Rest is a common enough theme for me at this time of year. This year though, I’m feeling a pull towards more. More rest? Certainly. But a different kind.
Even the weather agrees. Yesterday, it lashed down all day. Ag stealladh báistí you might say.
Today? Well look below.
Yes this is what I woke up to this morning. Well this is a couple of hours after I woke up cos a pic at 7am would just show black…
It’s not that I was planning on a massively active day today, or anything. But when the weather agrees with my own inner feelings, my gut… sometimes it’s ok to listen.
Privilege
Yes, it is most certainly a privilege to talk about rest right now.
Iran. Ukraine. Yemen. Gaza. Sudan. And so many others. (Yes that line is copied directly from my threads post yesterday!)
The people in those places, and many places in the US, I’m not forgetting ye, can’t afford to rest right now. They have a fight to wage. And they’ve been waging it – for years in some cases.
So, when I say I’m recognising my privilege, I mean it.
When I’m talking about rest for me right now, I’m talking about the space before stepping back in. The stillness in allowing flow, rather than forcing issues.
I’m thinking about space that comes before the action.
So what rest do I mean?
The earth is still resting for the year. Oh, we can see the signs of growth, the small green shoots coming up, the signs of life returning after the stillness of the winter.
(Although “stillness of winter” isn’t too accurate in Ireland!!)
And if, like me, you have been resting over the winter and are now looking to do something, you might be thinking “more rest????”
Fair. But listen to me a while.
For those of us not currently in an active war zone (ahem… “active” and “warzone” are open to interpretation here, side eyes to a certain Turtle Island government) we can take time, regroup, and then be ready to step in.
It might not be an option for you in your whole life, but maybe there are parts of your life that you can use this time for rest. Maybe you need to think about areas where it’s just not the time to be pushing right now.
There are areas of my life where pushing, chasing, forcing issues – it’s just not the right time.
It’s still time for planning, preparing the ground, resting.
Examples?
I want several things to happen this year in work. But now isn’t the time to chase them.
a promotion for a team member
knowing what my bonus and merit increase is
what are the plans for the business in the coming 2-3 years
I already have an idea about timelines for all of these and while I might want to know, right now, right this second, there’s no point in forcing this issue.
But areas I can move forward on:
my personal activities in work
gathering evidence to support my promotion activities
taking the next logical steps for the current ways the business is going
It’s amazing how, no matter how many different businesses I work in, I see the same patterns for the year…
It works in my personal life as well. I can’t force us buying a house. But I can make the daily steps that will lead to that at some point in the future.
I can take a rest from relentlessly pushing forward on my spiritual path, but still take the time to assimilate and bed in the learnings and changes so far.
It’s ok for an activity or a time to not look productive.
Rest as an act of rebellion
Again – this is privilege.
But rest, time spend not being productive can be an act of rebellion in a world that demands productivity at all times.
Time spent assimilating and re-grouping before the next round of activity is not laziness, not evil. It’s essential.
And it’s a lot easier for the various “bodies” (government, societal, religious, political, etc) to control us when we don’t give ourselves time.
Our minds and bodies need time to rest. Need time to not be productive. Not be a willing cog in the machine.
As women, we carry a lot. (It’s multiplied by Black women, women under oppression, women in war zones… intersectionality, remember???) And sometimes, even a single deep breath can feel like an immense act.
I get it.
But think about where in your life you can rest right now. Where do you need time for assimilation?
Today I’m going to talk about decisions and consequences. I understand this is a break from the Imbolc related topics of the last few weeks, but it’s needed given some of the rhetoric showing on various social media over the weekend.
But first I’m going to talk about some decisions I made over the weekend and the consequences of those decisions.
Some background
I may have mentioned in my newsletter over the last few months, how I’ve had some changes in my digestive system. And how I’m (mostly) avoiding carbs for now.
This is not down to medical advice, this is down to me observing that most carbs appear to be causing me diarrhoea. Now, I don’t want advice for this, ok? I’m good with where I am and I have to admit that much advice out there on this topic can trigger my disordered eating problems. Please bear that in mind as we go through this.
So, spuds, chips, crisps, pasta, rice, wraps, bread… and it’s not gluten, either. Cos the gluten free stuff – even when I make the bread myself – causes the same effects. There’s no medical reason for this, my body has just said, no.
Thankfully, I am still able to eat chocolate, so the people around me are safe, but it does lead to certain choices.
Decisions and consequences
Which brings me to the weekend.
I love the food here, but the chips were a decision I should not have made…
See, I’d gone all day with no food. I’d had a coffee, so things were ok, but then our lodger reached out saying he’d not managed to have lunch and was getting a takeaway. (Hence the Lana pic above)
Now I love Lana’s food. It’s great. I’m sure any Asian person of any persuasion would look at the food and shudder at how un-authentic it is. I’m fairly certain it’s Asian food altered for Irish palates. And it bloody works.
I especially love their crispy roast duck with plum sauce. Which comes with chips, steamed rice, brown rice, noodles, spicy chips or egg friend rice. Now, I’ve been avoiding their chips for the last few months, cos again – extreme diarrhoea. It’s not normally worth it.
But last night – oh my gods, I was starving. And I could feel those chips crunching in my mouth. So I said, fuck it and ordered the chips.
