Visibility in Spiritual Leadership

Last week, I wrote about spiritual leadership in the modern world: the responsibilities, the boundaries, the need to hold knowledge with care. But there’s another piece to this that deserves its own space: what happens when people begin to see you as a spiritual leader, whether you intended it or not. When you become visible.

Visibility is one of those things that arrives quietly. You don’t have to declare yourself anything. You don’t need a title or a platform. Sometimes visibility begins the first time someone asks you for guidance, or when people start coming to you with their questions, their fears, or their excitement about the path. With one conversation, one ritual, one piece of advice — suddenly you’re “someone who knows things.” And from that moment on, your path looks different.

And while visibility can be a blessing, it isn’t always comfortable.

An orange background with a black figure in the middle with a yellowish 5 pointed star in the middle with rays of yellow coming from behind. Written above the figure is "The Burdena nd Blessing of Being Seen: Visibility in Spiritual Leadership"

Being Seen Isn’t Simple

People often imagine visibility in a spiritual context as something warm and affirming. A sign that your work is valued. And sometimes it is. But it can also come with scrutiny you never asked for. People will make assumptions about who you are, what you believe, what you represent, and what you should be doing. You might find yourself carrying the weight of expectations you didn’t sign up for, simply because others have formed an idea of you that doesn’t match the full reality.

The strange thing about visibility is that people often see the version of you they need in that moment. Sometimes that’s comforting; sometimes it’s overwhelming. But rarely is it neutral.

When People Try to Claim You

Once you’re visible, even in a small way, people can begin to form attachment: some healthy, some less so. Someone might decide they’re your closest student despite you never agreeing to teach. Someone else may expect constant access to your time or energy because you answered a single question online. Others may subtly pressure you to take them under your wing, guide them personally, or carry emotional weight that isn’t yours to hold.

Most of the time, it isn’t malicious. It’s simply human longing. But longing can become entitlement, and entitlement can become a problem. Part of spiritual leadership is remembering that you belong to yourself first. Your practice, your time, your energy… These are not communal property just because you’ve been helpful or visible.

You Become a Mirror

Here’s the unexpected part: visibility means becoming a mirror for other people. Their reactions often have very little to do with you and far more to do with their own wounds, hopes, insecurities, or unresolved stories.

Some people will admire you instantly because you embody something they want for themselves. Others may feel defensive because you remind them of something they’re avoiding. And some will project every authority figure they have ever struggled with onto you, without realising they’re doing it.

This isn’t a sign that you’re doing anything wrong. It’s simply part of the terrain. And knowing that can make the road much gentler.

Why Grounding Matters More Than Ever

Visibility requires a certain steadiness. You need the ability not to inflate when someone praises you, and not to crumble when someone criticises or misunderstands you. Emotional grounding becomes the anchor that keeps you from drifting into ego or collapse. It’s what helps you sift through the feedback and recognise which parts are projections and which parts offer something genuinely useful.

Without grounding, visibility can swallow you whole. With grounding, it becomes something you can carry with dignity and clarity.

The Beautiful Better Side of Visibility

I just couldn’t with the “beautiful”. It’s not in me. Because this is work. But still…

It’s not all hard edges. Visibility also brings moments of great beauty. Someone might share how your words helped them through a difficult time. Someone else may feel less alone because you voiced something they’ve always felt but never had language for. You might find yourself connecting with people who share your values, your devotion, or your connection to the land and the divine.

Those moments make the weight worth it. They remind you that visibility isn’t just burden, it can also be a blessing, a thread connecting you to others in ways you might never have expected.

You Don’t Need to Be Perfect

One of the biggest myths about spiritual leadership is that you must be flawless: endlessly wise, endlessly calm, endlessly sure. But that’s not how humans work, and it’s certainly not how spiritual paths work.

You don’t need perfection. What you need is honesty. Honesty about your limits. Honesty about what you’re still learning. Honesty about your boundaries, your energy, and the fact that you’re as human as anyone else.

Invisibility hides our imperfections. Visibility simply makes them easier to see, and easier to accept, if we let it.

Staying Whole While Being Seen

If last week’s piece was about the responsibilities of spiritual leadership, this one is about what happens inside you when people begin to look to you for guidance. To lead sustainably, you need to stay whole. Staying whole means not letting projections reshape you. It means returning to your own practices, your own gods, your own grounding, again and again.

Being seen is part of the work. Sometimes the hardest part.

But staying yourself, even while being seen?

That’s the heart of spiritual leadership.

Decisions and consequences

Today I’m going to talk about decisions and consequences. I understand this is a break from the Imbolc related topics of the last few weeks, but it’s needed given some of the rhetoric showing on various social media over the weekend.

But first I’m going to talk about some decisions I made over the weekend and the consequences of those decisions.

Some background

I may have mentioned in my newsletter over the last few months, how I’ve had some changes in my digestive system. And how I’m (mostly) avoiding carbs for now.

This is not down to medical advice, this is down to me observing that most carbs appear to be causing me diarrhoea. Now, I don’t want advice for this, ok? I’m good with where I am and I have to admit that much advice out there on this topic can trigger my disordered eating problems. Please bear that in mind as we go through this.

So, spuds, chips, crisps, pasta, rice, wraps, bread… and it’s not gluten, either. Cos the gluten free stuff – even when I make the bread myself – causes the same effects. There’s no medical reason for this, my body has just said, no.

Thankfully, I am still able to eat chocolate, so the people around me are safe, but it does lead to certain choices.

Decisions and consequences

Which brings me to the weekend.

An image of LANA in lights, the LAna logo. Gorgeous food, but my decision to have chips led to consequences.
I love the food here, but the chips were a decision I should not have made…

See, I’d gone all day with no food. I’d had a coffee, so things were ok, but then our lodger reached out saying he’d not managed to have lunch and was getting a takeaway. (Hence the Lana pic above)

Now I love Lana’s food. It’s great. I’m sure any Asian person of any persuasion would look at the food and shudder at how un-authentic it is. I’m fairly certain it’s Asian food altered for Irish palates. And it bloody works.

I especially love their crispy roast duck with plum sauce. Which comes with chips, steamed rice, brown rice, noodles, spicy chips or egg friend rice. Now, I’ve been avoiding their chips for the last few months, cos again – extreme diarrhoea. It’s not normally worth it.

But last night – oh my gods, I was starving. And I could feel those chips crunching in my mouth. So I said, fuck it and ordered the chips.

Decisions and consequences people.

It took about 30mins after eating before my stomach started complaining, and I spent the next 4 hours or so heading in and out to the toilet. To say it was less than comfortable is an understatement.

Why am I telling you this?

Well, a) to remind myself that making this particular decision was still probably worth the consequences. But also b) because of the rhetoric I’ve seen on social media all weekend about US people “calling down” goddesses in general and war-goddesses in particular.

Why am I writing about this?

Well because there appears to be an essential disconnect here in those who are just coming to the knowledge that goddesses exist and the consequences of poorly thought out decisions they might make.

I’ve have said over and over again that building relationships is the way to go with the Irish pantheon in particular. From speaking to other practitioners dealing with other pantheons at the weekend, it appears like most spiritual beings prefer some relationship before you ask them for a big, massive favour.

And then comes the accusations of gatekeeping.

It appears that warning potential practitioners or newcomers that there might be consequences to their decision to call on a goddess of war is gatekeeping that goddess.

It wasn’t what anyone was saying, but hey ho. Here we go.

