It’s a lovely idea, isn’t it? That being quiet, diligent, and dependable will naturally lead to recognition and growth. That people will just know what you want. That your energy will speak for itself.
But here’s the truth: silence can be a form of self-abandonment.
You can work hard, stay on top of everything, and still be overlooked. Not because you’re not good enough—but because you haven’t claimed your space. You haven’t spoken your truth.
In the spiritual world, we talk about alignment. But alignment requires clarity. It requires communication. The universe responds to intention, not assumption.
If you don’t speak up, no one will know what lights you up—or what drains you.
No one will know that the weekly report feels like a soul-sucking chore and you’d rather it be shared across the team.
No one will know that you have a master’s in data science and that your soul sparks at the idea of diving into that new project—unless you say it.
Silence doesn’t protect you. It hides you.
You don’t necessarily have to be extremely loud, but you can be proud!!
Repetition Is a Spiritual Practice
Sometimes, you have to repeat yourself. Not because people aren’t listening, but because energy takes time to shift. You’re planting seeds. You’re training the soil.
Think of it like teaching a toddler how to tie their shoes. You don’t say it once and expect mastery. You guide. Rinse and repeat. You hold space for the learning.
So if there’s something you want—something that feels aligned with your gifts—keep saying it. Monthly check-ins. Casual conversations. Intentional nudges.
Trust me, you’re not being annoying. You’re being clear. The Universe takes time to shift…
Taking Up Space Is Sacred Work
Taking up space isn’t just about career progression, or expanding a group’s awareness or educating people. It’s about soul expansion.
Consider walking into rooms with your full energy. Trusting that your voice matters. It’s about choosing connection over comfort.
Sometimes, it means chatting with someone new over coffee. Sometimes, it means sharing your expertise with a project lead or a community action leader. It means speaking up in a meeting or a full room—even if your heart is pounding.
If you’ve ever sat in a meeting thinking, “I know more about this than they do,” then it’s time.
Say the thing.
Don’t Make Yourself Small
The world will try to shrink you. Don’t help it.
At first, you might need a plan. One sentence in a meeting. One email to your manager. One moment of courage.
You might feel awkward. Might chicken out. You might say it and feel exposed.
But you’ll survive. And you’ll grow.
And you might just find that people are listening. That your words carry weight. That your presence shifts the room.
Feeling small doesn’t always look dramatic. It’s not always tears or breakdowns. Sometimes, it’s quiet. Subtle. It’s the way you shrink in meetings. The way you hesitate to share your ideas. The way you convince yourself that your voice isn’t needed.
But here’s the truth: feeling small is a spiritual wound. It disconnects you from your power, your purpose, and your presence.
Let’s explore how it shows up—and how it holds you back.
Saying “Yes” When Your Soul Screams “No”
You keep saying yes. To tasks. Meetings. The next course. A new book. You do it to be helpful, to be liked, to avoid conflict. Or because you feel like you need this. But it’s not from your soul.
And every yes that isn’t aligned chips away at your energy.
Spiritual cost: You lose touch with your inner compass. You start living for others, not from your truth.
Best cartoon I’ve found for “feeling small” and it’s from Erin Lo’s website.
Hiding Your Light
You stay quiet. Don’t share your insights. You let others take the spotlight—even when you know you have something valuable to offer.
Tell yourself it’s humility, all you want. But really, it’s fear.
Spiritual cost: Your gifts go unused. Your soul feels unseen. You start believing you’re not meant to shine.
Dimming Your Achievements
You downplay your wins. Brush off praise. You tell yourself it’s no big deal. Sure anyone could do it, right? Except…
But your soul knows better. It knows how hard you worked. It knows how much you’ve grown.
Spiritual cost: You disconnect from your own worth. You stop celebrating your journey.
Over-Apologising
You say sorry for existing. For asking questions. For taking up space.
But you were never meant to be small. You were meant to be whole.
Spiritual cost: You reinforce the belief that you’re a burden, not a blessing.
Not Asking for What You Desire
You wait. You hope someone will notice. Hope the universe will deliver without you having to speak.
But manifestation requires clarity. It requires action. It requires you to name your desires.
Spiritual cost: You stay stuck. You live in longing instead of alignment.
Internalising Every Critique
You take feedback as proof of failure. Replay mistakes again and again and again. You let one comment define your worth.
But your soul is resilient. It learns. Evolves. It doesn’t need perfection—it needs compassion.
Spiritual cost: You lose confidence. You stop trusting your own wisdom.
Avoiding Sacred Conflict
Look, we all do this. You let things slide. Stay silent when boundaries are crossed. You avoid discomfort.
But conflict, when conscious, is a path to healing. It’s a way to honour your truth.
Spiritual cost: You betray yourself. You miss the chance to grow and to teach others how to treat you.
Reclaiming Your Soul Space
Feeling small is not your destiny. It’s a pattern. And patterns can be broken.
Start by noticing. Then by choosing differently. Speak your truth. Honour your desires. Celebrate your wins. Set your boundaries.
You don’t need to be loud. You just need to be present.
No one is demanding perfection. You just need to be real.
Forget about permission. You already have it—from your soul.
So step forward. Take up space. Let your energy expand.
Not my usual topics, I know – linking Brigid and Morality. But there’s a broader theme, here, I promise!
For a change, I’m covering something a bit topical in the wider world: The Coldplay Debacle. To be clear, Coldplay has nothing to do with this at all. Well, other than this couple being at one of their concerts.
I’ve got to be honest, my housemate shared with with me the relevant picture, with the words, “Have you heard about the Coldplay scandal?” And I was genuinely shocked. For someone who grew up in a time when Gary Glitter was synonymous with 2rock scandal”, Coldplay is just not in the same league.
And no, I’m not linking to anything mentioning Gary Glitter.
If you like your scandals a bit more manageable, check out the behaviour of the major bands from the 70’s and 80’s. Throwing tellies out the window, drunken debauchery with possible teenagers, random acts of “rockstardom”… seriously. Way back in the depths of Gen X youth, rock stars were rebels. Coldplay? Not so much.
Obligatory picture of Chris Martin from the concert in question.
Extramarital affairs
Now, most of the time, I say what consenting adults do in private is their own business. And I stand by that. No one has any right to be telling any consenting adult what they can and can’t do.
