Tag: brigid’s path

Spiritual Leadership

I’ve been on threads a lot over the last few weeks. Yes, it’s still Meta, but it’s better than X. (In my opinion, obvs!)

And yes, I have written about this before. But there’s a different slant on it this time. Because, sometimes, in warning people about potential dangers, concerns or potholes on their path, we’re denounced with “gatekeeping”, “blocking”, or “hiding information”. In my opinion, yes, there are folk who gatekeep knowledge. Usually with good reason. But I want to talk about some of the responsibilities inherent in being a spiritual leader in the modern world.

Spiritual leadership isn't just pretty pictures. Although this one is lovely. A figure standing in a valley, with a multicoloured night sky above them, going from orange on the left, pink in the middle and blue on the right.

What Spiritual Leadership Actually Means Today

At its core, spiritual leadership isn’t about titles or followers but about service, presence, and accountability. It means showing up with integrity, Listening more than you speak. Possibly most importantly, acknowledging the limits of your own knowledge.

In older Irish traditions, leaders weren’t chosen because they demanded authority – they were recognised because they lived in a way the community trusted. The bean feasa rarely if ever chose their own title.

The same remains true now: leadership is earned through action, not assumed through aesthetics or self-branding. As in, judge the leader by their actions, not their words.

And remember, it’s easy to show a persona on social media. It’s not so easy to get your hands dirty in the real world.

The Responsibilities of Holding Knowledge

One of the deepest responsibilities in spiritual leadership is knowing when knowledge should be shared. And when it requires grounding, maturity, or support. Some practices stir unresolved trauma; others raise energy people aren’t ready to channel; others belong to lineages or traditions that require preparation. Sharing everything instantly, without context, isn’t generosity. It’s carelessness. Responsible leaders offer information at the right time, in the right setting, with the right structure.

This is particularly true with closed practices. Practitioners have the right to maintain control over traditional practices. Not to mention – point on when someone isn’t following traditional ways. I see a lot of people, every single fucking year saying Brigid is so gentle, and calm, and quiet. This is not held true by either saint or deity original texts. At all. And so, I challenge it.

And I’m usually challenged saying I don’t know what I’m talking about.

The thing is, I do know what I’m talking about on this. While Brigid can be extremely calm and supportive, she is the transformative fire. The healing ocean.

She’s not a delicate flower.

When Warnings Get Misinterpreted

Part of modern spiritual leadership is accepting that sometimes people will misunderstand you. When you say “not yet,” some will hear “never.” When you explain the need for foundation, some will accuse you of controlling the path. This is less about your intent, and more about the listener’s insecurities, expectations, or impatience. Digital platforms reward speed over depth, certainty over nuance. And warnings rarely survive that environment intact.

Everyone wants to know everything now, all at once. And some see this caution to wait, to learn, as blocking and gatekeeping. No more than a 4-yr old playing with fire, there are some things spiritually that will burn you. And frankly, a sensible leader will point this out.

Not every learner wants to listen, and that then causes more work for the spiritual leader. Usually cleaning up the mess.

Think I’m joking? I’m really not. If you’re not capable of cleaning up your own mess, someone else has to. And while that’s acceptable for a 4-yr old, it’s not for an adult.

Why Not Everything Should Be Freely Distributed

Every tradition includes knowledge that must be handled with care, and spiritual leadership means understanding that not all information belongs on the open internet. Some practices require initiation; some require safety structures; some require a relationship with land, deity, or community. Sharing everything freely isn’t transparency. It’s removing the protective container that allows deep work to unfold safely.

I’m asked sometimes why some courses and workshops are so tightly controlled in numbers. It’s so I can take care of the people involved and I won’t get overwhelmed by the number of things happening at once. I know my limits when it comes to virtual and in-person energy management. And to be honest, the virtual stuff is harder for me to manage. It’s much easier for me to manage energy in person.

I hold virtual events to be more accessible. But they take more out of me, they cost me more in time, energy, etc and therefore they will be charged at a higher cost.

I won’t extend myself beyond what I’m capable of. And I won’t deliver information or teachings that I’m not comfortable delivering.

Boundaries as Sacred Responsibility

This is a bit of a continuation. Healthy boundaries are essential to sustainable spiritual leadership, even if they disappoint people. Leaders cannot be endlessly available, constantly accessible, or permanently open. Boundaries ensure that the leader’s own energy, wellbeing, and practice remain intact. They ensure that the community receives considered, grounded guidance rather than exhaustion-frayed scraps of attention. A leader with no boundaries can’t lead for long.

Being blunt about it, a leader with no boundaries will burn themselves out. Usually, quickly. That’s whether being physically available for consults, or spiritually available for teaching. Some teaching requires a lot more energy form the teacher, and the student should be grateful when a teacher realises they should wait before teaching it. It’s safety, it’s consideration, it’s common sense.

Leadership Without Ego

Ego has no place in genuine spiritual leadership. True leaders make space, not empires. They guide without demanding devotion. They stay rooted in humility, continuing to learn, listen, evolve, and question. And they don’t seek to create dependency but to foster sovereignty. The role isn’t about being elevated above others; it’s about being in right relationship with the work, the community, the land, and the divine.

Now look, we’re all human. We all have egos. That’s not what I’m talking about. But a spiritual leader should be able to put that ego aside and do what’s best for the community. And sometimes, that means taking a step back and letting someone else lead. Or even, taking a step back and letting someone continue on their path without the leader.

Sometimes, it means letting a student make a small mistake now, to prevent a larger mistake later.

And sometimes, it means realising we’re not the right person to help this student and leaving them go.

A Call to Discernment

As you navigate your own path, consider what spiritual leadership looks like in practice. Not the titles or branding, but the behaviour. Look for people who share responsibly, who act with integrity, and who don’t flinch from offering uncomfortable truth when needed. And if you’re stepping into leadership yourself, remember that your words carry weight. Your guidance matters. Your boundaries matter. And your discernment, more than anything, shapes the path you help build.

