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Today I want to talk a little bit about the Barbie film that was released last year. Well, I really want to talk about its effect on me, because it’s coming up in my mind. Some of you will have seen a picture from me a few weeks ago. I was wearing pink sparkling tights. I’m wearing them again today. Not everybody has the same relationship with pink that I do, but I am going to talk about Barbie, pink and me today.

My history with pink and femininity

I rejected anything pink related when I was a reasonably young child. I could see that the boys in my life had more freedom. The way they were able to do the things that I wasn’t. Most notably, and this has nothing to do with pink, but they got to play sports for the last hour on a Friday. Whereas I had to stay in and knit. I’m so not still bitter, not after 35 years. No, not at all.

However, it is important for me to remember. My relationship with pink and with Barbie was coloured by the environment and the society in which I grew up. Why do I care about this? Why would I be worried about a modern single colour that really is the combination of red and twice 2 colours? I have nothing against either. Well, technically I have an issue with white. But that’s only because I manage to dirty it so easily.  And it’s not that pink is such an amazing colour that it suits me brilliantly. It’s more that I became aware that I was allowing people outside of myself to control how I engaged with colour.

I know this is not a radical thought. Yes, from the time I could choose what I wore. I was in trousers of some description with a top most of the time. In my teenage years, when I discovered grunge, that top was a black T-shirt. Usually a band t-shirt, blue jeans and black docs or black converse for the summer.  Yeah, that was it, that was what I wore pretty much full time.

What I lost in my rejection of pink

Now there’s nothing wrong with black. I still wear quite a lot of black, but I didn’t realise the effect the colours I wore had on me. Pink was too girly. Far too girly and I didn’t want to be seen as girly. Black was safe, black kept me hidden, black let me fade into the background. I have shared before that I maintained I could outdrink, outshag and out-anything-else the boys (and men) around me. Which is fine, but it wasn’t me. It wasn’t who I really wanted to be. (I’ve also written before about the liminal space alcohol takes up in Ireland)

In my rejection of pink, in particular Barbie pink, I also rejected a major part of me.  In the years since then, I have of course reclaimed some of those parts of myself. I have embraced my feminine side. Well, I kind of had to when we were going through all those fertility treatments. I started to look into what it meant to me to be a woman. I still don’t have a full answer. But I’m getting closer and I thought I was pretty happy. I’m comfortable in myself, at least.

I didn’t have too many Barbies growing up. In saying that, there weren’t too many Barbies readily available, never mind affordable, when I was growing up. I definitely had one at least. I had a Sindy as well (cheaper version of Barbie). And if you had asked me a year ago, I would have only mentioned Barbie in the context of the unrealistic body representations the doll imposed on young girls. I didn’t think of Barbie as anything other than that.

Barbie pink: the film

(Yes I know that’s not the title!)

When I heard there was a Barbie film coming out, I really couldn’t understand the excitement. Seriously. As far as I was concerned, Barbie hadn’t changed since I was child and my experience was all there was.

But then I started reading the reviews. The feminist critiques, both pro and con the film. And I started realising that maybe there was more to this that just an unrealistically shaped dolls. I mean, I didn’t realise the depth of the film at all – I thought it was a marketing campaign to start with, to be honest.

But I was wrong. Boy was I wrong.

I saw this film twice in the cinema. Both times, I ended up in tears, because it was such a powerful and moving experience. The first time I dragged my husband along with me and afterwards, we were both shocked at how much we enjoyed the film.  I believe my husband might have enjoyed the multi-generational family behind us, more than the film itself. How excited they all were, from the toddler to what we were assuming was a grandmother. Possibly great-grandmother, for that matter.  It was really nice to see and if nothing else, Barbie allowed families like that to come together.

Prior to Barbie, I had a few pink t-shirts in my wardrobe. And I would pull them out when I wasn’t leaving the house, or we were due to do the washing. You know, the days there are no other clean clothes around, that sort of thing. After the first time I saw the film though, I bought a pair of Barbie pink-coloured tights, specifically brought out for the film, as far as I can tell. Although, unfortunately not on sale anymore!

I wore them to the second time I went to see the film. And that was the start of the reclamation of pink for me.

But back to me, Barbie and pink

For me, this ties into my work with Brigid, in that she can and will insist I challenge my own biases and preconceptions. I mean, look, if you haven’t seen the film, go see it. But even if you don’t want to see it, you can read the multitude of articles about it. It’s well worth it.

I struggled to push myself to see this film. Even when I read all the coverage, by people I respect and admire. Getting my husband to come along was a feat I think I will never replicate. We were both shocked at how much we enjoyed the film, just as a film. Never mind the by-play in the seats behind us.

I had never explored just what Barbie meant to those who grew up with her. Throughout this article I’m sprinkling pics of just some of the Barbies I found that were named “engineer”. (There are two others I couldn’t find viewable pics of)

Barbie helped, and continues to help, girls see themselves as something other than wives and mothers. There’s nothing wrong with wives and mothers, mind. But there is something wrong when that’s all we allow a subset of the population to be.

The positive side

Barbie gave girls options to play as engineers, scientists, doctors.

And yes, pink does dominate still, as far as I can see. But why is pink so bad? Most of the reason I had such problems with pink, and especially that particular Barbie pink, was because of my own inbuilt sexism.

Pink = girly and girly = bad. Pink didn’t mean serious. It wasn’t professional, competent, modern. Pink meant someone who didn’t care very much and never want to grow up.

Obviously my view on pink has changed. I now wear pink sparkly tights to work!!

But there’s more than that. Barbie has been working hard on its representation in all areas (Google terms like “wheelchair + Barbie”. “crutches for Barbie”, “differently abled Barbie” and please forgive me if those terms are not correct. But these dolls exist.)

Reclaiming pink fitted another part of myself back to me. Pink is a great colour! And ok, with red hair, it’s not always the best colour to wear, but who says I have to adhere to that standard?

I can wear whatever colours I want!

All the time I was pushing Barbie pink, in particular, away, I was pushing part of myself away. Because, yes, there is a part of me that likes being silly. There is a part of me that likes to wear bright colours.

Finishing up now

I enjoy wearing things to work that make me feel happy. And sometimes – that’s pink.