Decisions and consequences people.
It took about 30mins after eating before my stomach started complaining, and I spent the next 4 hours or so heading in and out to the toilet. To say it was less than comfortable is an understatement.
Why am I telling you this?
Well, a) to remind myself that making this particular decision was still probably worth the consequences. But also b) because of the rhetoric I’ve seen on social media all weekend about US people “calling down” goddesses in general and war-goddesses in particular.
Why am I writing about this?
Well because there appears to be an essential disconnect here in those who are just coming to the knowledge that goddesses exist and the consequences of poorly thought out decisions they might make.
I’ve have said over and over again that building relationships is the way to go with the Irish pantheon in particular. From speaking to other practitioners dealing with other pantheons at the weekend, it appears like most spiritual beings prefer some relationship before you ask them for a big, massive favour.
And then comes the accusations of gatekeeping.
It appears that warning potential practitioners or newcomers that there might be consequences to their decision to call on a goddess of war is gatekeeping that goddess.
It wasn’t what anyone was saying, but hey ho. Here we go.
I see it over and over again
People coming from a (mostly) bloodless religion like Christianity (in the present day: I’m well aware of the bloody history of the Catholic Church and probably most of the other churches under the umbrella of Christianity. Just cos Ireland wasn’t converted by the sword doesn’t mean I’m unaware of it happening elsewhere) aren’t used to consequences spiritually speaking and practically speaking for decisions they make.
Don’t believe me?
How many Christians have made God a promise in a time of crisis and then forgotten about it?
“I’ll never do X again, if only Y happens”
Ring any bells?
In my experience, the Christian God doesn’t take that personal a role in His followers’ lives. It’s a safe enough religion in that respect.
That’s not the case with most of the pagan deities. Maybe it’s because there are fewer pagans in the world than Christians. A quick google search tells me there are about 3,000,000 pagans in the world, spread out over thousands of deities, but there are somewhere between 2,300,000 and 2,600,000 Christians in the world, all looking to one God.
But either way, a pagan goddess will not let you away with that shit. They expect you to keep your word or deal with the consequences of your decisions.
Yes, your decisions have consequences
This is something white women in the US in particular appear to be waking up to. Renee Good’s murder appears to have woken up the white woman community in ways the deaths of Keith Porter and others (check out this map here) did not. Better late than never, definitely. And we’re not diving into racism here, cos, y’know, I only have so much energy.
But there appears to be this attitude of entitlement. That once someone hears the name of a deity, they can just “call them down” to fix the mess. And pointing out that this decision might have consequences beyond our current understanding is treated as gatekeeping.
It’s genuinely not.
It’s trying to help people.
The amount of people who think they’re entitled to help from Irish deities because they have a great, great, grandparent from Ireland, but know nothing about us, our history, our geography, our politics, our social issues, our people… it’s concerning.
And the fact that so many people are willing to put themselves out to try and save these newcomers to the non-Christian spiritual world? It’s amazing.
But it’s not fucking gatekeeping.
I mean, is it gatekeeping to keep a child from putting their hands in the fire?
So, what can you do if you are just starting out?
Well, first off, read up on the deity you’re looking at. Preferably from native sources. That means, if it’s an Irish deity you’re thinking about, read from an Irish author. Not someone who moved here 6months ago and claims to know everything! Fuck’s sake, I’ve been living here most of my life, and I don’t know everything.
I spent over a decade in England and I wouldn’t claim to know everything about them either. (Although I know enough… and I did marry one…)
Pray. It’s an under-used form of spiritual work.
And put some practical work into this mess, as well as spiritual work.
Gotta be honest, I’m not sure why the Morrigan would be overly interested in the US, but she might help some of her followers there. Brigid? Maybe, she travels a fair bit, but again, don’t expect an easy right of it.
Practical work?
Yeah, practical work.
I know protesting isn’t for everyone. It’s definitely not for me – I can’t handle the crowds. But here’s some stuff I’d be looking into if I were in the US right now:
Financial support. Money is needed. Bail, medicines, fuel, food…
Childcare
Administration
Organisation
Clean up
Call or email your elected representatives
Educate yourself and in particular in the US, look at the Black and Native educators out there. If I can find them from Ireland, you can find them as well.
Offer save havens for those returning from protests or going to protests.
Be a witness
I’m sure I’ve forgotten loads of stuff here and y’know, you can google as well as I can. Not everyone is built to be a front line warrior and not all of us have to be. Supply lines, support staff, all these people are important as well.
Back to decisions and consequences
No matter what decisions you make, there will be consequences.
If you choose to get involved physically and in person, you may be isolated, attacked, injured, jailed.
If you choose to support on the supply lines side, you may get your name on a list, or get highlighted in your community.
Fascism loves to keep records remember. And they start with one community, then move onto the next. The first concentration camp in Germany in the 1930’s was Dachau, founded in 1933, and was aimed at political prisoners, Roma, and Jehovah’s Witnesses. The first Jewish prisoners arrived in 1938.
So, let’s try and learn from history.
And choose which consequences are worth it and which aren’t.
Because this bullshit isn’t going away and we all have to made decisions.
(And yes, for those who may be worried, my digestive system is grand today again!)
