Brigid and Self-Love

I can imagine the wheel’s turning now – what has Brigid got to do with self love? (And while the focus of this post isn’t masturbation, let’s not rule it out as a healthy, normal practice) Well..

In today’s world, the concept of self-love is often promoted as the ultimate goal for personal happiness and fulfilment. But, for many of us, achieving self-love can feel like an insurmountable task. Let’s explore why self-love can be so challenging and consider other valuable approaches like self-acceptance and self-respect.

The problems with self-love

Now, if you google “self-love” you get millions of results. Mostly, the results are positive, talking about self regard, self worth, appreciation of self, that sort of thing. But as always, there is a downside to this. We’re not always chirpy and happy and upbeat. In fact sometimes, we can feel downright desperate! And it’s not easy to feel like you love yourself when you feel like that.

It can be extremely unrealistic for many of us, myself included, to think of self-love in any kind of constant fashion. And it’s not something Brigid asks of me. That constant state of positivity just doesn’t work for me. Or for her to be fair.

If we’re always positive, we don’t get angry enough to change things. (I know you don’t always have to be angry to change things, but it helps!)

If you are struggling with deep rooted insecurities, trauma, abuse, PTSD – it makes it bloody hard to even look at yourself in the mirror, never mind love yourself. And that’s ok. We all take time to heal.

If I’m honest, I’m not sure I reach self-love even now, after decades of healing and working with Brigid. It’s not easy. Self-love is like a tenuous thing to me and not something that’s a constant in my life.

Vulnerability

Now look, Brigid often asks us for deep personal work. And sometimes, that means making ourselves vulnerable in ways we really don’t like. (It’s not just me, I know that!!) In my work on self love, Brigid has been really clear with me, that actually, it’s the work that’s important, not achieving some medal or prize of being able to say “I love me”.

We’re also working against peer pressure, societal norms, and upbringing. There’s very few people I know were brought up with the concept of self-love, and many of us were brought up with the idea of not “getting above yourself” or not having notions.

Even talking about self love is approached with caution in many cultures. First – well, because people associate it with masturbation, as I referenced earlier. Not that there’s any harm in that – there are loads of studies showing masturbation is a good and healthy practice to engage in.

But because people are generally warned against being over-self centred. Or of putting themselves first. Or of thinking of their own health, wellbeing at all…

What’s the alternative to self love?

Well, there are a few steps on the way to self-love. And Brigid does encourage us to move towards them.

We’re going to talk about three of them here:

Self-Acceptance: This involves recognizing and accepting oneself as they are, without judgment. It’s about acknowledging both strengths and weaknesses and understanding that it’s okay to be imperfect. Self-acceptance can be a more attainable and sustainable goal than self-love, as it doesn’t require constant positivity.

Self-Respect: Self-respect is about valuing oneself and setting healthy boundaries. It involves treating oneself with kindness and dignity, regardless of external validation. By focusing on self-respect, individuals can build a strong foundation of self-worth that isn’t dependent on fluctuating emotions.

Self-Compassion: Another valuable approach is self-compassion, which involves being kind to oneself in times of struggle. It means treating oneself with the same understanding and care that one would offer a friend. Self-compassion can help mitigate the harsh self-criticism that often accompanies the pursuit of self-love.

But you know the most powerful phrase I engaged with in my journey with Brigid and self love?

I am enough

Yeah, I know, it’s not sexy or amazing or life changing. We all know Brigid’s journeys aren’t always major change immediately type journeys. But being able to look at myself and say “I am enough” was life changing for me.

It doesn’t mean I’m perfect. It doesn’t mean I don’t still have work to do. And, it doesn’t necessarily mean I love myself. But it means I have accepted that I am what I am right now. And that’s really important. Brigid will help you on this journey, but the work – well that’s down to you.

In the end…

In the end, it doesn’t really matter? Not true. The way you look at yourself and treat yourself directly impacts the way you work with Brigid. Not to mention, the work she can give you to do.

While self-love is a noble goal, it’s important to recognize that it may not be the most accessible or realistic starting point for everyone. By embracing self-acceptance, self-respect, and self-compassion, individuals can cultivate a healthier and more sustainable sense of self-worth. These alternative paths can provide a solid foundation for personal growth and fulfilment, making the journey towards self-love more achievable in the long run.

But remember: self-love (with Brigid or without) doesn’t have to be your goal. You can stop at self-respect, self-worth or self-compassion or any other step along the way. So don’t fall for the hype and work with what works best for you!