Fertility attempts are mentioned above. This wasn’t my favourite time in my life. But it started me on the journey to reclaim the feminine part of me. Barbie pushed me that bit more. I tend to work in very serious and high pressure roles in work, so introducing that bit of silliness into my life is important.

I’m not going to say Barbie healed me or that Barbie pink is a regular colour I choose. I’m not in the habit of lying to ye! But I will say that employing things like colour gives me the chance to smile a bit during the day. It gives other people around me the chance to smile as well.

So, I’m going to thank Barbie, for giving me back another piece of myself that I had suppressed and rejected for so long.

For generations, we have been told spiritual can’t be in with the mundane. Well, I disagree. If you have ever taken one of my classes, especially the ones on ritual, you will know I take a very practical approach to these things.

What do I mean by these terms? What is the spiritual in the mundane?

I have a whole blog post on “What is Spirituality?” but here we go.

What is spirituality?

There are four key elements that come up whenever spirituality is mentioned:

• sense of interconnectedness with the cosmos, nature
• reverence for life
• transcendence
• meaning in life

Now, I’m not going to go into detail with all of them because it’s already there in that last post I’ve linked above, but ye get the idea yes?

Mundane

mundane

/ˌmʌnˈdeɪn/

adjective

1. lacking interest or excitement; dull.”his mundane, humdrum existence”
2. of this earthly world rather than a heavenly or spiritual one. “according to the Shinto doctrine, spirits of the dead can act upon the mundane world

Good old Dictionary.com!

So, usually, when I use “mundane” in this contect, I mean non-spiritual.

Yeah, it’s that easy. It’s the day-to-day. Life. The stuff we spend our time on.

Now there is that secondary definition which essentially links to “not very interesting”. But here’s the thing: we’re fascinated by the Roman Empire. (Well, a distinct subset of the population is, anyway). How many people in the Roman Empire though their bathroom habits were anything but mundane?

And yet, try google “Roman bathroom habits”. Go on. I’ll wait.

Exactly. People are fascinated.

So while the mundane might seem uninteresting and energy-dragging to us, we can train ourselves to include the spiritual in the mundane.

Spiritual in the mundane

So, how do we practice this spiritual in the mundane business?

Awareness.

We pay attention. We are mindful. The nature around us – and I don’t care where you are, urban or rural, trust me, there is nature around you – is a great way to practice this.

What is the wind doing? What’s the weather like? Are there birds around you?

What can you notice in the world around you? How can you incorporate the spiritual in your mundane life?

Most of us don’t have the wherewithal to dedicate hours a day to the spiritual side of life. We have jobs, families, chores, etc, etc, etc

Even the sheer mundanity of feeding ourselves…

So, we incorporate.

Fine, but bloody, hell, HOW?

When you make your cup of coffee in the morning – make two, give one to Brigid.

Pause before leaving the house in the morning or before getting into your car, take a breath and say “Hi, Brigid”.

Light a candle (or light an electric candle)

Take a deep breath and think of Brigid as you do.

there’s just a few practical, solid, authentic ideas. Sure, you can spruce them up a bit. Use a bit of Irish. Try 5mins meditation. But I’m kinda assuming time is a scarce resource here, to be honest.

Why do I care about this?

Cos I’ve been there. Brigid has taught me how to mix spiritual and mundane in a way that makes sense to me and support my life. And I want to help others do the same.

Listen, the 5mins a day method was a great way for me to get started, but as you can see from my email the other day, things are very very different now. These days, I do a LOT more than 5mins a day and Brigid has been so helpful in creating that life so that I can do this.

Oh, and there’s so much I can do to help you along the same way. I don’t care how busy you are, there are ways to do this. To see the spiritual in the mundane. To incorporate the spiritual into daily life. Let’s allow ourselves to ease into that flow of right relationship with deity so that it’s not an added extra chore to do.

What’s next?

Maybe, making a spiritual practice an extra chore is heading back towards religion by rote. A lot of us grew up with that, and we moved on for a reason. I want something different for you. I want something more for you, something better. The idea of anyone heading back into a rigid, rule bound spirituality, similar to the one they’ve worked so hard to leave, is abhorrent.

And maybe, that means we have to deconstruct some of the beliefs and thoughts that are still hanging on from that time. Maybe it means we look at what you liked about the community you left. Because it wasn’t necessarily all bad. There might be golden nuggets in the dross. That doesn’t mean you go back and restrict and limit yourself. But it might help inform you as to how you build your new practice.

So, you can head back through my many blog posts and figure things out from there. You reach out to me for help. Check out my Brigid’s Path Collective coaching group (yes, I finally named the damn thing!)

Most of all: trust yourself. Take a look at the brief things I mentioned above. Pick one. Move forward!

Brigid is closely linked to abundance – certainly prosperity (although how you distinguish is mainly personal!) I’m writing this in the form of a letter, kind of, because that’s how she’s been talking to me. I have her voice in my ear on this, so let’s go.

Where you are

You’re struggling with abundance in your life, I can see that. And you probably don’t realise just how helpful Brigid is in this regard. Brigid is so closely related to abundance. Many of the traditional practices around Imbolc are closely tied to fertility and abundance for the coming year.

I feel you. It can feel so difficult in a capitalist society to feel like you can never get ahead. Especially if you’re working in the creative or spiritual sphere. But it’s really not true. There is so much we can do to determine our own abundance. It’s not always taking on a second job or pushing to get a pay rise. Sometimes it’s about determining for ourselves: what does abundance mean to us?

Sometimes it’s about working through what supports us, helps up, moves us to a place where we feel abundant, and we can see abundance coming towards us. Sometimes it’s about expanding out concept of abundance and examine what is it exactly that makes us feel abundant – it’s not always clearly money.

Maybe it’s time to spend with family, deity, alone, doing something we love. It could be planning the vacation of a lifetime and being able to see a path towards saving enough for it. It could be buying whatever book you want to buy whenever you want to buy it (Not personal that one at all)

Back to money though

Now I understand, paying out to attract more abundance into your life doesn’t appear to be overly sensible on the face of it. But here’s the thing: obviously what you’ve been doing up to now, isn’t working. You’re still feeling stuck, still feeling unable to attract and manifest that abundance you know you deserve.