I see it over and over again

People coming from a (mostly) bloodless religion like Christianity (in the present day: I’m well aware of the bloody history of the Catholic Church and probably most of the other churches under the umbrella of Christianity. Just cos Ireland wasn’t converted by the sword doesn’t mean I’m unaware of it happening elsewhere) aren’t used to consequences spiritually speaking and practically speaking for decisions they make.

Don’t believe me?

How many Christians have made God a promise in a time of crisis and then forgotten about it?

“I’ll never do X again, if only Y happens”

Ring any bells?

In my experience, the Christian God doesn’t take that personal a role in His followers’ lives. It’s a safe enough religion in that respect.

That’s not the case with most of the pagan deities. Maybe it’s because there are fewer pagans in the world than Christians. A quick google search tells me there are about 3,000,000 pagans in the world, spread out over thousands of deities, but there are somewhere between 2,300,000 and 2,600,000 Christians in the world, all looking to one God.

But either way, a pagan goddess will not let you away with that shit. They expect you to keep your word or deal with the consequences of your decisions.

Yes, your decisions have consequences

This is something white women in the US in particular appear to be waking up to. Renee Good’s murder appears to have woken up the white woman community in ways the deaths of Keith Porter and others (check out this map here) did not. Better late than never, definitely. And we’re not diving into racism here, cos, y’know, I only have so much energy.

But there appears to be this attitude of entitlement. That once someone hears the name of a deity, they can just “call them down” to fix the mess. And pointing out that this decision might have consequences beyond our current understanding is treated as gatekeeping.

It’s genuinely not.

It’s trying to help people.

The amount of people who think they’re entitled to help from Irish deities because they have a great, great, grandparent from Ireland, but know nothing about us, our history, our geography, our politics, our social issues, our people… it’s concerning.

And the fact that so many people are willing to put themselves out to try and save these newcomers to the non-Christian spiritual world? It’s amazing.

But it’s not fucking gatekeeping.

I mean, is it gatekeeping to keep a child from putting their hands in the fire?

So, what can you do if you are just starting out?

Well, first off, read up on the deity you’re looking at. Preferably from native sources. That means, if it’s an Irish deity you’re thinking about, read from an Irish author. Not someone who moved here 6months ago and claims to know everything! Fuck’s sake, I’ve been living here most of my life, and I don’t know everything.

I spent over a decade in England and I wouldn’t claim to know everything about them either. (Although I know enough… and I did marry one…)

Pray. It’s an under-used form of spiritual work.

And put some practical work into this mess, as well as spiritual work.

Gotta be honest, I’m not sure why the Morrigan would be overly interested in the US, but she might help some of her followers there. Brigid? Maybe, she travels a fair bit, but again, don’t expect an easy right of it.

Practical work?

Yeah, practical work.

I know protesting isn’t for everyone. It’s definitely not for me – I can’t handle the crowds. But here’s some stuff I’d be looking into if I were in the US right now:

  • Financial support. Money is needed. Bail, medicines, fuel, food…
  • Childcare
  • Administration
  • Organisation
  • Clean up
  • Call or email your elected representatives
  • Educate yourself and in particular in the US, look at the Black and Native educators out there. If I can find them from Ireland, you can find them as well.
  • Offer save havens for those returning from protests or going to protests.
  • Be a witness

I’m sure I’ve forgotten loads of stuff here and y’know, you can google as well as I can. Not everyone is built to be a front line warrior and not all of us have to be. Supply lines, support staff, all these people are important as well.

Back to decisions and consequences

No matter what decisions you make, there will be consequences.

If you choose to get involved physically and in person, you may be isolated, attacked, injured, jailed.

If you choose to support on the supply lines side, you may get your name on a list, or get highlighted in your community.

Fascism loves to keep records remember. And they start with one community, then move onto the next. The first concentration camp in Germany in the 1930’s was Dachau, founded in 1933, and was aimed at political prisoners, Roma, and Jehovah’s Witnesses. The first Jewish prisoners arrived in 1938.

So, let’s try and learn from history.

And choose which consequences are worth it and which aren’t.

Because this bullshit isn’t going away and we all have to made decisions.

(And yes, for those who may be worried, my digestive system is grand today again!)

Feeling Small: The Silent Saboteur of Your Soul’s Expansion

Feeling small doesn’t always look dramatic. It’s not always tears or breakdowns. Sometimes, it’s quiet. Subtle. It’s the way you shrink in meetings. The way you hesitate to share your ideas. The way you convince yourself that your voice isn’t needed.

But here’s the truth: feeling small is a spiritual wound. It disconnects you from your power, your purpose, and your presence.

Let’s explore how it shows up—and how it holds you back.

Saying “Yes” When Your Soul Screams “No”

You keep saying yes. To tasks. Meetings. The next course. A new book. You do it to be helpful, to be liked, to avoid conflict. Or because you feel like you need this. But it’s not from your soul.

And every yes that isn’t aligned chips away at your energy.

Spiritual cost: You lose touch with your inner compass. You start living for others, not from your truth.

A cartoon image of a huge hand with pointed index finger landing on a very small human figure.
Best cartoon I’ve found for “feeling small” and it’s from Erin Lo’s website.

Hiding Your Light

You stay quiet. Don’t share your insights. You let others take the spotlight—even when you know you have something valuable to offer.

Tell yourself it’s humility, all you want. But really, it’s fear.

Spiritual cost: Your gifts go unused. Your soul feels unseen. You start believing you’re not meant to shine.

Dimming Your Achievements

You downplay your wins. Brush off praise. You tell yourself it’s no big deal. Sure anyone could do it, right? Except…

But your soul knows better. It knows how hard you worked. It knows how much you’ve grown.

Spiritual cost: You disconnect from your own worth. You stop celebrating your journey.

Over-Apologising

You say sorry for existing. For asking questions. For taking up space.

But you were never meant to be small. You were meant to be whole.

Spiritual cost: You reinforce the belief that you’re a burden, not a blessing.

Not Asking for What You Desire

You wait. You hope someone will notice. Hope the universe will deliver without you having to speak.

But manifestation requires clarity. It requires action. It requires you to name your desires.

Spiritual cost: You stay stuck. You live in longing instead of alignment.

Internalising Every Critique

You take feedback as proof of failure. Replay mistakes again and again and again. You let one comment define your worth.

But your soul is resilient. It learns. Evolves. It doesn’t need perfection—it needs compassion.

Spiritual cost: You lose confidence. You stop trusting your own wisdom.

Avoiding Sacred Conflict

Look, we all do this. You let things slide. Stay silent when boundaries are crossed. You avoid discomfort.

But conflict, when conscious, is a path to healing. It’s a way to honour your truth.

Spiritual cost: You betray yourself. You miss the chance to grow and to teach others how to treat you.

Reclaiming Your Soul Space

Feeling small is not your destiny. It’s a pattern. And patterns can be broken.

Start by noticing. Then by choosing differently. Speak your truth. Honour your desires. Celebrate your wins. Set your boundaries.

You don’t need to be loud. You just need to be present.

No one is demanding perfection. You just need to be real.

Forget about permission. You already have it—from your soul.

So step forward. Take up space. Let your energy expand.

You are worthy. Powerful.

You are here for a reason.

Don’t feel spiritual?

What to do when you just don’t feel spiritual? Honestly, happens to the best of us. Let’s take a look at what’s possible and what we can do to help ourselves.

