Category: Spirituality

Women’s Spiritual Leadership Ethics

How to Guide Others with Integrity and Care

If the last two pieces explored responsibility and visibility, this one turns inward, toward conscience. I appreciate that women’s spiritual leadership ethics is a mouthful. And not really that sexy. Not the lofty, abstract kind of post, but the everyday conscience that sits beside you when someone asks, “What should I do?”

Anyone who guides others, whether they’re a priest, celebrant, coach, elder, or simply the woman people turn to when everything is falling apart, eventually confronts the ethical weight of that question. Women’s spiritual leadership ethics live right at the heart of that moment.

I’ve never believed that ethics are a dusty set of rules. They’re a way of walking. They’re the shape integrity takes when things get complicated. So rather than a manual or a code, what follows is really a conversation. With yourself, with the people you support, and with the role you inhabit, intentionally or otherwise.

A green background, with the shape of a woman with her hair in a bun in black with a yellow tulip shaped flower in her torso and rays of green surrounding the flower. Women's spiritual leadership ethics come from within us!

This surprises no-one, right?

Ethical guidance always begins with consent, and not the soft, implied kind that arises because someone keeps talking and you’re the nearest steady presence. Consent in spiritual work means clarity: what are you actually doing together? Are you sharing a perspective, or offering direction? Are you teaching, or simply witnessing? Without this clarity, guidance can slip quietly into control, even when your tone is gentle and your intentions are good. Consent also includes the right to stop, to pause, and to protect your own boundaries. This is a crucial part of women’s spiritual leadership ethics, which refuses the old pattern of women giving endlessly until they are emptied.

Knowing Your Limits

Again, I preach this over and over. Don’t teach what you don’t know. One of the most ethical things a guide can do is recognise when something is outside their lane. There are moments when what a person truly needs belongs to a therapist, a doctor, a solicitor, or a crisis service, not to you. There are times when a question falls outside your tradition or your experience. Staying in your lane isn’t a lack of courage. It’s integrity. It keeps people safer than any impulse to be the one who knows everything ever could.

If someone comes to me looking for Brigid as a link to Maman Brigitte? I’m steering clear of that. There may be a link, but I haven’t experienced it and my experience with voudoun is zero. So I’m not going there.

Power, Transparency, and the Quiet Responsibilities of Leadership

Even when you don’t intend to hold power, people may place it in your hands simply because you listen well or speak clearly. That’s part of the nature of spiritual leadership. One of the gentlest antidotes to unconscious power is transparency. When you make your process visible, and by that I mean: how you make decisions, what informs your perspective, what your boundaries are around time, availability, confidentiality, and money. Once you make your process visible, you invite trust instead of projection. Transparency keeps the ground steady under both of you, and it’s a core principle within ethical women’s spiritual leadership, where clarity replaces authority for authority’s sake.

I try to present myself online as I do in real life. It’s not always possible. I mean, very few people have seen me mid-tummy bug for example. But I try to keep it real. And I also try to let people know what they’re getting into when they start working with me. Because I know I’m not for everyone. No one is.

Keeping Stories Sacred

If someone offers you their truth – the raw, vulnerable, complicated version – it is not material for content or conversation elsewhere. Honouring privacy is one of the deepest spiritual acts in any leadership role. If you’re unsure whether you can share a story, then you can’t. When people know their story will not be used to polish your persona or fuel your next online post, they can soften, breathe, and do the work they came to do.

And even when I do share stories, they’re anonymised. I try to keep it at the level of “I’m talking to many women who…” rather than “here’s a story that happened to a follower of mine”. I hope the difference there is obvious.

Navigating Money Without Shame or Manipulation

Money and spirituality tend to make people twitchy, but ethics demand we address them honestly. And this is an area I struggle with.

Some things belong in the realm of gift: the quick blessing, the small kindness, the simple moment of support. But they are also voluntary. Not required. People might demand all they like, but no matter what leadership position you are in, you owe nobody anything!

Other work requires actual labour, skill, and emotional energy, and that work deserves to be paid for. There is nothing unethical about charging fairly for the work you have trained for. What matters is clarity and the refusal to use fear, urgency, or spiritual scarcity as sales tactics. In women’s spiritual leadership ethics, coercion has no home. And that goes both ways, from leader and practitioner or client.

Supporting Sovereignty, Not Dependency

If someone cannot make a decision without you, something is off. Ethical guidance strengthens a person’s own discernment rather than replacing it with yours. You may offer insight, name what you see, or open doors they hadn’t considered. But ultimately, the work is to help them hear their own wisdom. And, most importantly, to step back far enough that they can trust it. A guide who celebrates when someone no longer needs them is a guide who understands the heart of the work.

You don’t control other people’s lives and sometimes – it’s time to cut the chord. Gently, sometimes, but firmly.