Or maybe that’s it, maybe you feel like you don’t really deserve abundance. Maybe those old early thoughts and beliefs of you being no better than anyone else are still hanging around your mind. They’re not true. Yes, we should all be equal in the eyes of the law, but that’s no reason for you to limit your abundance.

In this coaching program, we will challenge those beliefs. We will dive deep into what’s holding you back from getting what you want and need from this life. We will figure out how to create this life that you want and definitely deserve for you.

Last week I wrote about my self worth journey

I’ve been there. I have limited myself in so many different ways and I had so many self-limiting beliefs to tackle. Hell, I still have some to tackle. This is work that is never done, in my opinion. Seriously. So, when I say I know what I’m doing here, I really, really know. I have all sorts of tools and techniques to help you with this, but probably more importantly – I can help you find those blind spots. I can help you search out the bits that you might not even be aware of – like why you’re holding on to these beliefs; why they might have helped you keep safe earlier in your life; why and how part of you is holding on to these beliefs so tightly. Because, again – I’ve been there.

I don’t say I was Brigid’s most stubborn follower for nothing! It took her years to get me working on this stuff. Really and truly years. Don’t let yourself be held back by yourself. Step forward. Sign up. Let me help you.

A few days ago I posted in the Forge, talking about making breakfast as an act of Brigid-influenced self-care. I was also speaking about how this is something that Bridget has had to support me in quite a lot, which is a bit embarrassing to have to say.  Because it’s very easy for most people to feed themselves. This is not something that’s people struggle with most of the time.

Now, in line with Brigid self care, I will be mentioning disordered eating, overexercising, and other forms of self harm in this post.

But I am one of the people that does struggle with this. It comes from a long history of disordered eating, of struggles with my body, with my self worth, with my image, with all sorts of different things.  And while it’s not necessarily a major part of my life anymore, for the last few years, looking after myself has not been on the day to day schedule the way I would like it to be. Don’t get me wrong. Brigid has been pushing self care all that time with me. This is not something she wants me to cancel or to stop or anything. What do I mean by self care and where does Brigid come in?

The joys of an 80’s (rural) Irish childhood

Alright, so taking this back up. I need to go into little bit of history about myself. When I was growing up, I was always bigger, but I was a kid. That was a really positive thing to be. You know, the Irish have a dislike of seeing a skinny child. It’s a thing culturally that I expect is something to do with An Górta Mór or the Great Famine. There are strong tendencies in our culture to prefer rounder kids. (Or there were in the 80’s anyway!!) I’m part of that. (Can an entire nation do shadow work, I wonder?)

Added to that – and this was the case in many Irish families – my family was a firm member of the “clean plate club”. Whatever was on your plate, you finished it. Now, look. My darling parents did the absolute best they could For me. Every night, we had a home cooked dinner. Every single day, we had homemade lunches. We had breakfast every day. And the idea of going out or getting a take away wasn’t even a once a year treat. It was far less often than that!

Brigid, self-care and… McDonald’s?

So here’s a funny story about that, just as an insert. When I went to school, I had heard people talking about McDonald’s. So, I asked could I go to McDonald’s for my birthday? And ma and dad were like, you know something let’s give it a go. As a treat. What’s the worst that could happen? We were standing in O’Connell Street in Dublin, mid-eighties. At the time, I’m almost certain there were as many as 3 McDonald’s on the street. Definitely 2 anyway. The way Dad tells the story, we were standing across the road from one of them, when they eventually stopped a guard to ask where they could find this McDonald’s place! (The guard was too polite to laugh apparently…) Our cultural experience was so limited that we didn’t even recognise the gold arches.

Now Dad wasn’t overly impressed by the whole thing (to this day, he definitely prefers Supermacs, although that could be because that’s owned by a Galway man!) But he tells that story fairly often.   (And yes, I’ve confirmed with Brigid, an act of self-care could be either a visit to McDonald’s or Supermacs. While she’s leaning more towards Supermacs cos it’s Irish, she has no real beef with McDonalds in Ireland…)

Personal backstory and a few sensitive topics

All the time I was growing up, being a “big, healthy girl” was a compliment. My darling Dad once referred to me as a fine lump of an Irish heifer and couldn’t understand why I didn’t take it as such! But it seemed like overnight, the conversation changed. From “Aren’t you a fine big girl” , the commentary switched to “big was bad”.

It wasn’t good that I was the same size or bigger than most of the boys in my class. I was meant to be small and petite and delicate. Honestly. I have no idea what happened or where that came from, but overnight, everything changed. 

Then I went to boarding school. Now on the one hand, boarding school was a great exercise in self care for both my mother and myself. I see Brigid’s hand strongly here. But at the same time, boarding schools not a great place if you are bordering into disordered eating. There were a lot of girls there who, I recognise now, had eating disorders. I learned all sorts of ways to hide my relationship with food. This wasn’t something that was taught to us, you understand, but picked up through observation.

Now you wouldn’t expect loneliness to be an issue in boarding schools, but it very much can be. And comforts aren’t necessarily plentiful. We weren’t abused or anything where I was. We had some privacy etc. But just having a jammies day, wasn’t an option. Staying home from school was a bit of an issue. Having the special food your Mammy made for you when you were sick. That sort of thing. I loved my time there, but it wasn’t perfect. Brigid, self care – weren’t words that were heard too often.

Depression

I’m fairly certain I had depression in my teens and during my college years. Looking back it’s a lot easier to see the signs than it was at the time. During college I started dieting and exercising – to get healthy. I started developing disordered eating and a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol. At the weekends, I was surviving mostly on chocolate, cheesecake and alcohol. Now, there’s nothing wrong with chocolate or cheesecake. Absolutely nothing. When that’s all I was eating for three days a week, then there is a problem there.

I was using food to punish myself. I wasn’t worthy of food. Most certainly,I didn’t deserve self care. (Yeah, you can imagine Brigid popping over my shoulder right now with that stern look she gets!) I was on a mission to make myself less. Tried all sorts of low calorie diets. I thought I was getting healthy. Not the case.

I was not looking after myself. I mean, I looked really, really fit and healthy. And I had a really low heart beat. Like “elite athlete” low. But I wasn’t an elite athlete. I had an eating disorder.