Brigid myths

A picture of the mural in Drogheda, with one half showing a green cloaked nun and the other a red haired goddess. Brigid myths might have you believing one or the other, but really - at this point - there's no concrete evidence.
The mural by Belfast-based artist Friz in Drogheda, celebrating both saint and goddess

It was Imbolc this weekend past (well depending on when you celebrate it) and wow, were the Brigid Myths flying. So, I thought I’d settle a few bits and bobs here. And, as always with Brigid, there’s a lot of fuzziness and liminality at play.

Brigid Myth 1: She’s only a goddess that the Christians stole

I’m gonna be honest here, I struggle with this one. Because stealing old celebrations and overplanting them with new Christian ones was a definite feature of the early Church. Just check out Gregory the Great. As far as the thinking went, it made it easier for people to convert if they didn’t have to change where they worshipped and if there was a fine building there anyway, why bother knocking it down and rebuilding. The early Church was a great proponent of the re-use/ re-cycle methodology of spreading the faith.

In his more recent episode, Finn Dwyer of the Irish History podcast explored the possibility that St. Brigid was a real woman, as opposed to a mythical figure. I’ll leave his episode below for you to find out his final conclusion.

Brigid Myth 2: She’s only a saint that the neopagans stole

I mean, ok, there’s a bit more evidence for this thought process. There are, after all, only 4 bits of pre-Christian lore (all recorded well after Christianity came to these isles) on Brigid the goddess. (You can check out my very brief intro to these four bits of lore, for free, here)

We have, in fact, far more writings about the saint than we do the goddess. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t exist. There are suggestions that it is possible Brigid was brought to the shores of Ireland by… of all things… a group of Brigantes in north-east England. (Well, modern day north-east England. I don’t think England existed at the time as an entity)

I know it seems terrible, but even a stopped clock is right twice a day, and occasionally, something good comes out of England. (My husband would be another example…)

Brigid Myth 3: She’s meek and loving and mild

Sweet holy fuck no. Look I’m sorry. But the swearing is necessary. There’s a reason I called this place the Forge and not the Soft, Cushy, Temperate Place.

Brigid is hot. Fiery. Have a temper. Even in the hagiographies of the saints they couldn’t hide this. This has to be one of the worst Brigid myths out there. And it’s lulling people into a false sense of security. No. Just fucking no.

I mean she can be. But it’s more in the way of a tough doctor who has been through some shit and can be soft when they make a big effort and someone really, really needs it. Just stop with this one.

Brigid Myth 4: Goddess of hearth and home

Look, I get it. It’s an off shoot of the “meek and mild” bollox. It’s not true. We don’t have anything linking her to hearth and home.

As a goddess, she is a Poet (Old Irish sense of lawyer, creative writer, academic), Smith, and Healer. Gonna be honest – all of these have until the very recent past been male dominated professions. Yes there is a sense she may have been a woman-physician, as a physician that caters to women. But it’s still a tough gig. And none of the above professions lend themselves to a domestic goddess. (Pun not really intended there)

I get the idea of being linked to fire. I get it. But it’s not in the lore.

I don’t know where in the name of Jesus this came from. We have no real links between Brigid and bread. Dairy – butter in particular – oh yes. Oodles of links in fact. Domesticated animals? Absolutely, goddess and saint.

But bread???

Not really.

If you want to bake bread as part of your Imbolc celebrations, more power to you. The Irish consider bread an essential utensil in the whole “moving the butter to the mouth” process. There’s nothing better than a loaf fresh from the oven, dripping in fresh butter.

But there’s nothing linking Brigid to bread directly.

Brigid Myth 6: There’s no need to pronounce the B in Imbolc

Ok, not technically a Brigid myth as such. But definitely linked to my rising blood pressure this weekend. For this one, I even did an insta video on the topic.

(And if you’re not following me over on Instagram, sure you can drop that at the same time)

But there is most definitely a B to be pronounced in Imbolc. It is not “Immolc”.

Brigid Myth 7: There is One True Day to celebrate Imbolc.

Again, this is more Imbolc than Brigid, but sure, feck it, the two are intertwined in modern times.

There are a number of says and times to celebrate Imbolc. I most often celebrate on 31st January. Because it’s the eve of St. Brigid’s Day (1st February). Other people choose “astrological Imbolc”, the midpoint between solstice and equinox (this year, that’s today, 3rd Feb). Still others link their festivities to Candlemas, 2nd Feb.

And, if I’m being really honest, since Ireland recently got a bank holiday for the occasion, if there’s a big ritual or group event I’m doing, it’s going to be on that bank holiday weekend.

While in the modern world, we like to think of dates being right, correct and accurate, it’s not always the case. I know people who celebrate Samhain from dark moon to dark moon, since they view it as a season, not a single night. I kinda do the same with Imbolc, but it’s most of January and some of February.

Most of the traditions in Ireland happen around the 31st January. Check out Duchas for more on that. But remember, your spiritual path has to fit your life. What you do in private is up to you and no one else.

Don’t be calling things traditional that aren’t though.

Finally…

We had all the usual shite about Brigid being associated with this crystal and that colour. We had the arguments over 3-pronged vs 4-pronged cross. All the usual stuff. I’ve given up engaging with it at this point. Although I will be trying to do a video showing how I do the 3-pronged cross. Cos, yeah – it’s the 3rd February and I’ve not made my crosses yet this year!

I hope this helps. Please share it where you think it might do some good!

Listening to ourselves

I struggling with listening to my body. And I think this is something we all struggle with: listening to ourselves. Even when we desperately need rest!

Last week started by me being attacked by the shed in our garden. (Pic of similar shed below for entertainment purposes) I came into work and said the shed had jumped out at me and hit the car.

Everyone knew what I meant. Everyone realised I didn’t actually believe the shed had jumped at me. If ever a shed existed that is unlikely to jump anywhere, it’s the stereotypical Irish stone shed.