Repairing Harm With Humility

Even with the best intentions, harm sometimes happens. A poorly timed question, a misunderstood suggestion, a ritual that opens more than someone can integrate… It’s part of the territory. Ethics doesn’t promise perfection; it promises repair. Repair means listening without defensiveness, apologising with clarity, and taking responsibility for your part. If we expect those we guide to grow, then we must model what real accountability looks like.

We can all cause harm. We all do, just by living. When you know better, do better, remember? Women’s spiritual leadership ethics demand more than the traditional male model. It’s important to consider this. We’re not looking to recreate, we’re looking to do better.

And sometimes there’s harm you can’t heal. Learn from it. Be humble. Do better next time.

Tending Your Own Practice

This comes down the list, but it’s probably one of the most important topics to consider. Fill your own cup before you pour from empty.

One of the quiet dangers of guiding others is neglecting your own spiritual life. It is far too easy to become the mentor who never returns to their own well. But exhaustion, isolation, and disconnection erode ethics faster than anything else. A spiritual leader who doesn’t nurture their own practice becomes brittle. Make space to study, to pray, to reflect, to be a beginner again. Ethics rests on honesty, and honesty is impossible without a living, breathing spiritual life beneath it.

Self-care is community care.

The Need for Community

And following on from that…

No one leads ethically in isolation. Community challenges us, steadies us, and keeps us from drifting into our own unchecked authority. Whether your work is rooted in a lineage or built from your lived experience, you need peers who are not impressed by you. Community keeps the edges of our ethics sharp and reminds us that leadership is not about perfection.

It is about service.

The Quiet Test

In the end, it all comes back to something simple: after an interaction, can you sit quietly with yourself? Can you meet your own eyes without the small wince that says you crossed a line? If the answer is yes, good. If there’s a stone in your stomach, look again.

Ethics is not a declaration. It is the daily choice to be clean with your power, generous with your care, and honest about your limits. Guiding others is beautiful work, and it is serious work. May we carry it with humility. May we leave people more sovereign than we found them. And may our footprints mark a path that feels safe for those who follow.

Women’s Spiritual Leadership Ethics

I said earlier that we’re not looking to re-form the traditional male model of spiritual leadership. I meant it. We’re not holding ourselves to those standards.

We’re doing better. That means community first. It means clarity, transparency, accountability. Being able to look at ourselves in the mirror. Being aware when the Overton window is shifting – and correcting it when necessary.

This is about being the leaders we needed earlier in our lives, and developing into the leaders we’re going to need going forward. Doing the work, bit by bit.

Visibility in Spiritual Leadership

Last week, I wrote about spiritual leadership in the modern world: the responsibilities, the boundaries, the need to hold knowledge with care. But there’s another piece to this that deserves its own space: what happens when people begin to see you as a spiritual leader, whether you intended it or not. When you become visible.

Visibility is one of those things that arrives quietly. You don’t have to declare yourself anything. You don’t need a title or a platform. Sometimes visibility begins the first time someone asks you for guidance, or when people start coming to you with their questions, their fears, or their excitement about the path. With one conversation, one ritual, one piece of advice — suddenly you’re “someone who knows things.” And from that moment on, your path looks different.

And while visibility can be a blessing, it isn’t always comfortable.

An orange background with a black figure in the middle with a yellowish 5 pointed star in the middle with rays of yellow coming from behind. Written above the figure is "The Burdena nd Blessing of Being Seen: Visibility in Spiritual Leadership"

Being Seen Isn’t Simple

People often imagine visibility in a spiritual context as something warm and affirming. A sign that your work is valued. And sometimes it is. But it can also come with scrutiny you never asked for. People will make assumptions about who you are, what you believe, what you represent, and what you should be doing. You might find yourself carrying the weight of expectations you didn’t sign up for, simply because others have formed an idea of you that doesn’t match the full reality.

The strange thing about visibility is that people often see the version of you they need in that moment. Sometimes that’s comforting; sometimes it’s overwhelming. But rarely is it neutral.

When People Try to Claim You

Once you’re visible, even in a small way, people can begin to form attachment: some healthy, some less so. Someone might decide they’re your closest student despite you never agreeing to teach. Someone else may expect constant access to your time or energy because you answered a single question online. Others may subtly pressure you to take them under your wing, guide them personally, or carry emotional weight that isn’t yours to hold.

Most of the time, it isn’t malicious. It’s simply human longing. But longing can become entitlement, and entitlement can become a problem. Part of spiritual leadership is remembering that you belong to yourself first. Your practice, your time, your energy… These are not communal property just because you’ve been helpful or visible.

You Become a Mirror

Here’s the unexpected part: visibility means becoming a mirror for other people. Their reactions often have very little to do with you and far more to do with their own wounds, hopes, insecurities, or unresolved stories.

Some people will admire you instantly because you embody something they want for themselves. Others may feel defensive because you remind them of something they’re avoiding. And some will project every authority figure they have ever struggled with onto you, without realising they’re doing it.