But, as humans, we have obligations to others in our lives. And for me, a major obligation is a life partner to whom you’ve promised fidelity. So, this post isn’t covering polygamous relationships. Not the ones where all parties are fully aware and knowledgeable about the extent of the polygamy and agree to it.
But an affair is different. Very different.
For a start, at least one party to the relationship hasn’t consented to this element of the relationship. I mean, most of us like to know who we’re sleeping with, even by proxy.
Brigid doesn’t dictate morality to us. There are no “10 Commandments” in any pagan spirituality. Even the famous Wiccan Rede is a) applicable to only a small element of paganism and b) not exactly what it says on the tin. Our morality is up to us to define and live up to.
So, why am I writing about extramarital affairs?
Spirituality, Brigid and morality
I said above that Brigid doesn’t give us a list of rules to run our lives by. That’s not the way her morality works. I’ve written before on how she informs my ethics, but that’s just not the same as morality for me. So, how do I look at this?
Morals can be defined as “standards of behaviour” or ” principles of right and wrong”. But there so much nuance involved here. It’s very easy to say “killing people is wrong”.
But then…
Brigid doesn’t ask us to roll over and not defend ourselves. There are few people in the world that would argue against fighting back to save your own life. Or to save the life of an innocent.
We each draw the line where think it’s best placed. Thankfully, I’ve not killed a person in my life. But I know from friends of mine who have served in the armed forces that taking a life leaves a mark.
It’s not necessarily a black mark or an evil mark, but it’s a change. Brigid doesn’t dictate “no killing”. But she has rules around right relationship. And when death is appropriate and when it is not.
If we are to live in line with our morals and with Brigid, how then do we decide what are our morals?
Determining our morals
For me, saying I won’t kill in most circumstances is a fairly easy choice to make. Joining any armed forces was never really a consideration for me. Being in a situation where killing a person was a reality has also not been a consideration for me.
I live a quiet life in many ways.
But just extend that out then. Does Brigid and my own morality limit how I imagine behaving with others? I hope not, because there are times and days that imagining some grievous harm to others is what gets me through the day! I know in reality it’s completely unrealistic and extremely unlikely to happen, but y’know…
Equally, when it comes to extramarital affairs: if both parties in a marriage agree to an open relationship, that to me isn’t an affair and isn’t a moral issue. But when one party decides to cheat and the other party isn’t aware of it – that’s a definite moral issue. Or it is to me.
There are people who view the bonds of marriage differently. For centuries, marriage was a business transaction, not a romantic one. And of course, rich and powerful men (usually men, but sometimes women) have always been able to get away with adultery with few consequences. Ahem. it becomes an issue when one party expects fidelity and the other doesn’t.
So, when looking at walking Brigid’s path and determining your own morality guidelines, what should you consider?
The ultimate test for morality – and Brigid!
For me, the test has never been Brigid, morality or indeed anyone else. For me, the test is whether I can look at myself in the mirror or not. Brigid and morality have little to do with it, but that’s my test as to whether I’m happy with my behaviour or not.
Because while I might agree, in general, that killing people is wrong, if someone threatened my niece? Totally different story. I’d willingly give up my own life and others to save her. (Hopefully this will never be tested, mind)
When you look into yourself, do the inner work, really assess yourself and you’re happy with what you see? Chances are, you’re probably ok.
But if you’re hiding your face from a kiss cam at a concert?
I’ve written before, on several occasions about Brigid, the sea and healing, which is reminiscent of the Brigid sea’s soothing nature.
A picture of me in the sea at Tramore – healing with Brigid
But a few weeks ago, I was reminded why I associate Brigid with the sea and healing so much. Now the history of healing and the sea is long established. Anyone who has ever read Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, Anne Bronte (or indeed her sisters, Charlotte and Emily) will know that “taking the sea air” was considered a remedy in 19th century Britain at least. (And because of colonialism, in Ireland as well – for those that could afford it!)
That was mostly due to the lack of pollution in sea side areas, as well as the fashion for promenading along the sea front and taking some time away from the stresses of modern living, akin to the gentle embrace of the Brigid sea. Personally, I can’t think of much more stressful than having to change outfits 20 times a day and trying to catch a good husband, who I would then go on to live with from the age of <20… (I may be exaggerating the average experience here, but y’know – it’s my blog!)
And I can equally think that getting enough food on the table might be every so slightly stressful for those not in the higher echelons of society. Not to mention, keeping everyone semi-healthy, alive, clothed… Stress was high in previous centuries. It was just a bit more obvious than today’s stress. But either way, I can’t see how the sea doesn’t help with stress!! From the shore anyway.
Brigid’s links with the sea
Alright, being fair about it, the only story I’ve ever come across linking the deity and the sea was the folk tale in Courtney Weber’s book, where Brigid and Bres met on the seashore to mourn Ruadhán. Neither she nor I have been able to find the source for that – but I’ve not given up yet! Such stories connect Brigid and the sea in intriguing ways.
However.
However.
Let’s not give up hope yet. Through the saint, Brigid is closely related to healing wells. And healing wells have water in them. Usually, anyway. As I have said before, you can’t walk more than a few paces on this island before tripping over a healing well, a stream, a pond, whatever-you’re-having-yourself…
We’re a wet country. Comes from all the rain. We have a lot of wells. We have a lot of water in general. (OK, the water authority will declare drought after 20mins without rain, but they’re known for being a bit concerned about things like that!)
And sea water is basically rain water that’s travelled from the fields to the sea. It’s still water. And therefore linked to Brigid. Even without the folk tale.
But the folk tale is an interesting one – particularly when one of the options for Formorians was coming from either over or under the sea. (Seeing as Ireland was an island, well how else would they get here!) So, seeing as how Brigid married into the Formorians through Bres, she has a link at least to the sea.
Aside from the possibility that Brigid herself came from over the sea (I’ll write a blogpost on this another time. It’s linked to the idea that Brigid came to Ireland via the Brigantes from Northern England. Yes, I have feelings about this…)
The sea itself
Now, bathing in sea water is beneficial for all sorts of things.
Skin Health: Seawater is rich in minerals like magnesium, zinc, and potassium, which can help reduce inflammation and soothe skin conditions like psoriasis and eczema.
Respiratory Issues: Saltwater can help with symptoms of hay fever, sinusitis, and asthma.
