What coaching isn’t!

The last few weeks I’ve been posting about spiritual coaching, but today I want to explore what coaching isn’t. Because, it’s not a panacea for all that ails you. It can be hugely helpful of course. Just – not for everything. So here we go.

Therapy, medical assistance

Yeah, coaching isn’t suitable for those with a mental health crisis ongoing. Coaching isn’t suitable for processing trauma or treating mental illness. It’s just not designed for that, and crucially, most coaches don’t have medical degrees/ training.

That last bit is important. I have no problem helping you set goals, work through the questions that help you define your spiritual path, that sort of thing. I’m happy to discuss the challenges you face, what goals you want to set for yourself, what practices you want to set up.

Awesome.

I’m not providing therapy though. I’m not trained or qualified for that. In fact, I have in the past, told potential clients that they would need a trained medical professional for what they wanted, not me. I’m a trained coach, not a trained psychotherapist and that is a massively important difference.

I’m a huge fan of therapy by the way. It’s only very recently I stopped seeing my own therapist on a regular basis because I’m in a stable, positive place in my life right now. I think most of us will need therapy at some point in our lives and it’s important to recognise that.

But any coach who says they will “cure” mental illness, or act instead of a therapist? Steer clear.

Mentoring isn’t coaching and vice versa!

Mentoring is about sharing skills, knowledge, experience with someone else to help them progress in an area of their lives. Coaching is more about empowering someone to find their own answers. Think that’s a scam?

Some do, and that’s ok.

But really, coaching is about having someone who has your back, is wholeheartedly devoted to helping you achieving your goals, and will ask the right questions for you to develop your own solutions.

Your coach might not have the background knowledge you do about your situation. In fact, it’s almost certain they won’t. But they can help you develop your own answers.

We can throw in training or teaching here as well. That’s imparting knowledge more than sharing it, but similar principle. (I can hear any properly trained teacher screaming at me right now – and I get it! Mentoring is not teaching and teaching is not mentoring. The knowledge transfer happens in both though)

There are times in life you need one and times in life you need the other. For example – it would be difficult to be coached into learning how to operate an aeroplane. I haven’t gone through the training, but frankly, it doesn’t seem like something you want to deviate from procedures on.

There is immense value in both!!

Don’t expect quick fixes

Coaching isn’t usually a one and done thing. It takes time to delve into what you want to achieve, and how you’re going to achieve it. Now, this doesn’t means you have to keep going for decades, although you might choose to.

But it does mean you need to consider how long is too long for you. Is the goal you’re chasing worth this time investment? It might not be. That’s really ok. I’ll say this again and again: coaching isn’t for everyone. But if the dream is worth it. If the vision is so clear and so crisp you can reach out and touch it. Those times when you can taste what you want. And it’s worth anything (within reason) to you. Those are the times it’s worth thinking about coaching.

One size does not fit all

Yes, many coaches – myself included – have processes, systems and methods to help people get the best out of coaching. I have shared the six steps with ye, over and over again at this point, but here they are anyway:

• Know yourself
• Reconcile the past
• Joy
• Three Mark of a Poet
• The Path Forward
• The Cauldron

But you can see that just even the first step – knowing yourself – is unique to each individual. While there might be broad themes and ideas coming through from many people, each individual journey is unique. And your coach must buy into this…

Your coach should be as committed to your goals as you are – during sessions anyway! And should be able to craft the sessions and the processes to suit you. And sometimes – that involves a bit of chit chat. That allows time for absorption, a good coach will recognise your need to do that before you will, most of the time.

Lots of other things

I mean, ok, coaching isn’t management, or deconstruction, or consulting or advice giving… and probably a whole lot of other things as well.

But most of all, coaching is about you. You might choose to bring other people into the coaching space, energetically speaking, but you control what gets discussed and how. Coaching isn’t a time for adhering to someone else’s ideals. It’s about you. And if you’re getting a coach who doesn’t know that, or realise that, find a better one.