on trees, or even leaves.

Recognise the world around you is ascending as well. The development and growth during winter is usually underground – seeds and plants hibernating in a way. And we do it as well. Get through to the end of the year.

But now? Now it’s clear decision time. Where is your energy going to go come spring? When we ascend into Imbolc, when we climb the metaphorical ladder to return to the light, what are we returning to?

The world as it was?

Or are we choosing to change?

Maybe it’s too early yet

Maybe it’s a bit early yet to plan out the year all in one go.

But if you have the chance – make some decisions now. Write them down. Get organised to put them into place.

Then once we’ve ascended into Imbolc – it’s all go, no holds barred, let’s do this thing!!

Brigid and guilt

I know Brigid isn’t strongly associate with Christmas or Solstice for that matter. But guilt is. It’s a big one this time of year! Today we’re going to talk about how to manage guilt and use Brigid to help.

Now, I’ve written in passing about guilt before. But I’ve not done a deep dive into it at all. And particularly with women, particularly at this time of year, guilt tends to end up playing a major role in events.

OK, this isn't Brigid and guilt, but it does show a cartoon woman, with a collar and chain around her neck, and a large ball with "guilt" written on it that she's trying to pull around with her. Guilt has weight.
OK, it’s not always this obvious, but that’s part of the problem!

Guilt vs Shame

The two can often get confused. I like Psychology Today‘s differentiation:

Shame and guilt are two closely related concepts. While each has been defined in different ways, guilt is typically linked to some specific harm, real or perceived, and shame involves negative feelings about one’s self more generally.

Now, ok that article doesn’t link Brigid and guilt, but bear with me, ok?

Guilt has been posited to be useful in developing social conscience, communities, interpersonal relationships. Mainly in the “apologising when we do wrong” arena. But honestly, that’s not the guilt we’re talking about here.

The problem is that guilt can lead to shame. And both can lead to, or be an element in, mental illness.

So, y’know, I like to give some options.

Particular guilt around holidays

Listen, this is a time of year when “you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people, all of the time” comes into play. Brigid didn’t play with guilt when she had stuff she needed to get done! But also, Brigid wasn’t living in the modern world…

There are loads of conflicting priorities and it gets worse where there are kids involved.

  • Cost of presents
  • Trying to ensure the child doesn’t get the same pressie from 5 different people
  • The time everything takes
  • The inevitable feeling that one family or another feels left out
  • The growing list of things that make up Christmas (or Hannukah, or Solstice, or whatever your holiday is at this time of year)
  • The feeling of begrudgery at having to do all of this
  • The feeling of guilt over the begrudgery, followed by anger at the guilt, followed by guilt at the “lack of gratitude”…

Listen, we can spiral away here. What we need are some tried and true tactics.

Brigid, Guilt, What?

Brigid doesn’t play with guilt too much. Particularly in the hagiographies, we see her, time and again, taking steps to make things better rather than live with the guilt.

There’s no element of guilt in here when she makes an unborn baby “go away”. (Read: abortion). Certainly none mentioned at giving away her father’s sword, not to mention pulling out her brother’s eye…

She’s fierce practical, and practicality doesn’t always leave room for guilt. It does sometimes, no one’s perfect. But, y’know, it’s a barrier against guilt.

Y’see, it’s not that Brigid doesn’t feel guilt, I’m sure of that. The TDD weren’t necessarily human in the way we understand it, but they overlap a lot with humans. And that means guilt is on the menu.

But we can’t let guilt paralyse us.

What can we do?

Well, first and foremost, outline the areas where you might be feeling guilt. For most of us, it’s conflicting family needs and wants. There are many people who have a fixed idea of what Christmas must look like and any deviation from that is sacrilegious.

And when you’re the person who needs/wants to deviate from that set idea… well, it can lead to guilt tripping on a massive scale.

Now – there are people who will tell you they don’t feel guilt. I challenge those people to deal with a Catholic family background and say the same. It’s not that it’s a moral failing to not feel guilt. It’s more that it’s bred or bet into us…

So, what are the situations that guilt comes up?

  • Kids don’t get the toys they want
  • Parents or in-laws don’t feel like you’ve spent enough time with them
  • People feel the exchange of gifts was unequal

Honestly, the top two there are the main ones, and really… the second one is the killer.