Immunity: Seawater can help boost a weakened immune system, although more research is needed to confirm this.
Stress Reduction: The relaxing environment of the sea and the minerals in seawater can help lower cortisol levels and promote relaxation.
Pain Relief: Seawater has been used to ease pain associated with musculoskeletal disorders.
Wound Healing: Some believe that seawater can help heal wounds and prevent infections.
In my family, sea water is notorious for helping with ingrown toenails that get infected and athlete’s foot. And I can confirm that definitely my hayfever symptoms improve dramatically from spending time by the sea. (My hayfever symptoms also improve dramatically from spending time in Monart‘s Alpine salt grotto. But driving to Tramore is significantly cheaper. Usually.)
Now, of course, not all of the above might apply to you. But even the salt content in sea water means people can float a lot easier. And it’s so relaxing on a calm day to bob about in the water. Staring into nothing. A great way to let your thoughts and mind calm a little bit.
Just even from a mindfulness point of view, I highly recommend it.
Healing at home
I appreciate not everyone has the ability to pop off to the seaside when the mood takes them. But there are ways you can do it at home.
A salt water bath is the obvious idea. Add some salt – yes, even just normal table salt – to your bathwater and soak a while. If a bath is beyond you, try a foot bath.
I find it a wonderful way to ground myself as well as just feeling good.
If you live in a hot climate, use lukewarm water. If you’re feeling cold, use warmer or hot water. Just remember, the hotter the water, the more salt you can dissolve.
You can of course add in all sorts of other things as well: seaweed is pretty easily available in Ireland these days, I’m not sure about elsewhere. If you’re trying to clear out sinuses, I find Vick’s extremely good. Science says the menthol only tricks your brain into believing your sinuses are clear, but frankly, I feel better after using it and that’s good enough for me. So, a dob of Vick’s and some salt in some boiling water, with a towel over your head helps immensely.
Be careful and you do you
As always – you can take the healing advice with a pinch of salt. I am only a random person on the internet and am filling you in on my family’s habits. These may or may not work for you. I know there are people with skin conditions who find sea water inflames the condition and doesn’t help at all. Dipping yourself in salt water with an open wound stings like hell. It might not be your cup of tea.
That’s ok, you do you.
But if you’re feeling stressed, out of sorts, miserable, up in a heap and can get to the sea… just give it a go. If nothing else, in Ireland at least, there’s usually a sea breeze to clear out the cobwebs!!
And if all else fails, a bit of seawater in a sealed jar for your altar won’t hurt!
As some of you may be aware, my group coaching program is starting again at the end of July (so there’s still time to join up if you want to!) And while Brigid’s Path is the name I gave the framework I developed and use, people have been asking why I chose the word “collective” to describe the group. Well, now the time has come to dive a bit deeper into my thinking.
Meaning of collective
Usually at this point, I’d hit dictionary.com and give ye a meaning from there. But right now – that doesn’t really work. There are elements of the word “collective” that I want to parse out a bit given the focus of this group.
a group of people acting as one
a cooperative enterprise which we commonly call a collective effort
a group of entities that share or are motivated by at least one common issue or interest
shared by or involving every member of a group of people
It’s the group element that most stands out to me here. But also elements of cooperation. Working together. Striving together towards a common goal as part of a true collective.
A collaborative group working together = collective
It’s the idea that the enterprise is a group effort. That the people within the group support each other and help each other along the way. This doesn’t mean every decision is a collective decision – the times we can hold sessions are limited by time differences and availability.
Why though?
As humans, our greatest achievements are as a collective. Seriously – think of all the major achievements in human history – the vast majority weren’t single, stand alone efforts. Being blunt about it, most of us humans just aren’t cut out to be singles. We belong in groups.
And yes, I know – that’s rich coming from me! I stand by my need for alone time, but I also know the importance of the group in any difficult endeavour.
mammoth hunts
growing food
building anything bigger than a shack
developing supports for those less able
collective bargaining/ unions
United Nations
European Union
Ben and Jerry’s
Yeah, I know – possibly ice cream doesn’t belong on that list, but it does bring happiness to millions. And they’re good about ethics as well. So feck it.
From the dawn of time – or at least since humans climbed out of the primordial goo (yes, I know there was a bit of development in between!) – collaborative collectives work better. For most of us.
OK fine, but inner work is personal
Absolutely correct. Inner work is nearly always personal. But there are also a lot of trends and commonalities and it’s so much nicer to have someone walking the path alongside you. OK, it won’t be exactly the same path. I can pretty much guarantee that!
But it will be a similar one. Because we all go through the same shit when trying to grow. There’s pain. And there’s realisation. There’s growth. There’s all sorts of stuff, all made easier with the support of a collective.
If nothing else, having other people around you while you’re going through these exercises and the inner work, means there are people around you for support. For understanding. For even the vaguest comprehension of the types of insights you’re gaining. The laughter, the tears, the hugs, the shoulders… it’s all there.
Y’see, everyone walks their own path. Definitely. But walking Brigid’s Path is about more than your path. It’s about the collective path as well. If you look at the core tenets of pretty much any of the modern religions in the world, they look at the collective experience.
Yes, even Christianity. Despite what various fundamentalist sects are trying to claim. Please read the below post on Jesus.
A post stolen from Facebook or X/Twitter. But I got it from Facebook.
And no – not everyone walking Brigid’s Path is or ever was Christian. It’s not a requirement at all. It’s just that a lot of the people I work with come from Christian backgrounds.
And it’s easy after a few centuries, or millennia, of patriarchal behaviour to forget the basics.
High control religion, again??
Yes, high control religion again.
The vast majority of those who chose to walk Brigid’s Path are coming from high control religions. And that doesn’t always mean a minority cult. That can mean mainstream religions.
It takes time to recover from these. I’ve described before what I consider to be a high control religion. I won’t repeat that list here, but I will say this: many of us have grown up in high control environments. Too many of us carry scars from that childhood.
This isn’t attacking anyone’s parents or upbringing. Most parents did and do the best they can with the knowledge and resources they had/have. But that also doesn’t mean we can’t unpack what we learned and suffered. And it’s a lonely road to walk on your own.
Something high control religion gets right is the comfort of the group, of the collective. The comfort in other people experiencing similar things to those you are experiencing. It’s enticing, seductive in ways we don’t even realise.