I started getting into the anti-diet movement and dealing with my depression. Medication. Meditation. Looking at religion and spirituality. Examining why I felt the need to punish myself, using food, exercise, alcohol. Why did I think I deserved all this?

Brigid, self care and clothes

Brigid’s form of self care can be a slap across the back of the head, but it can also be gentle. And she has been gentle with me in times like this. Caring for my body by eating food, moving, getting enough sleep, washing… (I’ve had some bad depressive episodes)

I still struggle sometimes to recognise if a trousers feels too tight. Seriously. I have to tune into my body and really focus to recognise things like this sometimes. I’m not talking, struggling to get the zip done up tight. More like, leaving red marks everywhere tight. It was only a few years ago I found out that comfortable bras exist. I mean, ok I still have those bras that are meant to be worn for 5mins max, so someone can get a nice look, before ripping them off. But have you any idea the difference it makes when your clothes actually feel good against your skin? Not tight, not scratchy, but… pleasant?

More generally then

This is probably going to be a life long journey for me. It is not always going to be an easy ride. It’s not been an easy ride, this far anyway.

I’m going to offer two different situations here. Consider allowing yourself to not have chocolate. People don’t understand this. But allow yourself not to have chocolate.  It’s an act of self-care as much as allowing yourself to have chocolate. Different locations, different circumstances. Different bodily needs. There are times when having chocolate is self care. There are times when it serves as punishment. Only you know which is which though!

Allowing myself to eat breakfast in work was an act of self care. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the best I could do at that time. For the last 5 years, I’ve been getting up approx 5am and leaving the house before 6am. Breakfast was just one more load to add into that time and it didn’t work.

But it didn’t work really well. It eased one stress, but caused others. So, taking a job closer to home was an act of Brigid-ordered self care. I have time to have breakfast at home now, meaning I feel better coming into work in the morning.

I suppose what I’m saying here is that, self care can be big things or small things. Maybe sitting down and paying your bills (or as many of them as you can) is an act of self care. Maybe deliberately choosing which bill not to pay is an act of self care. Brigid self-care isn’t limited to bubble baths and prosecco. Ye know how practical she is!

I’m going to finish now!

Cos I’ve rabbited on for 1600 words…

Today, I’ve already completed an act of self care. I ordered a skipping rope on Amazon. It arrives on Monday. I was inspired by this video on Facebook. (As an aside, if you are interested in science based health tips, Ben Carpenter is really good, I find!)

I like the idea of committing to 1min a day on myself. And I know many of you are out there thinking of the luxury of a full minute to yourself! So I’m debating how I will track this, but I’m thinking of a video whenever I do it (cos it’s going to be almost daily)

Do ye want to join me? Maybe we make it a Brigid self care challenge?

I wrote about Brigid and nuance a few months ago. Now that post received mixed responses, leading to the edits and subsequent emails I sent hoping to clarify my position. Let me be clear – I can want Gaza free from oppression and violence, to allow those poor people to recover from the rape and torture they have suffered (possibly allow them to rebuild their lives and prosper as opposed to survive?) want the Israeli hostages sent home where they might have a chance to recover from the rape and torture they have suffered.

But honestly, that’s not what I want to talk about today.

OK, let’s leave that particular conflict to one side for a bit.

I decided to write this because of an email I received when I started this series on spirituality and religion. Chelsea asked the following:

1) Was there anything in Irish Spirituality, particularly while working with the goddess Brigid that helped you move away from an oppressive view of good and evil that we see in Christianity? Feel free to elaborate on how this relates to challenging the pro-life pro-choice dichotomy. I understand this may be an ethnocentric problem the rest of the world doesn’t seem so bothered with.

2) Were there any resources that you used to help contextualize or deconstruct from said view of good and evil?

Quote from an email I received from Chelsea

Now, I explored this a bit in the video over in patreon (if you’re not over there, why not join!) but I want to explore a bit further now.

I have said before that Brigid links with nuance, with liminality, with the grey in life.

And this feeds deeply into how I separated myself from hard and fast rules about good vs evil. Binaries just don’t work in most situations. There is nearly always nuance, nearly always grey area.

I’ve spoken about this before, but it bears repeating:

As humans, we live in the grey, the liminal, the uncertain.

There are probably things we can all agree on with regard to human life and human rights. We generally agree with the notion that people should not be imprisoned. Except, that pretty much every country in the world has laws which allow for people to be imprisoned, under certain circumstances. Grey. Liminality. Brigid Nuance.

This is the area in which Brigid operates a lot. She is strong in the nuance game, in the extraction of specific situations and applying general principles to a specific circumstance.

She is the goddess of poets after all, and in Gaelic Ireland, the poets were the lawgivers. And, WOW were they masters of nuance. When I say they thought of a lot of circumstances where the law would apply and the different nuances that would apply. There are entire books on things like cats, beekeeping, stray cattle… No wonder they chose Brigid as their deity!

Dichotomies are man made

And yes, I’m deliberately using the term “man made” there. Binaries don’t really exist in nature. Dichotomies don’t really exist in nature. Brigid’s nuance does. We don’t have clear boundaries between seasons, between stages of life, between survival and growth versus death. Sometimes it can be as little as a blade of grass, other times there’s no obvious reasons for one species to survive and another to fade.

And yes, I don’t believe there is a dichotomy between pro-life and pro-choice, again it’s man made. I maintain that a world where abortion is readily, freely and legally available but never needed is the best solution. (Brigid and nuance have links here as well, given her connections to fertility, women, women’s rights, etc)

But this means that politicians can’t stand up and explain their situation in simple soundbites. Nuance doesn’t help win elections. (If it’s different in your country, please let me know!)

Brigid doesn’t really give a damn about artificial dichotomies like this. Brigid is comfortable in the grey, as I’ve said. The problem is that a world where abortions are never needed is a world with a lot of education. When we provide proper, accurate, effective education about sex, gender, reproduction and all the rest… we see a massive improvement in all sorts of areas. Mental health, sexual health, expressions of sexuality, teenage pregnancies… all these metrics move in the right direct (in the direction of greater health) when we provide proper education.

So why don’t we?

Good vs Evil

As Christians, we often hear that sex is inherently wrong. That people don’t need to know about sex. At least not until they are in a good, God-fearing, Church-defined marriage anyway. And even then… only under certain circumstances. Technically, the Catholic Church teaches that sex should only be happening in the interest of producing children. I’m not joking.

