Category: Brigid

I was reminded last week of the different ways we go about honouring Brigid in this world. Someone posted on Facebook referring to her as “Lady Brigid”, which set my hackles firing. Now the person in question responded really well to my comment about how that’s not really appropriate, which was great, but it got me thinking about the ways we approach deity differently in this world. So, I thought I’d do a post specifically on honouring Brigid.

I’ve written before on how to address her and how to work with her. But honouring her is something different. And I support first off, I’d best explain what I mean by honour Brigid.

What does honouring Brigid mean?

Well, if you check out any of my usual dictionary haunts some common themes emerge:

• regard with great respect
• fulfil (an obligation) or keep (an agreement)
• pay public respect to
• accept (a bill) or pay (a cheque) when due

Now here’s the thing. Speaking about respect gets a bit dodgy. So, let’s dive into respect before I go into how respect relates to honouring Brigid.

I saw a great meme on Facebook the other day talking about respect and what it can mean.

And this is an important point to discuss when we’re discussing honouring any deity, never mind Brigid. Obviously, we can’t show respect in terms of “treating Brigid like a person” because she’s not one. (This is one of the reasons I detest people referring to her as “Lady” Brigid.) She’s more than a person. If you’ve read some of my writing around being a pagan Catholic, this might make more sense.

So, we’re definitely not respecting Brigid as a person. But we can respect her as an authority. A means to verify things. A guiding light. Even if a lot of the time, her guidance comes in the form of questions.

Then we have to dive into the Irish attitude of respect. Honestly, the more respect we show you, in social situations anyway, the less we probably feel towards you. It’s not quite this cut and dry of course, but it’s close enough.

If we like you in this country, you will be subject to slagging and general joking around. Obviously not really the attitude you’d associate with deity in general. So, y’know, this stuff is complicated.

OK, but honouring her?

OK, ok, honouring Brigid. This is where anthropomorphising can be a real danger. Because, while she can act in friendly ways, Brigid is not a human friend. And we need to be careful not to treat her as such.

Appropriate forms of address are, of course, one thing. And something I addressed before. But , what other ways have we of honouring Brigid?

Do her work in the world: There are loads of blogs out there showing what Brigid is and isn’t linked with. I’ve taught on these topics. I’ve written about them. But doing her work is a great way of honouring her.

Lighting a candle. I know. I’ve said before on many occasions that a Brigid practice that is purely based on lighting candles is a bit limited. And I stand by that. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be part of such a practice.

Learn her language. Again, I’ve mentioned learning Irish as a spiritual practice before and it forms a foundational part of my own practice. I use Irish in ritual, in prayer and in normal everyday life. There are plenty ways to do this online as well, although I will highlight that learning from native teachers is preferable.

Support others. Maybe you can’t engage in her work directly, but you can support others doing the work? Then do that. Give time, money, resources to causes you feel she would support. Do your research and reach out to people engaged in activism to see what they need. And remember, no one ever remembers to tidy away the chairs after a meeting. Doing that is a massive help.

Address inconsistencies or UPG presented as fact. Now this one comes down to your own comfort and your own knowledge of course. But very often, even just asking for a reference or where someone heard this information is a great step. It creates an environment where people are expected to back up their claims. And this in turn acts against put bullshit being propagated as fact by well-intentioned, but misinformed, individuals.

Anything else?

Well, y’know, feel free to pop over to the Brigid’s Forge School and learn more about her there. I’m always happy to teach on topics people ask about as long as it’s within my area of concern. That’s why you won’t see me teaching on Bride in Scotland or Maman Brigitte in Voudou. I do try to live my values, y’know.

But something I want to point out finally in relation to showing honour and respect to a deity as opposed to a person. Referring to a person as “Lady” might be ok. I’d ask you don’t do that to me, “lady” isn’t a term I resonate with since I associate it with being oppressed by the Ascendency and by patriarchal values. “Lady” to me denotes patterns of behaviour that place a greater onus on women to be quiet, hidden, subdued, submissive. Now, if any of that is your gig, that’s fine. But I won’t subscribe to a title that – to me – feels like oppression.