Yes, even those of us who are inherently introverted. Introverted doesn’t mean never needing company. It just means needing a different sort of company.
So… collective
Yes, a collective. A collective for me is a group of people working together on similar projects or towards a similar goal. It’s not a team in the sense that it breaks up after said goal is reached. The understanding that the “goal” might be changeable, or as different awarenesses are reached, might be completed different to that when we started together is key.
This isn’t failure. The whole aim here is to help people understand key aspects about themselves. To develop a path for themselves that is supportive and helpful, not contained and controlled.
There might be elements of control, but it’s self control, not control imposed from outside. It’s an agreement with self, in particular with the inner self. The bit that maintains the core of who we are. And the collective is as safe a space as I can make it to explore these issues and let each person decide for herself what’s right for her.
And it’s about taking action and being held to account for taking that action. There’s power in that as well. A collective action is only as strong as each individual member…
As I type this, there is still one place open on the collective for this year. Click on the link to find out more.
A few weeks ago, I wrote a post showing some of the effects of colonisation in Ireland. But this week I want to explore it in more detail. Because, I think some people just don’t get it.
Y’see, to understand colonisation, you have to consider profit and loss. Check out this quote from a Trinity College Dublin post:
One thing is clear, imperialism was – and is – about the acquisition of territory, about settler colonialism, about the exercise of political and economic power, and about violence and coercion. Strategies about how best to turn conquest into profit, to marshal, mobilise and control natural resources, especially land and labour, varied from empire to empire but the often grim reality of everyday life did not change and provoked a wide variety of responses ranging from acceptance, accommodation, assimilation and innovation, to resistance, rebellion and deadly colonial wars.
Imperialism and colonialism are two sides of the same coin in my opinion – although of course there are differences between them. For those of us not running in the academic area in question though, let’s just go with it.
Natural resources
Prior to the colonisation of this island, Ireland was covered in trees. In fact, on the Teagasc history of forests in Ireland, the claim is made:
It was said that a squirrel could travel from one end of Ireland to the other without ever touching the ground as more than 80% of the land was covered by forests.
A common misconception is that the Irish forests were lot due to the need for oak in England. It’s not entirely true. The forests were down to about 20% of the landscape by the time the 16th century came round, but it’s certain the colonisers were more concerned about extracting wealth from their new land than about husbanding resources for future generations. While the move from 80% coverage to 20% coverage took about 5,500 years. The last 20%? Less than 300 years. So it’s not all the Brit’s fault, but y’know – #nevernotatit.
The same with our animals, our land, our food… we covered in the post on the Great Famine about how Ireland was feeding Britain by the 19th century. Starving ourselves, but feeding them. Even today, Great Britain imports 46% of its food. (The numbers for Ireland are much more difficult to figure out, but in 2023, we exported approx €18billion and imported €13billion – but a good €4billion of that import was from Northern Ireland. And y’know… is that really importing?)
But the fact is that while under colonial rule, Ireland got poorer. Or at least the native Irish got poorer. Our landlords weren’t much better, but most admit that was due to mismanagement, lack of care and generally grinding the land to the finest dust to get the most money out of it – through that need to conquer and subjugate, inherent in the whole notion of colonisation (in Ireland and elsewhere).
Language and culture
Colonisation has had a massive effect on Irish culture and language. Anyone from pre-1600 Ireland would be appalled at some of the changes made in our land. Particularly in our language.
Now, it has to be said that the Brits didn’t technically murder anyone for speaking Irish as a law. Nowhere in the Penal Laws was it illegal to speak Irish. in 1737, a law was passed to say Irish couldn’t be spoken in court. But aside from that, the Penal Laws were far more focused on religion rather than language.
However.
And there’s always a however.
To get an education – you pretty much had to speak English.
Any professional job – needed English.
Irish was seen as the backward language of the peasantry, and shameful in “enlightened” quarters.
An extract from the Museum at Home Country Life handout from the National Museum of Ireland
Pádraig Pearse is the person credited with the phrase “tír gan teanga, tír gan anam”. (A country without a lanuguage is a country without a soul). And the Brits did their best to beat the soul out of Ireland in that case. You see, language influences the way we think, as well as the way we speak. Want an example?
Well, in Irish, you say “Tá brón orm” or “sadness is upon me”, rather than “I am sad”. It’s the same for all of the emotions. They are something that comes upon you, not something you inherently are.
Think about that for a minute. Think about how that would affect the way you think about feelings and emotions? I’m not saying the Irish before colonisation were sane, perfectly mentally healthy and all that. But what I am saying, is that colonisation in Ireland has left an indelible mark on the way we think about things.
Not just language
And no, it’s not just language. We would not be so inherently dependent on the spud for so long if it weren’t for colonisation. Ireland might have had a different effect on the global culture without colonisation.
The amount of emigration this country has suffered, we’ve still not recovered the population we had before the Famine. In either the 32 counties or the 26+6, whichever way you look at it, colonisation led to the loss of our people. Ireland has suffered. And ok, there are folks who maintain that emigration was a benefit to Ireland.
I don’t agree with them. Yes, there are benefits to fluency in English – although many from Great Britain would not agree the Irish are necessarily fluent in the language. And there are many influences still evident within the way the Irish speak English, that come directly from Irish. But you can look at Denmark, Norway, Sweden and Finland for places that don’t speak English as a primary language but manage quite well in the world.
You could say that access to the Commonwealth, not to mention the British Army, was a way for Irish emigrants to manage abroad. Except that pre-colonisation, Ireland had contacts all over the place. Particularly in Europe, but further afield as well. And had Ireland remained a sovereign nation, there’s no reason to believe that would have failed.
Ireland and colonisation
It’s only really now, 100 years after the 26 counties gained independence, that Ireland is acknowledging its post-colonial trauma. Really, it’s only in very recent years, we stopped looking to Britain for how we go on in the world.
As a nation, we are reaching deep into ourselves to see how we want things to change and things to be different. The ongoing, regular protests about the housing crisis is one such example. The pressure on the Irish government to do something about boycotts or sanctions on Israeli settlements in Gaza is another.
Our people lean far harder to James Connolly and the concepts in the Proclamation of Independence, than it does to the highly restrictive environment that took over the country in the mid-20th century.