Now, one way people get around this, especially for post-menopausal women, is to quote the story of Mary’s cousin Elizabeth (John the Baptist’s mother) Elizabeth gave birth long after the age it was considered possible. So, having sex after menopause is just providing God with the opportunity for another miracle…

Binary thinking can lead to a lot of cognitive dissonance.

And we see this continually. Black and white thinking forces people into cognitive dissonance. Brigid and grey areas, help. I mean, sex is a relatively normal human activity, right? It happens in the animal community as well. Without sex, our survival as a species? A bit under pressure, to say the least!

How to manage the grey areas then?

How do we deal with these grey areas? It’s unfortunately up to individual choice.

We must conduct our own personal work here. Using abortion as an example, I read up on some of the many studies done on the effects of appropriate sex ed, sexual health resources and abortion resources. I educated myself. Ultimately this lead me to a sexual health diploma last year. I made sure, to the best of my ability, that I was as informed as I could be.

Do I believe abortion is the correct choice in all cases? Absolutely not. But I do believe that a pregnant person’s right to choose what happens to their body is paramount. I don’t have the right to make that choice for anyone else – whether by supporting a so-called “pro-life” politician or by agreeing to cut funding to essential education and health services.

Having strict rules and black and white areas makes life easier. I get that. But Brigid isn’t here to make our life easy as such. She can and will provide guidance. She is excellent at outlining what she wants from us!

But essentially, it is up to us to educate ourselves on the decisions we make. We live in the grey.

This time of year can be difficult for us Brigid devotees. The season of Imbolc is drawing to a close and it can feel like a real energy drop. I get many, many questions and queries this time of year about how to continue the Brigid journey after Imbolc. Ongoing Brigid coaching may provide part of the answer, but it can be difficult to find the right program or the right coach.

Well, this year, I may have a solution for a very small number of people. I’m presenting a 6 month, in depth coaching program, specifically designed for people wanting to take their relationship with Brigid deeper.

This is no ordinary course from me. There will be very few slides, although there will be teaching and discussion. Essentially, this will be a transformative journey, deep into the lore and academic research regarding Brigid, her associations, the archaeological sites associated with her and the stories told about her.

Are you ready to embark on a transformative odyssey that will deepen your relationship with Brigid and illuminate the path to your inner wisdom? Welcome to our exclusive 6-month Brigid coaching program, where the flames of knowledge merge with the soothing waters of introspection.

Unveiling the Program

This coaching program is not just a journey; it’s an immersion. Over six months, you’ll partake in a carefully crafted itinerary designed to nourish your mind, body, and spirit. Here’s what you can expect:

Group Calls and Individual Sessions: Thrive in the collective energy of like-minded seekers with three group calls each month. Additionally, experience the undivided attention of personalized guidance with one individual call per month. This ensures your unique journey with Brigid is nurtured and honored.

Guided Meditations: Delve into the depths of meditation with a minimum of two guided sessions per month. These immersive experiences will allow you to forge a profound connection with Brigid. And it will lead you to tap into her divine wisdom and nurture your inner flame.

Academic Exploration: Immerse yourself in the scholarly realms of Brigid’s lore with engagements in academic research. Explore the archaeology of Brigid-related sites and unravel the enigmatic threads of hagiographies and manuscripts. This then allows you to enrich your understanding of Brigid’s multifaceted presence.

In-depth Discussions: Engage in weekly discussions where no topic is off-limits. Dive deep into the mysteries surrounding Brigid, guided by both structured themes and spontaneous insights from the group. The aim is to foster a dynamic exchange of knowledge and wisdom.

Exclusive Access: With a limited capacity of only five participants, this program offers an intimate and personalized experience. Receive the individualized attention and coaching needed to navigate your unique journey with Brigid, ensuring that every step you take is illuminated by her divine guidance.

Embrace the Flame

Are you ready to ignite the spark of transformation within? Do you want to explore where your personal Brigid journey can take you? Are you willing to face the challenges of the Anvil, the heat of the Forge and the Healing of her Wells? Can you confront your own desires and wishes, and possibly check how they align with her plans for you?

This is all a bit poetic, I know, but there is hard work involved. We’re not looking to delve deep into some “dark night of the soul”! I firmly believe in a practical approach to spirituality, as ye know. But there will be joy as well. There will be pleasure. There will be an exploration of your own personal journey up to now and where you want to go from here.  

What now?

Has your time has come to heed the call of the flame and embrace the transformative power of Brigid’s wisdom? Enroll now in our exclusive 6-month coaching program and embark on a journey that will forever deepen your relationship with Brigid. Or indeed, show you your path lies in a different direction. Embrace the flame within and let Brigid’s light guide you towards your true purpose.

How best to celebrate Imbolc? It’s a question I have answered before, as might be expected, but the question keeps coming up. So I’m going to try and answer the question here. Fundamentally though, it’s up to you how and when you run your Imbolc celebration.

When is Imbolc?

One of the first questions that come up for an Imbolc celebration is when to celebrate. And I understand. Particularly when you’re new at these things, you want it to be right. You don’t want to make any beginner mistakes. (Hate to break it to you but… you probably will anyway. When you know better you can do better!)

There are 3 options that I consider here:

• Astronomical Imbolc. This would be the midpoint between the winter solstice and the spring equinox. This year, it appears to be 5th February. I don’t tend to keep track of this very well, but that doesn’t mean it will work for you.
• St Brigid’s Eve. This would be the evening of the 31st January into the morning of the 1st February. Based on the saint’s day of 1st February, and the night that the brat bhríde is left out for generations. This can feel a bit too Christian for some people, and that’s ok. I tend to mark the occasion anyway, on this day, out of habit if nothing else.
• The nearest weekend to the 1st February. Especially since Ireland gained the first Monday in February as a bank holiday, this is a great weekend for me to organise myself for my Imbolc celebration. I have time to plan things, usually. I can engage with people, online and in person. I’m not driving long hours with work. It all matches up.