What to do when you just don’t feel spiritual? Honestly, happens to the best of us. Let’s take a look at what’s possible and what we can do to help ourselves. I know last week, I spoke about the importance of silence in my spiritual practice. And it’s many benefits. But sometimes, I just don’t feel spiritual enough…

It’s not the end of the world, and a lot of the time, the gods don’t worry too much about how we’re feeling when we do something. So, if you light a candle in a grumpy mood, that’s probably ok. In the paragraphs below, we’ll discuss a few things we can do when we’re just not feeling spiritual.

Show up anyway
Image of a very grumpy looking black and white eagle stalking along the beach, with the words "me going on a stupid little daily walk for my stupid physical and mental health" written in black across the top. I say beach, but it does kinda look like he's walking in the very shallow bit of the beach, no sign of sand. But it does capture my general feelings on the days I just don't feel spiritual.
I think of this meme frequently, when doing this for my mental and physical health!

There are reasons why we all do things we don’t want to do. That meme above is one I return to time and time again. I may not always want to do weights or I may not always want to meditate. But I also know when I don’t do those things, I suffer. Mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally… I suffer.

So, sometimes, just showing up and doing the thing works. As in, you get some benefit from it. Just because you don’t feel spiritual, doesn’t mean you aren’t getting the benefit from it. Trust me. I mentioned above lighting a candle grumpily. And that eagle is a perfect picture of how I feel those days.

I don’t feel spiritual. I’m still going to sit here and be silent, but I don’t feel spiritual. And I’m not going to. And you can’t make me. So there. (If you could imagine this in the fashion of a 2yr old, sitting with arms crossed, scowling and pouting, you’ve got the image!)

But you will still get benefit from it. I swear. Even if it’s a time out from your own head for a bit.

Change your clothes

Yeah, I know, I rarely talk about the clothes I wear for rituals, aside from being unbound and without any binding I can remove. But there are clothes that help me feel more spiritual. Green dresses work very well for me.

I know, you’re looking at me going, “what the hell?” But seriously. If you are very much not feeling spiritual and need or want to get in the groove… Change your clothes. (And also, if you want a nice little rabbit hole to dive into: go use Google Scholar to search for “spiritual clothes“. It’s amazing the research you come across!)

But seriously, clothing can change your mindset. And for those days when you just don’t feel the spirituality – try clothes that you usually use for rituals. Or spiritual activities. Or indeed the extra special clothes that you are planning to wear at some point for a spiritual exercise, but nothing special enough has come up yet.

Today is the day for trying them. Trust me.

Have a shower

Seriously – even a normal shower is a really great way for an energetical cleanse. A good scrub does wonders for resetting the mind and the spirit. Especially if you feed grubby in general – which doesn’t always have anything to do with your physical state of cleanliness.

When you’re not feeling spiritual, a good shower can help wash away the mundane world. If you’re really adventurous, you can always go for a wild water bathe, in a river or a lake. Although, check the weather. I’d personally rule this out for most of the year in Ireland!

This is a pic of the river Shannon a few years ago, surrounded by trees covered in frost, with a small weird in the foreground. While outdoor bathing is great for reigniting your spirituality - maybe avoid it on days like this!)
Picture of the Shannon in winter a few years ago. I’m not advising outdoor bathing in this type of scenario, ok?

Water is healing and wonderful. And in my opinion, even a simple hand wash can be made spiritual.

Brush your hair!

I know, this is almost all personal care, but seriously, a good hair brushing is a great way to awaken energy. And it doesn’t look or feel overtly spiritual, so it feels a bit more realistic or achievable sometimes for me than some of the overtly spiritual stuff.

I mean, I don’t brush my hair every day. I have curly hair and brushing makes it frizzy. I do de-knot it every day, but that’s different! But I do know that brushing my hair, in the same way as the washing mentioned above, helps me reset my brain a bit. And then, putting into a style I associate more with spiritual activities (read: loose), helps me get in the frame of mind, I need.

Go for a walk or do something to get you sweaty

This is also a great way to help reset your mind when you just don’t feel spiritual. Seriously – getting sweaty by doing something. It doesn’t need to be walking, but something that moves your body and gets the blood pumping. And yes, sex is a great way to do this, either solo or with partners.

Again, the thought here is to get out of your own way. I’ve yet to meet someone who can maintain a coherent thought process through orgasm. And if you are maintaining a coherent thought process, are you really orgasming? Seriously now…

But just that body movement will help things. Even if it doesn’t result in orgasm.

Pray

Yeah, I know, you’re not feeling spiritual in any way, shape, or form and here I am suggesting prayer of all things. But it can help. I mean, you can pray to help you feel more spiritual…

This is a bit of an offshoot of “Show up anyway” I mention above, I get that. But sometimes, just repeating the words of a familiar prayer can help you get in the right frame of mind. And again, you don’t need to be praying with any great intention in mind. Simply repeating the words can be enough sometimes to help you move mindset.

There ye go

There’s six options to try when you just don’t feel spiritual. I hope you find them helpful, but if you have others, sure throw me an email or a comment below! And don’t forget, the First Steps on Brigid’s Path is starting 1st August, (so this is no good to you if you’re only seeing this on the 5th!!) but this is the sort of thing we work through there as well.

What is a cult?

“Cult” is a word that is used a lot these days. It’s not always a derogative term, to be fair. But, it does often hold negative connotations. So this week, we’re diving into “what is a cult?” (after diving into spirituality and religion over the last couple of weeks)

A cult is typically a group or organization that is devoted to a particular person, ideology, or set of beliefs. It is often under the control of a charismatic leader. Cults often exhibit patterns of manipulation, exploitation, and psychological control over their members. These groups may isolate members from mainstream society, employ mind control techniques, and demand unquestioning loyalty. A group given the label “cult” is not necessarily harmful, of course. However, many exhibit characteristics that can be detrimental to the well-being and autonomy of their members.

A picture of 5 hooded figures in grey, against a grey background, standing in a V shape, each facing outwards. Is this what you think of when you hear "what is a cult?"
Is this what you think of when you hear “what is a cult”?

I found a working paper from the European parliament, from back in 1997. I’m honestly not sure what the outcome was to be honest, and I’ve read it a few times. Essentially, there are two sides to the argument:

  • First side wants a legal definition of cult for the European parliament to be able to tackle ostensibly religious organisations who are engaging in illegal or violent activities
  • Second side want to avoid the use of the word “cult” because of the negative connotations in most countries in the EU.

The group decided that cults could not be made illegal. Mainly because, within the EU, there are stringent laws regarding freedom of religion and freedom of association in many countries. (If not all countries!)

This committee’s objectives could be summed up under five headings:

  1. an in-depth study in Belgium on the basis of interviews with the competent authorities, experts, victims’ defence associations, victims’ families and any other relevant people;
  2. a more specialized study of methods of recruitment and practices within cults, to discover possible abuses and gain more information on their organizations, the resources at their disposal and in particular practices which violated social and fiscal legislation;
  3. a report on the legal remedies available, including jurisprudence enabling sanctions to be imposed for illegal acts committed by cults;
  4. proposals for changes to federal law with a view to restraining illegal action by cults against both adults and minors;
  5. any useful recommendations, at both federal and national level, with regard to measures to draw the attention of those involved to the extent of the phenomenon, the forms it took, its dangers, the means to combat it and the care to be given to victims and their families.
https://www.europarl.europa.eu/workingpapers/cito/w10/page1_en.htm#:~:text=Legally%2C%20there%20was%20no%20such,and%20should%20be%20adhered%20to.

Can I find a follow up paper? Can I buggery!! Essentially though, within Europe, there is no legal definition for “cult”. Well not that I could find!