Brigid was a mother too

Very true. And I’ve no doubt, as a mother, Brigid used guilt as a weapon in her toolbox to try and engage with her kid(s)

And, going by my experience in the last few days, it’s usually mothers pulling on the guilt strings. Worse – it’s usually their daughters they’re pulling on.

When the sayings such as “your son is your son til he gets a wife, your daughter is your daughter all your life” are still so common, maybe it’s no wonder.

But as Gen X women, and older Millennials, we are breaking these chains, ok?

And that means standing up and shaking off the guilt. Reach into yourself and imagine how you want your kids to feel about you in their 40’s, 50’s and beyond.

And think of what’s important to you in this holiday season.

Truly important

Do you hanker after a house full of people, chaotic, but full of love?

Is more a quiet day with no phones beeping?

A grand feast, with everyone squishing around the table?

My husband? His essential component is the Dr Who Christmas Special.

Mine? Two solid days away from work, emails, etc to read. And watch some films.

It hasn’t been easy getting here. But we had always said once we got married, we’d be spending Christmas on our own, building our own traditions.

But once people have built expectations, how do you re-set?

Bit by bit.

Looks, Brigid – nor guilt – never said things were easy or quick. And this probably won’t be either. But this year, pick one thing that is truly important to you. Is it a carol service? A walk with the family? A single hour alone, with no demands being placed on you?

Talk to those who will be affected by this. Set this plan in motion. Make sure it’s feasible. While I’d love to fly our whole family over to Lanzarote for a week in the sun – it’s not feasible. Not unless I win the lotto tomorrow night and even then…

But be clear on what you’re claiming for you this Christmas.

But the guilt, Orlagh!

Yeah, I know. Just remember, someone else trying to guilt you, doesn’t mean you have to take on their attempts.

And always have a few key phrases in your back pocket.

  1. “I hear that this matters to you. Here’s what I can realistically do.”
    This acknowledges their feelings while clearly stating your limits.
  2. “I appreciate how much you care about family traditions. I need to do what works for my family this year.”
    Shows respect for their values but asserts your autonomy.
  3. “I understand this is disappointing. My decision is not about you, it’s about what’s best for me right now.”
    Separates their emotions from your choices, reducing guilt.
  4. “I love you and want to enjoy our time together. That means I need to set this boundary so I don’t feel overwhelmed.”
    Frames the boundary as a way to preserve the relationship.
  5. “I can’t do everything you’re asking, but here’s what I can offer.”
    Keeps the tone collaborative while maintaining control.

Now, this isn’t easy. Especially not if you’re not used to setting boundaries and dealing with guilt. But it’s worth it.

The above phrases are the basis, but you’ll probably need to adjust to suit your situations. For example:

  1. Listen, I know you love the whole family being there on Christmas Day. The thing is, it’s a 3 hour round trip and we’ll be exhausted. How about we spend the night on the 28th instead?
  2. I completely understand that ye’ve always gone to Midnight Mass together. But we need to start traditions for our family now. And for us, it’s more important for the kids to get to bed before 9pm than to go to Midnight Mass.
  3. I completely understand you’re disappointed about not seeing us on Christmas Day. This isn’t about not wanting to see you, it’s about letting the kids relax in their own home.
  4. I love you, I want to spend time with you. But honestly, I finish work on Christmas Eve and I’m back in on the 27th. I just need to crash those few days so I don’t get completely overwhelmed.
  5. I don’t get enough time off work to stay with ye for 2 weeks. I could come up for New Year’s Eve and stay 2 days?

While Brigid might not have had to deal with this sort of guilt, she doesn’t understand clear boundaries. Operating in the liminal can be powerful, but when it comes to families – clear, concrete, deliberate boundaries tend to work best.

Don’t spend the holidays eaten up with guilt

Take a leaf out of Brigid’s book and try to wash away the guilt. It doesn’t do any good and basically, ties you and probably half the family in knots.

Set clear boundaries.

Stick to said boundaries.

Plan in time for your important thing.

And do better next year!