I'm fairly certain we could learn from this shed about listening to ourselves. It's a stone built Irish shed, with corrugated roof and one slit window, one slightly square window, grass in the foreground. It's doing nothing but what it's built to do!
Very typical construction here

What was going on?

Apparently, either an ear infection, a sinus infection or a wonderful mixture of both. On finally heading to the doctor later, he decided the nuclear option was best and put me on antibiotics. And painkilling cream in case it was my jaw.

Why am I bothering telling you this?

Because I didn’t back into the shed, ahem, I mean, the shed didn’t attack me, completely unprovoked, because I was on top of my game. I was dizzy, tired, sick, and probably, in hindsight, shouldn’t have been driving.

Small details.

The key thing is, I’d been fighting something off for weeks. It wasn’t quite bad enough to take time off work, or, horror of horrors, actually go see the doctor. But it was bad enough to make my life miserable. If I’d been better versed in listening to myself, I might have picked up on just how bad I’d felt sooner.

But I didn’t. Because I have been well schooled in the art of not “listening to ourselves”.

Listening to ourselves in a world which doesn’t want us to

Y’see, if I had listened to myself, I might have realised that this thing wasn’t going away. It had been operating in my system and my system was kinda containing it, but not really defeating it.

And a cold/flu/ear infection/ sinus infection thing that’s lasting for a month? Probably needs something more than Vick’s Vaporub to fix it.

I had work to get through.

I’m working (slowly) on a part time doctorate.

Running Brigid’s Forge and EngineerHer.

Managing home, school and work.

There’s a lot on. And I’m not saying this, because I think I’ve got it worse than anyone else. We’ve all got a lot on.

The modern world is not made for simplicity.

And that’s all before you take into account the shitshow that’s currently going down in numerous places across the world… (but, y’know, hard side-eye towards the US here)

It’s easier for the world at large if we don’t listen to ourselves. It’s easier for our families, our workplaces, everyone, if we just keep on keeping on.

And there’s times we have to do that New baby, audit in work, major project… whatever it is, there are times we actually do have to keep on keeping on. But not always.

And we fall into the trap. We cope, because we see no other way.

Listening to ourselves leads to failure, or dropping the ball on something.

Hard lessons

One of the strongest lessons I learned earlier in my career was when I was off work, sick, for 3 months. I came back and checked in with my boss on all the things that were deemed so important, so vital to the running of the business.

90% of them hadn’t been kept up while I was away. So, I took a radical step. I stopped doing them.

If they weren’t important enough for someone else to pick up, then why was I wasting my time? I immediately freed up almost 20hours a week.

HALF MY WORKING WEEK.

I had been running myself ragged working on reports, presentations, information… that nobody really needed.

I had most definitely not been listening to myself.

Now, mind you, I’m a slow learner. That wasn’t the first, or indeed, the last time I work myself sick. Last week was a minor example of it.

But we have to ask ourselves: when we don’t listen to ourselves, what good are we to our people?

Whether our people are family, friends, colleagues, dependents, whatever – what good are we?

That old thing about no one praising someone at their funeral for spending all that time in the office?

The Act of Radical Listening to Ourselves

I read Louis Hay‘s work on racial self care years ago. It’s a bit dated now, but there is some good stuff in there. First and foremost, she advocates listening to ourselves. Our bodies. Our souls.

And taking the time to rest and allow these messages to come through.

In a world where the powers that be appear to want us chaotic and confused, resting and knowing ourselves (those of us with the privilege to do so, of course) is radical.

It’s an expression of intent.

Or an invitation for care.

Rest.

Absorption and integration.

(And while we’re on the topic – yes, you can grab a limited spot on the upcoming Imbolc retreat to do just this, if you wish)

But in the meantime, think about how you can build in listening to yourself as a continual thing. How do you build in rest when it’s needed? How do you recognise you need rest? (Highly recommend not backing into the shed as a wake up call. Seriously!)

Is it meditation? Time away from everyone? Regular catch ups with close friends? How do you best build in that time?

Drop me a line and let me know!

Rest

Rest is a common enough theme for me at this time of year. This year though, I’m feeling a pull towards more. More rest? Certainly. But a different kind.

Even the weather agrees. Yesterday, it lashed down all day. Ag stealladh báistí you might say.

Today? Well look below.

Even the weather is encouraging rest! A picture of my garden, surrounded by fog. Trees are vague shapes in the background, the sky is various shades of grey, but at least the grass is green!
Yes this is what I woke up to this morning. Well this is a couple of hours after I woke up cos a pic at 7am would just show black…

It’s not that I was planning on a massively active day today, or anything. But when the weather agrees with my own inner feelings, my gut… sometimes it’s ok to listen.

Privilege

Yes, it is most certainly a privilege to talk about rest right now.

Iran. Ukraine. Yemen. Gaza. Sudan. And so many others. (Yes that line is copied directly from my threads post yesterday!)

The people in those places, and many places in the US, I’m not forgetting ye, can’t afford to rest right now. They have a fight to wage. And they’ve been waging it – for years in some cases.

So, when I say I’m recognising my privilege, I mean it.

When I’m talking about rest for me right now, I’m talking about the space before stepping back in. The stillness in allowing flow, rather than forcing issues.

I’m thinking about space that comes before the action.

So what rest do I mean?

The earth is still resting for the year. Oh, we can see the signs of growth, the small green shoots coming up, the signs of life returning after the stillness of the winter.

(Although “stillness of winter” isn’t too accurate in Ireland!!)

And if, like me, you have been resting over the winter and are now looking to do something, you might be thinking “more rest????”

Fair. But listen to me a while.

For those of us not currently in an active war zone (ahem… “active” and “warzone” are open to interpretation here, side eyes to a certain Turtle Island government) we can take time, regroup, and then be ready to step in.

It might not be an option for you in your whole life, but maybe there are parts of your life that you can use this time for rest. Maybe you need to think about areas where it’s just not the time to be pushing right now.

There are areas of my life where pushing, chasing, forcing issues – it’s just not the right time.