Now, while I was searching for papers on cults, I found this interesting one on on cults in businesses. To me, it seems pretty clear on what a cult is. Some elements they identify are:

  • tight control by management over how their employees think and behave
  • requirement for alignment and tightness of fit, with a clear mandate for consistency
  • Preservation at all costs of a fervently held self-image and self-identity includes fanatical attention to tiny details, including minutia regarding personal grooming and dress code
  • an uncanny concern with secrecy
  • incentives, decision-making, evaluations, and termination decisions favor insiders
  • organizations will create unique rituals, pep talks, slogans, motivational team-building activities
  • Having their own special language, terminology, and internal jargon

Once employees buy-in, they proceed with pride to work hard to perpetuate the instilled perspective of being special, unique, superior, and elite. The instilled intense sense of loyalty to the company and its values become a mechanism to influence and enforce the desired behavior

Journal, I. (2022). Is your workplace a “Cult?” International Journal of Business Marketing and Management (IJBMM).
Let’s move on to religious cults

I’m going to be honest. Pretty much any religion will have started off as a cult, in the sense of characterized by its devotion to a particular person, ideology, or set of beliefs. Or possibly being organised around a single charismatic leader. I mean, how did Christianity or Islam start? A religious movement organised around Jesus and Mohammed, respectively.

However, this paper highlights the internal regard of cults within religious movements:

Most religions, or subdivisions of religions, will regard themselves as good, legitimate and mainstream. Other religions, or even sects within the same religion, will be regarded as extreme, false and bad. They may be considered unorthodox or “way out”; their followers may act with excessive zeal. They may brainwash their members. They may even live in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian charismatic leader.

Allan, L, (1996) Religious Cults

So, even within religion, there comes a stage when a “cult” becomes so mainstream it, it becomes a religion.

The Cult of St. Brigid

Oh yes. I found a few papers on the cult of St. Brigid. And it brings us to another interesting facet of cults. Now, this is the point at which I have to say, the Irish have never been backward in venerating one of their own. We’ll tear them to shreds as well, but one of the best sentences I read in this paper is:

devotion to her was carried over to, and propagated throughout, Europe by the Scots peregrini wherever they settled, and their propaganda in her favour attained dizzy heights. In the Book of Leinster Brigid was compared to Our Lady and acclaimed as ‘ the Prophetess of Christ, the queen of the South, the Mary of the Gael [i.e. the Irish]

O’Riordan, S. (1951). The Cult of Saint Brigid. The Furrow, 2(2), 88–93. http://www.jstor.org/stable/27655719

Now, in terms of the breadth of the cult of St. Brigid, O’Riordan uses the evidence of the following:

  • the number of Irish girls and women called Brigid
  • the number of places called after her – far more than St. Patrick
  • the great number of St. Brigid’s Mantles, St. Brigid’s Girdle and of course, St Brigid’s crosses
  • pilgramages to her places
  • the great number of hymns and prayers to her
  • He also mentioned a great liturgical history that has been stripped from the Irish church during, as he describes “the period of oppression and of persecution”

He quotes some of this in Latin, which didn’t help me. So, in traditional modern fashion, I tried Google Translate.

The sixth lesson: once a certain holy man in a synod he saw a vision, and rising, he said: This is the other Mary which dwells among us

Response:

he virgin is carried away, and honor is heaped upon her
there: the synod was pressing, the ninth Brigida Star was flashing. Rites the band applauds, because it hears the heavenly signal.

Verse: The priest announces that this is another Mary.

O’Riordan, S. (1951). The Cult of Saint Brigid. The Furrow, 2(2), 88–93. http://www.jstor.org/stable/27655719

Now, obviously, I have an interest in this paper because it’s about Brigid. But I also wanted to explore this other meaning for “cult”.

Religious cults

Many times throughout my studies in Brigid, I see the term “cult” used to describe the worship or relationship with a particular saint. (This is, of course within Catholicism. Not every Christian sect has saints; and those that do, don’t always define them the same way Catholics do!)

So, here’s another way to think of a cult. It is still linked to that idea of devotion to a particular person. It’s not a negative term in this context. It simply describes the group of people devoted to that particular saint. Within Catholicism anyway, it’s a relatively neutral term.

So, am I member of a cult? Maybe. I definitely am involved in the worship of a particular person/saint/ deity.

I’m not necessarily saying to ignore the warnings about cults though.

The warning signs

This post has a really handy list of warning signs for cults

  1. Absolute authoritarianism without accountability
  2. Zero tolerance for criticism or questions
  3. Lack of meaningful financial disclosure regarding budget
  4. Unreasonable fears about the outside world that often involve evil conspiracies and persecutions
  5. A belief that former followers are always wrong for leaving and there is never a legitimate reason for anyone else to leave
  6. Abuse of members
  7. Records, books, articles, or programs documenting the abuses of the leader or group
  8. Followers feeling they are never able to be “good enough”
  9. A belief that the leader is right at all times
  10. A belief that the leader is the exclusive means of knowing “truth” or giving validation

I like this list for a few reasons. It doesn’t really include any of the religious cults as described in O’Riordan’s paper above. The list above is a list of control and restriction. St. Brigid’s cult is not restricted or controlled at all – not even by the Catholic Church really.

In the end

Honestly? Probably any new religious movement goes through a cult like phase. It’s rare a new religion doesn’t form around a charismatic leader.

But there’s the restricted, brainwashing type. And then there’s the more organic, less controlled kind. And both types exist within religious organisations. For example, the Opus Dei organisation within the Catholic Church could be considered to show cult-like tendencies. Certainly, it’s a fairly secretive organisation, although it was sanctioned by Pope John Paul II. (He’s not my favourite pope by any means and was extremely conservative!! Pope Francis is better. Not brilliant, but better.)

So, if the organisation you’re looking at asks you to abandon everyone you know outside the cult, uproot your life, donate all financial assets to the intitution… probably a cult on the dodgy side.

Otherwise – proceed. Definitely, proceed with caution, but proceed…

What is religion?

You would think after last week, this would be straightforward. What is religion but something inherently linked to spirituality? Well, as it turns out, not so much…

I came across this paper by Dr. Mike Sosteric. It’s described as “introductory unit, Athabasca University Sociology 231: The Sociology of Religion”, which you’d hope would make it straightforward. Again… not so much…

To start with, it’s fairly straightforward:

Religion is an institution setup to meet various and specific needs. What needs a particular religious institution will meet will depend on the intent of the people who set it up

Dr. Mike Sosteric, https://www.academia.edu/80934448/What_is_Religion

It’s a complicated topic and it’s made the more difficult, because it is so personal.

What’s so complicated about it?

Well here’s the thing. Sosteric, in that paper linked above, highlights the fact that it’s extremely difficult to consider religion while removing our own biases. If you’re raised religious and believe deeply, then you believe. If you’re atheist and believe deeply, you might think it’s all a pile of manure.

Marx reduced religion to “opiate.” Freud reduced it to an “infantile delusion.” Durkheim called religion a projection of society, and most scholars who approach it reduce it to a belief in spirits of some sort.

Dr. Mike Sosteric, https://www.academia.edu/80934448/What_is_Religion

Plus we can all probably list religions:

  • Christianity
  • Islam
  • Judaism
  • Hinuism
  • Buddhism
  • Confucianism
  • Taoism
  • Jainism
  • Sikhism
  • And there’s loads more here

Not to mention, under each of those headings there are up to dozens of flavours of those religions that might have relatively little in common with each other. I mean, I was in my teens before I realised that Catholicism and Protestantism were both under the umbrella of Christianity… I’m really not joking here!