The Rosary

Last week, I wrote about the Memorare. This week, it’s the Rosary. I know, two Catholic posts in a row, but they’re heavily linked. Now, if you’re looking for the official Roman Catholic approach to the Rosary, the Vatican website on the topic is probably your best bet.

An image of a rosary, or rosary beads. A brown cross, with a light brown bead, then three dark brown beads n a string. This then linked to a circle of beads, from that 1 light brown bead, 10 brown beads, a gap, another light brown bead, a gap, etc. until you get around the 5 sets of 10 brown beads.
An image of a rosary

What is the Rosary?

The word “rosary” apparently means something along the lines of “crown of roses” or “garland of roses” in Latin. And it’s a prayer heavily linked to Mary. In fact, remember all those visitations I mentioned last week? Well, in pretty much all of them, she talks about the Rosary. Now, traditional convention is that when talking about the prayer beads, we use a lower case “r” and when talking about the prayer, we use the upper case “R”.

When I was growing up, the Rosary consisted of 3 rounds of 5 Mysteries, although it’s rare you’d be saying all 15 at once. Then in 2002 I think it was. John Paul II added another set (Luminous).

The Mysteries

Joyful Mysteries

  1. The Annunciation. Fruit of the Mystery: Humility.
  2. The Visitation. Fruit of the Mystery: Love of Neighbor.
  3. The Birth of Jesus. Fruit of the Mystery: Poverty, Detachment from the things of the world, Contempt of Riches, Love of the Poor.
  4. The Presentation of Jesus at the Temple. Fruit of the Mystery: Gift of Wisdom and Purity of mind and body (Obedience).
  5. The Finding of Jesus in the Temple. Fruit of the Mystery: True Conversion (Piety, Joy of Finding Jesus).

Luminous Mysteries

  1. The Baptism of Jesus in the Jordan. Fruit of the Mystery: Openness to the Holy Spirit, the Healer.
  2. The Wedding at Cana. Fruit of the Mystery: To Jesus through Mary, Understanding of the ability to manifest-through faith.
  3. Jesus’ Proclamation of the Kingdom of God. Fruit of the Mystery: Trust in God (Call of Conversion to God).
  4. The Transfiguration. Fruit of the Mystery: Desire for Holiness.
  5. The Institution of the Eucharist. Fruit of the Mystery: Adoration.

Sorrowful Mysteries

  1. The Agony in the Garden. Fruit of the Mystery: Sorrow for Sin, Uniformity with the Will of God.
  2. The Scourging at the Pillar. Fruit of the Mystery: Mortification (Purity).
  3. The Crowning with Thorns. Fruit of the Mystery: Contempt of the World (Moral Courage).
  4. The Carrying of the Cross. Fruit of the Mystery: Patience.
  5. The Crucifixion and Death of our Lord. Fruit of the Mystery: Perseverance in Faith, Grace for a Holy Death, Forgiveness.

Glorious Mysteries

  1. The Resurrection. Fruit of the Mystery: Faith.
  2. The Ascension. Fruit of the Mystery: Hope, Desire to Ascend to Heaven.
  3. The Descent of the Holy Spirit. Fruit of the Mystery: Love of God, Holy Wisdom to know the truth and share it with everyone, Divine Charity, Worship of the Holy Spirit.
  4. The Assumption of Mary. Fruit of the Mystery: Union with Mary and True Devotion to Mary.
  5. The Coronation of the Virgin. Fruit of the Mystery: Perseverance and an Increase in Virtue (Trust in Mary’s Intercession).

So, each number along there represents the one Our Father, 10 Hail Marys and one Glory Be we say.

Each round of the prayers above is devoted to consideration of and meditation on one mystery. Officially.

Unofficially?

OK, so I know plenty of people get all caught up on the “official” way to pray the Rosary. In my experience, I find Mary isn’t keeping count. Seriously.

I’ve used a decade or two to calm my mind. I’ve used the Rosary as a way to combat insomnia. Meditation. Desperation. Joy. Support. Thankfulness.

I’ve used 1 decade. I’ve used 100 decades.

There are times and seasons in my life I’ve turned to the Rosary and more and less than others. Saying it in Irish is different in my head to saying it in English.