Equally, “lady” as a title is far below “goddess” or “deity”. In fact, “lady” – while it can be used as a form of address for most British titles, according to this website – is also the lowest rank of noblewoman/ gentlewoman in that system. So, if you’re not a queen, duchess, marchioness, countess, viscountess, or baroness, you can be a lady. To be differentiated from the general masses, of course.

So, by addressing Brigid as “Lady”, we’re not only demoting her, my opinion, from being a deity, but we’re reducing her to the lowest rank of nobility mentioned by our colonisers. Why would we do that???

Brigid is a fine way to address her. A Bríd, in Irish. And we show her honour, by giving her her dues. Whatever we agree with her that they are. For me, that’s showing up here once a week. Asking for sources when I come across something I don’t know about. Challenging misinformation and trying to help people learn the lore we have on her as best I can. Helping people along their own spiritual paths without forcing them along mine (which frankly, wouldn’t work!)

So, think. Engage. And see what honouring Brigid means to you!

I can imagine the wheel’s turning now – what has Brigid got to do with self love? (And while the focus of this post isn’t masturbation, let’s not rule it out as a healthy, normal practice) Well..

In today’s world, the concept of self-love is often promoted as the ultimate goal for personal happiness and fulfilment. But, for many of us, achieving self-love can feel like an insurmountable task. Let’s explore why self-love can be so challenging and consider other valuable approaches like self-acceptance and self-respect.

The problems with self-love

Now, if you google “self-love” you get millions of results. Mostly, the results are positive, talking about self regard, self worth, appreciation of self, that sort of thing. But as always, there is a downside to this. We’re not always chirpy and happy and upbeat. In fact sometimes, we can feel downright desperate! And it’s not easy to feel like you love yourself when you feel like that.

It can be extremely unrealistic for many of us, myself included, to think of self-love in any kind of constant fashion. And it’s not something Brigid asks of me. That constant state of positivity just doesn’t work for me. Or for her to be fair.

If we’re always positive, we don’t get angry enough to change things. (I know you don’t always have to be angry to change things, but it helps!)

If you are struggling with deep rooted insecurities, trauma, abuse, PTSD – it makes it bloody hard to even look at yourself in the mirror, never mind love yourself. And that’s ok. We all take time to heal.

If I’m honest, I’m not sure I reach self-love even now, after decades of healing and working with Brigid. It’s not easy. Self-love is like a tenuous thing to me and not something that’s a constant in my life.

Vulnerability

Now look, Brigid often asks us for deep personal work. And sometimes, that means making ourselves vulnerable in ways we really don’t like. (It’s not just me, I know that!!) In my work on self love, Brigid has been really clear with me, that actually, it’s the work that’s important, not achieving some medal or prize of being able to say “I love me”.

We’re also working against peer pressure, societal norms, and upbringing. There’s very few people I know were brought up with the concept of self-love, and many of us were brought up with the idea of not “getting above yourself” or not having notions.

Even talking about self love is approached with caution in many cultures. First – well, because people associate it with masturbation, as I referenced earlier. Not that there’s any harm in that – there are loads of studies showing masturbation is a good and healthy practice to engage in.

But because people are generally warned against being over-self centred. Or of putting themselves first. Or of thinking of their own health, wellbeing at all…

What’s the alternative to self love?

Well, there are a few steps on the way to self-love. And Brigid does encourage us to move towards them.

We’re going to talk about three of them here:

Self-Acceptance: This involves recognizing and accepting oneself as they are, without judgment. It’s about acknowledging both strengths and weaknesses and understanding that it’s okay to be imperfect. Self-acceptance can be a more attainable and sustainable goal than self-love, as it doesn’t require constant positivity.

Self-Respect: Self-respect is about valuing oneself and setting healthy boundaries. It involves treating oneself with kindness and dignity, regardless of external validation. By focusing on self-respect, individuals can build a strong foundation of self-worth that isn’t dependent on fluctuating emotions.

