Brigid and morality

Not my usual topics, I know – linking Brigid and Morality. But there’s a broader theme, here, I promise!

For a change, I’m covering something a bit topical in the wider world: The Coldplay Debacle. To be clear, Coldplay has nothing to do with this at all. Well, other than this couple being at one of their concerts.

I’ve got to be honest, my housemate shared with with me the relevant picture, with the words, “Have you heard about the Coldplay scandal?” And I was genuinely shocked. For someone who grew up in a time when Gary Glitter was synonymous with 2rock scandal”, Coldplay is just not in the same league.

And no, I’m not linking to anything mentioning Gary Glitter.

If you like your scandals a bit more manageable, check out the behaviour of the major bands from the 70’s and 80’s. Throwing tellies out the window, drunken debauchery with possible teenagers, random acts of “rockstardom”… seriously. Way back in the depths of Gen X youth, rock stars were rebels. Coldplay? Not so much.

Extramarital affairs

Now, most of the time, I say what consenting adults do in private is their own business. And I stand by that. No one has any right to be telling any consenting adult what they can and can’t do.

But, as humans, we have obligations to others in our lives. And for me, a major obligation is a life partner to whom you’ve promised fidelity. So, this post isn’t covering polygamous relationships. Not the ones where all parties are fully aware and knowledgeable about the extent of the polygamy and agree to it.

But an affair is different. Very different.

For a start, at least one party to the relationship hasn’t consented to this element of the relationship. I mean, most of us like to know who we’re sleeping with, even by proxy.

Brigid doesn’t dictate morality to us. There are no “10 Commandments” in any pagan spirituality. Even the famous Wiccan Rede is a) applicable to only a small element of paganism and b) not exactly what it says on the tin. Our morality is up to us to define and live up to.

So, why am I writing about extramarital affairs?

Spirituality, Brigid and morality

I said above that Brigid doesn’t give us a list of rules to run our lives by. That’s not the way her morality works. I’ve written before on how she informs my ethics, but that’s just not the same as morality for me. So, how do I look at this?

Morals can be defined as “standards of behaviour” or ” principles of right and wrong”. But there so much nuance involved here. It’s very easy to say “killing people is wrong”.

But then…

Brigid doesn’t ask us to roll over and not defend ourselves. There are few people in the world that would argue against fighting back to save your own life. Or to save the life of an innocent.

We each draw the line where think it’s best placed. Thankfully, I’ve not killed a person in my life. But I know from friends of mine who have served in the armed forces that taking a life leaves a mark.

It’s not necessarily a black mark or an evil mark, but it’s a change. Brigid doesn’t dictate “no killing”. But she has rules around right relationship. And when death is appropriate and when it is not.

If we are to live in line with our morals and with Brigid, how then do we decide what are our morals?

Determining our morals

For me, saying I won’t kill in most circumstances is a fairly easy choice to make. Joining any armed forces was never really a consideration for me. Being in a situation where killing a person was a reality has also not been a consideration for me.

I live a quiet life in many ways.

But just extend that out then. Does Brigid and my own morality limit how I imagine behaving with others? I hope not, because there are times and days that imagining some grievous harm to others is what gets me through the day! I know in reality it’s completely unrealistic and extremely unlikely to happen, but y’know…

Equally, when it comes to extramarital affairs: if both parties in a marriage agree to an open relationship, that to me isn’t an affair and isn’t a moral issue. But when one party decides to cheat and the other party isn’t aware of it – that’s a definite moral issue. Or it is to me.

There are people who view the bonds of marriage differently. For centuries, marriage was a business transaction, not a romantic one. And of course, rich and powerful men (usually men, but sometimes women) have always been able to get away with adultery with few consequences. Ahem. it becomes an issue when one party expects fidelity and the other doesn’t.

So, when looking at walking Brigid’s path and determining your own morality guidelines, what should you consider?

The ultimate test for morality – and Brigid!

For me, the test has never been Brigid, morality or indeed anyone else. For me, the test is whether I can look at myself in the mirror or not. Brigid and morality have little to do with it, but that’s my test as to whether I’m happy with my behaviour or not.

Because while I might agree, in general, that killing people is wrong, if someone threatened my niece? Totally different story. I’d willingly give up my own life and others to save her. (Hopefully this will never be tested, mind)

When you look into yourself, do the inner work, really assess yourself and you’re happy with what you see? Chances are, you’re probably ok.

But if you’re hiding your face from a kiss cam at a concert?

Maybe time to reassess where you stand…