The Irish Republic is entitled to, and hereby claims, the allegiance of every Irishman and Irishwoman. The Republic guarantees religious and civil liberty, equal rights and equal opportunities to all its citizens, and declares its resolve to pursue the happiness and prosperity of the whole nation and of all its parts, cherishing all the children of the nation equally, and oblivious of the differences carefully fostered by an alien Government, which have divided a minority from the majority in the past.
– excerpt from the Proclamation of Independence
We actively look to be open and inclusive. We were the first country in the world to gain marriage equality rights by popular vote. (Thank you, referendum!) While the far right is trying to gain a foothold in our nation, the perpetrators are highlighted as being foreigners, trying to force the Irish into a fascist regime that very few people on the island want. We’ve done our share of colonisation. We’ve started to stand up and acknowledge that whatever the UK and US think – we have minds of our own and we’re willing to go against them when necessary.
Yes, we offer great tax breaks to foreign multinationals willing to base operations in this country. It gives employment to our people. Yes, there are advantages to doing exams in Irish. We want our language to be a living vehicle for our people.
Our housing and healthcare could do with a massive overhaul. Absolutely.
But we’re in charge of our own destiny and we’re no longer looking outside our country for what’s right and wrong. Because we realise that all those centuries of being told we’re dim, stupid, less than, barely human… we’re shaking them off.
I was planning a post on colonisation this week to follow on from last week’s one on the Great Famine. But then a conversation at the weekend got me thinking about society instead. And our place within it.
What are our duties to society, as members of that group?
Now, I’m using society here as others would use “culture”, “land”, “people”, “tuath”. I mean the people we live with, the laws we (mostly) abide by, that sort of thing. What do we owe our communities? Our families? Ourselves?
People make up society
Let’s define what we mean by society
As you were reading that list of things above you were probably thinking all these are alternatives to society, but don’t really tell me what the damn thing actually is, Orlagh. So cough up!
the aggregate of people living together in a more or less ordered community.
I mean, of course there are other meanings. It can also mean a group of people coming together because of a specific shared interest, or High Society, where we have defined a subgroup of people within a broader context.
But really, we use society when we’re talking about the people in an area. Sometimes as large as a whole continent, sometimes as small as a single street. It doesn’t really matter.
It’s the people that make up the group. And how those people behave make up the social norms for that group. So, as we go through the rest of this – and I’ll give you the context in the next section – remember, we’re talking about people. Sure, we’re going to mention organisations, groups, individuals, officials, all sorts. But they’re all people at their hearts.
(OK most of them are people – I have my doubts about some!)
The context
I was talking to a friend at the weekend about the experiences of women during investigations into sexual assaults (SA) and rape. And to start with, he was very much of the opinion that it was a woman’s duty to society report the rape and go through the investigation. Now, I vehemently disagree with this, but being the lovely person I am (and he’s a good person really, just hadn’t thought about the consequences of his line of thought) I kept on speaking with him on the topic.
I know – I’m a saint! (<– sarcasm)
We spoke about some of my experiences with various forms of SA. And how I didn’t report the vast majority of them and why. I explained how women have used “gossip” for generations to warn others of violence or misbehaviour, and why they couldn’t come public about any of it. I spoke of the many, many ways various religions and state organisations have made it so women are not safe to come forward about these things publicly.
But, he replied – that’s not modern Ireland. We’re different. Our society is different. We treat women better.
Are we though?
The following is a series of links to the SA and rape cases I remember in the last decade or so. Please don’t click the links if you’re not able to:
Let’s be clear – I could list at least one case from pretty much every county in Ireland. And the treatment of people is improving slightly, but it’s not there yet.
Women are equal in society, but their behaviour is more on trial than an accused rapist in these cases.
He changed his mind
I turned it around then and said I hope his daughters would never face that decision. That got him thinking. He started thinking of the individual women in the case then as people not just victims. He started thinking of the effect on his family, his daughters.
Now to be clear – this man is fairly well educated in these matters. He’s a feminist and walks the walk most of the time. But he has a few blind spots and this was one of them. We talked through what it means to be part of an investigation for SA or rape. We talked about the “rape kit“, re-traumatisation of victims – even with the best of intentions!
OK, we talked through a lot.
Or at least agreed to think about a woman’s “duty” to society in these cases. Because while I agree it’s ideal if a woman can report a SA and/or rape, there is a huge physical and mental toll to doing so.
Which brings me back to the original thought that prompted this post.
What do we owe the society in which we live?
Do we owe it our mental health?
Our privacy?
Our sexual history?
Careers?
Families?
Children?
Relationships?
Where do we draw the line?
What aboutery in our society
The worst part about this is that, it’s such a personal decision for everyone. Gisèle Pelicot took a very brave decision to waive her right to privacy to aid in the prosecution’s case (as far as I understand it. I may be wrong with regard to her reasons mind!) And then she had to go back to court to prove that while she had waived her right to privacy in that one regard, she had not waived it in general.
Now, Mme Pelicot is a class act in general. Her award from the second case has been donated to two charities, helping women. She is some woman, to say the least!
But hers was a relatively “straightforward” place. She was drugged and sold and raped without her knowledge.
What about the woman who has had a glass of wine?
Or who dressed in a way some might find sexy?
Or who – God forbid! – wore a lacy thong?
The whataboutery in our society when it comes to this sort of thing is horrendous. And when reporting crimes of this nature, we have to take into account the effect it will have on ourselves, our families and our society.
So what do we owe our society?
I don’t think we owe our society our privacy, our mental health, our history. What other crime demands so much exposure from the victim?
I said on Saturday I would never suggest to a woman to go to the Guards post-SA. And I defended my position. Because it can be immensely re-traumatising. It’s not something anyone should be forced into, or even have to be talked into. It should be something a victim arrives at by themselves.
I feel very strongly about this.
Now, I write and teach about Brig Ambue – the one who looks after the weak and helpless and less fortunate – literally the cowless. And looking through as many of the texts as I can stomach, the Brehon laws were big on reparative justice. Not confinement – that was for hostages, and even then… not always.
So, what do you think Brigid – in any of her guises – would say about the way we treat victims in this way? To be clear – the Brehon Laws were not brilliant in cases of SA with get-out-of-jail cards for if a woman was in a pub without her husband, or was in a populated place and didn’t call out…
Not perfect. But was it any better than what we force victims to do?