Self-Compassion: Another valuable approach is self-compassion, which involves being kind to oneself in times of struggle. It means treating oneself with the same understanding and care that one would offer a friend. Self-compassion can help mitigate the harsh self-criticism that often accompanies the pursuit of self-love.

But you know the most powerful phrase I engaged with in my journey with Brigid and self love?

I am enough

Yeah, I know, it’s not sexy or amazing or life changing. We all know Brigid’s journeys aren’t always major change immediately type journeys. But being able to look at myself and say “I am enough” was life changing for me.

It doesn’t mean I’m perfect. It doesn’t mean I don’t still have work to do. And, it doesn’t necessarily mean I love myself. But it means I have accepted that I am what I am right now. And that’s really important. Brigid will help you on this journey, but the work – well that’s down to you.

In the end…

In the end, it doesn’t really matter? Not true. The way you look at yourself and treat yourself directly impacts the way you work with Brigid. Not to mention, the work she can give you to do.

While self-love is a noble goal, it’s important to recognize that it may not be the most accessible or realistic starting point for everyone. By embracing self-acceptance, self-respect, and self-compassion, individuals can cultivate a healthier and more sustainable sense of self-worth. These alternative paths can provide a solid foundation for personal growth and fulfilment, making the journey towards self-love more achievable in the long run.

But remember: self-love (with Brigid or without) doesn’t have to be your goal. You can stop at self-respect, self-worth or self-compassion or any other step along the way. So don’t fall for the hype and work with what works best for you!

Many times in our spiritual practice, it’s easy to confuse wants and needs. Now, I know last week, I was talking about self care. And I mentioned Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which is a great way to test out if something is a want or a need.

But very often, it’s more nuanced that than. So let’s explore this concept in a bit more detail.

If you google “wants vs needs” you get all sorts of results. Everything from psychology to financial management gives you a definition. But here’s a secret. Are you ready?

YOU GET TO DECIDE WHAT’S A WANT AND WHAT’S A NEED IN YOUR LIFE.

I know, shocking isn’t it?

Is that really true though?

Well, here’s the thing. The most common delineation of the difference between “want” and “need” is that want is something you could technically live without, whereas “need” is something you can’t live without.

If we are truly honest with ourselves, we need air, water, shelter, sleep. Probably clothing. Basically, the absolute bottom level of Maslow’s hierarchy right there. We can actually live as a person without reproducing, although as a species, we can’t.

So, once you have air, water, food, shelter, sleep and clothing, you should be satisfied, right? Because that’s all your needs met?

Maslow was a bit more sensible than that though. He recognised that people have other needs as well, to live a truly enriched life.

What kind of things do you mean?

Here’s the thing: this is where it becomes highly individualised. I mean, technically speaking, we don’t need to mourn our dead, but Brigid considered this so important, she gave us the means to do so. To express our emotions in a socially acceptable, relief-giving way. (See the quote below)

Now that was damaging to the Fomoire, and they picked a man to reconnoitre the battle and the practices of the Túatha Dé—Rúadán, the son of Bres and of Brig, the daughter of the Dagda—because he was a son and a grandson of the Túatha Dé. Then he described to the Fomoire the work of the smith and the carpenter and the brazier and the four physicians who were around the well. They sent him back to kill one of the áes dána, Goibniu. He requested a spearpoint from him, its rivets from the brazier, and its shaft from the carpenter; and everything was given to him as he asked. Now there was a woman there grinding weapons, Crón the mother of Fíanlach; and she ground Rúadán’s spear. So the spear was given to Rúadán by his maternal kin, and for that reason a weaver’s beam is still called ‘the spear of the maternal kin’ in Ireland.

But after the spear had been given to him, Rúadán turned and wounded Goibniu. He pulled out the spear and hurled it at Rúadán so that it went through him; and he died in his father’s presence in the Fomorian assembly. Bríg came and keened for her son. At first she shrieked, in the end she wept. Then for the first time weeping and shrieking were heard in Ireland. (Now she is the Bríg who invented a whistle for signalling at night.)