The same Wikipedia post used above gives this as a quote to define a religion:

[a] system of symbols which acts to establish powerful, pervasive, and long-lasting moods and motivations in men by formulating conceptions of a general order of existence and clothing these conceptions with such an aura of factuality that the moods and motivations seem uniquely realistic

(Clifford Geertz, Religion as a Cultural System, 1973)

I mean, ok the definition is limited to men. The feminist in me wants to shout out what definition works for women… But here we are.

Where does this leave us?

In a bit of a quandary to be honest. Some define religion in terms of belief in supernatural beings or forces, while others emphasize rituals, ethics, or community affiliation. And if I’m honest, I think there’s a bit of truth in all of this. Googling “what is religion” really didn’t help much. Dr. Sosteric is correct in his statement that depending on your viewpoint on religion, you either accept your religion or no religion…

It’s a difficult one. For me though, I’d like to think of it like this:

  • includes a belief in something greater than ourselves, whether that is a deity, nature, the Otherworld or a combination
  • A structured framework of belief, possibly dogma even (dogma = a principle or set of principles laid down by an authority as incontrovertibly true)
  • prescribed set of rituals
  • material things such as building or items of clothing or holy objects/ relics etc
  • there is usually a community involved, some sort of social gathering for ritual or other reasons
  • there’s usually also a spiritual or mystical element – an experience of the otherworldly or supernatural being
  • storytelling – all religions have stories. Whether it’s the hagiographies of the saints from the early Christian Church to the stories of Buddha or the various creation stories around the world
  • There’s nearly always something around healing. Seriously.
How accurate is my list?

Well, I’m not a scholar of humanities or of world religions. The items in the list above come from my own, somewhat erratic reading around the subject. They come from my own experience in the last four decades. And from the experiences of people I know.

So, y’know, take it with a pinch of salt.

But it’s not that easy to define. There are too many different opinions and thoughts around it. And indeed, our own background, upbringing and religious experiences or lack thereof will fuel our own beliefs in this area.

Why bother trying to define religion then?

Mostly, because it is a thinking point. It’s not necessarily something I spend a lot of time on, but it is part of my spiritual practice to think on these things. Religion has been the cause of major upheaval, violence, racism, genocide and other evils in this world. I think given that, it behooves us to at least try and understand it.

We may never come up with a generally accepted definition of “religion”. But if we understand the concepts that generally make up a religion, we can start to understand why some people act the way they do, in direct contravention to the ways we think of as correct. Maybe neither party is fully correct, but by going back to first principles, we can make progress to understanding each other.

Finally, and I really do mean finally, most of what I’ve read about the core tenets of any of the major religions I’ve come across can be boiled down to this: be decent to each other.

That’s it…

What is spirituality

I talk about a daily spiritual practice, but what is spirituality? Well, the idea is fairly intangible. But here we go.

The idea of spirituality is based in the concept of there being a realm or a place beyond the material world. The world of the soul. Now of course, there are entire books and learned people investigating what is a soul, so I’m not going to go into that here. For now – I will merely allow that it is a place of spirit, of ether, of that intangible part of us that is neither physcial, nor mental.

Any science behind this?

Well, yes! A quick search on Google Scholar for “What is Spirituality2?” got me about 2,940,000 results (0.13 sec)… I’m going to be honest here. I have not read all 2.94million results. I did however browse through four of them.

(Yes, this is the sort of reading I do in my spare time!)

Murgia et al above tell me that:

In Sanskrit, the term Atman [self] has been defined as: “Spiritual essence of life”.

Murgia, C., Notarnicola, I., Rocco, G., & Stievano, A. (2020). Spirituality in nursing: A concept analysis

Now, that’s a definition, but pretty much all the papers above mention the difficulty in setting “spirituality” aside from “religion”. I’m not gonna lie – it’s difficult. I am going to try though. Whether I succeed or remains to be seen. Lepherd (2015) tells us: There seem to be almost as many definitions of spirituality as there are writers on the subject. Yes, it does bear a remarkable resemblance to my attitude to Brigid.

Vague science, then?

Indeed. When it comes to defining spirituality, most researchers veer away, being more comfortable using terms like “describe” rather than “define”. However, let’s have a go…

There are few items that are mentioned frequently:

  • sense of interconnectedness with the cosmos, nature
  • reverence for life
  • transcendence
  • meaning in life
Sense of interconnectedness

This aspect of spirituality can be a connection to a Higher Power, deity, something like that. Or it can be considered a connection to the world around us. And sometimes – a combination of both.

What does this mean?

Well, in terms of my own spiritual practice, I look at this in terms of noticing the little things. Whether it’s the ray of sunshine peeking through the clouds or an unexpected present or even just a nice compliment for something… Noticing positive, pleasant or otherwise happy things in life has become an important part of my spirituality. And it helps me feel connected to the world.

Some of my worst bouts of depression have been associated with a lack of that sense of connection with the world, so I value it highly. But I also have to work to maintain it. It’s not something that happens naturally with me. And so, we come to the concept that spirituality might an element of work.

Reverence for life
A picture of a skull, white boned
Doesn’t matter how evolved we are, the body returns to bones and dust at the end…

The more I work with Brigid, the more I feel that reverence for life. And it’s mentioned often in terms of spirituality. Now, this doesn’t mean that someone is against all killing. I enjoy eating a nice bit of meat the same as the next person.

But, for me, it does mean that the meat I eat was treated with respect, both before and after it stopped breathing. (Or in the case of fish – whatever it is fish do!) This is a common theme through papers. It’s not necessarily that all life is equal or sacred. No one will ever convince me that ants have the right to enter my kitchen! But it is the feeling that all life has the right to exist. Just… not in my kitchen…

I think this is an off shoot of the connection to the world, to be honest. I can’t see how you can feel connected to the world, to nature and not feel reverence towards it. It’s an integral part of the whole thing for me.

Transcendence

OK, I have to admit, I have an issue with this one. Transcendence appears to be the will or ability to “rise above” our mundane, physical life. Above the dirt, the grime, the reality of the world to a “higher plane” of some sort.

And that’s ok for some people. But I think it leaves out a lot of the reality of the world. To me, this gives the impression of someone gone beyond the mundane existence of most of us, as if that mundane existence has no value. And I accept that this is probably one of the chips on my shoulder… but it’s still a belief.

If I redefine it slightly though, it works a bit better. So, if I see it as being, not ignoring the reality of life, but being able to acknowledge the beauty in all life… Maybe even have reverence for all life. Even the dirty bits. Because, let’s face it – it doesn’t matter how evolved you are, there’s very few people in this world that can survive without food and water. And once you consume, you also produce waste. For me – if you can achieve transcendence while sitting on the toilet, I’ll accept the reality of it!

A picture of a human body in the lotus position - cross legged, wrists on knees, hands are palms upwards, with one finger on each hand touching the thumb. There is a central circle of light around the sternum of the body, the body is levitating off the ground and is surrounded by circles of light of increasing diameter and varying thicknesses
This would be the transcendence piece alright!

Moreover, spirituality serves as a catalyst for personal growth and transformation, illuminating the path towards self-realization and inner harmony. By cultivating virtues such as compassion, gratitude, and empathy, individuals embark on a journey of self-discovery that transcends the confines of the ego and embraces the interconnectedness of all beings. In doing so, spirituality fosters a sense of unity and belonging, bridging the perceived divides between individuals and fostering a deeper sense of community and collective well-being.

Meaning of life

Ah the big one. When people ask “what is spirituality”, this is often where we end up. Finding meaning in life is hugely important, in my opinion. It doesn’t have to be a grand plan. Most of us won’t be changing the world.