OK but which to choose? This kinda falls in with how you plan your Imbolc celebration. If you want a big ritual, planning it for a day when you have fewer responsibilities is probably sensible. If you want to celebrate in a smaller fashion, you might have more flexibility. For me, actions like leaving out the brat Bhríde, the leaba Bhríde, making the Bhrídeóg – they belong on the evening of the 31st January, through long generations of traditions in Ireland.

What to do?

Previous posts linked above have mentioned a few of the arts and crafts that can be used in your Imbolc celebration. Crosses, dolls, beds for the dolls… all of these can be added in to your ritual.

I often include cards as well – sometimes to help guide me over the coming months, other times for a specific issue or topic. The deck I currently use most with Brigid is this one. And yes, it will be featuring in my ritual for Imbolc this year.

Food has also been the topic of a previous post. The notion of a celebration without food is a bit strange to me, but people have them. And if your ritual is more spiritually focused, you may find that food as representation will serve you better.

On the other hand, if you are stuck for ideas on what to include in your Imbolc celebration, there are a few classes you can look at.

I have a class in the Irish Pagan School that includes a basic Imbolc ritual. Lora O’Brien has a more detailed class on the traditions and lore surrounding the festival in Ireland. And of course, I have two other Brigid classes on there, for more background information.

Who to include?

Your Imbolc celebration is pretty much.. well… yours. If you are in a position to gather rushes or other natural means to make a Brigid’s cross – children love that stuff. It’s a great way to include them in the celebration. The same with the brídeóg, the leaba, the food, lighting candles (depending on age and ability of course!)

For myself, my darlin, long-suffering husband will watch with bemusement as I tie my brat to the door handle. Well, he’s getting used to it, but he comes from what might be termed an areligious background. But he supports me in all this, so I’m not complaining!

Where to hold your Imbolc celebratrion?

This can be a difficult decision to make. I myself will be celebrating in private, with the aforementioned husband, as well as in more public spheres with various groups, rituals, celebrations, conversations, etc.

How you celebrate has a major influence on where you hold you Imbolc celebration. If it’s a private ritual, then, someplace private and close to home. If it’s more public, you’ll need to consider numbers, accessibility, objectives, all sorts. I cover some of this in the aforementioned courses, and others in the blogs linked to in the first paragraph.

For myself, I will hold my Imbolc celebration in my living room – for the private offering. I will probably hold at least one in my Facebook group . There will also be other online options for various groups I’m involved with.

Anything else?

Well, I hope that helps. Just remember, your Imbolc celebration is just that… yours. Make it fit your life. Engage with the traditions, sure, but accept that you are living in the modern world and not necessarily engaging with the agricultural traditions where these practices originated.

And, as always, reach out with any questions!

Brigid’s connection with grief is exceptionally strong. I mean, the first bit of lore I really dived into was Brig in Caith Maigh Tuireadh. And that’s where Brig gives keening as a means to deal with grief to the Irish. The story is a sad one. Really sad. We have no view of Ruadhán’s character, or his connections to his mother’s people. We can’t read into his age, his maturity, any of it.

On the other hand, Brig’s loss of her son gave us keening. And I’ve written before about how important it is to express our emotions. But I haven’t written about the process of grief before now and how Brigid can help us through the different stages.

Now, bear in mind, this 5-stage model of grief was developed in the 1960’s, by a woman called Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who was looking at terminally ill patients facing their own death. (She later published a book on her findings) And, it’s also important to note that grief isn’t linear.

This isn’t a neat and tidy package, with Brigid showing up every X weeks to move you on to the next stage. In fact, I’d like to present some of my niece’s artwork as a means of exploring how one might move through the different stages.

Grief is universal

The only thing is, all of us will experience grief at one point or another. As soon as we’re born, we’re open to the risk of someone dying. And I don’t mean that as glib or as flippant as it sounds. It’s pretty much a fact of life. If there is one thing we all can be certain of, it’s that at some stage, we will die.

Some of us are lucky enough to have longer lives than others of course.

But death is a true constant, across cultures, time, space… even planets die.

Yeah, even earth…

So, knowing a bit about what we might expect when something hits us, can help us deal with it, in my opinion.
For those who don’t know, the 5 stages of grief are:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

Let’s go through them one by one.

Denial

I don’t know about you, but in my experience, Brigid has never been big on denial as a means of dealing with anything. Even in times of grief, she will only allow it to continue for so long.

But here’s the thing – it’s a really natural stage to go through. When you hear someone has passed away, a fairly frequent reaction is that “no, what?!” or a sort of freeze. “Denial” has also been described as a numbness.

And it’s ok. Sometimes our brain shuts down certain realisations to help us keep going. There are a lot of grief websites out there saying it’s normal to hear or see the person who has passed during this stage.

As a deity, Brigid is fairly upfront and practical. So she understands, in the those of grief, we may need this numbness and denial to cope. But then something will happen. You’ll see something, and it’s usually something really daft – like the sock they left lying on the floor like they always did. Or the cup left on the draining board, instead of in the dishwasher, no matter how many times you asked.
And the numbness will break, the grief will wash in and if you wish, Brigid can be there to help. She’s been through it.

Anger

I’ve also written about Brigid and Anger before now. But the anger experienced at someone’s death is something different. Brigid and angry grief is different to Brigid and angry anger. Death can seem horribly, unfair, and downright mean.

Someone you love is gone, and there’s no way to get them back. And worse, you can feel angry at the person who has passed, for leaving you. You can feel angry at yourself for letting them go.

You can feel this undercurrent of anger beneath everything else for weeks on end, to the point where you explode over something really small. And then… you get angry for overreacting…

This sort of anger is the kind that keeps you going. You can rant and rail at life, at Brigid, at the universe – whatever seems most appropriate. You think Brigid didn’t rant and rail at the loss of her son? You think she didn’t blame his father, her father, Goibhniu… anyone she could for the loss of Ruadhán?

Bargaining

Ah yes, bargaining. It can be really hard to accept there is nothing we can do to change things. Absolutely nothing. I can imagine it took Brigid a while to come out of the throes of grief to realise there was nothing she could do either. The TDD, Dian Cecht and his offspring had healed everything short of death… But her son was lost.

We do it as well. We do it in circumstances less serious that death as well – if I make this green light, I’ve got the interview. If I make this basket, the pitch will work. You know the sort of thing I mean.