It’s still time for planning, preparing the ground, resting.

Examples?

I want several things to happen this year in work. But now isn’t the time to chase them.

  • a promotion for a team member
  • knowing what my bonus and merit increase is
  • what are the plans for the business in the coming 2-3 years

I already have an idea about timelines for all of these and while I might want to know, right now, right this second, there’s no point in forcing this issue.

But areas I can move forward on:

  • my personal activities in work
  • gathering evidence to support my promotion activities
  • taking the next logical steps for the current ways the business is going

It’s amazing how, no matter how many different businesses I work in, I see the same patterns for the year…

It works in my personal life as well. I can’t force us buying a house. But I can make the daily steps that will lead to that at some point in the future.

I can take a rest from relentlessly pushing forward on my spiritual path, but still take the time to assimilate and bed in the learnings and changes so far.

It’s ok for an activity or a time to not look productive.

Rest as an act of rebellion

Again – this is privilege.

But rest, time spend not being productive can be an act of rebellion in a world that demands productivity at all times.

Time spent assimilating and re-grouping before the next round of activity is not laziness, not evil. It’s essential.

And it’s a lot easier for the various “bodies” (government, societal, religious, political, etc) to control us when we don’t give ourselves time.

Our minds and bodies need time to rest. Need time to not be productive. Not be a willing cog in the machine.

As women, we carry a lot. (It’s multiplied by Black women, women under oppression, women in war zones… intersectionality, remember???) And sometimes, even a single deep breath can feel like an immense act.

I get it.

But think about where in your life you can rest right now. Where do you need time for assimilation?

What is it ok to stop pushing?

And simply… rest.

Ascending to Imbolc

Ascending to Imbolc and lighting candles all round us! A female looking hand holds a small thin lit candle against a background of more candles.
Your Imbolc prep requires candles, right?

I’ve written before around preparing for Imbolc. I mean, I generally write a few times a year on the topic. But this year, I want to discuss ascending to Imbolc. Because, I want to change the focus a little bit.

I want to talk about coming up out of winter and into Spring.

Out of darkness, into the light.

Away from dreams and into action.

Do you get the feeling I’m projecting? The energy of the earth is starting to wake up again. The plants have already started growing again here in Ireland. No, seriously.

Climate change is real.

Ascending to Imbolc

But what do I mean by ascending to Imbolc?

Just that, really. The movement from dreaming to doing. The change in energy of the earth. Part of the year when we start thinking about “new year, new you” rubbish.

A picture of some green snowdrops with white petals showing against brown twigs and brown earth.
Snowdrops, in Dublin on St. Stephen’s Day

It won’t be long before we’ll be proclaiming the “grand stretch in the evenings”.

And, yes, I know, half of ye, at least, are still in a stupor of Christmas turkey and ham, boxes of sweets, mince pies, etc. But that’s half the reason that Imbolc feels like an ascent rather than a descent.

The energy is low at this time of the year. We’ve just passed midwinter, the Solstice, when the sun is at its weakest (in the Northern Hemisphere – of you’re in Australia, New Zealand, Oceania, etc – come back to this post round the end of June, ok?)

But now?

Now the energy’s rising! (From about 25 seconds in anyway)

We’re moving upward. Out of the winter blankies. Out of the earth. Into the sun. Ascending to Imbolc.

Practically speaking?

Well, it’s the perfect time to start thinking about developing that daily spiritual relationship with Brigid. Or thinking about developing your own spiritual path. But aside from that.

Ascending to Imbolc can mean putting in the last preparations for the festival. Cleaning the house, clearing out the energy after being stuck in winter. Shaking out the cobwebs – figuratively and literally. Read something challenging – either because of literacy level or challenging ideas.

Start gathering what supplies you need, or planning when your ritual will take place. Or start planning to do nothing at all, and how does that look?

Look for the signs – things like those snowdrops. Or the grass growing. Maybe buds on trees, or even leaves.

Recognise the world around you is ascending as well. The development and growth during winter is usually underground – seeds and plants hibernating in a way. And we do it as well. Get through to the end of the year.

But now? Now it’s clear decision time. Where is your energy going to go come spring? When we ascend into Imbolc, when we climb the metaphorical ladder to return to the light, what are we returning to?

The world as it was?

Or are we choosing to change?

Maybe it’s too early yet

Maybe it’s a bit early yet to plan out the year all in one go.

But if you have the chance – make some decisions now. Write them down. Get organised to put them into place.

Then once we’ve ascended into Imbolc – it’s all go, no holds barred, let’s do this thing!!

Brigid and guilt

I know Brigid isn’t strongly associate with Christmas or Solstice for that matter. But guilt is. It’s a big one this time of year! Today we’re going to talk about how to manage guilt and use Brigid to help.

Now, I’ve written in passing about guilt before. But I’ve not done a deep dive into it at all. And particularly with women, particularly at this time of year, guilt tends to end up playing a major role in events.

OK, this isn't Brigid and guilt, but it does show a cartoon woman, with a collar and chain around her neck, and a large ball with "guilt" written on it that she's trying to pull around with her. Guilt has weight.
OK, it’s not always this obvious, but that’s part of the problem!

Guilt vs Shame

The two can often get confused. I like Psychology Today‘s differentiation:

Shame and guilt are two closely related concepts. While each has been defined in different ways, guilt is typically linked to some specific harm, real or perceived, and shame involves negative feelings about one’s self more generally.

Now, ok that article doesn’t link Brigid and guilt, but bear with me, ok?

Guilt has been posited to be useful in developing social conscience, communities, interpersonal relationships. Mainly in the “apologising when we do wrong” arena. But honestly, that’s not the guilt we’re talking about here.

The problem is that guilt can lead to shame. And both can lead to, or be an element in, mental illness.

So, y’know, I like to give some options.