This isn’t a sign that you’re doing anything wrong. It’s simply part of the terrain. And knowing that can make the road much gentler.

Why Grounding Matters More Than Ever

Visibility requires a certain steadiness. You need the ability not to inflate when someone praises you, and not to crumble when someone criticises or misunderstands you. Emotional grounding becomes the anchor that keeps you from drifting into ego or collapse. It’s what helps you sift through the feedback and recognise which parts are projections and which parts offer something genuinely useful.

Without grounding, visibility can swallow you whole. With grounding, it becomes something you can carry with dignity and clarity.

The Beautiful Better Side of Visibility

I just couldn’t with the “beautiful”. It’s not in me. Because this is work. But still…

It’s not all hard edges. Visibility also brings moments of great beauty. Someone might share how your words helped them through a difficult time. Someone else may feel less alone because you voiced something they’ve always felt but never had language for. You might find yourself connecting with people who share your values, your devotion, or your connection to the land and the divine.

Those moments make the weight worth it. They remind you that visibility isn’t just burden, it can also be a blessing, a thread connecting you to others in ways you might never have expected.

You Don’t Need to Be Perfect

One of the biggest myths about spiritual leadership is that you must be flawless: endlessly wise, endlessly calm, endlessly sure. But that’s not how humans work, and it’s certainly not how spiritual paths work.

You don’t need perfection. What you need is honesty. Honesty about your limits. Honesty about what you’re still learning. Honesty about your boundaries, your energy, and the fact that you’re as human as anyone else.

Invisibility hides our imperfections. Visibility simply makes them easier to see, and easier to accept, if we let it.

Staying Whole While Being Seen

If last week’s piece was about the responsibilities of spiritual leadership, this one is about what happens inside you when people begin to look to you for guidance. To lead sustainably, you need to stay whole. Staying whole means not letting projections reshape you. It means returning to your own practices, your own gods, your own grounding, again and again.

Being seen is part of the work. Sometimes the hardest part.

But staying yourself, even while being seen?

That’s the heart of spiritual leadership.

Spiritual Leadership

I’ve been on threads a lot over the last few weeks. Yes, it’s still Meta, but it’s better than X. (In my opinion, obvs!)

And yes, I have written about this before. But there’s a different slant on it this time. Because, sometimes, in warning people about potential dangers, concerns or potholes on their path, we’re denounced with “gatekeeping”, “blocking”, or “hiding information”. In my opinion, yes, there are folk who gatekeep knowledge. Usually with good reason. But I want to talk about some of the responsibilities inherent in being a spiritual leader in the modern world.

Spiritual leadership isn't just pretty pictures. Although this one is lovely. A figure standing in a valley, with a multicoloured night sky above them, going from orange on the left, pink in the middle and blue on the right.

What Spiritual Leadership Actually Means Today

At its core, spiritual leadership isn’t about titles or followers but about service, presence, and accountability. It means showing up with integrity, Listening more than you speak. Possibly most importantly, acknowledging the limits of your own knowledge.

In older Irish traditions, leaders weren’t chosen because they demanded authority – they were recognised because they lived in a way the community trusted. The bean feasa rarely if ever chose their own title.

The same remains true now: leadership is earned through action, not assumed through aesthetics or self-branding. As in, judge the leader by their actions, not their words.

And remember, it’s easy to show a persona on social media. It’s not so easy to get your hands dirty in the real world.

The Responsibilities of Holding Knowledge

One of the deepest responsibilities in spiritual leadership is knowing when knowledge should be shared. And when it requires grounding, maturity, or support. Some practices stir unresolved trauma; others raise energy people aren’t ready to channel; others belong to lineages or traditions that require preparation. Sharing everything instantly, without context, isn’t generosity. It’s carelessness. Responsible leaders offer information at the right time, in the right setting, with the right structure.

This is particularly true with closed practices. Practitioners have the right to maintain control over traditional practices. Not to mention – point on when someone isn’t following traditional ways. I see a lot of people, every single fucking year saying Brigid is so gentle, and calm, and quiet. This is not held true by either saint or deity original texts. At all. And so, I challenge it.

And I’m usually challenged saying I don’t know what I’m talking about.

The thing is, I do know what I’m talking about on this. While Brigid can be extremely calm and supportive, she is the transformative fire. The healing ocean.

She’s not a delicate flower.

When Warnings Get Misinterpreted

Part of modern spiritual leadership is accepting that sometimes people will misunderstand you. When you say “not yet,” some will hear “never.” When you explain the need for foundation, some will accuse you of controlling the path. This is less about your intent, and more about the listener’s insecurities, expectations, or impatience. Digital platforms reward speed over depth, certainty over nuance. And warnings rarely survive that environment intact.