I’ve previously done an entire series on Catholicism. But more and more, I’m seeing on line people questioning Are Catholics Christian or not. Or indeed, in one message I received, the gyst was, “If Catholics are practicing paganism, can they really be considered to be ‘of God’?”
So, I thought I’d see what’s at the root of this.
Are Catholics Christian?
The fundamental answer here is “yes”. Obviously. They believe in Jesus Christ, follow his teachings, so Catholics are de facto Christian. (Ahem, in fact, according to the Roman Catholic Church, they are the OG Christians and all you other Christians are the result of schisms from the original… but that’s an argument for another day.)
Some of the question appears to come from two elements:
the idea that Catholics and their relationship to saints, ritual and other elements of the faith are more akin to paganism than “good, solid Protestantism”
my own relationship with Catholicism, Jesus, Mary and the saints.
Catholicism, Christian or pagan?
Catholics and how the religion developed
Look, let’s be serious here. The Roman Catholic Church isn’t, and wasn’t, daft. They made sure their major celebrations and festivals coincided with those that people were already used to celebrating. There’s no point in pretending otherwise. So there’s
Christmas? Winter solstice. Although they weren’t as fussy about the Summer Solstice, although there are a fair number of Blesseds and Saints remembered on the 20th and 21st June.
The term “holiday”? Comes from Holy Day. And Catholics were the Christians on the ground when that was developed. Christianity has shaped the English language in ways beyond this, of course, but if you asked anyone in the 14th century in England if they obeyed the Pope or some other Christian leader, it would be the Pope they’d go for.
So, we have a religion here that is working with the systems in place and working, more importantly, with the expectations of the local people to convert them. I’m speaking of Ireland here of course – Ireland was not converted to Catholicism or Christianity at the point of a sword. At the point of hunger, sure, but not the sword. It was a reasonably peaceful conversion. Kinda.
Dé Luain = Moon Day (From the Latin “luna”: Moon). (Monday)
Dé Máirt = Mars’ Day (From the Roman god Mars). (Tuesday)
Dé Sathairn = Saturn’s Day (From the Roman god Saturn). (Saturday)
Other names come from early Christian practice, and were almost certainly brought to Ireland by the monks:
Dé Céadaoin = Day of the first fast (Wednesday)
Déardaoin = Day between the fasts (Thursday)
Dé hAoine = Day of the [primary] fast (Friday)
These three came from the monastic practice of fasting on Wednesday and Friday.
Dé Domhnaigh = Day of the Lord (from the Latin “dominus”: lord) (Sunday)
Are there elements of paganism in Catholicism?
I mean maybe?
It depends on how you define paganism. For some fundamentalist Protestants, even the mention of saints is enough to have them claiming paganism. For others, the plethora of saints in Catholicism, in place of a personal relationship with Jesus, is enough to warrant claims of paganism. Others view with concern the sometimes elaborate rituals of the Catholic Church is enough to make the claim.
But fundamentally? Catholics are Christian in that they follow Jesus Christ. The path to Heaven is through Jesus. To go to Heaven, you come to God. Okay, there’s a bit about being baptised, repenting, etc but fundamentally, believing in God, following Jesus and repenting of sins is key.
Where people tend to get confused is there a lot of rich (in more ways than one) history and details around what sin is, what repentance is, etc, etc, etc.
Add in the complications and nuance of 2000 years of people exploring details of specific situations, and working out problems through letters, and Papal bulls and all the rest of it… things get a lot more wordy.
And initially, the Church was less cohesive, to say the least, in the beginning. Pretty much from the day Jesus was crucified, his followers started disagreeing on stuff. And these people disagreed on things related to the general practices they and their people followed. And in spiritual matters, these would be pagan. Or Jewish. But either way not Christian.
So, some of the practices in paganism made it into Christianity.
The key bits people disagree with when calling Catholics Christian
People consider representations of saints, Jesus, Mary, and God as possible idolatry, something God is famously against.
Praying to saints rather than to God and Jesus.
Consideration of Mother Mary as a key figure in Jesus’ life. (The early Church wasn’t quite as patriarchal as some of the later Protestant ones).
The buying of indulgences – basically short cuts to repentance which meant that rich people never had to worry about dying in a state of grace.
The generally faffery around Catholic rituals. Austerity is and was the name of the game in many Protestant congregations. (The High Church in Anglician tradition excepted).
Wikipedia has a decent article on the whole thing.
Returning to the key point
Yes, Catholics are Christian.
No, Catholics don’t consider themselves pagan, and neither did the generations of Irish people who were practicing Catholics, even while believing in the Other Crowd. There were and are perfectly reasonable explanations for these things in the culture.
No, Catholics are not pagan.
Yes, me calling myself a Pagan Catholic doesn’t help matters, but you know what? I’m not really here to help the Catholic Church!!
Bringing a bit of joy and laughter to people’s lives is part of how I lighten up the dark part of the year, shining with the metaphorical Brigid light. (Also why I used so many candles
Does Brigid approve of laughter?
Laughter brings lightness into our lives. We’ve been discussing this in the Collective this week, the experience of joy in spirituality. It’s amazing how many people don’t experience joy in spirituality at all. Or if they do, it’s a very specific kind of joy – like singing in a group.