Particular guilt around holidays

Listen, this is a time of year when “you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people, all of the time” comes into play. Brigid didn’t play with guilt when she had stuff she needed to get done! But also, Brigid wasn’t living in the modern world…

There are loads of conflicting priorities and it gets worse where there are kids involved.

  • Cost of presents
  • Trying to ensure the child doesn’t get the same pressie from 5 different people
  • The time everything takes
  • The inevitable feeling that one family or another feels left out
  • The growing list of things that make up Christmas (or Hannukah, or Solstice, or whatever your holiday is at this time of year)
  • The feeling of begrudgery at having to do all of this
  • The feeling of guilt over the begrudgery, followed by anger at the guilt, followed by guilt at the “lack of gratitude”…

Listen, we can spiral away here. What we need are some tried and true tactics.

Brigid, Guilt, What?

Brigid doesn’t play with guilt too much. Particularly in the hagiographies, we see her, time and again, taking steps to make things better rather than live with the guilt.

There’s no element of guilt in here when she makes an unborn baby “go away”. (Read: abortion). Certainly none mentioned at giving away her father’s sword, not to mention pulling out her brother’s eye…

She’s fierce practical, and practicality doesn’t always leave room for guilt. It does sometimes, no one’s perfect. But, y’know, it’s a barrier against guilt.

Y’see, it’s not that Brigid doesn’t feel guilt, I’m sure of that. The TDD weren’t necessarily human in the way we understand it, but they overlap a lot with humans. And that means guilt is on the menu.

But we can’t let guilt paralyse us.

What can we do?

Well, first and foremost, outline the areas where you might be feeling guilt. For most of us, it’s conflicting family needs and wants. There are many people who have a fixed idea of what Christmas must look like and any deviation from that is sacrilegious.

And when you’re the person who needs/wants to deviate from that set idea… well, it can lead to guilt tripping on a massive scale.

Now – there are people who will tell you they don’t feel guilt. I challenge those people to deal with a Catholic family background and say the same. It’s not that it’s a moral failing to not feel guilt. It’s more that it’s bred or bet into us…

So, what are the situations that guilt comes up?

  • Kids don’t get the toys they want
  • Parents or in-laws don’t feel like you’ve spent enough time with them
  • People feel the exchange of gifts was unequal

Honestly, the top two there are the main ones, and really… the second one is the killer.

Brigid was a mother too

Very true. And I’ve no doubt, as a mother, Brigid used guilt as a weapon in her toolbox to try and engage with her kid(s)

And, going by my experience in the last few days, it’s usually mothers pulling on the guilt strings. Worse – it’s usually their daughters they’re pulling on.

When the sayings such as “your son is your son til he gets a wife, your daughter is your daughter all your life” are still so common, maybe it’s no wonder.

But as Gen X women, and older Millennials, we are breaking these chains, ok?

And that means standing up and shaking off the guilt. Reach into yourself and imagine how you want your kids to feel about you in their 40’s, 50’s and beyond.

And think of what’s important to you in this holiday season.

Truly important

Do you hanker after a house full of people, chaotic, but full of love?

Is more a quiet day with no phones beeping?

A grand feast, with everyone squishing around the table?

My husband? His essential component is the Dr Who Christmas Special.

Mine? Two solid days away from work, emails, etc to read. And watch some films.

It hasn’t been easy getting here. But we had always said once we got married, we’d be spending Christmas on our own, building our own traditions.

But once people have built expectations, how do you re-set?

Bit by bit.

Looks, Brigid – nor guilt – never said things were easy or quick. And this probably won’t be either. But this year, pick one thing that is truly important to you. Is it a carol service? A walk with the family? A single hour alone, with no demands being placed on you?

Talk to those who will be affected by this. Set this plan in motion. Make sure it’s feasible. While I’d love to fly our whole family over to Lanzarote for a week in the sun – it’s not feasible. Not unless I win the lotto tomorrow night and even then…

But be clear on what you’re claiming for you this Christmas.

But the guilt, Orlagh!

Yeah, I know. Just remember, someone else trying to guilt you, doesn’t mean you have to take on their attempts.

And always have a few key phrases in your back pocket.

  1. “I hear that this matters to you. Here’s what I can realistically do.”
    This acknowledges their feelings while clearly stating your limits.
  2. “I appreciate how much you care about family traditions. I need to do what works for my family this year.”
    Shows respect for their values but asserts your autonomy.
  3. “I understand this is disappointing. My decision is not about you, it’s about what’s best for me right now.”
    Separates their emotions from your choices, reducing guilt.
  4. “I love you and want to enjoy our time together. That means I need to set this boundary so I don’t feel overwhelmed.”
    Frames the boundary as a way to preserve the relationship.
  5. “I can’t do everything you’re asking, but here’s what I can offer.”
    Keeps the tone collaborative while maintaining control.

Now, this isn’t easy. Especially not if you’re not used to setting boundaries and dealing with guilt. But it’s worth it.

The above phrases are the basis, but you’ll probably need to adjust to suit your situations. For example:

  1. Listen, I know you love the whole family being there on Christmas Day. The thing is, it’s a 3 hour round trip and we’ll be exhausted. How about we spend the night on the 28th instead?
  2. I completely understand that ye’ve always gone to Midnight Mass together. But we need to start traditions for our family now. And for us, it’s more important for the kids to get to bed before 9pm than to go to Midnight Mass.
  3. I completely understand you’re disappointed about not seeing us on Christmas Day. This isn’t about not wanting to see you, it’s about letting the kids relax in their own home.
  4. I love you, I want to spend time with you. But honestly, I finish work on Christmas Eve and I’m back in on the 27th. I just need to crash those few days so I don’t get completely overwhelmed.
  5. I don’t get enough time off work to stay with ye for 2 weeks. I could come up for New Year’s Eve and stay 2 days?

While Brigid might not have had to deal with this sort of guilt, she doesn’t understand clear boundaries. Operating in the liminal can be powerful, but when it comes to families – clear, concrete, deliberate boundaries tend to work best.