Everyone wants to know everything now, all at once. And some see this caution to wait, to learn, as blocking and gatekeeping. No more than a 4-yr old playing with fire, there are some things spiritually that will burn you. And frankly, a sensible leader will point this out.

Not every learner wants to listen, and that then causes more work for the spiritual leader. Usually cleaning up the mess.

Think I’m joking? I’m really not. If you’re not capable of cleaning up your own mess, someone else has to. And while that’s acceptable for a 4-yr old, it’s not for an adult.

Why Not Everything Should Be Freely Distributed

Every tradition includes knowledge that must be handled with care, and spiritual leadership means understanding that not all information belongs on the open internet. Some practices require initiation; some require safety structures; some require a relationship with land, deity, or community. Sharing everything freely isn’t transparency. It’s removing the protective container that allows deep work to unfold safely.

I’m asked sometimes why some courses and workshops are so tightly controlled in numbers. It’s so I can take care of the people involved and I won’t get overwhelmed by the number of things happening at once. I know my limits when it comes to virtual and in-person energy management. And to be honest, the virtual stuff is harder for me to manage. It’s much easier for me to manage energy in person.

I hold virtual events to be more accessible. But they take more out of me, they cost me more in time, energy, etc and therefore they will be charged at a higher cost.

I won’t extend myself beyond what I’m capable of. And I won’t deliver information or teachings that I’m not comfortable delivering.

Boundaries as Sacred Responsibility

This is a bit of a continuation. Healthy boundaries are essential to sustainable spiritual leadership, even if they disappoint people. Leaders cannot be endlessly available, constantly accessible, or permanently open. Boundaries ensure that the leader’s own energy, wellbeing, and practice remain intact. They ensure that the community receives considered, grounded guidance rather than exhaustion-frayed scraps of attention. A leader with no boundaries can’t lead for long.

Being blunt about it, a leader with no boundaries will burn themselves out. Usually, quickly. That’s whether being physically available for consults, or spiritually available for teaching. Some teaching requires a lot more energy form the teacher, and the student should be grateful when a teacher realises they should wait before teaching it. It’s safety, it’s consideration, it’s common sense.

Leadership Without Ego

Ego has no place in genuine spiritual leadership. True leaders make space, not empires. They guide without demanding devotion. They stay rooted in humility, continuing to learn, listen, evolve, and question. And they don’t seek to create dependency but to foster sovereignty. The role isn’t about being elevated above others; it’s about being in right relationship with the work, the community, the land, and the divine.

Now look, we’re all human. We all have egos. That’s not what I’m talking about. But a spiritual leader should be able to put that ego aside and do what’s best for the community. And sometimes, that means taking a step back and letting someone else lead. Or even, taking a step back and letting someone continue on their path without the leader.

Sometimes, it means letting a student make a small mistake now, to prevent a larger mistake later.

And sometimes, it means realising we’re not the right person to help this student and leaving them go.

A Call to Discernment

As you navigate your own path, consider what spiritual leadership looks like in practice. Not the titles or branding, but the behaviour. Look for people who share responsibly, who act with integrity, and who don’t flinch from offering uncomfortable truth when needed. And if you’re stepping into leadership yourself, remember that your words carry weight. Your guidance matters. Your boundaries matter. And your discernment, more than anything, shapes the path you help build.

Listening to ourselves

I struggling with listening to my body. And I think this is something we all struggle with: listening to ourselves. Even when we desperately need rest!

Last week started by me being attacked by the shed in our garden. (Pic of similar shed below for entertainment purposes) I came into work and said the shed had jumped out at me and hit the car.

Everyone knew what I meant. Everyone realised I didn’t actually believe the shed had jumped at me. If ever a shed existed that is unlikely to jump anywhere, it’s the stereotypical Irish stone shed.

I'm fairly certain we could learn from this shed about listening to ourselves. It's a stone built Irish shed, with corrugated roof and one slit window, one slightly square window, grass in the foreground. It's doing nothing but what it's built to do!
Very typical construction here

What was going on?

Apparently, either an ear infection, a sinus infection or a wonderful mixture of both. On finally heading to the doctor later, he decided the nuclear option was best and put me on antibiotics. And painkilling cream in case it was my jaw.

Why am I bothering telling you this?

Because I didn’t back into the shed, ahem, I mean, the shed didn’t attack me, completely unprovoked, because I was on top of my game. I was dizzy, tired, sick, and probably, in hindsight, shouldn’t have been driving.

Small details.

The key thing is, I’d been fighting something off for weeks. It wasn’t quite bad enough to take time off work, or, horror of horrors, actually go see the doctor. But it was bad enough to make my life miserable. If I’d been better versed in listening to myself, I might have picked up on just how bad I’d felt sooner.

But I didn’t. Because I have been well schooled in the art of not “listening to ourselves”.