But we have loads of early Church examples of how spirituality has to come with joy. This includes warmth, akin to the essence of Brigid light, which fills the spirit with happiness.
But first – whenever I talk about joy, I quote Terry Pratchett:
“That’s my daughter,” said the king. “I ought to feel sad. Why don’t I?”
EMOTIONS GET LEFT BEHIND. IT’S ALL A MATTER OF GLANDS.
“Ah. That would be it, I suppose.”
― Terry Pratchett, Mort
The words in all caps are from Death, it’s a convention Pratchett uses through the books. And if you’re looking for books to raise the spirits through the winter months, you won’t go too far wrong with the Discworld ones!
But back to the primary question, does Brigid approve of laughter.
Key UPG moment here: this is my opinion, rather than based in lore, but in my experience and in my opinion, yes, Brigid is very approving of laughter. She has the Irish approach to the topic – there’s as much laughing as crying at what might be considered a “normal” funeral in Ireland.
And while she gave us keening, she never stopped us laughing.
Brigid is associated with light in many stories. And some of her stories are genuinely funny – well if you have a twisted sense of humour like I do.
Brigid, light and spiritual joy
Here’s four other Catholic saints calling out for joy in spirituality:
“The joy of the Lord is your strength.” – Saint Teresa of Avila
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!” – Saint Paul the Apostle (Philippians 4:4)
“The soul of one who serves God always swims in joy, always keeps holiday, and is always in the mood for singing.” – Saint John Vianney
St. Augustine of Hippo wrote, “Joy is the net of love by which you can catch souls.”
I particularly enjoy Saint John Vianney there. Always being in the mood for singing tells me he definitely felt joy in his life!
We have in recent centuries become accustomed to religion in particular being dark and dour, rather than light and happy. (All to do with oppression and control to be honest)
Restricting our laughter, our joy, our light, really limits how we can move forward in spirituality. I mean, why would you want to move forward onto a path that is just causing you pain and torment with nothing to lighten things?
Brigid appreciates we’re human and we need the light as much as the darkness. She also understands that there will forever people that will seek to put down and oppress others. We see this all over the world.
But this is where laughter can fight back against that oppression as well.
I read a lot of dystopian fiction
Surprising no one, I’d say. And a lot of the time, I can see a stage in resistance or building to resistance, where things appear so dark, so lonely, so miserable… it’s a wonder anyone can ever consider rebelling.
But then the gleams of lightness and laughter appear. There’s a secret or not-so-secret underground pub or bar. There are songs. There is dancing.
There’s always something.
And so we can use this in our daily lives.
Subvert the expectations. Just because people can impose darkness and oppression, doesn’t mean you can to comply 100% of the time. Brigid brings some light herself, of course. But you can also use her to bring light and bring some on your own as well.
Light the candles. Invite her to join you in watching a favourite film. Or share in a glass of wine, listen to some music, dance…
And the t-shirt, Orlagh? What does that have to do with Brigid and light?
Well that’s simple. People are an entirely different entity than persons. Once you become a person to me – as I said in the Instagram post – things get a lot easier. But people? People? I don’t like people.
Just in general.
The herd mentality is strong in a lot of people, so until people become persons, I distrust them immensely…
I said this in a class, years ago and nearly gave poor Lora a heart attack. Most of the time once I see you face-to-face or talk to you in a class, you move from people to person.
You might say, once I see you in Brigid’s Light, I start looking at you differently!
After the dirty mire of my post earlier this week, I wanted to do a bit of a brain cleanser and work towards something positive. So I wanted to write a bit about the Brigid Sessions. I’m having a lot of fun with people joining these sessions, and because they are a short, focused means of coaching, it helps a lot more people.
So you’re selling something?
Well, yes. That is the base of this deal. For a price of $227 or €197, you get three sessions with me.
Session 1: Know Yourself (45–60 mins) We begin with you. Your gifts, your resources, and the places in your life where Brigid’s energy is most needed. This is a deep, intuitive dive into your personal landscape.
Session 2: Co-Create Your Path (30 mins) Together, we’ll shape your next steps. Whether it’s joining a local group, starting a creative or spiritual project, or something entirely unique—we’ll craft a plan that feels aligned and doable.
Session 3: Refine & Rise (30 mins, one week-ish later) After you’ve had time to explore and reflect, we’ll meet again to adjust and refine. You’ll leave with clarity, confidence, and a sense of sacred momentum.
This is targeted coaching on a single issue. Although, I should warn you, no onewho has signed up so far has ended up delving deep into the issue they thought they were signing up for.
So, no one is getting what they want?
Not exactly.
I’ve had someone sign up to talk about a portable altar, and end up talking about how to gain Brigid’s help in engaging with her mother.
Someone else came in looking for support on connecting with Brigid, we ended up clarifying her meditation practices and how to work through difficult times.
The last example I’ll give is someone going through a very messy, difficult break up. And looking for some Brigid support. We ended up working through water magic and going with the flow.
(OK, if I’m honest, there’s been more than one example that would fit into the above three samples. I’m trying to keep things vague enough so people don’t feel identified, while concrete enough to let you see what’s going on).
But as always with Brigid, things are rarely clear cut. And sometimes that first session, the deep dive into your current situation, resources, gifts and the bits of your life that Brigid could help with – that’s truly valuable. Hence why it’s so long, compared to the other two.