Don’t spend the holidays eaten up with guilt

Take a leaf out of Brigid’s book and try to wash away the guilt. It doesn’t do any good and basically, ties you and probably half the family in knots.

Set clear boundaries.

Stick to said boundaries.

Plan in time for your important thing.

And do better next year!

Spiritual freedom: If you prick us…

… do we not bleed? Spiritual freedom is today’s topic and I’m feeling angry.

Spiritual freedom was not a thing in Shakespearian England: To bait fish withal: if it will feed nothing else, it will feed my revenge. He hath disgraced me, and hindered me half a million; laughed at my losses, mocked at my gains, scorned my nation, thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies; and what's his reason? I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian wrong a Jew, what should his sufferance be by Christian example? Why, revenge. The villany you teach me, I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction.
The full quote from Act III, Scene I, The Merchant of Venice

Shylock’s quote from The Merchant of Venice is oft quoted as speaking to the humanity of Jewish people. I mean, context is a thing here, but I want to explore a few things today that is strongly linked to this.

Brigid’s Path

I speak about helping women find their spiritual path and recover from strict, rigid, patriarchal, religious rules. Usually, I help them find the path that’s right for them. I help them find the spiritual freedom that has eluded them so far. That doesn’t mean abandoning the religion of their youth. Not always.

It can mean deconstructing and re-learning the core truths of that religion, in a way that strips the whole process of the patriarchal bullshit.

It can mean walking away and never engaging with that religion again.

It’s about what’s right for the person I’m working with.

Why am I talking about this?

Bondi Beach

The shootings on Bondi Beach, the murders on Bondi Beach, have the global Jewish community reeling. It’s very soon after the Manchester murders. It’s definitely a sign of rising anti-Semitism across the globe.

But as the article from the Irish Times points out – it’s no better for Muslims right now. Islamophobia is rising as well. (Yes, there are countries – plural – that has Islam as the majority religion, whereas there is only one – singular – where Judaism is the majority religion).

People are often shocked when I won’t decry one religion or the other. I don’t know why – again, I work with (mostly) women to help them find the spiritual freedom they crave!

I will speak to religions I know about – mainly the Irish flavour of Roman Catholicism, and sometimes Christianity more generally. But the faith at the heart of that religion? They all generally come down to the same issues.

  • Treat people right
  • Be decent to each other and the land and the animals
  • Don’t be an asshole

Ok, the technical definition of the above changes according to times and seasons and places, but that doesn’t mean they are wrong, as such.

Spiritual Freedom

I believe, deeply, that we all have the right to spiritual freedom. And by that – I mean, the right to practice our spirituality as long as it doesn’t impact on other people in a serious way.

Because someone told me earlier that lighting a candle in public impacts on other people. Seriously?

90% of my spiritual practice involves lighting candles and you want me to agree it’s wrong?? Go to hell.

Gathering in public doesn’t not, inherently, impinge on your life. Otherwise, people would have limits on how many teenagers are allowed in one place at one time…

Hang on…

It’s not about the religion

It’s about people seeing differences and being uncomfortable.

  • they dress differently
  • they speak a different language(s)
  • attending religious ceremonies on a different day!
  • eating weird food

I hope it’s obvious where I’m going with this.

It’s not about the religion.

Really, it’s about excuses. Deep down – it’s about not wanting to have to learn.

It’s about discomfort and it being easy to just write people off.

I’m just not here for it, people.

Human Rights

According to the Hague, the 18th Human Right is:

18. Freedom of thought and religion

Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.

You see? This is basic shit.

Either we stand for all or we stand for none. In the end, I’m the wrong person to come to, expecting to see me decrying an entire population.

I live in the liminal too often.

I’ve said it before, I will say it again:

This is not about fucking religion.

Control? Sure. Fearmongering? Absolutely. “Othering” folk to make sure that fearmongering keeps strong? Definitely.

So, don’t let them fucking win. Remember – the power is with the people. Vote. Protest. Write. Phone.

Do whatever the hell means you have to remind your friends, neighbours, politicians that these people are just that: people.

Think about it: if people can refer to one group as vermin, who will they come from next?

If there’s a religious group that’s a legitimate target, what happens when they’re all gone?

What are you willing to put up with?

Preparing for Imbolc: A Gentle Invitation to Begin Now

As the days shorten and the year winds down, many of us feel the pull to turn inward – to rest, reflect, and reconnect with what matters most. Preparing for Imbolc doesn’t appear in our minds right now. But wait…

In the Irish seasonal calendar, this time of year is a quiet descent toward Imbolc, the festival that marks the first stirrings of spring. It’s a time of deep listening, of preparing the ground, both within and without, for what’s to come.

But if you’ve ever felt unsure about how to actually prepare for Imbolc, you’re not alone.

Maybe you’ve read about people leaving cloths out for Brigid, lighting candles, or holding rituals – but you’re not quite sure what it all means, or how to make it your own.

That’s exactly why I created this course.

An image showing the poster for Awakening the Flame, a three month journey to prepare for Imbolc. It shows a picture of Brigid with red ahri flowing around her, info around the course - that's outline in the text as well,: 5 online modules Extra meditations and documents Gradually providing ideas Building towards Imbolc
Poster for the Awakening the Flame course

Preparing for Imbolc: A Three-Month Journey of Spiritual Grounding

Starting in November, I’ll be guiding a small group through the same practices and reflections I use to prepare for Imbolc each year. This isn’t about doing more – it’s about doing what’s meaningful.

Together, we’ll explore a three-fold framework that supports your:

🌿 Physical preparation – tending to your space, your body, your home
💧 Emotional preparation – making space for reflection, release, and renewal
🔥 Spiritual preparation – connecting with Brigid as Smith, Poet, and Healer

You’ll learn how these archetypes can guide your own ritual design – whether you’re new to this path or have been walking it for years.