Listening to ourselves in a world which doesn’t want us to

Y’see, if I had listened to myself, I might have realised that this thing wasn’t going away. It had been operating in my system and my system was kinda containing it, but not really defeating it.

And a cold/flu/ear infection/ sinus infection thing that’s lasting for a month? Probably needs something more than Vick’s Vaporub to fix it.

I had work to get through.

I’m working (slowly) on a part time doctorate.

Running Brigid’s Forge and EngineerHer.

Managing home, school and work.

There’s a lot on. And I’m not saying this, because I think I’ve got it worse than anyone else. We’ve all got a lot on.

The modern world is not made for simplicity.

And that’s all before you take into account the shitshow that’s currently going down in numerous places across the world… (but, y’know, hard side-eye towards the US here)

It’s easier for the world at large if we don’t listen to ourselves. It’s easier for our families, our workplaces, everyone, if we just keep on keeping on.

And there’s times we have to do that New baby, audit in work, major project… whatever it is, there are times we actually do have to keep on keeping on. But not always.

And we fall into the trap. We cope, because we see no other way.

Listening to ourselves leads to failure, or dropping the ball on something.

Hard lessons

One of the strongest lessons I learned earlier in my career was when I was off work, sick, for 3 months. I came back and checked in with my boss on all the things that were deemed so important, so vital to the running of the business.

90% of them hadn’t been kept up while I was away. So, I took a radical step. I stopped doing them.

If they weren’t important enough for someone else to pick up, then why was I wasting my time? I immediately freed up almost 20hours a week.

HALF MY WORKING WEEK.

I had been running myself ragged working on reports, presentations, information… that nobody really needed.

I had most definitely not been listening to myself.

Now, mind you, I’m a slow learner. That wasn’t the first, or indeed, the last time I work myself sick. Last week was a minor example of it.

But we have to ask ourselves: when we don’t listen to ourselves, what good are we to our people?

Whether our people are family, friends, colleagues, dependents, whatever – what good are we?

That old thing about no one praising someone at their funeral for spending all that time in the office?

The Act of Radical Listening to Ourselves

I read Louis Hay‘s work on racial self care years ago. It’s a bit dated now, but there is some good stuff in there. First and foremost, she advocates listening to ourselves. Our bodies. Our souls.

And taking the time to rest and allow these messages to come through.

In a world where the powers that be appear to want us chaotic and confused, resting and knowing ourselves (those of us with the privilege to do so, of course) is radical.

It’s an expression of intent.

Or an invitation for care.

Rest.

Absorption and integration.

(And while we’re on the topic – yes, you can grab a limited spot on the upcoming Imbolc retreat to do just this, if you wish)

But in the meantime, think about how you can build in listening to yourself as a continual thing. How do you build in rest when it’s needed? How do you recognise you need rest? (Highly recommend not backing into the shed as a wake up call. Seriously!)

Is it meditation? Time away from everyone? Regular catch ups with close friends? How do you best build in that time?

Drop me a line and let me know!

Rest

Rest is a common enough theme for me at this time of year. This year though, I’m feeling a pull towards more. More rest? Certainly. But a different kind.

Even the weather agrees. Yesterday, it lashed down all day. Ag stealladh báistí you might say.

Today? Well look below.

Even the weather is encouraging rest! A picture of my garden, surrounded by fog. Trees are vague shapes in the background, the sky is various shades of grey, but at least the grass is green!
Yes this is what I woke up to this morning. Well this is a couple of hours after I woke up cos a pic at 7am would just show black…

It’s not that I was planning on a massively active day today, or anything. But when the weather agrees with my own inner feelings, my gut… sometimes it’s ok to listen.

Privilege

Yes, it is most certainly a privilege to talk about rest right now.

Iran. Ukraine. Yemen. Gaza. Sudan. And so many others. (Yes that line is copied directly from my threads post yesterday!)

The people in those places, and many places in the US, I’m not forgetting ye, can’t afford to rest right now. They have a fight to wage. And they’ve been waging it – for years in some cases.

So, when I say I’m recognising my privilege, I mean it.

When I’m talking about rest for me right now, I’m talking about the space before stepping back in. The stillness in allowing flow, rather than forcing issues.

I’m thinking about space that comes before the action.

So what rest do I mean?

The earth is still resting for the year. Oh, we can see the signs of growth, the small green shoots coming up, the signs of life returning after the stillness of the winter.

(Although “stillness of winter” isn’t too accurate in Ireland!!)

And if, like me, you have been resting over the winter and are now looking to do something, you might be thinking “more rest????”

Fair. But listen to me a while.

For those of us not currently in an active war zone (ahem… “active” and “warzone” are open to interpretation here, side eyes to a certain Turtle Island government) we can take time, regroup, and then be ready to step in.

It might not be an option for you in your whole life, but maybe there are parts of your life that you can use this time for rest. Maybe you need to think about areas where it’s just not the time to be pushing right now.