Our Father

Ár nAthair, atá ar neamh, go naomhaítear t’ainm, go dtaga do ríocht, go ndeintear do thoil ar an dtalamh mar a ndeintear ar neamh. Ár n-arán laethúil tabhair dhúinn inniu, agus maith dhúinn ár bhfiacha, mar a mhaithimid d’ár bhféichiúnna féin, agus ná lig sinn i gcathú, ach saor sinn ó olc. áiméin.

Hail Mary

Sé do bheatha, a Mhuire, atá lán de ghrásta, tá an Tiarna leat. Is beannaithe thú idir na mná agus is beannaithe toradh do bhroinne, Íosa. A Naomh-Mhuire, a Mháthair Dé, guigh orainn na peacaigh,anois agus ar uair ár mbáis. áiméin.

Glory Be

Glóire don Athair is don Mhac is don Spiriod Naomh, mar a bhí ar dtúis, mar atá anois, is mar a bheidh go deo, trí shaol na saol. áiméin.

Why share this?

Well, today is the 8th December, which is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. In other words, it’s the day the Roman Catholic Church celebrates the fact that Mary, the mother of God, was the one person in the entire history of the world, that was born without original sin.

Yeah, it’s got nothing to do with Jesus at all, other than she was his mother.

The Immaculate Conception is very often misunderstood as a feast, with many people thinking it’s because Mary was a virgin who gave birth. Those of you who pay attention to my writings will know how I feel about virginity in general. But because Mary was going to be a vessel for the son of God, she’s special.

Personally though, there’s a bit more to this. As many of ye also know, I went to boarding school for secondary school and the 8th December was the day we celebrated Christmas as a school (well the boarders did. It used to be a day off in the 90’s ok?)

So for me, 8th December stands as the start of the Christmas season.

It’s a personal thing.

And no, it’s not the start of the 12 Days of Christmas – that’s from Christmas Day to Nollag na mBan or Women’s Christmas (also known as the Feast of the Epiphany) on 6th January.

So, this time of year, I start to think more about Mary. And pray the Rosary.

There’s a lot of light and hope there and I need it!

If you want to change, you have to change!

The topic of change came up during our Brigid’s Forge Collective session last night. And I thought it warranted writing about today. Because so often, we want things to be different, we look for it, beg for it – but forget the basics.

I’ve written before about Brigid and liminality, not to mention transformation.

But change, real, physical change is difficult at the best of times. And last night I came out with the sentence: “If you want to change, you have to change!”

Hugely profound, I know. But it’s an extension of the “Be the change you want to see in the world”

An image of a nebula cloud, blue and orange - the original change?
Change can feel amorphous, but it’s usually not!

Why talk about change?

A quick Google Scholar search brought 6.4 million results on “change management process“. There’s a reason for that!

Now, I’ll let you into a secret. The key to a successful change management process is twofold:

  • Successful stakeholder management
  • Clear preferred outcomes

That’s it. Seriously.

You can see how this works in large organisations, right? There’s a decision made somewhere that X is moving to Y. Now this could be as wide ranging as changing the graphics or the company logo down to altering the core working hours by 30mins for a particular office.

It doesn’t matter which it is, to be honest. The point is – it is change.

And people – as a rule – don’t like it.

So, successful stakeholder management. This doesn’t mean getting everyone involved to agree to the new way of doing things. It means making sure everyone is aware of upcoming new way of doing things. Getting alignment rather than agreement.

Alignment is one of those weird corporate words. It generally means someone has agreed to go along with whatever is happening and publicly support it, even if they think it’s batshit cracked to be even thinking of this right now.

Yeah, I know.

But the whole process depends on key stakeholders holding the party line, at least long enough to pass through the gauntlet of the process. We’re aiming for minimising resistance, not eliminating it. A bit of resistance is good for a change process – it can highlight key elements that need to be considered that might otherwise have been overlooked.

The second bit – being clear on the desired outcomes – is vital to ensuring success. For a start, if you’re not sure what the desired outcome is, how do you know you’ve been successful? And trust me when I say, the simpler the better.

“Higher employee enthusiasm” is all very well and good, but how are you measuring it, what does “higher” mean, higher than what, which employee, what do we mean by enthusiasm… you can see where this is going?