But we can affect the world around us. Whether that’s starting off a smile outbreak, or just making the effort to make someone else’s life just that bit easier. Saying thank you to a tired waiter. Being patient when on hold to a call centre. (These are ideals, I don’t always manage it! I have been known to tell a call centre worker to put me on to their manager, since they don’t get paid enough to deal with the amount of outrage I’m feeling, though!)

We can all make small differences to the world. We can all make a difference in this world. Come back to the connection piece of the question. What part of the world do you most connect with?

Some ideas for meaning in action might be:

  • organising a beach clean up
  • speaking to a girls’ school about introducing girls to male-dominated professions
  • supporting a charity of choice monetarily
  • raising a family
  • supporting a local sports club
  • founding a community organisation – or indeed volunteering with them
  • pick your cause of choice: homelessness, poverty, abuse, oppression… let’s face it, there’s loads of them. But do something with it.
Where does this leave us?

Well, this is only an introduction, of course. I did say this would end up being a series of posts and in the next one I’ll look at religion I think. But I hope this is enough to get you started on considering what spirituality means to you!

Because, let’s face it, spirituality is, above all, personal. Maybe some of what I’ve written here resonates with you. If so, brilliant! If not, I’m sorry. But please feel free to comment below or email me with your thoughts on the matter!

Brigid and the Maiden/Mother/Crone thing

Every year around this time, I start seeing posts pop up exploring Brigid as a triple deity. Which is brilliant, except at least half the posts explore her under the Maiden/Mother/Crone construction – which is problematic as far as I’m concerned. And it’s for a few different reasons. Even worse, I then start seeing “Celtic maiden mother crone”, but I am less qualified to address than. I will try, but less qualified.

Maiden mother crone in Irish lore

First off, the “maiden mother crone” construction isn’t one we have in Irish deities. If you google “Irish triple goddesses” you get mentions of Brigid, the Morrigan, the three sovereignty goddesses: Éire, Banbha and Fódla. Mary Jones suggests that Lugh is the lone survivor of triplets and mentions the sons of Tuireann and the sons of Cainte as potential male triple deities. So the idea of triple deities isn’t out of the question in Irish lore. It’s just the construction of the triplets that doesn’t conform to the Roman notion of the “maiden mother crone” construct. (I’m using “construct” here because I can’t think of a better word. It’s not intended to indicate “made up” or otherwise “not authentic”).

PIcture of my Brigid stature, holding a flame, in front of a cauldron, with a lit tea light on the cauldron and a Brigid's cross in between Brigid and the cauldron. Maiden mother crone?
Picture of my Brigid stature, holding a flame, in front of a cauldron, with a lit tea light on the cauldron and a Brigid’s cross in between

We have powerful deities in Ireland, and Brigid is just one (or three) of them. Cormac’s Glossary outlines three sisters, a woman of healing, a woman of wisdom/ protector of poets and a smith. And this is fundamentally where we get the idea of the triple deity from in Ireland. It also leads me down roads of “why call three sisters by the same name”, but that’s for another time! There is no notion that any of the three (poet, healer or smith) conform to maiden, mother or crone.

If anything, Brigid is definitely a mother. She loses her son Ruadhán in Caith Maigh Tuireadh, which is one of our foundational snippets of lore about her. There is a hint that she might be the mother of the sons of Tuireann. (Although other possible mothers are Ana or Danu depending on the source you read.) And, spoiler alert, the sons of Tuireann all die in the end as well. As a mother, I sincerely hope she had daughters or less famous sons rather than losing all her children to heroic deeds. However misguided said heroic deeds might appear from a distance of a few millennia.

Do I think Brigid can appear as a maiden, mother or crone as she chooses? She’s a bloody deity, she can appear however she wishes. And yes, I have experienced her at most adult ages at this point. I’d suggest if you want to limit how a deity appears to you – well just warn me so I can get out of the way, alright? But trying to understand Brigid through the construct of “maiden mother crone” would be very difficult. The history, the folklore, the traditions just aren’t there to support it. For Brigid or any of the other Irish deities.

Maiden mother crone more generally

So there’s my issues with Brigid as maiden mother crone. But I also have some issues with the maiden mother crone concept itself. Now, if you use this construct and it works for you – that is brilliant. Good for you! I’m delighted. If that’s the case, you may wish to skip the rest of this post. So… fair warning.

Now, obviously, my own experience as a woman and with Brigid and other deities/ divine figures will influence the discussion that follows. I make no apologies for that. I am writing this post as a white, Irish, cisgendered, able bodied, reasonably healthy, fat woman. (Admittedly one who wears glasses and has ankle issues, but nothing that majorly impacts on my life choices.) I’m also writing as a woman who can’t have children, for no apparent medical reason. (I don’t want advice on that one by the way!)

And one who has done a lot of work on menstruation spirituality and getting in tune with my body. So while I might managed the maiden and crone bit, the mother bit will be a push. And yes, I know it’s not necessarily a “physical mother who has born children of her body”. I know it can be creative mother, spiritual mother, the energy of the mother. I still have problems with the whole construct.

Plus, it’s my blog, which gives me freedom to outline my thoughts here 😊

The first way this construct annoys me is this: it’s limiting women to their reproductive stages in ways we don’t really limit men at all. Maiden is traditionally innocent, virginal, awakening. New-start energy, enthusiasm, that sort of thing. Mother is fertility, fecundity, growth, caring, homemaking and other adjectives along those lines. The Crone is wise woman, the hag, the moving closer to death. Now, I understand that this can relate to creative pursuits, innovation and all sorts of other things. I get that part. But this still accounts for women by their reproductive season in life.

We don’t do this with men – who have similar stages in their reproductive cycles, it’s just not as pronounced. Or at least the end date isn’t as pronounced.

For me – this construct of the maiden, the mother and the crone is putting me in boxes I never agreed to. Or want to agree to. My chosen career possibly influences this – I’m an engineer and spend a lot of my time with men. I can be in touch with my female power and still not think about my reproductive stages. In fact, it’s preferably in many cases. It’s another way to limit my career if I draw too much attention to my reproductive cycle. In fact, very often in work, I need to forget about my reproductive cycle and work with it outside of work, to support myself in work.

I’m never going to be a mother, unless the Divine presents a miracle. It’s a kick in the teeth to tell me I’m in my fertile phase of life. I think as well, this minimises the effect that older women, post menopause, who contribute so much to life, society, families, work, etc. It minimises women in the “maiden” stage as well, limiting their impact as youthful enthusiasm, when much of the time, our young women are the ones with energy to do things. And yes, I know – I can already hear the proponents of maiden mother crone yelling at the screens. I know it’s not intended to limit people. I know technically we can all feel the “energies” of the different stages at any time. Hell, it’s used in menstruation spirituality to describe the phases of the menstruation cycle. I get it.

It’s still limiting women though. It’s still putting us in boxes. We’re more than all of this. And we deserve to be more than our reproductive stages. The construct appears to have it’s roots in Robert Graves’ work, rather than anything more ancient – which is not necessarily a bad thing. New doesn’t always equal bad. Old doesn’t always equal good. (Just go look at some of the Brehon laws dealing with rank!)