There are areas of my life where pushing, chasing, forcing issues – it’s just not the right time.

It’s still time for planning, preparing the ground, resting.

Examples?

I want several things to happen this year in work. But now isn’t the time to chase them.

  • a promotion for a team member
  • knowing what my bonus and merit increase is
  • what are the plans for the business in the coming 2-3 years

I already have an idea about timelines for all of these and while I might want to know, right now, right this second, there’s no point in forcing this issue.

But areas I can move forward on:

  • my personal activities in work
  • gathering evidence to support my promotion activities
  • taking the next logical steps for the current ways the business is going

It’s amazing how, no matter how many different businesses I work in, I see the same patterns for the year…

It works in my personal life as well. I can’t force us buying a house. But I can make the daily steps that will lead to that at some point in the future.

I can take a rest from relentlessly pushing forward on my spiritual path, but still take the time to assimilate and bed in the learnings and changes so far.

It’s ok for an activity or a time to not look productive.

Rest as an act of rebellion

Again – this is privilege.

But rest, time spend not being productive can be an act of rebellion in a world that demands productivity at all times.

Time spent assimilating and re-grouping before the next round of activity is not laziness, not evil. It’s essential.

And it’s a lot easier for the various “bodies” (government, societal, religious, political, etc) to control us when we don’t give ourselves time.

Our minds and bodies need time to rest. Need time to not be productive. Not be a willing cog in the machine.

As women, we carry a lot. (It’s multiplied by Black women, women under oppression, women in war zones… intersectionality, remember???) And sometimes, even a single deep breath can feel like an immense act.

I get it.

But think about where in your life you can rest right now. Where do you need time for assimilation?

What is it ok to stop pushing?

And simply… rest.

Decisions and consequences

Today I’m going to talk about decisions and consequences. I understand this is a break from the Imbolc related topics of the last few weeks, but it’s needed given some of the rhetoric showing on various social media over the weekend.

But first I’m going to talk about some decisions I made over the weekend and the consequences of those decisions.

Some background

I may have mentioned in my newsletter over the last few months, how I’ve had some changes in my digestive system. And how I’m (mostly) avoiding carbs for now.

This is not down to medical advice, this is down to me observing that most carbs appear to be causing me diarrhoea. Now, I don’t want advice for this, ok? I’m good with where I am and I have to admit that much advice out there on this topic can trigger my disordered eating problems. Please bear that in mind as we go through this.

So, spuds, chips, crisps, pasta, rice, wraps, bread… and it’s not gluten, either. Cos the gluten free stuff – even when I make the bread myself – causes the same effects. There’s no medical reason for this, my body has just said, no.

Thankfully, I am still able to eat chocolate, so the people around me are safe, but it does lead to certain choices.

Decisions and consequences

Which brings me to the weekend.

An image of LANA in lights, the LAna logo. Gorgeous food, but my decision to have chips led to consequences.
I love the food here, but the chips were a decision I should not have made…

See, I’d gone all day with no food. I’d had a coffee, so things were ok, but then our lodger reached out saying he’d not managed to have lunch and was getting a takeaway. (Hence the Lana pic above)

Now I love Lana’s food. It’s great. I’m sure any Asian person of any persuasion would look at the food and shudder at how un-authentic it is. I’m fairly certain it’s Asian food altered for Irish palates. And it bloody works.

I especially love their crispy roast duck with plum sauce. Which comes with chips, steamed rice, brown rice, noodles, spicy chips or egg friend rice. Now, I’ve been avoiding their chips for the last few months, cos again – extreme diarrhoea. It’s not normally worth it.

But last night – oh my gods, I was starving. And I could feel those chips crunching in my mouth. So I said, fuck it and ordered the chips.

Decisions and consequences people.

It took about 30mins after eating before my stomach started complaining, and I spent the next 4 hours or so heading in and out to the toilet. To say it was less than comfortable is an understatement.

Why am I telling you this?

Well, a) to remind myself that making this particular decision was still probably worth the consequences. But also b) because of the rhetoric I’ve seen on social media all weekend about US people “calling down” goddesses in general and war-goddesses in particular.

Why am I writing about this?

Well because there appears to be an essential disconnect here in those who are just coming to the knowledge that goddesses exist and the consequences of poorly thought out decisions they might make.

I’ve have said over and over again that building relationships is the way to go with the Irish pantheon in particular. From speaking to other practitioners dealing with other pantheons at the weekend, it appears like most spiritual beings prefer some relationship before you ask them for a big, massive favour.

And then comes the accusations of gatekeeping.

It appears that warning potential practitioners or newcomers that there might be consequences to their decision to call on a goddess of war is gatekeeping that goddess.

It wasn’t what anyone was saying, but hey ho. Here we go.