This Course Is for You If…

  • You feel drawn to Brigid and the Irish seasonal cycle, but want more structure and support
  • You’re craving a spiritual practice that’s both rooted in tradition and adaptable to modern life
  • You want to prepare for Imbolc in a way that honours your energy, your time, and your truth
  • You’re ready to create a ritual or observance that feels yours – not just a copy of someone else’s

Why Start Now?

Because true preparation takes time.


Your spiritual life deserves spaciousness.

The descent into winter is sacred too.

This course gives you three months to gently explore, reflect, and prepare. So that when Imbolc arrives, you’re not scrambling to “get it right.” You’re arriving with presence, clarity, and connection.

Join Me

✨ If you’re ready to deepen your relationship with Brigid, with the Irish seasonal cycle, and with your own inner wisdom — I’d love to walk this path with you.

✨Or you can pay all in one go here.

Let’s prepare for Imbolc — not in a rush, but in rhythm.

The one bad apple

A picture of several green apples, with one in the middle obviously rotten and infecting the ones around it. This applies to our spirituality as well!
One bad apple spoils the whole barrel

Very often, we talk about bad apples in organisations. But it’s often in the context of being a “one off” or an unusual event. It seems that people have forgotten about the full phrase and why it is key to root out the bad apples. (Why yes, this is following on from my thoughts last week on people…)

Apparently the phrase goes back to the 16th century, according to Merriam-Webster. (Great article there on the phrase, by the way!) And the full phrase?

One bad apple spoils the whole barrel.

People appear to forget this in the modern usage. The whole point of the phrase is that, given enough time, one piece of rotten fruit will spoil an entire barrel. And given enough time – one rotten person will spoil an entire organisation.

We’ve all seen it. A nice group, focused on a singular goal, working well together. Someone comes in. Starts causing trouble. Not in a positive way, but starts engaging in backbiting, divide-and-conquer tactics to get their own way.

And soon, that’s the way the whole group acts. The original unity of purpose is gone.

I’ve seen it in professional organisations, friend groups, spiritual groups… you name it.

Seriously, though? One Bad Apple?

Yeah, seriously. Y’see, what a person is doing there is moving the Overton Window. They’re moving the band of acceptable behaviour in a group of people.

We’ve seen an example of it in US politics over the last 9 months. Things that were previously thought of as completely anathema, have become normal. OK, I’m not sure that’s down to one, singular bad apple, but the Overton window has certainly moved…

And it works on us, personally as well. Who we spend time with influences our thoughts, our thought patterns, what we consider acceptable and not acceptable in life.

I get it. This feels wrong to be saying, that you shouldn’t hang out with people who you don’t fully agree with on everything. And I don’t think there’s a single person in the world I agree with 100% on everything. But there are lines I draw that make someone ok to spend time with or not.

For example, if I see someone acting in a way I don’t like in a professional setting – being sexist, racist, etc – then that’s not a person I want to spend time with in a social setting. And vice versa. I don’t buy into the idea that business is just that, business. I believe that people show us who they truly where when the repercussions of their behaviour are are minimal.

if someone is a bad apple in a social setting, they are likely to be a bad apple in a professional or spiritual one as well.

What has this got to do with spirituality?

Well, we often speak of community in spiritual circles. And if we’re honest, for many of us, this means virtual community. So it’s not a case of being able to pop round the neighbours for a chat about Samhain rituals. It’s more a case of posting online and seeing who responds.

But sometimes you get so desperate for some face-to-face time with fellow believers that you accept behaviours that are major red flags.

Don’t get me wrong- I’d love to just step outside my door and have a community on my doorstep. But I want it with minimal input from me and to have it ready to go – and life doesn’t work that way. Right now, if I were to take part in that sort of community, I would have to bend some fairly seriously principles of mine…

The bad apple doesn’t always appear as the cartoon villain, y’see.

Cartoon villain?

Yeah – you know, ugly, black cloak, likes to hide in corners?

The bad apple is very often a stalwart member of the community. They’ve created that space for themselves. It can very often be you. Or me.

It can be someone working with the best of intentions, but just not doing the right things. And yes, I agree with this.

What about ourselves as bad apples?

OK, so here’s where we need to consider the bad apple analogy in ourselves.

Because so much of what we do as humans is habit, so entering into good or bad habits can have lasting consequences beyond what we currently see. For example, the first time we skip the gym after a few months of solid work – doesn’t seem to bad. There’s a valid excuse or reason. There’s an injury or car trouble or a big meeting at work.

But then skipping the next time is that bit easier. You’ve already broken your streak after all. it’s not as big a deal.

Pretty so0n, you find yourself back to legging it out of the house in the morning, with nary a thought of the gym in your head.

It works like this for spirituality and morals as well. The first time you break a personal rule, it’s tough. You have to think hard about it. But the second time? So much easier.

So if you meditate every day, skipping one day, doesn’t seem so bad. And to be honest, it probably isn’t.

But the second day? The third day? The tenth day? Those are the days to look out for. Because pretty soon, that time you’d dedicated to spending on your spirituality has disappeared into the ether of work, life and non-spirituality work.

And somehow you find yourself not spending the time you want to spend on your spirituality at all, but you’re doing nothing more with your life either? How do you get back on track?

Well, yeah, I have a few courses that can help with that, but sometimes money isn’t the answer.

Sometimes you have to identify the bad apple

I was at a conference on Friday to do with work – cos why else – and the talk was around self care, twisty careers, mindfulness, little thoughts, all that sort of things. But it struck me – cos I see it all the time with myself – that sometimes we need to identify the bad apples within ourselves.

Now with spirituality, the bad apples show up a bit differently. But it starts with self reflection. It starts with assessing who you are, what you’re doing and what you plan to do. What’s something you want to do, what something you want to stop doing?

What are the habits or practices you’re continuing out of habit, but you know they’re problematic?

Where can you see yourself straying from the path you intend to walk in a negative way?