The Great Famine. The Famine. An Gorta Mór. The Great Hunger. I’ve mentioned it before on the blog, but today, I want to delve a bit deeper. For those wanting a historical approach, I strongly recommend Finn Dwyers The Great Hunger series on his podcast, the Irish History Podcast. Over about 40 episodes, he really dives into the Famine, exploring the common narratives and a few things that we as a nation would prefer to brush over. (Yes, there is evidence of cannibalism for example. And yes, we did manage to fit in a rebellion even during the Famine years…)
As to why I’m choosing today to write about this? Well ok, I owe ye a blog post for this week and I’m a week behind for those who pay for the early access option! But also, because I’m being asked a lot from various people about why the Irish are so affected – even now, 180 years later – by stories from around the world on hunger, genocide, oppression…
A lot of people don’t understand the trauma that comes from an event like this in history. There are loads of authors writing about this from all sorts of perspectives – go onto Google Scholar and search for “Irish trauma famine”. Although, honestly, if you search hard enough, you’ll probably find someone, somewhere has written a paper and interpreted the evidence to suit your current views.
The memorial for the Great Famine in Dublin
So let’s start with the facts
The Famine started with the failure of the potato crop in 1845. The failure of the potato crop meant anyone who was depending on the potato as their main source of food was screwed. It ended in 1852 (ish) despite the British government’s attempts to decree otherwise!
Now, to understand why this is, we need to get into absentee landlordism, colonialism, etc. Basically, Ireland at the time was part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, after being sold out by the Ascendency in 1800, with the Act of Union. The bastards. They all then decamped to Britain (not all, but absentee landlords were a fact of life in Ireland and the so-called middleman system.
Rent collection was left in the hands of the landlords’ agents, or middlemen. This assured the landlord of a regular income and relieved them of direct responsibility while leaving tenants open to exploitation by the middlemen. The ability of middlemen was measured by the rent income they could contrive to extract from tenants. Middlemen leased large tracts of land from the landlords on long leases with fixed rents and sublet to tenants, keeping any money raised in excess to the rent paid to the landlord. This system, coupled with minimal oversight of the middlemen, incentivised harsh exploitation of tenants. Middlemen would split a holding into smaller and smaller parcels so as to increase the amount of rent they could obtain.
Can you see some of the issues with this approach? Yeah?
Land doesn’t produce crops year after year after year, especially not the same crop, without failing in some nutrients or other. That’s a basic of crop rotation and leaving land fallow. But the Irish tenant didn’t have that luxury. And frankly – spuds were the only crop that could feed a family of 10+ on a quarter acre or less…
You throw in the fact that most of these families also had to labour on the landlord’s land as well, and didn’t get compensated for any improvements they made to the property, could be kicked off at a moment’s noticed (you think “employment at will is bad?) and well… it was a shitshow.
Just for context now, there were approx. 100,000 deaths due to the potato blight across the rest of Europe. Ireland lost 1,000,000+. (To famine. We lost another 1,000,000 to emigration)
But why?
Along with most families having to survive on spuds, most of them were surviving on a particular type of spud. One we don’t hear too much of anymore for some reason: The Irish Lumper. Perfect for growing in low nutrient, wet land. Perfect for Ireland, right?
But not when the majority of the population was depending on it for survival. The exact nature of the blight has been identified as Phytophthora infestans, which also affects tomatoes, apparently. Tomatoes were not a major food stuff in Ireland in the 1840’s. Just FYI.
The Irish Lumper though? That was the foodstuff of the poor. And a lot of Ireland was poor. The population had exploded in the 18th century, from approx 2,000,000 in the last years of the 17th century (so the 1690’s, when the Williamites and Jacobites were ravaging the country) to over 8,000,000 in the 1841 census (Finn Dwyer suggested in one of his episodes that was probably an underestimation as the census takers avoided some of the wilder and more remote parts of the country and so missed a fair few people)
So the land was under more and more strain. The people were under more and more strain. In previous famines, of which there were many, the ports closed to food stuffs. In this one?
Prime Minister Sir Robert Peel wrote to Sir James Graham in mid-October that he found the reports “very alarming”, but allayed his fears by claiming that there was “always a tendency to exaggeration in Irish news”.
The British government’s primary motive appears to be to not stifle private enterprise. Weirdly to modern ears, the Torys were slightly more effective than the Whigs. As one Charles Trevelyan said at the time:
We must not complain of what we really want to obtain. If small farmers go, and their landlords are reduced to sell portions of their estates to persons who will invest capital we shall at last arrive at something like a satisfactory settlement of the country.
While there were elements in Britain that recognised this was wrong, the ruling parties and the Ascendency saw it as their rights to cleanse the countryside.
The phrase from John Mitchel’s The Last Conquest of Ireland (Perhaps), published in 1861, sums it up best, I think: “The Almighty, indeed, sent the potato blight, but the English created the Famine.”
The Great Famine – the basics
1845 – 1852
1,000,000 died
1,000,000 emigrated.
No, Ireland has not yet reached the levels of population from before the Famine.
Less than 25% of Irish (growing) soil was devoted to growing spuds. >75% were devoted to foodstuffs exported during the Famine.
In History Ireland magazine (1997, issue 5, pp. 32-36), Christine Kinealy, a Great Hunger scholar, lecturer and Drew University professor, relates her findings: “Almost 4,000 vessels carried food from Ireland to the ports of Bristol, Glasgow, Liverpool and London during 1847, when 400,000 Irish men, women and children died of starvation and related diseases. The food was shipped under military guard from the most famine-stricken parts of Ireland; Ballina, Ballyshannon, Bantry, Dingle, Killala, Kilrush, Limerick, Sligo, Tralee and Westport. A wide variety of commodities left Ireland during 1847, including peas, beans, onions, rabbits, salmon, oysters, herring, lard, honey, tongues, animal skins, rags, shoes, soap, glue and seed. The most shocking export figures concern butter. Butter was shipped in firkins, each one holding 9 gallons. In the first nine months of 1847, 56,557 firkins were exported from Ireland to Bristol, and 34,852 firkins were shipped to Liverpool. That works out to be 822,681 gallons of butter exported to England from Ireland during nine months of the worst year of the Famine.”