“Moving from a 3.5 to a 4.0 on the employee satisfaction survey by end of Q3 2026” is much better. It’s clear what’s being measure, how it’s being measure and what the time frame is. Of course there are going to be more detailed elements below this. There will be projects, and initiatives and all sorts. But the key element, the root and heart of the change itself, is simple but clear.

What do large organisations have to do with me though?

Well, here’s the thing. Change management is based on people. And chances are, if you’re reading this blog, you’re a person as well.

Internal change needs to be the same as external change.

  • Be clear on the change you want to see
  • Manage your stakeholders

Now, if you’re looking at yourself, what does this mean?

Well, first off, what do you want to change? Or rather what’s the outcome you hope this change will drive?

“I want to get fitter” is an outcome. But it’s not very clear. Some outcomes from this might be:

  • complete a press up
  • run 5k
  • walk to the gate and back
  • complete a circuits class, doing all the exercises, without dying
  • Complete the Camino de Santiago

You can see how all these would come under the heading of “being fitter” for some people, right?

And I’m using fitness rather than anything else cos it tends to be more commonplace. And less personal. People don’t get as upset by talking about doing a 5k as they do about the mention of a daily prayer, for example.

Alright, I can hear you screaming about stakeholders, now as well.

Here we go.

Stakeholders

I know. You don’t really see the need for stakeholder management when making a more personal change. Allow me to challenge you on that.

How about you? Do you not count as a stakeholder? You need to manage yourself, your own expectations, as much as you manage other people.

Are you going to commit to the work required to make this change? Maybe it’s a daily step goal. Or a 3 day a week running routine. Possibly become a regular attendance at class?

And then think about timelines. Support.

It’s been a long time since I did a couch to 5k program, but I definitely remember the need to manage my food differently when I did so. I had to be more prepared and that meant saying no to other things.

Committing to attending one meeting in work meant missing out on something else. Agreeing to found and run an organisation meant saying no to engaging with a different organisation.

All of this is managing stakeholders.

And that’s before we get into other people.

Explaining to your family that you’re not available at 6pm on Thursdays any more so they may have to eat dinner without you. Rearranging childcare to allow time for your new challenge. Explaining to work colleagues that actually, no, you aren’t available to work late on Monday nights any more and you have a hard cutoff at X time.

This is all stakeholder management.

Planning your change

Any change requires planning. It doesn’t matter if it’s as simple as a reminder on your phone or major changes to family routines. All change required planning.

A picture of the Wellness From Within Journal from Little Penny Thoughts which is my new foray into journalling, Book is sage green with an elastic strap and a pen holder!!
Wellness From Within Journal from Little Penny Thoughts which is my new foray into journaling. A new change for me.

I got the above journal for free at a recent conference I was at and I sat down one Saturday night and talked it through with my husband, how I would use it, when I would use it, where I would use it…

Current goals are a Mon-Fri journaling habit, first thing in the morning. Well, not quite first thing, but close enough. It’s hit and miss at the minute, but we’re getting there.

But I used getting this journal as the catalyst for change. I decided when, where, how I was journaling. What is taken care of by the lovely journal, and why is because it’s good for my mental health!

And I don’t have “journaling” written into my diary or anything, but it is part of my morning routine, which is in my diary.

Planning works.

Bringing it back to spiritual change

I’ve deliberately not mentioned spiritual change the whole way through this post. Well, except for that one bit about prayer daily. But now let’s come full circle and return to Brigid.

So many people tell me “I want to deepen my relationship with Brigid”. The problem is that no two people have meant the same thing when they say that. So we probe. And I have a series of questions to help here:

1. Who is Brigid to You?

  • When you say “Brigid,” what does that mean to you? A goddess, a saint, a symbol, a presence?
  • How do you currently experience Brigid in your life?
  • Is your image of Brigid shaped by childhood teachings, personal experiences, or something else?

2. What Does “Relationship” Mean?

  • What does a healthy relationship with Brigid look like for you?
  • If you imagine this relationship as a friendship, partnership, or something else, what qualities would it have?
  • What do you feel Brigid offers you, and what do you offer Brigid?