I see it over and over again

People coming from a (mostly) bloodless religion like Christianity (in the present day: I’m well aware of the bloody history of the Catholic Church and probably most of the other churches under the umbrella of Christianity. Just cos Ireland wasn’t converted by the sword doesn’t mean I’m unaware of it happening elsewhere) aren’t used to consequences spiritually speaking and practically speaking for decisions they make.

Don’t believe me?

How many Christians have made God a promise in a time of crisis and then forgotten about it?

“I’ll never do X again, if only Y happens”

Ring any bells?

In my experience, the Christian God doesn’t take that personal a role in His followers’ lives. It’s a safe enough religion in that respect.

That’s not the case with most of the pagan deities. Maybe it’s because there are fewer pagans in the world than Christians. A quick google search tells me there are about 3,000,000 pagans in the world, spread out over thousands of deities, but there are somewhere between 2,300,000 and 2,600,000 Christians in the world, all looking to one God.

But either way, a pagan goddess will not let you away with that shit. They expect you to keep your word or deal with the consequences of your decisions.

Yes, your decisions have consequences

This is something white women in the US in particular appear to be waking up to. Renee Good’s murder appears to have woken up the white woman community in ways the deaths of Keith Porter and others (check out this map here) did not. Better late than never, definitely. And we’re not diving into racism here, cos, y’know, I only have so much energy.

But there appears to be this attitude of entitlement. That once someone hears the name of a deity, they can just “call them down” to fix the mess. And pointing out that this decision might have consequences beyond our current understanding is treated as gatekeeping.

It’s genuinely not.

It’s trying to help people.

The amount of people who think they’re entitled to help from Irish deities because they have a great, great, grandparent from Ireland, but know nothing about us, our history, our geography, our politics, our social issues, our people… it’s concerning.

And the fact that so many people are willing to put themselves out to try and save these newcomers to the non-Christian spiritual world? It’s amazing.

But it’s not fucking gatekeeping.

I mean, is it gatekeeping to keep a child from putting their hands in the fire?

So, what can you do if you are just starting out?

Well, first off, read up on the deity you’re looking at. Preferably from native sources. That means, if it’s an Irish deity you’re thinking about, read from an Irish author. Not someone who moved here 6months ago and claims to know everything! Fuck’s sake, I’ve been living here most of my life, and I don’t know everything.

I spent over a decade in England and I wouldn’t claim to know everything about them either. (Although I know enough… and I did marry one…)

Pray. It’s an under-used form of spiritual work.

And put some practical work into this mess, as well as spiritual work.

Gotta be honest, I’m not sure why the Morrigan would be overly interested in the US, but she might help some of her followers there. Brigid? Maybe, she travels a fair bit, but again, don’t expect an easy right of it.

Practical work?

Yeah, practical work.

I know protesting isn’t for everyone. It’s definitely not for me – I can’t handle the crowds. But here’s some stuff I’d be looking into if I were in the US right now:

  • Financial support. Money is needed. Bail, medicines, fuel, food…
  • Childcare
  • Administration
  • Organisation
  • Clean up
  • Call or email your elected representatives
  • Educate yourself and in particular in the US, look at the Black and Native educators out there. If I can find them from Ireland, you can find them as well.
  • Offer save havens for those returning from protests or going to protests.
  • Be a witness

I’m sure I’ve forgotten loads of stuff here and y’know, you can google as well as I can. Not everyone is built to be a front line warrior and not all of us have to be. Supply lines, support staff, all these people are important as well.

Back to decisions and consequences

No matter what decisions you make, there will be consequences.

If you choose to get involved physically and in person, you may be isolated, attacked, injured, jailed.

If you choose to support on the supply lines side, you may get your name on a list, or get highlighted in your community.

Fascism loves to keep records remember. And they start with one community, then move onto the next. The first concentration camp in Germany in the 1930’s was Dachau, founded in 1933, and was aimed at political prisoners, Roma, and Jehovah’s Witnesses. The first Jewish prisoners arrived in 1938.

So, let’s try and learn from history.

And choose which consequences are worth it and which aren’t.

Because this bullshit isn’t going away and we all have to made decisions.

(And yes, for those who may be worried, my digestive system is grand today again!)

Energy is rising!

I’m lucky that the energy is rising at the time I most need it.

Yes, I am re-using this song. It’s a great song!!!

Now, I get it. You might be thinking, wasn’t last week’s blog post all about energy? Well, yes, it was.

But I want to get more focused this week. On specifically, the energy I can use and feed off – and the energy you can use as well!

Energy rising?

Look, I know. Ireland at the minute is having a cold snap. There was frost ALL over this morning.

Unfortunately, not bad enough for an excuse to stay home from work, but still…

OK granted, not much energy rising in a picture of a sheep in a lightly snowed landscape (this looks similar to my garden this morning but it was too dark to get a pic!) Picture is of a sheep in a snowy, Irish field, hills in the background and a lone tree standing.
No, this isn’t my garden, it was took dark to take a pic, but it’s a close representation

So, why am I talking about energy rising? Because the earth is stirring. I can feel it. Below the frost, there is energy. New life is starting.