Technically, this wasn’t genocide. The British government were not trying to murder the entire population. Just – slim it down a bit. (<– sarcasm there, people) After all, 8,000,000 is an awful amount of people taking up valuable land the Ascendency could be using to enrich themselves.
(Sorry, I keep trying to just give a list of facts here and it’s not possible)
Why isn’t the Great Famine genocide?
Mainly because the Brits weren’t trying to eliminate everyone of the Irish race from the face of the planet. That’s it. The fact they saw the elimination of the 25% of the population from the island as a good thing, is beside the point. They weren’t trying to kill us all.
It’s really that simple.
Plus – let’s face it – the British Empire have form in this regard. There were 12 famines in India during British Rule.(24 in Ireland during British rule, but to be fair it took them an extra 450 years or so to get to India) (Check out this list for loads more worldwide, not just British Empire)
It still doesn’t change the fact that had the ports been closed and the food that had been grown in Ireland, kept in Ireland, the Great Famine would have had far less of an impact on the nation.
Why am I writing about this now?
To explain the empathy and relationship the Irish feel with Palestinians. Honestly, most of us have no issue with Jews or with the fact that Israel exists.
Massive issues with hospitals, schools and other public institutions being bombed.
That sort of thing strikes a chord in our hearts, because we recognise the Israeli tactics.
We recognise the punishment of an entire population for the actions of a few.
We know what a family member will do to get food and water for their tuath.
Collective punishment is something we got really familiar with during British occupation. The only reason the Brits didn’t cut off water and electricity in the North was because the communities were too intertwined. But where they could cut people off, they were known to do so. They didn’t give a shit about hungry children, starving babies.
To be clear – this is not an endorsement of the actions of Hamas on 7th October, 2023. That too was horrendous, horrible, grievous, painful attack that should never have happened. Babies, children, the elderly – no one was spared.
But the numbers don’t add up:
1200 Israeli causalities, 800 of them civilians
5000 people injured
240 hostages taken.
All of which is traumatic to a nation open to attack pretty much on all sides.
But there have been more than 50,000 Palestinians killed since then.
And I understand the deep need to have the remaining 50 hostages returned to Israel. When there are so few people in the nation, the loss of even 1 feels personal to everyone. The loss of so many and under such gruesome circumstances… horrendous.
But it doesn’t make the killing of 16,000 children ok.
Do human lives come down to numbers?
This isn’t a numbers game. But there comes a time when it is. The Irish know what it’s like when a colonising force initiates collective punishment. We know what it’s like to have brother turned against sister, parents against child, people turning to ever more dangerous acts to either escape or get food or just to do something.
The Black and Tans in Ireland were probably the best IRA recruiters of all time. And the current Israeli forces are probably the best campaigners for gaining sympathy for Palestine right now.
To the people who have lost family, friends, loved ones – it doesn’t matter whether they were one of 1200 or one of 50,000. The loss is the same to that person.
But to governments, to aid workers, to the rest of us – it has to matter.
Israel has better fire power, better funding, better weapons, better intelligence, better everything.
I keep getting told that if the IDF wanted to, they could have wiped out the whole of Palestine in a week after 7th October. And maybe they could. But they haven’t. They’ve gone for a slow, extended death of a people, rather than a surgical strike. There are reports of some truly inhumane thinking.
This approach has links to Trump’s calling immigrants “vermin” or worse. It has echoes of the Nazi approach to Jews in the 1930’s and 1940’s. it has definite shades of the British approach to Ireland – not just during the Great Famine, but throughout their occupation.
Some lives are worth more than others is the start of a very, very slippery slope to second class citizens and a very divided society.
And if you’re a Brigid follower – think of Brig Ambue.
Brigid as a bridge gives me the heebie-jeebies. Seriously – it’s usually based around some horrendous fake etymology surrounding the traditional Anglicisation of the Irish Bríd to the English Bridget. People take off the “t” and go straight to “bridge”.
It’s not the case. As we know, Brigid comes from Brig, which is linked to being exalted, high, that sort of thing. Nothing to do with bridges at all.
Decorative bridge type structure from Brigid’s Well in Kildare
Bridges are liminal spaces though
OK, even I have to admit that Brigid has a relationship with liminality. And bridges are liminal spaces. They hover between land, sea and sky – much like Brigid herself.
So it makes sense that bridges can be linked to Brigid – of course it does. Bridges connect us. They span the world. In Norse mythology (not Irish, but still), the Bifröst bridge spans Midgard (earth) and Asgard (land of the gods). Now I can already hear practitioners of that spirituality lamenting that I’m over simplifying and it’s not that straightforward. I’ve no doubt they’re correct. I’m not a devotee of that spiritual path. Brigid keeps me busy enough, thanks all the same.
But I suppose my point here is that bridges are recognised as liminal and magical spaces. Across multiple worldviews. They’re magical in and of themselves – allowing us to cross water and depths without injury or getting wet. Those of us familiar with the various bridges across the Liffey in Dublin are particularly grateful for this, since that water isn’t healthy for anything as far as I can see.
Bridges connect disparate worlds and places, joining the un-joinable. Traversing the depths and engaging with the deep.
Brigid as bridge
And we know that Brigid has traversed the depths as well. As the Irish left these shores, they took her with them. She served as a bridge for those left behind and those gone abroad. For many years, “biddy” was a term used in the US for “Irish female domestic servant” and even until the 80’s and 90’s was a recognised diminutive of the Irish name Bridget. Just check out Glenroe.
Brigid essentially ignored the apparent divides between Christianity and paganism in Ireland and kept supporting her people. As bridges do – they don’t usually determine who and what can cross them other than design features. And even then… many old bridges were massively over-engineered for what they were holding.
Much like Brigid.
She doesn’t have the glamorous jobs in the TDD. She doesn’t really have a frontline job at all. Even in Caith Maigh Tuired, she is the representative of the land for Bres to marry, and is Ruadhán’s mother. Her power, her works, her deeds are mostly lost to us.
But we see fragments of that power left for us. In Cormac’s Glossary, her protection of poets was great. She commanded the royalty of ox, boar and rams. She appears as the (potential) mother of the three gods of skill (or the three sons of Tuireann, whichever way you read it).
Glamorous doings
Brigid and bridges have that in common – neither are particularly glamorous. And I mean that in sincerity. They operate in the background, half the time we don’t even notice they are there. But they serve functions without which we’d be lost.