3. What Does “Deepen” Mean?

  • When you say “deepen,” what would that look like in your daily life?
  • Does deepening mean more trust, more intimacy, more devotion, more freedom, more creativity?
  • What would be different in your life if your relationship with Brigid were deeper?

4. Current Practices

  • How do you currently connect with Brigid—prayer, ritual, nature, creativity, study?
  • Which of these feel nourishing, and which feel like obligations?

5. Desired Feelings and Outcomes

  • What feelings do you want to experience more often—peace, joy, inspiration, closeness?
  • What do you hope will change in your life as a result of deepening this relationship?

6. Barriers and Challenges

  • What gets in the way of feeling close to Brigid? Doubt, guilt, busyness, old beliefs?
  • If those barriers were gone, what would your relationship look like?

Try it out!

Now, ok, deepening your relationship with Brigid might not be what’s on your mind right now. But I bet those questions will help you get clear on some other things as well. Give it a try!!

The one bad apple

A picture of several green apples, with one in the middle obviously rotten and infecting the ones around it. This applies to our spirituality as well!
One bad apple spoils the whole barrel

Very often, we talk about bad apples in organisations. But it’s often in the context of being a “one off” or an unusual event. It seems that people have forgotten about the full phrase and why it is key to root out the bad apples. (Why yes, this is following on from my thoughts last week on people…)

Apparently the phrase goes back to the 16th century, according to Merriam-Webster. (Great article there on the phrase, by the way!) And the full phrase?

One bad apple spoils the whole barrel.

People appear to forget this in the modern usage. The whole point of the phrase is that, given enough time, one piece of rotten fruit will spoil an entire barrel. And given enough time – one rotten person will spoil an entire organisation.

We’ve all seen it. A nice group, focused on a singular goal, working well together. Someone comes in. Starts causing trouble. Not in a positive way, but starts engaging in backbiting, divide-and-conquer tactics to get their own way.

And soon, that’s the way the whole group acts. The original unity of purpose is gone.

I’ve seen it in professional organisations, friend groups, spiritual groups… you name it.

Seriously, though? One Bad Apple?

Yeah, seriously. Y’see, what a person is doing there is moving the Overton Window. They’re moving the band of acceptable behaviour in a group of people.

We’ve seen an example of it in US politics over the last 9 months. Things that were previously thought of as completely anathema, have become normal. OK, I’m not sure that’s down to one, singular bad apple, but the Overton window has certainly moved…

And it works on us, personally as well. Who we spend time with influences our thoughts, our thought patterns, what we consider acceptable and not acceptable in life.

I get it. This feels wrong to be saying, that you shouldn’t hang out with people who you don’t fully agree with on everything. And I don’t think there’s a single person in the world I agree with 100% on everything. But there are lines I draw that make someone ok to spend time with or not.

For example, if I see someone acting in a way I don’t like in a professional setting – being sexist, racist, etc – then that’s not a person I want to spend time with in a social setting. And vice versa. I don’t buy into the idea that business is just that, business. I believe that people show us who they truly where when the repercussions of their behaviour are are minimal.

if someone is a bad apple in a social setting, they are likely to be a bad apple in a professional or spiritual one as well.

What has this got to do with spirituality?

Well, we often speak of community in spiritual circles. And if we’re honest, for many of us, this means virtual community. So it’s not a case of being able to pop round the neighbours for a chat about Samhain rituals. It’s more a case of posting online and seeing who responds.

But sometimes you get so desperate for some face-to-face time with fellow believers that you accept behaviours that are major red flags.

Don’t get me wrong- I’d love to just step outside my door and have a community on my doorstep. But I want it with minimal input from me and to have it ready to go – and life doesn’t work that way. Right now, if I were to take part in that sort of community, I would have to bend some fairly seriously principles of mine…

The bad apple doesn’t always appear as the cartoon villain, y’see.

Cartoon villain?

Yeah – you know, ugly, black cloak, likes to hide in corners?

The bad apple is very often a stalwart member of the community. They’ve created that space for themselves. It can very often be you. Or me.

It can be someone working with the best of intentions, but just not doing the right things. And yes, I agree with this.

What about ourselves as bad apples?

OK, so here’s where we need to consider the bad apple analogy in ourselves.