But in grief, even as we try to bargain, we already know it won’t work. All cultures, lore and folk tales tell us so. But we persist. Because not persisting means it’s over.

Depression

I mean, death leads to sadness most of the time. You mourn the loss of the one gone. The World Health Organisation defines depression as follows:

Depressive disorder (also known as depression) is a common mental disorder. It involves a depressed mood or loss of pleasure or interest in activities for long periods of time.

WHO, https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/depression 

If there was ever a time for depressed mood and not to feel full of life and joy – it’s when you lose a loved one. Getting those feelings and working through them is bloody hard. Brigid knows this. Trust me. Or, more importantly, trust her and her experience of grief. Of course no one else has gone through what you’ve gone through. No one else has lost a relationship in exactly the same way as you have. But people might have had similar experiences. And you can learn from them.

Acceptance

Getting over the death of a loved one is near impossible I think. You think Brigid got over the loss of Ruadhán? (Or for that matter, Brian, Iuchar and Iucharba?) But there comes a time when you accept the grief. You can maintain at least a semblance of a normal life again. We don’t let go of the memories, but we can look back at the good and the bad times. We can joke about some of the memories.

None of this is linear

I’ve written a lot and it all sounds reasonable, right? But as with much with both Brigid and grief, it’s not linear. It’s circular. Or maybe a spiral. Remember my lovely niece’s art above? (She’s not 2 yet, by the way, so, y’know, give her a break!)

You can go from anger to depression to numbness in the space of seconds. You can have mood swings like a hormonal teenager again. Anything can happen. The only “normal” is the normal for you.

But Brigid can help. She’s been through this path and she will help you. Either as a support, or a sink for you to express all those really big feelings that don’t seem to die away… she can offer practical support as well in the form of next steps, or a subtle hint as to who to contact in the moment.
Grief is tough. It’s not easy. And we all go through it. But you’re not alone.

I find Brigid the Smith is a very strong presence in my life. OK, maybe to be expected, given my career choice (engineer). But, still, she comes through strong. So while the Smith is often associated with the forging of metals, I like to extend that a wee bit.

Now, I’ve written about Brigid and liminality before now. A few times. But she’s also linked with transformation. And, as many of my students will tell you, that transformation does feel like going through her Anvil. I can attest to those fires as well. They can be hot.

But fire can destroy as well as create, so we’re going to explore that a bit in this blog post – the necessity of both creation and destruction in shaping our lives and the world around us.

Transformation

Brigid the Smith is often depicted as a skilled blacksmith. It comes from Cormac’s glossary of course. (As well as telling us she is a a powerful goddess associated with protection of poets and a healer). I often say she shapes us into her tools. And sometimes that’s uncomfortable to us. Have you ever seen a blacksmith at work, shaping metal? And honestly, I think I’m more stubborn than metal when it comes to shaping. As in, I resist strongly. Even when I know it’s for my own good…

I chose Brigid’s Forge as the name for my blog and school because it is (I hope!) a place of transformation. I consider her forge a cauldron of creation and a crucible of destruction, symbolizing the necessary interplay between the old and the new.

Or more importantly, sometimes, we need to clear the way for the new to grow. Which means destroying the old first.

Creation and Destruction: The Eternal Dance

You know the way nature tends towards cycles? Death and rebirth? That sort of thing? Well another way to think of that is destruction and creation. Destruction is an essential part of creation to me. I’ve taken several writing classes and the one thing they’ve all agreed on? (Aside from actually picking up the pen to write) To kill your babies. Destroy the parts of the writing you feel most attracted to. Get rid of those parts you feel so lovingly protective towards.

Destroy.

Then create.

If you think about it, this makes sense. When you’re doing work on yourself, you need to take down old beliefs to develop new. You need to destroy or override or blank out the space to make room for the new.
In the deepest sense, there’s that old chestnut about our bodies rebuilding and replacing over 7 years. We don’t keep that old material. Our bodies create waste. It destroys the things it doesn’t need. Brigid the Smith is no different.

In the natural world, seasons change, old leaves fall, and new buds emerge. This cyclical process involves the breaking down of the old to make way for the new. Brigid’s forge, with its intense heat and transformative flames, mirrors this eternal dance between creation and destruction.

The Dark Side of Destruction: Balancing Forces

While destruction is a natural and necessary aspect of existence, it is crucial to acknowledge its potential dark side. Uncontrolled and indiscriminate destruction can lead to chaos and suffering. Brigid’s teachings (and Irish practice in general) emphasize the importance of right relationship. Not just Brigid the Smith, mind, but all of them… Even the saint…

Destruction must be tempered with wisdom and guided by a vision for positive change. Harnessing the power of destruction responsibly ensures that the process of renewal remains constructive rather than detrimental. I mean, mindless destruction doesn’t lead to positive change in my opinion. (Unless we’re talking about building a massive sandcastle then jumping on it. That’s different!)

Destruction can be terrible. I won’t post them here, but you can see the devastation in any of the war-torn areas of the globe. (You can check out the list of 2023 conflicts here) I’m not posting pictures of any of it, because it is distressing and horrible. It’s possible one side or another can say that their destruction leads to better outcomes for them, but there are so many conflicts… so much destruction. Brigid the Smith is not going to be there unless it’s supporting those suffering.

Equally, look at the destruction of the rainforests, of the natural world on this planet. Yes, short term, there are pros to this, but long term, there are only cons. Destroying this planet is not good. We only have the one… And I think various billionaires have proven that even they don’t have the wherewithal to live in space.

Embracing the Smith’s Wisdom

I’m not saying every act of creation must be prefaced by an act of destruction. I don’t think Brigid the Smith would agree either. But in the same way that saying yes to one action, means saying no to all the others… Saying yes to one act of creation means saying no to all the others – an act of destruction of those other acts. Brigid can guide us through the transformation process. And she does. We can draw inspiration from her actions in the forge – destroying one shape to form the next. Transforming the solid to create the liquid, then destroying the liquid to create a new solid.

Destruction isn’t necessarily a process to be feared. It’s not bloody well easy, but it’s not necessarily to be feared. We can recognise that through any transformation process, we are destroying to make way for new creation. Brigid’s forge can help us in this process, showing us the way and sometimes, forcing us back to the path.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post on Ruth Bader Ginsburg as an example of a Brigid poet. A few people challenged me on this, saying her record wasn’t all that great. So, I decided to dig into that record a bit deeper.