Because once you get clear on what and where you want that help, the asking for help is reasonably straightforward.
Who is this for?
Well for anyone. But as ye all know, I predominantly work with women, coming out of a rigid spiritual set-up, usually from a Catholic/ Christian background, with an interest in Irish spirituality.
As well as people looking for an extremely practical approach to things.
This is highly unlikely to end up giving you energetic work to do. It’s far more likely to have you out digging a garden than praying. Prayer is always a useful part of life. Don’t get me wrong. But in my experience, prayer supports practical action, not the other way around.
So, is there a thorny issue in your side that you want to deal with? Are you prepared for some close questioning to get to the root of your issue?
Is there something you feel you can ask Brigid for help with, but it feels vague and airy-fairy?
Given the mess that is in the US right now, I’m doing the same here as I do for the Hope and Healing Hub. For every full paying session, I’m gifting one as well.
So, if money is an issue, reach out and I’ll put you on the list.
Most of all?
Remember Brigid looks after the cowless. She worked to help women in her community. She stands for those women in male-dominated professions.
Her help is there – but she won’t cross the line without being asked.
The last few weeks have been a roller coaster of feeling small and how it affects us. So, today I want to talk about the different ways in which Brigid takes up space.
And, possibly more importantly, how we can learn from it!
The death of a son
I’ve spoken about Ruadhán’s death before on the blog. And there’s a whole course on the excerpt over in the school. So, I have a lot to say about this aspect of Brigid. But today, I’m going to talk about her taking up space.
Primarily, in the enemy camp of the Fomorians.
Seriously – Brig followed Ruadhán to his father’s presence in the Fomorian assembly.
But after the spear had been given to him, Rúadán turned and wounded Goibniu. He pulled out the spear and hurled it at Rúadán so that it went through him; and he died in his father’s presence in the Fomorian assembly. Bríg came and keened for her son. At first she shrieked, in the end she wept. Then for the first time weeping and shrieking were heard in Ireland. (Now she is the Bríg who invented a whistle for signalling at night.)
I mean, on the one hand, she was the wife of Bres (at one time anyway) and the mother of the dead child. So, we’re looking at someone who could be deemed to belong there.
But equally, she had fairly obvious strong ties to the Tuatha De Danann camp, potentially far stronger than a rotten marriage to a deposed king.
Was this a safe place for Brig?
Probably not. But she took up the space she needed. She keened. Mourned her son. And did what needed to be done.
Brigid taking up space – and food
OK, so the myriad of ways in which Brigid takes space and food throughout her hagiographies is vast.
Brigid, taking up space in Kildare!
She gives away butter – then makes sure the dairy provides what’s needed for the family anyway. She feeds an old hound from the meat meant for guests, and still manages to have enough for the guests. (Although in that case, the guests felt ashamed by her actions and decided to give their food to the poor in imitation of her actions)
Every store of food which she saw and served used to grow. She bettered the sheep: she tended the blind: she fed the poor.
Not to mention the time she gave away a valuable chain and her nuns came to her complaining they’d no money for food and clothes, when she came out with this zinger:
‘Ye are sinning,’ saith Brigit: ‘Go ye into the church : the place wherein I make prayer, there will ye find your chain.’ They went at Brigit’s word. But, though it had been given to the poor man, the virgins found their chain therein.
Brigit went to Bishop Ibair that he may mark out her city for her. So they came thereafter to the place where Kildare is to-day. That was the season and the time that Ailill son of Dunlaing, with a hundred horse-loads of peeled rods, chanced to be going through the ground of Kildare. Two girls came from Brigit to ask for some of the rods, and they got a refusal. Forthwith all the horses were struck down under their loads against the ground. Stakes and wattles were taken from them, and they arose not until Ailill son of Dunlaing had offered unto Brigit those hundred horse-loads; and thereout was built Saint Brigit’s house in Kildare.
I mean, blackmail might not be quite the word here, but it’s certainly implied blackmail.
Sure what would the man be doing with that many rods anyway???
Standing up for justice
Now you might think that Brigid didn’t have much to do with justice, but she freed captives.
Brigit went into the province of Fir Ross to loosen a captive who was in manu with the King of Ross. Said Brigit: ‘Wilt thou set that captive free for me?’ The King replied: ‘Though thou shouldst give me the realm of the men of Breg, I would not give him to thee. But go not with a refusal,’ saith the King. ‘For one night thou shalt have the right to guard his life for him.’ Then Brigit appeared at the close of day to the captive and said to him: ‘When the chain shall be opened for thee repeat this hymn, Nunc populus, and turn to thy right hand and flee.’ Thus it is done, and the captive flees at the word of Brigit.
rigit, and certain virgins with her, went to Bishop Mél, in Telcha Mide, to take the veil. Glad was he thereat. For humbleness Brigit staid, so that she might be the last to whom the veil should be given. A fiery pillar arose from her head to the ridgepole of the church. Bishop Mél asked: ‘What virgin is there?’ Answered MacCaille: ‘That is Brigit,’ saith he. ‘Come thou, O holy Brigit,’ saith Bishop Mél, ‘that the veil may be sained on thy head before other virgins.’