Because so much of what we do as humans is habit, so entering into good or bad habits can have lasting consequences beyond what we currently see. For example, the first time we skip the gym after a few months of solid work – doesn’t seem to bad. There’s a valid excuse or reason. There’s an injury or car trouble or a big meeting at work.

But then skipping the next time is that bit easier. You’ve already broken your streak after all. it’s not as big a deal.

Pretty so0n, you find yourself back to legging it out of the house in the morning, with nary a thought of the gym in your head.

It works like this for spirituality and morals as well. The first time you break a personal rule, it’s tough. You have to think hard about it. But the second time? So much easier.

So if you meditate every day, skipping one day, doesn’t seem so bad. And to be honest, it probably isn’t.

But the second day? The third day? The tenth day? Those are the days to look out for. Because pretty soon, that time you’d dedicated to spending on your spirituality has disappeared into the ether of work, life and non-spirituality work.

And somehow you find yourself not spending the time you want to spend on your spirituality at all, but you’re doing nothing more with your life either? How do you get back on track?

Well, yeah, I have a few courses that can help with that, but sometimes money isn’t the answer.

Sometimes you have to identify the bad apple

I was at a conference on Friday to do with work – cos why else – and the talk was around self care, twisty careers, mindfulness, little thoughts, all that sort of things. But it struck me – cos I see it all the time with myself – that sometimes we need to identify the bad apples within ourselves.

Now with spirituality, the bad apples show up a bit differently. But it starts with self reflection. It starts with assessing who you are, what you’re doing and what you plan to do. What’s something you want to do, what something you want to stop doing?

What are the habits or practices you’re continuing out of habit, but you know they’re problematic?

Where can you see yourself straying from the path you intend to walk in a negative way?

Some examples would help here, Orlagh

OK fair. Here are some things I had to assess over the last few years:

  • I stopped going to Mass. It was the response of the Church to virtual mass and the concern re collections going down that tipped me over the edge here. I’m still ok to turn up to weddings, funerals, etc – although I know many people aren’t – but my line is weekly Mass.
  • I keep track of the authors I’m reading to make sure I’m reading a diverse range, and not just white men and women. This weekend, because of exhaustion, I got through N. K. Jemison’s Dreamblood duology. Really entertaining and promotes a seriously different way of thinking about the world.
  • I’ve stopped reading and mentioning certain authors who don’t align with my views and who use their platform to support some seriously horrendous thoughts. No, not mentioning them here… but y’know, I bet ye could guess one or two.
  • I’ve stopped shopping in certain places. Because they don’t support my ideals of fair trade and fair wages. Now, this is one area where I can improve further. Shein still features because of their excellent size ranges and they really have outfits I can’t get in my size elsewhere. But I tend to focus the majority of my money on places like Tempted

I know you’re probably thinking, “what in hell has this got to do with spirituality?” Well, Spirituality isn’t just for specific periods of the week. It’s about how we live our lives. And when we live our lives in line with our ideals, our morals and our practices, it makes life flow better.

My shopping habit at Shien is a bad apple, and one I have to keep an eye on. I have set spending limits to manage this and if I see something I love, I search elsewhere to see if I can find it in my size from a better retailer. Unfortunately, the answer to the first part is nearly always no.

(Those who are about to suggest making my own clothes – I love to do this. But it takes time and plus size patterns, neither of which are in good supply)

Bad apples inside ourselves don’t have to be cut out. They should be addressed, evaluated, checked… and when they start spoiling the whole barrel, eradicated. I don’t think my €20 a month habit on Shein is the worst thing in the world. It’s not the best, but not the worst. The clothes I get are either worn to bits or passed on to people I know will wear them. Most of the time.

We’re not perfect. And while the bad apple terminology can seem like we should be perfect, it’s not the case.

But be wary of those little slips. And make sure, when the bad habits creep in, you’re conscious of it.

Brigid and balance

It’s equinox season, so that means it’s a great time to consider Brigid and balance. Which is a nice lead on from my first post last week. Plus, I have been posting about it over on Instagram. (Why, yes, I do have an Instagram and yes, I do occasionally remember to post there!)