Some examples would help here, Orlagh

OK fair. Here are some things I had to assess over the last few years:

  • I stopped going to Mass. It was the response of the Church to virtual mass and the concern re collections going down that tipped me over the edge here. I’m still ok to turn up to weddings, funerals, etc – although I know many people aren’t – but my line is weekly Mass.
  • I keep track of the authors I’m reading to make sure I’m reading a diverse range, and not just white men and women. This weekend, because of exhaustion, I got through N. K. Jemison’s Dreamblood duology. Really entertaining and promotes a seriously different way of thinking about the world.
  • I’ve stopped reading and mentioning certain authors who don’t align with my views and who use their platform to support some seriously horrendous thoughts. No, not mentioning them here… but y’know, I bet ye could guess one or two.
  • I’ve stopped shopping in certain places. Because they don’t support my ideals of fair trade and fair wages. Now, this is one area where I can improve further. Shein still features because of their excellent size ranges and they really have outfits I can’t get in my size elsewhere. But I tend to focus the majority of my money on places like Tempted

I know you’re probably thinking, “what in hell has this got to do with spirituality?” Well, Spirituality isn’t just for specific periods of the week. It’s about how we live our lives. And when we live our lives in line with our ideals, our morals and our practices, it makes life flow better.

My shopping habit at Shien is a bad apple, and one I have to keep an eye on. I have set spending limits to manage this and if I see something I love, I search elsewhere to see if I can find it in my size from a better retailer. Unfortunately, the answer to the first part is nearly always no.

(Those who are about to suggest making my own clothes – I love to do this. But it takes time and plus size patterns, neither of which are in good supply)

Bad apples inside ourselves don’t have to be cut out. They should be addressed, evaluated, checked… and when they start spoiling the whole barrel, eradicated. I don’t think my €20 a month habit on Shein is the worst thing in the world. It’s not the best, but not the worst. The clothes I get are either worn to bits or passed on to people I know will wear them. Most of the time.

We’re not perfect. And while the bad apple terminology can seem like we should be perfect, it’s not the case.

But be wary of those little slips. And make sure, when the bad habits creep in, you’re conscious of it.

Brigid, light and people

An image from my instagram account, saying on top
Check out more info here!

I’ve written about light and Brigid before on this blog. On several occasions in fact. And you’re probably wondering what in hell that has to do with my Instagram post this morning.

Bringing a bit of joy and laughter to people’s lives is part of how I lighten up the dark part of the year, shining with the metaphorical Brigid light. (Also why I used so many candles

Does Brigid approve of laughter?

Laughter brings lightness into our lives. We’ve been discussing this in the Collective this week, the experience of joy in spirituality. It’s amazing how many people don’t experience joy in spirituality at all. Or if they do, it’s a very specific kind of joy – like singing in a group.

But we have loads of early Church examples of how spirituality has to come with joy. This includes warmth, akin to the essence of Brigid light, which fills the spirit with happiness.

But first – whenever I talk about joy, I quote Terry Pratchett:

“That’s my daughter,” said the king. “I ought to feel
sad. Why don’t I?”

EMOTIONS GET LEFT BEHIND. IT’S ALL A MATTER OF
GLANDS.

“Ah. That would be it, I suppose.”

― Terry Pratchett, Mort

The words in all caps are from Death, it’s a convention Pratchett uses through the books. And if you’re looking for books to raise the spirits through the winter months, you won’t go too far wrong with the Discworld ones!

But back to the primary question, does Brigid approve of laughter.

Key UPG moment here: this is my opinion, rather than based in lore, but in my experience and in my opinion, yes, Brigid is very approving of laughter. She has the Irish approach to the topic – there’s as much laughing as crying at what might be considered a “normal” funeral in Ireland.

And while she gave us keening, she never stopped us laughing.

Brigid is associated with light in many stories. And some of her stories are genuinely funny – well if you have a twisted sense of humour like I do.

Brigid, light and spiritual joy

Here’s four other Catholic saints calling out for joy in spirituality:

  • “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” – Saint Teresa of Avila
  • “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!” – Saint Paul the Apostle (Philippians 4:4)
  • “The soul of one who serves God always swims in joy, always keeps holiday, and is always in the mood for singing.” – Saint John Vianney
  • St. Augustine of Hippo wrote, “Joy is the net of love by which you can catch souls.”

I particularly enjoy Saint John Vianney there. Always being in the mood for singing tells me he definitely felt joy in his life!

We have in recent centuries become accustomed to religion in particular being dark and dour, rather than light and happy. (All to do with oppression and control to be honest)

Restricting our laughter, our joy, our light, really limits how we can move forward in spirituality. I mean, why would you want to move forward onto a path that is just causing you pain and torment with nothing to lighten things?

Brigid appreciates we’re human and we need the light as much as the darkness. She also understands that there will forever people that will seek to put down and oppress others. We see this all over the world.

But this is where laughter can fight back against that oppression as well.

I read a lot of dystopian fiction

Surprising no one, I’d say. And a lot of the time, I can see a stage in resistance or building to resistance, where things appear so dark, so lonely, so miserable… it’s a wonder anyone can ever consider rebelling.

But then the gleams of lightness and laughter appear. There’s a secret or not-so-secret underground pub or bar. There are songs. There is dancing.

There’s always something.

And so we can use this in our daily lives.

Subvert the expectations. Just because people can impose darkness and oppression, doesn’t mean you can to comply 100% of the time. Brigid brings some light herself, of course. But you can also use her to bring light and bring some on your own as well.

Light the candles. Invite her to join you in watching a favourite film. Or share in a glass of wine, listen to some music, dance…

And the t-shirt, Orlagh? What does that have to do with Brigid and light?

Well that’s simple. People are an entirely different entity than persons. Once you become a person to me – as I said in the Instagram post – things get a lot easier. But people? People? I don’t like people.

Just in general.

The herd mentality is strong in a lot of people, so until people become persons, I distrust them immensely…

I said this in a class, years ago and nearly gave poor Lora a heart attack. Most of the time once I see you face-to-face or talk to you in a class, you move from people to person.

You might say, once I see you in Brigid’s Light, I start looking at you differently!