It came to pass then, through the grace of the Holy Ghost, that the form of ordaining a bishop was read over Brigit. MacCaille said that ‘The order of a bishop should not be (conferred) on a woman.’ Dixit Bishop Mél: ‘No power have I in this matter, inasmuch as by God hath been given unto her this honour beyond every woman.’ Hence, it is that the men of Ireland give the honour of bishop to Brigit’s successor.
Yup, she was ordained a bishop and hence the honour of a bishop and precedence was granted to Brigid’s successor – until 1169 when the then successor was raped by Dermot McMurrough’s troops and divested of her station. (And then threw in McMurrough’s niece as reverend mother who then in turn, gave up her precedence to take her “proper place” behind the men…)
Not to mention healing a leper and then re-infecting him because of his behaviour afterwards.
What can we learn from this?
Sometimes, we have to venture into discomfort to learn things. I’m not one that says every bad experience is a teaching moment – well ok, maybe I am, even if the teaching moment is that some people are assholes. But there are times when we, like Brigid, take up space in ways that just isn’t comfortable. Discomfort doesn’t mean it’s bad. It just means it’s not comfortable and not habitual.
Sometimes, taking up space makes us a target in ways we don’t like. That doesn’t mean it’s not worthwhile or that we avoid doing it. Sometimes, you feel the fear and do it anyway. At other times, you look at the risks and decide something isn’t worth it.
But don’t take the smaller stance just by default. Because there isn’t a clear way to win then.
Brigid was born of a slave – according to the hagiographies. And her mother is completely unknown in the pre-Christian lore. Her husband was a bad king. Her child(ren) (depending on which lore you’re reading) was (were) killed. Justly or unjustly, depending on your point of view.
And yet she endures. She was ordained a bishop. She founded a monastic institution that resonates through the centuries to us. We hold her close as Poet, Smith and Healer.
Brigid took up, and still takes up, space. In Ireland and elsewhere.
Not my usual topics, I know – linking Brigid and Morality. But there’s a broader theme, here, I promise!
For a change, I’m covering something a bit topical in the wider world: The Coldplay Debacle. To be clear, Coldplay has nothing to do with this at all. Well, other than this couple being at one of their concerts.
I’ve got to be honest, my housemate shared with with me the relevant picture, with the words, “Have you heard about the Coldplay scandal?” And I was genuinely shocked. For someone who grew up in a time when Gary Glitter was synonymous with 2rock scandal”, Coldplay is just not in the same league.
And no, I’m not linking to anything mentioning Gary Glitter.
If you like your scandals a bit more manageable, check out the behaviour of the major bands from the 70’s and 80’s. Throwing tellies out the window, drunken debauchery with possible teenagers, random acts of “rockstardom”… seriously. Way back in the depths of Gen X youth, rock stars were rebels. Coldplay? Not so much.
Obligatory picture of Chris Martin from the concert in question.
Extramarital affairs
Now, most of the time, I say what consenting adults do in private is their own business. And I stand by that. No one has any right to be telling any consenting adult what they can and can’t do.
But, as humans, we have obligations to others in our lives. And for me, a major obligation is a life partner to whom you’ve promised fidelity. So, this post isn’t covering polygamous relationships. Not the ones where all parties are fully aware and knowledgeable about the extent of the polygamy and agree to it.
But an affair is different. Very different.
For a start, at least one party to the relationship hasn’t consented to this element of the relationship. I mean, most of us like to know who we’re sleeping with, even by proxy.
Brigid doesn’t dictate morality to us. There are no “10 Commandments” in any pagan spirituality. Even the famous Wiccan Rede is a) applicable to only a small element of paganism and b) not exactly what it says on the tin. Our morality is up to us to define and live up to.
So, why am I writing about extramarital affairs?
Spirituality, Brigid and morality
I said above that Brigid doesn’t give us a list of rules to run our lives by. That’s not the way her morality works. I’ve written before on how she informs my ethics, but that’s just not the same as morality for me. So, how do I look at this?
Morals can be defined as “standards of behaviour” or ” principles of right and wrong”. But there so much nuance involved here. It’s very easy to say “killing people is wrong”.
But then…
Brigid doesn’t ask us to roll over and not defend ourselves. There are few people in the world that would argue against fighting back to save your own life. Or to save the life of an innocent.
We each draw the line where think it’s best placed. Thankfully, I’ve not killed a person in my life. But I know from friends of mine who have served in the armed forces that taking a life leaves a mark.
It’s not necessarily a black mark or an evil mark, but it’s a change. Brigid doesn’t dictate “no killing”. But she has rules around right relationship. And when death is appropriate and when it is not.
If we are to live in line with our morals and with Brigid, how then do we decide what are our morals?
Determining our morals
For me, saying I won’t kill in most circumstances is a fairly easy choice to make. Joining any armed forces was never really a consideration for me. Being in a situation where killing a person was a reality has also not been a consideration for me.
I live a quiet life in many ways.
But just extend that out then. Does Brigid and my own morality limit how I imagine behaving with others? I hope not, because there are times and days that imagining some grievous harm to others is what gets me through the day! I know in reality it’s completely unrealistic and extremely unlikely to happen, but y’know…
Equally, when it comes to extramarital affairs: if both parties in a marriage agree to an open relationship, that to me isn’t an affair and isn’t a moral issue. But when one party decides to cheat and the other party isn’t aware of it – that’s a definite moral issue. Or it is to me.