– pg 37, Cath Maige Tuired: The Second Battle of Mag Tuired (ucc.ie)

So, while my ancestors might have survived for a few hundred years in a relatively healthy state physically by eating spuds and dairy, that’s not really what I’d consider a decent diet these days. (Spuds are also the highest food on the satiety index, just as an fyi)

But, while I could survive on spuds and dairy, I don’t want to. Are all other foods “wants” rather than “needs” then? Should I just return to the pre-Famine (and to be fair, post-Famine) Irtsh diet?

Hell no.

That would be boring as hell and I’d crumble within hours, never mind, days, weeks or months!

However, for my ancestors, life was different and having an adequate supply of spuds probably did mean their food needs were met, according to them.

When we consider needs and wants, we need to consider context as well. So let’s go there now.

Context in terms of needs and wants

You know the way I keep saying you don’t actually need tools to work with/for Brigid? I mean it. I really do. You don’t need anything for meditation – I’ve seen people meditate on the Tube in London. It’s not something I’d advise, but hey, each to their own!

So, there is nothing that you need to start working with Brigid. I’d suggest an internet connection to access sources of information and the means to check whether that information is valid and true to the lore. That would make life easier. But people working with/for Brigid long before the internet was on the scene.

In the same way, I don’t necessarily need other sources of food aside from spuds and dairy, but I want more. And it’s easier to maintain a balanced food intake when I vary my foods. I mean, the introduction of lime juice and coriander to my diet makes it far easier to stomach salads for a start. And salads are far easier to eat in summer than spuds are.

But we can determine our own needs within our own context. It’s probable that no one needs a well-fitted suit, but in certain contexts, like customer facing roles in consultancies, it’s a requirement. Or something very similar would be required. It’s considered the basic dress code. In my own workplace, one doesn’t need to wear company-branded gear to look professional or part of the team. We all want it though, cos it makes dressing for work so much easier!!!

In a spiritual context then

So, you may be working in a spiritual group where everyone has a specific spiritual tool – a robe, an athame, whatever it is. Now, you know that technically you don’t need this. But to fit in, to adhere to group norms, you may want it and it might be a need if you want to take part in certain rituals. You make the choice.

But how do you make the choice?

• Journal around the topic. I know, this is becoming a theme of mine. But starting one journal entry by writing “I need this because…” and allowing your hand to start writing is a wonderful way to examine the way your brain is working. Cos it’s not always clear to us! And I’d suggest setting a time limit of at least 10mins and if you run out of words before then, rewrite “I need this because” a few times until the words start floing again.
• Assess whether the items or course or whatever aligns with your core beliefs and values, not to mention long term goals. I know – wordy to say the least. But it could be linked with your journaling, or it could be different. But if you pull up a list of your long term goals, would this item align with those gaols? Now just because it doesn’t, doesn’t mean you don’t get it – these are just factors to feed into the decision. My collection of smut books doesn’t really align with my long term goals, but they’re fun…
• Seek guidance from divination. A pendulum using yes/no. A card pull. Ogham. There’s all sorts of ways that Brigid can send signs. And other people as well, obviously. But I’m assuming you’re reading this blog because you have an interest at least in Brigid.
• Trust your gut. Sometimes, your gut is your best guide ever. Does this feel right? Is it a serious consideration that this might adversely affect your life if you do or don’t get the thing?

In the end…

It’s only you that knows. So, for me, I do buy things that look pretty, or don’t really qualify as a “need” all the time. So just because something is a “want” isn’t a big deal. That’s why Maslow has that “hierarchy” of needs, in that really, if you’re worried about getting enough food into you, or your physical safety, you’re not going to be worried about whether that food is healthy. You’re going to care about whether it will fill you up enough.

But being clear on your values helps make those decisions. Being clear on your long term goals makes it easier to decide. Even acknowledging and caring about your own areas of weaknesses (for me: books, chocolate, clothes) help you in deciding one whether something is a want or a need. And if it is a want, is it a want that’s going to be fulfilled?

It’s hard to work out this path. I know.

But it’s so worth it to be solid in yourself, in your decisions, in your desires.