The Good

I think it’s obvious to say that RBG’s focus was on gender equity and reproductive rights. (Just an FYI, most of the quotes from this section come from this article from 2020. This article is my source for this post. The same info is covered elsewhere as well.). And equally, particularly given Brig Ambue’s decision on the matter of women taking possession of land, I think it safe to say that Brigid the Poet is very interested in this area.

Her clear, unwavering conviction that women must be given equal treatment under the law changed the legal rights of half of the nation

Nancy Northup, president and CEO of the Center for Reproductive Rights

It’s also clear, from her earliest days working in the legal profession, that RBG was intent on making things better from a gender equity point of view. I have no doubt that this stemmed from her early experiences of discrimination. She was one of only 9 women out of 500 students in her class at Harvard Law School.

As a professor at Rutgers Law School, she joined with female colleagues to file an Equal Pay Act complaint over disparities in teaching pay, eventually forcing the university to settle.

The Loss of a Reproductive Rights Champion: U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Without a doubt, she was a strong supporter of the #metoo movement, saying:

I think it will have staying power because people, and not only women, men as well as women, realize how wrong the behavior was and how it subordinated women.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg, speaking to the Atlantic, quoted in The Loss of a Reproductive Rights Champion: U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg

And seriously, I can’t imagine any aspect of Brigid, never mind Brigid the Poet not supporting that movement either!

The article lists her achievements in the field of gender equity and reproductive rights. As examples, it cites her opposition to TRAP (Targeted Regulation of Abortion Providers) laws, her stance against the military forcing discharge on pregnant members and always, the idea that all citizen’s should be equal, regardless of gender.

A true poet in the Brig Ambue tradition, yes?

The not so good

OK, so a lot of the criticism laid against RBG has to do with the areas her record has been less stellar. For this section, my quotes come from The Marshall Project, in particular, the article linked.

With Brig Ambue in mind, it’s hard to think that Brigid as Poet wouldn’t support those discriminated because of race or who are treated badly by the criminal justice system. Actually, it’s hard to think of her not supporting any of the oppressed. (And please, please remember, the closer you are to being rich, white, Christian, male, able bodied, fluent in the main language in your country, born in the country you reside in, legal status etc, the less likely you are to be oppressed, ok?)

RBG’s visibility on these matters are fairly critiqued in the Marshall Project article linked above.

When it came to prison conditions and the rights of incarcerated people, Justice Ginsburg simply wasn’t as visible. She wasn’t the primary author on any of our blockbuster human-rights-in-prison cases.

Andrea Armstrong, law professor at Loyola University New Orleans, The Marshall Project

The article rightly points out that she didn’t take the same stand on race as she did on gender equity. It’s obvious that she let other colleagues take the lead here. In saying that, another quote from the same article:

The reality, of course, is that no Supreme Court justice in recent memory has been a consistent champion of the rights of incarcerated people. Justice Ginsburg recognized prisoners as rights-bearing individuals and was willing, more frequently than most of her colleagues, to uphold those rights against government challenges.

David Fathi, director of the American Civil Liberties Union National Prison Project, The Marshall Project

When it came to the Black Lives Matter movement, RBG’s legacy is less positive.

I think when it comes to more modern issues of racial justice including police brutality and Black Lives Matter, I think she failed in that regard. And I’m talking specifically about her comments about Colin Kaepernick. I do credit her with pretty quickly saying she shouldn’t have said that. But I would rather her have said nothing.

Imani Gandy, senior editor of law and policy at Rewire News, The Marshall Project

While initially RBG commented that it was “really dumb” for Colin Kaepernick and others to not stand for the national anthem, she quickly retracted that.

“Some of you have inquired about a book interview in which I was asked how I felt about Colin Kaepernick and other NFL players who refused to stand for the national anthem,” Ginsburg said. “Barely aware of the incident or its purpose, my comments were inappropriately dismissive and harsh. I should have declined to respond.”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg apologizes to Colin Kaepernick after criticizing anthem protest, (this one’s from a different article, just to be clear)

When it comes to indigenous rights, she produced equally mixed results:

In 2016, she wrote the opinion in US v Bryant about the use of tribal court convictions to enhance federal sentences for domestic violence repeat offenders. It was very much a question of issues of gender and violence against women. But before that she wrote several opinions that were really awful for tribal interests. She struck down a $600 million judgment that favored the Navajo Nation that was the result of overt obvious corruption in the Department of Interior. She wrote the opinion in CITY OF SHERRILL V. ONEIDA INDIAN NATION OF NEW YORK3 that was incredibly dismissive of tribal prerogatives. Some of the language in that opinion is considered some of the more overtly racist language in its challenge and skepticism of tribal interests.

Carole Goldberg, distinguished research professor at UCLA Law, The Marshall Project

So where does this leave us with RBG?

Well, to be honest, she’s still a hero of mine. See, I remember the path I had to travel. Back in the 90’s, I was barely a feminist. I mean, I was one of those “not like other girls” girls. I spent my 20’s outdrinking and outshagging anyone around me. For me, I was horrified at the notion of being “girly” or “feminine” !

So I understand why and how RBG might have changed her stance on certain issues and why in her later years, she might have improved a bit on the whole intersectional feminism. I grew up not being aware of the concept of intersectional feminism. I was in my thirties before I understood that the oppression of women was in tandem with the oppression of others. Not to mention the fact that we didn’t need to fight each other, but we need to join together to fight the oppressors.

She made mistakes. She is not a golden hero, as our hearts might wish it. Blind spots, learning, liberal in certain areas only… all can be laid at her feet. But she fought for what she believed in. That’s important. She stood up for (at least some of) the oppressed. I believe we can’t be experts in all things. Maybe some of the areas she didn’t author verdicts or dissents, she didn’t feel she was expert enough on? Or other people were better able to voice the accounts?

Finally

I firmly believe no one is perfect. I think putting too much of a sheen on the memory of someone is dangerous in all sorts of ways. But I also think we need to give credit where credit is due. So with RBG, absolutely, let’s remember the good. And also remember where we can learn from her mistakes. Most importantly, let’s try not to make the same blasted mistakes ourselves!