And I know that Brigid isn’t necessarily the first person you think of when you think of “balance”, but I hope to persuade you differently today!

Brigid and balance for me right now

I used to get all caught up in the hype of September being a great time of year to turn over a new leaf, with it being the start of a new school year and all. The joys of not only spending 18years in full time education in Ireland but also, have two teachers as parents. The school year is part of me.

But when I switched to a more cyclical style of living, and started moving through the year as a dreaming, planting, growing and harvesting cycle, things began to change for me. September is no longer a “new year” type vibe, but more of a “check in and take stock” kind of vibe. It tied in with my exploration of Brigid and balance.

And it doesn’t hurt that the evenings are definitely getting longer, the sunset is happening earlier and in general, the weather is getting colder.

So, it makes sense that in noting the equinox, my thoughts turn to balance.

My equinox Brigid and Balance activities started with a revamp of my altar, shown here in the picture. Its a smaller table, with my two candle lit Brigid statues, my tine statue of an Dagda, the Dagda has a new incence burner cauldron and I have another incense holder for Brigid as well. Check out all the details on Instagram as well!
My simplified altar for this season. Although, the Dagda now has a cauldron that’s bigger than he is!

What do I mean by balance?

Well I’ve been moaning over the last few weeks on Instagram – well last week in particular – that work was taking over too much of my time. I’d worked til midnight on one night, necessitating a stay over in a hotel near work cos I was in no fit state to drive home at that point. That had a knock on effect with sleep, eating, husband tending that really lasted til yesterday. So, I took some time. I may have been muttering about Brigid, balance and how my life included neither at that point…

I woke at 4:30am yesterday and couldn’t get back to sleep. Instead of diving into work or working on Brigid’s Forge, I took the time to meditate. In front of this altar. Wrapped in a blankie like one of my ancestors from generations ago. (Although to be fair, given at least 50% of my ancestors came from migrant labourer backgrounds, the blankie might have been a luxury for them!)

All in all, it felt like an “all work and no play” kinda deal. Plus, I started rewatching Buffy from Season 2, which is never really a positive sign in my life…

What am I looking to achieve?

Brigid is a firm believer – to me anyway – that we are made of body, mind and soul. And all three parts need nurturing. We could link these to the Smith, the Healer and the Poet, or Brig Bricciu, Brig Brethach and Brig Ambue. But for me, this balance means I’m taking care of my body, my mind and my soul. My mind usually gets exercised enough through work and study. Seriously, Brigid really doesn’t need to worry about balance there!

But my body and soul need tending as well.

And I may have been getting ever so not subtle hints from Brigid about balance.

Just slight ones.

So, that meditation session the other morning was like coming home. It felt so warm, inviting, relaxing and comforting. Exactly what I needed in fact. Who knew? Well, we know the answer to that… 🤔

I’m reclaiming my body and soul. That’s what I’m doing. I’m looking to work through the latest threats to my balanced life with Brigid, and get back to a place with my body and soul where I feel happy.

Even the gym has fallen by the wayside in recent months. I just didn’t have the energy or time to do it.

What does this look like for me?

Well, it means I’ve been taking estradiol (HRT for those who know) and it has helped my energy, sleep and mood immensely. Sunday night notwithstanding. So I’m back to rebuilding the structure that really works for me: the morning meditation and movement. The prepared meals rather than canteen meals. Making time for the gym. Making time for myself that doesn’t involve either fiddling on the phone or randomly flicking through crap on the telly.

And don’t forget, “balance” doesn’t equal “equal”. There is a difference. So, for the last few months, work had to take centre stage, there’s been a lot going on. But now, it’s time to rebalance and spend a bit of extra time on the things I mention above, rather than work and, well, rebalance.

What could this look like for you?

Well… much the same. Do an assessment of your life. Are you happy with the time your spending on mind, body and soul? Are you happy with finances, housing solutions, relationships? Mind, body and soul might not be the perfect mix for you, but there is something out there that will work to support you in achieving the balance you need.

And if you want to have some focused sessions with me on this, feel free to reach out and book a Brigid Session. But spend some time considering where you’re lacking balance and where you’re asking Brigid to help.

The usual cautions about asking for non-specific help apply though!!