There are people who view the bonds of marriage differently. For centuries, marriage was a business transaction, not a romantic one. And of course, rich and powerful men (usually men, but sometimes women) have always been able to get away with adultery with few consequences. Ahem. it becomes an issue when one party expects fidelity and the other doesn’t.
So, when looking at walking Brigid’s path and determining your own morality guidelines, what should you consider?
The ultimate test for morality – and Brigid!
For me, the test has never been Brigid, morality or indeed anyone else. For me, the test is whether I can look at myself in the mirror or not. Brigid and morality have little to do with it, but that’s my test as to whether I’m happy with my behaviour or not.
Because while I might agree, in general, that killing people is wrong, if someone threatened my niece? Totally different story. I’d willingly give up my own life and others to save her. (Hopefully this will never be tested, mind)
When you look into yourself, do the inner work, really assess yourself and you’re happy with what you see? Chances are, you’re probably ok.
But if you’re hiding your face from a kiss cam at a concert?
I was planning a post on colonisation this week to follow on from last week’s one on the Great Famine. But then a conversation at the weekend got me thinking about society instead. And our place within it.
What are our duties to society, as members of that group?
Now, I’m using society here as others would use “culture”, “land”, “people”, “tuath”. I mean the people we live with, the laws we (mostly) abide by, that sort of thing. What do we owe our communities? Our families? Ourselves?
People make up society
Let’s define what we mean by society
As you were reading that list of things above you were probably thinking all these are alternatives to society, but don’t really tell me what the damn thing actually is, Orlagh. So cough up!
the aggregate of people living together in a more or less ordered community.
I mean, of course there are other meanings. It can also mean a group of people coming together because of a specific shared interest, or High Society, where we have defined a subgroup of people within a broader context.
But really, we use society when we’re talking about the people in an area. Sometimes as large as a whole continent, sometimes as small as a single street. It doesn’t really matter.
It’s the people that make up the group. And how those people behave make up the social norms for that group. So, as we go through the rest of this – and I’ll give you the context in the next section – remember, we’re talking about people. Sure, we’re going to mention organisations, groups, individuals, officials, all sorts. But they’re all people at their hearts.
(OK most of them are people – I have my doubts about some!)
The context
I was talking to a friend at the weekend about the experiences of women during investigations into sexual assaults (SA) and rape. And to start with, he was very much of the opinion that it was a woman’s duty to society report the rape and go through the investigation. Now, I vehemently disagree with this, but being the lovely person I am (and he’s a good person really, just hadn’t thought about the consequences of his line of thought) I kept on speaking with him on the topic.
I know – I’m a saint! (<– sarcasm)
We spoke about some of my experiences with various forms of SA. And how I didn’t report the vast majority of them and why. I explained how women have used “gossip” for generations to warn others of violence or misbehaviour, and why they couldn’t come public about any of it. I spoke of the many, many ways various religions and state organisations have made it so women are not safe to come forward about these things publicly.
But, he replied – that’s not modern Ireland. We’re different. Our society is different. We treat women better.
Are we though?
The following is a series of links to the SA and rape cases I remember in the last decade or so. Please don’t click the links if you’re not able to:
Let’s be clear – I could list at least one case from pretty much every county in Ireland. And the treatment of people is improving slightly, but it’s not there yet.
Women are equal in society, but their behaviour is more on trial than an accused rapist in these cases.
He changed his mind
I turned it around then and said I hope his daughters would never face that decision. That got him thinking. He started thinking of the individual women in the case then as people not just victims. He started thinking of the effect on his family, his daughters.
Now to be clear – this man is fairly well educated in these matters. He’s a feminist and walks the walk most of the time. But he has a few blind spots and this was one of them. We talked through what it means to be part of an investigation for SA or rape. We talked about the “rape kit“, re-traumatisation of victims – even with the best of intentions!
OK, we talked through a lot.
Or at least agreed to think about a woman’s “duty” to society in these cases. Because while I agree it’s ideal if a woman can report a SA and/or rape, there is a huge physical and mental toll to doing so.
Which brings me back to the original thought that prompted this post.
What do we owe the society in which we live?
Do we owe it our mental health?
Our privacy?
Our sexual history?
Careers?
Families?
Children?
Relationships?
Where do we draw the line?
What aboutery in our society
The worst part about this is that, it’s such a personal decision for everyone. Gisèle Pelicot took a very brave decision to waive her right to privacy to aid in the prosecution’s case (as far as I understand it. I may be wrong with regard to her reasons mind!) And then she had to go back to court to prove that while she had waived her right to privacy in that one regard, she had not waived it in general.
Now, Mme Pelicot is a class act in general. Her award from the second case has been donated to two charities, helping women. She is some woman, to say the least!
But hers was a relatively “straightforward” place. She was drugged and sold and raped without her knowledge.
What about the woman who has had a glass of wine?
Or who dressed in a way some might find sexy?
Or who – God forbid! – wore a lacy thong?
The whataboutery in our society when it comes to this sort of thing is horrendous. And when reporting crimes of this nature, we have to take into account the effect it will have on ourselves, our families and our society.
So what do we owe our society?