Why is this coming to me today?
Well, I’ve been reading about the so-called LA riots over the last few days. (Listen, I was alive during the ’92 riots in LA. Those folks know how to riot. And the pictures I’m seeing right now aren’t in the same league at all. Protesting doesn’t automatically equal rioting…)
And I’ve been seeing a lot of advice about how to manage yourself on a protest and how to engage with the protestors online. Through some really interesting feeds. And there’s a few things that I’ve said before, but that bear repeating:
If you’re not physically able, these protests probably aren’t for you. That doesn’t mean you can’t help. But you don’t have to be in the frontlines.
Be sensible about your abilities and bandwidth. If everyone is on the frontlines, then no one is about to bail people out afterwards.
Protestors need safe routes for escape, potentially shelter from – apparently the National Guard???
Food and water are great. So are toilets. Be practical people!
And you know – there are loads of other bits of advice out there as well. If you can do nothing else – spread the stories. People see a mass of people on telly chanting slogans at the police (and dear gods above, when did the LAPD turn into the voice of reason here???) they think riot.
But what about Mary who travelled from San Diego because her cousin is a Latino in LA and she wanted to be sure he was safe? Or John, who lives in LA and sees the ICE crowd as the Gestapo of modern US, and wants to oppose the takeover of his government/constitution.
People respond to stories. People respond to people. That’s why person-interest stories do so well in the modern media.
Yes, movements need leaders, and visibility, and coverage. But they also need the links between communities and people to bring the movement alive.
So, ok… Brigid as a bridge
I give in that Brigid can be related to bridges. And I know from the stats I see on here a huge amount of my audience is US based. Or at least using US internet IDs. So here’s my challenge.
How are you going to be a bridge then? How are you going to support your communities, link your communities, serve as a transit for those who need to know each other and work together?
What are you doing to bring people together?
What are you doing to traverse the depths of misunderstanding and find the overlap between people and communities to make the overarching community better?
Are you willing to do the dirty work, the hard work, the hidden work?
“Good morning, Orlagh, you look tired, is everything alright?” It’s a bit disturbing how often my boss greets me with this phrase – or a variation thereof. And honestly, he’s right. I am tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally – I’m exhausted. And that’s ok.
I searched for “Why am I tired all the time?” or “what causes tiredness?” on Google. The sheer number of results is astounding.
A woman with a looking tired, sitting on a toilet, leaning over a sink
Why are we so tired?
I know why I’m feeling this way. And, if you think about it, so do you. Whether you’re focused on working through your shadows, or keeping up with a myriad of family activities, or your professional life is being tossed from pillar to post, or you have an illness – either chronic or acute… well it’s not wonder you feel this way.
And that’s before we get into all of this!! {gestures wildly at the world in general} Keeping up with the news along is adding to our already heavy “tired” load.
In the modern world we have access to all sorts of information at all times at our disposal. And while most of the time, I see this as a good thing, when I see so many people worrying about tiredness, I start to question things a bit.
Expectations in modern life keep growing. We think we must do far more than our ancestors had, just in basic expectations. Especially as women. The day job, the childcare and rearing, the marriage stuff, the housework… Now, this isn’t to say that women following a more traditional role, such as a housewife or stay-at-home mother aren’t stressed and tired as well. Most certainly not. Even that work load is hefty!
My point is that no matter what we’re doing, we’re living to higher standards than ever before. It’s taking a toll as we find ourselves utterly tired. How many of us are cutting short of sleep to keep up with what are now considered basics?
Who is skimping on leisure time, rest time, because there’s always one more job to do?
Technology
If you think back to the ads that were prevalent as electricity and new technology came into the home, they all emphasised how much time this was going to free up. It didn’t. What happened was, that we started expecting our homes to be cleaner, to have more clothes, food became a nutritional battleground…
Add in how many of us are so generously gifted a smartphone at work – allowing us to keep up to date with our emails and teams messages even during our off hours. Do we ever switch off?
And if it’s not a smartphone you have at work, you almost certainly have one of your own. And then the internet, with all it’s wonderful news, information, notifications…
We’re experiencing information overload.
And the technology that is meant to help us is at least partially causing the damn problems.
So what do we do?
Well, here the thing. What follows could be posted in multiple different blogs all across the internet. The advice isn’t new or inspiring or revolutionary. Maybe except the last one.
Set aside time for technology free life. Turn off the smartphone – or at least the work phone. Turn off the telly. Take some time to get outside if at all possible.
Spend time in nature. And nature can be your back yard. It doesn’t have to be a massive hike or major holiday.
Go barefoot. OK, not advisable everywhere, but if you can at all, it will help.
Maintain good sleep hygiene. Going to bed at the same time every day and waking up at the same time every day. Not having a massive lie on at the weekend. Not staying up late scrolling through YouTube videos.
Get physically as well as mentally tired. Very often, we are mentally exhausted but our bodies are full of energy. This doesn’t lead to good outcomes. And can lead to increased stress.
Actually – look into stress management.
If all else fails – look into meditation.
I lied.
Meditation probably should be the first thing you try, if I’m honest. It has loads of benefits and help.
But the surprise add-on?
You know you’re an adult, right? (Or you should be, reading this blog – I swear far too much to be child friendly.)
And being an adult means you get to decide what your standards are.
Let’s say it again for the people in the back: you get to decide what’s important for you and what isn’t.
That means if having a clean kitchen every night isn’t important – don’t sweat it. Figure out what works for you.
Cooking a meal from scratch doesn’t appeal, but spending on pre-prepared meals or veggies or whatever works really well? Brilliant.
Spending on comfortable pyjamas is really important but t-shirts you can take or leave? Good for you.
This is why getting to know yourself is the first step in any of my coaching programs. And it’s as true in your spiritual life as your professional life as your domestic life.
You are an adult and you get to decide what is important for you in life.
Down to the brand of bread you buy. Or the route you take to work. A quick detour by a particularly nice bit of landscape helps you face the day? Go for it. No one else’s business.
Design the life you want to live.
Even if it’s low income. Even if it’s not “ideal” according to general societal standards. It doesn’t matter.
Your life is yours to live and how you choose to live it is up to you.
We all have choices. Let’s make the most of yours!