Celtic

Finally, I’ll come on to the issues with the “celtic maiden mother crone” thing. Basically, no more than it appears in Irish lore, the construct doesn’t appear in other “Celtic” lore as well. First off, “Celtic” as a word usually is best reserved for languages, i.e. Irish, Scots Gaelic, Manx, Welsh, Breton and Cornish. There are many arguments about why Celtic should or shouldn’t be used in terms of anything other than language. For myself – describing something as “Celtic” is similar to describing something as “European” or “African”. It’s squishing an entire continent into one culture. Frankly, all you have to do is taste food from Ireland and compare it to the tastes in France (one of our nearest European neighbours) to see how different things can be.

And the word “Celtic” has sometimes been used with racist undertones (or with outright racism in mind) in recent history as well. I’m not going to link to site that use the word in that way, for, I hope, obvious reasons. The Celtic cross has managed to become a racist symbol of hate. I don’t think every depiction of the Celtic cross is a racist symbol (see picture below). Various hate groups have co-opted the cross as a symbol. That doesn’t mean using the word Celtic as a word is racist, but it’s just something to be aware of.

Two pictures, first of a stylised "Celtic cross" in black on a which background, second of an actual stone Irish Celtic cross with carvings depicting images from the Bibile
Two pictures of a Celtic cross,first of a stylised version often used in tattoos, second of a stone Irish cross with carvings of knotwork and imagery

And when it comes to “maiden mother crone” there’s nothing specifically Celtic about it. Sure, if you wanted, you could pick Irish deities to fit in the maiden category, the mother category and the crone category. Although I would warn you, Irish deities like being put in boxes just as much as I do! For me, it would be more important to reach out and learn out lore about these deities.

To finish…

So, if you’re interested in Brigid – look at the lore of the region you’re in first of all. I know there are Irish, Scottish, Welsh and Manx legends anyway about Brigid. People all over the world honour the saint. If you’re interested in the maiden mother crone construct – use it. Just don’t try and squish every goddess you meet into that framework cos, let me tell you, some of them will react strongly to that. And don’t assume all goddesses fit the mould you’re most comfortable with. Spirituality, faith – they’re not meant to be comfortable all the time. If you are feeling so comfortable all the time – are you really working at things?

While any deity is more than a construct we humans put about them, Brigid in particular is more than these three phases suggest. I have a basic introduction to Brigid class over at the Irish Pagan School, as well as some more at the Brigid’s Forge School. And the lore is free online as well – check out UCC Celt for any Brigid lore translated into English. There’s only 4 bits in the Irish pre-Christian stories. While the written copies we have today were recorded post Christianity’s arrival in Ireland, it’s obvious from the context of the stories that they happened pre-Christianity.

It’s always important to question our beliefs and work through our thoughts on particular issues. And you may read this and think I make perfect sense, but still find the maiden mother crone construct useful, whether in a Celtic context or not. That’s all fine. But don’t try to push Brigid into that structure – she won’t fit easily and she will let you know!

The strange ways the work can take us

Recently I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube videos from someone called Love 518. It’s a wonderful channel, where a hairdresser takes people’s hair that has been matted, or untended for a long time and she carefully unmatts it (no I don’t know if that’s a proper word, but ye know what I mean right?), tends it carefully and sends them on their way feeling some pride in themselves again. She is also really careful with her people, offers some amazing masks to allow them to keep anonymous and gives them hairstyles they love and feel good about.

Why would I think a random hairdresser in Miami, Florida is doing the gods’ work? Well, she’s giving people back their respect. She’s giving people a new start. She doesn’t give a damn how or why the hair gets matted, she regularly says none of us know when we might have a bad run of luck or have mental health issues, her aim is trying to give people back their hair. She just accepts people as they are and where they are and move on.

And hair is something that’s really obvious when there’s something not right. Skin is easy enough to keep clean and looking semi presentable, but hair… well hair can go wrong very easily. All it takes is a bad week and the knots get amazingly difficult to get out. Add a few weeks, a month, a few months, and hair gets really messy and difficult and a big job to tackle, and sometimes -well sometimes that’s just too damn much to face into. And so, it gets worse and worse. Now my hair isn’t too curly, ( I think I’m about a 2B according to this evaluation) but it still knots easily, and knots are the first step to matting for me.

But I don’t need to go to the hairdresser regularly to keep control over my hair, I can throw it into plaits when I need to, it’s easy enough to deal with. Added to which, I like it long because at least I can throw it up in a pony tail as well. But I like my hair. There are times when my hair is the only thing I really love about my body. (Don’t worry – there are times I can love other things as well) My hair is my crowning glory and I love it. So, I can completely understand how the work that Love 518 is doing is Divine Work. As far as I can tell, the hairdresser is Christian, but the faith doesn’t matter if what you’re doing is the right thing, in my opinion.

People deserve their self respect and hair is a massive part of that. Recognising that, and then moving to do something to help people – it’s amazing. This hairdresser spend days, 12 hour days on people’s hair and the transformations she makes for people are amazing.

I could rhapsodise for a while here, but go check out her videos. To expand the point – I don’t know if this hairdresser realises what she is giving back to people, but I hope she does. For women in particular, hair has long been considered a “crowning glory” (see the Bible, 1 Corinthians 11:6 and 11:15) and cutting the hair or shaving the hair has been long been a punishment for immodesty or vanity or whatever. Hair can be used to make a statement, it can be a way to identify ourselves or hide ourselves, to stand out or to blend in.

Sometimes, doing the work doesn’t mean lots of praying or fasting or deprivation or whatever else we think of when we think of spirituality. Sometimes, doing the work means taking the skills we already have, taking the work we already do, and pushing it out to help those who need it. What I mean by “pushing it out” is by looking at those skills and talents and work and seeing how we can use them to make this world a better place. Maybe that means you affect one person’s life, maybe it means you affect thousands of people’s lives. It doesn’t matter. To leave the world a better place than we found it is a good thing in general.

For me – engineering is my job, teaching is my work. So I share the way I think about things here, on my email list, in the school, in the facebook group, on the facebook page – all in an attempt to do the work I have to do and to make this world a better place. Mind you, engineering is also my work, cos why have just one bit of work to do – I work for a very practical and efficient deity! Persuading more women into engineering and making sure the ones already in engineering get the supports they need to keep going are also part of the work I do. My work will never be as clear as the work that hairdresser is – the changes I help people make are more private for a start, and sometimes I won’t ever know what changes are actually made, but I have hope. And that keeps me going.

Today, it’s a cold, freezing day in Ireland and I’ve had a tough weekend. I’m going into work tomorrow to face a shitstorm that because of reasons I wasn’t able to sort out over the weekend. But I can and will deal with it and in doing so, I will make the path clearer and easier for the women coming after me. It is unlikely I will have someone weeping on my shoulder because I made a fundamental change to their appearance that helps them to make them recognise themselves again. I have had people be thankful for my teaching and support, which is lovely, but it’s also important to realise that I don’t do this for that feeling, as awesome as it is, and I need to be careful to not depend on that feeling either. That was lies a lot of pain and badness.

I went down a potentially dark path there, but it’s important to recognise that it would be really easy to come to depend on people telling me how great I am, and that’s just not healthy for anyone. Don’t get me wrong – if something I say helps you or affects you or you just want to reach out – please feel free to do so. But it’s down to me to manage the me side of that interaction. And the me side needs to recognise that my feet need to stay firmly on this earth and not be rising up pretending to be something I’m not. I know already my daily practice tomorrow will be a brief gesture towards the east as I get into my car in the morning, long long before the sun rises. I might include a prayer on my way to work and while I’m in work asking for help and for support throughout the day. There’s a chance I’ll remember to say thank you tomorrow evening when I get home safely.