I don’t think we owe our society our privacy, our mental health, our history. What other crime demands so much exposure from the victim?
I said on Saturday I would never suggest to a woman to go to the Guards post-SA. And I defended my position. Because it can be immensely re-traumatising. It’s not something anyone should be forced into, or even have to be talked into. It should be something a victim arrives at by themselves.
I feel very strongly about this.
Now, I write and teach about Brig Ambue – the one who looks after the weak and helpless and less fortunate – literally the cowless. And looking through as many of the texts as I can stomach, the Brehon laws were big on reparative justice. Not confinement – that was for hostages, and even then… not always.
So, what do you think Brigid – in any of her guises – would say about the way we treat victims in this way? To be clear – the Brehon Laws were not brilliant in cases of SA with get-out-of-jail cards for if a woman was in a pub without her husband, or was in a populated place and didn’t call out…
Not perfect. But was it any better than what we force victims to do?
I don’t associate Brigid with rigid spirituality. At all. But she is linked with some rigid spiritual structures (ahem, Roman Catholic Church…) and it can be so difficult for people coming from these rigid spiritualities to then explore a looser form of spirituality. So, I’m going to talk about it.
What do I mean by “rigid spirituality”?
Honestly, the most common measure I use for this, is assessing whether people within this spirituality expect everyone to adhere to their social, religious and moral mores.
It sounds easy right? It’s not necessarily a clear rule, but it’s reasonable. I mean, I know plenty of Catholics, Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, etc, etc, etc, who don’t expect anyone to live by their rules. Which is good, cos there are some conflicts even within the broad categories of religious organisations.
Nebula? Not sure. But this is one of the pics that came up when I searched for “rigid spirituality”
So, for a bit more of a concrete definition of “rigid spirituality”, here we go. First off, there are likely to be a lot of rules. Not just about how to worship, but what to wear, eat, who you may engage with, how you interact with the world.
When I think of these sort of rules, I kinda think of documentaries on the various “family compounds” in Utah. (Not that there’s anything wrong with Utah, it’s just most of the documentaries I’ve seen are based there.) These are usually one man as head of the household and multiple wives. (In the documentaries. Not in Utah in general. Nothing against Utah ok?)
There are strict lines of authority in these religious organisations. There can be very strict control over finances, even outside the family home. Huge emphasis on socialising and engaging with the religious community above secular community or those outside the community. Marriage within the community. Family only within the community. Rigid spiritual structures.
This seems focused on one particular type of spirituality.
Yeah you’re right There are other ways to express rigid spirituality. I mean, if you follow the Roman Catholic Catechism to the letter, it’s fairly strict. Over the years, various things have dropped off the list. It’s no longer a requirement in Ireland anyway for a woman to cover her hair when entering a church, although you do see the remnants of this tradition in the whole “hats for weddings” thing.
When I was growing up, I never considered Catholicism that rigid. The rules didn’t really appear to intrude on my life at all. But when I look back, there were some fairly rigid spirituality rules that kinda permeated my life.
For example, I can count on one hand with fingers left over the number of times I missed Mass as a child. Because it was family routine, I never considered it rigid, until I started looking around me.
The Catholic messages around abortion and having multiple sexual partners entered my subconscious, although probably not with the intentions the church had. I figured having been assaulted at a young age, I was useless as a life partner. Might as well have fun then…
I have a whole series on Catholicism, so check it out…
Why is this a problem?
Well, here’s the thing. Many people leaving rigid spirituality structures can struggle a bit with their new “freedom”. Indeed, the freedom can feel as restricting as the previous restrictions from fear if nothing else.
There can appear to be unspoken rules everywhere in general life. And this affects women more than men, because, patriarchy is inherent in the majority (read: all) of the rigid spirituality structures I’ve come across. So, when you are leaving a strict set of rules, where you always knew how to behave because the rules were usual explicit, it can be really difficult to move into a less rigid, more secular role in society.
For example, if you have always been restricted in your clothing, so that there really was very little choice in what you wore, choosing what to wear in the morning could be reasonably straight forward. Then you leave that environment and there appear to be zero rules. Except there are. Lots of rules really. But no one makes them obvious. No one hands you a rule book. You have to figure it out as you go.
Now take that uncertainty, and think of your spiritual life. There may be parts of your previous spirituality, no matter how rigid, that were comforting and helpful to you. But now, because you have left that community, you’ve lost that connection and those supports.
What do you do?
Well, honestly, this is part of my work and part of what Brigid’s Path Collective is about. It does start with getting to know yourself, as I wrote about in the last post. We move forward in deciding what’s important for you on your spiritual path. How can we develop a path for you that helps you, comforts you, supports you?
Breaking free from rigid spirituality
This work isn’t easy. And many people go their whole lives without even questioning their spirituality. This isn’t work that everyone is drawn to. Most people will just trundle along.
But for some of us, this isn’t enough. We’re not willing to just go with the flow. Not in terms of spirituality. Because it’s too important to leave to chance, or the community you were born into.
Start by questioning. Are questions allowed in your community? If not, that is a major red flag. Do you feel restricted in your current path? Another reason to start questioning.
What do you want from your spiritual life? It’s a real tough one and not one with a quippy, one-line answer. But with hard work, you can get there!