So, I’m not some genius guru with all the answers. I can’t fix all spiritual problems as easily or patiently as Love 518 solves hair problems. But I can help people along the way. I can help with small things (like the 30 Days of Brigid class coming up in January). I can ask the questions to get you thinking. Actually, I usually ask the questions here that get me thinking. And then work them out in the words here. I can help disentangle a problem or a spiritual issue with words, the same as Love 518 does with her combs, her brushes, her hands, her products, her knowledge… but really, it’s down to each of us ourselves to maintain once the help has been had. Just as it’s down to me to make sure I’m not claiming to be something I’m not and I’m making sure I keep up to date on my knowledge for Brigid, for engineering, for my own practices… It’s down to all of us to look after ourselves, whatever that looks like for us. If someone comes to me for help – I’ll give it if I can. If someone keeps coming back asking the same questions, getting the same answers and not working on it – well Brigid lost patience at times so I figure she won’t mind me losing it as well 🙂

That’s not to say anyone needs to be nervous about asking questions. But when someone has put time, work, effort into helping – make sure to do the work you need to do to get the best out of that help. Now there are times when you ask for help (indeed, times when I’ve asked for help) and you’re not in a position to act on the help, or you recognise the value of the help, but you just can’t fit in the work to use the help – honestly, that’s grand. Say it! I had someone say to me a few month’s ago that they very much appreciated the offer of a scholarship but they knew they wouldn’t be able to pay attention to the course right then, so it would be unfair to take me up on the offer. I love hearing people be honest with themselves and me like that. I respect it, I appreciate, it shows self knowledge and awareness.

So where am I going with all this rambling? Watching the Love 518 videos really has me thinking about how I can further help people – and I have a few new ideas coming up. It also has me thinking of ways I can reach out for help for myself as well, in both practical and spiritual terms.

And if anyone can spare a prayer or a candle tomorrow to help me through a tough work day, with challenging weather conditions (for Ireland anyway!) , I’d appreciate it!!

Showing up

I spent last night at home (in the homeplace, with my parents). This is great, for all sorts of reasons – Ma’s cooking not the least of them- but it also got me thinking. As I’m sure ye expected seeing as how I’m writing about it.

I found myself getting really irritated last night. At first I thought it was because I was reading a book, while they were watching telly, but they kept pausing the telly to talk to me. Then I thought it was because of all the comments on how I looked “frowny” (don’t ask!!) Then I thought maybe I was too hot, cos they tend to keep the place good and warm (well Dad is 83 now, so it’s expected).

But as I woke up this morning, I thought of something I cover in the Preparation for Imbolc course (registration is closed, but you can register your interest for next year here) – being in tune with your body. And I started thinking – I was very much out of my usual routine. Normally, my evenings are quiet, with myself and himself at home, and usually he knows I need to not talk for a bit. My parents on the other hand, don’t see me every day, so when I do see them, they want to talk about anything and everything.

So I instead of my usual quiet, peaceful evening, I had an evening punctuated by questions. Lots and lots of questions. What are you reading? Are you too hot (yes!!) Will I put more logs on the fire? (please don’t!) Are you tired? (Yes) Do you want a cuppa? (No, thanks) What time do you go to bed? (9:30) Are you going soon so? (in 10 mins) Do you remember these doctors? (M*A*S*H*, just FYI) and more and more and more

I’m not used to being questioned like this – and it’s their way of making conversation and keeping in tune with my life. But I still took myself off to bed possibly slightly earlier than I had planned. Because I needed to rest my brain. And this morning it occurred to me that usually, by 8:30, myself and the husband are sitting by the couch in companionable silence, punctuated by brief comments on whatever we’re watching on the telly. I don’t have to think. I can relax, knowing if I don’t answer him, he’ll poke me or say whatever it is again or generally just take it as I didn’t hear him, not as me sulking or not talking or whatever. But my parents usually see me at times when I can stay up late, or I’ve geared myself up for a long conversation, or otherwise prepared.

Yesterday, I had a long day in work and a longer drive afterwards, plus I ate dinner a good hour later than usual, so I was hungry and tired. I wasn’t myself. Or at least not the self that they’re used to seeing these days.

Now, what has this to do with Brigid? Well, here’s the thing. My Dad still got up this morning to make sure the alarm was turned off well before I woke up. He’s just made me a nice cup of coffee to start off my day and he’s going about his business around me as I get started for my day here. There’s no judgement – he knows I was tired last night and he knows I always think the house is too hot and he knows I laugh at them worrying about me being too cold etc in the bed. These are all long standing, loving conversations/ debates we have. And he still loves me, in spite of the differences between us.

We don’t always have to show up perfectly to Brigid either. I’m not saying I believe in unconditional love mind you, but I think my parents accept most of what I am (they really don’t understand the lack of a sport interest, but after 4 decades, they’re getting used to it!) They know that last night I really was tired, out of my usual routine, etc, etc, etc. They also know that all the questions drive me cracked. (Again doesn’t stop them asking, because they are genuinely interested, but, you know, this love thing works both ways!)

I often hear/read people talking about the efforts they go to, to show up for their deity. They dress up, they prepare, they make the effort. And don’t get me wrong – this is great. But when we’re talking about a daily practice, it doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes you show up in your jammies. Or sometimes you show up tired, hungry, sore, grumpy. Or sometimes, you show up and all you can do is sit there because all you have is the energy to show up, nothing else. This is all ok. You don’t need 4 decades of a relationship with someone to start to recognise their energy levels or when something is wrong. OK, sometimes Brigid needs to be reminded we’re human and not inanimate tools, but she’ll recognise this – that we’re not on top form.

Sometimes it will make a difference to what she asks, or when she asks it, sometimes it won’t. And again, that’s ok. Sometimes we’re tired, hungry, lost, and we need a kick up the bum. Sometimes we need rest. Sometimes we can afford to take that rest, sometimes we can’t. This is all life and it’s not perfect.

So, I suppose, here’s what I’m saying. There’s a saying here in Ireland that home is the place that when you go there, they have to take you in. My parents will always take me in… and so will Brigid. If I have faith in nothing else, I can have faith in that. Maybe you don’t have that. I know I am very lucky with the parents I have, however irritating at times they can be. They love me, want the best for me, care for me, support me… not everyone is so lucky. I’m also lucky in the husband I have, for many of the same reasons. I have two places in this land that if I show up, I will be able to enter the home. And I have my home in Brigid as well – although that’s not so much she must take me in, as she will take me in.

I can rest in her when I choose. My showing up on a daily basis is sometimes as basic as a few deep breaths or taking a few seconds to recognise her in my life. Sometimes it’s launching a massive three month course at short notice, or a 30 day course at even shorter notice! Levels of “showing up” exist…

So here’s what I’m saying. Our deities know, deep down, they really do know, that we’re human. We’re not machines. (Although as an engineer, machines can be temperamental as well sometimes!) You can show up dirty. You can show up tired. You can show up hungry. You can show up grumpy. You can show up wishing desperately you could be doing anything else at all. The important thing is to show up. The important thing is to even show up long enough to say “I can’t show up today”. I know it sounds daft, but really – it’s not.

Communication is as important in deity relationships as in human relationships. Your deity knows you can be tired, hungry, out of sorts etc. Still, take the 30seconds to show up. Consistently showing up is more important than showing up looking glam or energetic or anything. Consistently showing up is the basis of any relationship and deity is no different.

And now, the parents are both up so I’m off to enjoy my morning porridge with fresh fruit – fancier than normal – and maintaining that relationship for a while longer!! And remember – show up. Regardless of how you look or feel. She won’t mind.