I mean, the sheep in that pic doesn’t look pregnant, but there’s a chance she is. (Unless it’s actually a ram – my sheep expertise mostly runs towards staying out of their way, to be honest)

The days are getting longer. Not massively, as yet, but definitely there’s a few minutes each day. On 21st December, we technically had 7hrs 29mins of daylight. Today? We have 7 hrs 43 mins.

I know 14mins doesn’t seem like a lot, but trust me on this, ok?

We use this elsewhere as well

Much of the New Year, New Me energy builds from this as well. It’s riding a wave of rising energy. We’re emerging from the winter darkness. And ok, the darkness is still there, but we can see the light approaching.

Now, I’m not a fan of completely overhauling your life as that blog post will show. But there’s a means to engage with the energy without overkill.

For me, this is the time to prepare for planting those seeds. Not actually plant them yet, but get ready for it. Make sure the soil is prepared, ensure there’s water and nutrients and rest and everything ready. Clear the decks for growth so to speak.

How can we do this?

Well, here are some options:

  • clear up any loose ends from before the holiday season
  • help the energy move by moving yourself
  • help the energy move by giving the house a good scrub – or however you can manage a clean.
  • clear out your head! (More on this later)

What I will be doing

Well here’s the thing. Mostly, life will be continuing as normal. However, there are a few things I will be doing to make use of the energy.

This morning, I’m wearing a nice outfit for work. A green dress, with brown boots and a brown cardie. Dressing nicely does help me in the gloomy mornings. And the boots are comfy, but also give me a “fuck off” walk, which helps a lot in work these days when everyone is all eager-beaver and trying to catch up on all the stuff they didn’t finish before Christmas!

But there’s another reason to dress differently. It helps me rotate my clothes. So, I’m not doing a massive clear out or anything, but by taking a few minutes every day to assess a different outfit from my usual “work top and plain trousers”. It’s a way for me to migrate from the pre-holidays “Christmas outfits every day” to more standard fare.

I know it won’t last. But it’s nice while it does.

I’m also making a list of shorter jobs that need doing, but I just don’t get around to. So, for example, I had some candles melt really weirdly a few months ago – I just need to clean up the candlebra so I can use it again. Will take about 15mins, but I’ve just not done it yet.

Riding this wave of new year energy, I’ll make a list of similar things to be done and tick off as many as I can.

What I won’t be doing

Even with the energy rising, I will not be overhauling my life. I’ve learned over the years, that while it’s possible to use the rising energy of the year to do this, it doesn’t work for me in terms of lasting change.

Energy rising in January is more about clearing the way, laying the foundations, that sort of thing. So no, I won’t be starting a massive new exercise routine. I won’t be implementing a whole new nutritional plan.

I definitely won’t be committing to hours and hours of “self care” in the form of expensive treatments, time consuming hobbies, etc.

But this is your busiest time of year?

Yes, it is. And I will be surfing that rising energy wave all the way to March. Possibly April, to be honest. But it’s about the small actions for me right now.

Look at this list for items to do in January in an Irish garden. There’s mostly prep work and continuing work going on, not new work. That’s my approach.

So, yes, I will be setting some things up for Imbolc. I will be organising some online rituals, will probably be holding a retreat for the occasion. I will be helping people lay the ground work for the coming year.

Remember!

The calendar year is just that – the calendar year. It was set by Julius Caesar, with some accommodations by Pope Gregory XIII in the late 16th century.

There’s nothing really magical or innovative about having a New Year in January, other than we all need a bit of celebration in the winter. You can start afresh at the beginning of each new moon, new month, new day, new hour…

But it’s worth considering carefully how to take advantage of the rising energy and optimism of a clean new year.

(And, if you can, try not to feed the horrendous things being done by the US in particular, but also Israel and Russia in the new year. That’s not the sort of energy we really need to be rising right now! If you have energy to work on it, fight as best you can, however you can!)

Spiritual freedom: If you prick us…

… do we not bleed? Spiritual freedom is today’s topic and I’m feeling angry.

Spiritual freedom was not a thing in Shakespearian England: To bait fish withal: if it will feed nothing else, it will feed my revenge. He hath disgraced me, and hindered me half a million; laughed at my losses, mocked at my gains, scorned my nation, thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies; and what's his reason? I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian wrong a Jew, what should his sufferance be by Christian example? Why, revenge. The villany you teach me, I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction.
The full quote from Act III, Scene I, The Merchant of Venice

Shylock’s quote from The Merchant of Venice is oft quoted as speaking to the humanity of Jewish people. I mean, context is a thing here, but I want to explore a few things today that is strongly linked to this.

Brigid’s Path

I speak about helping women find their spiritual path and recover from strict, rigid, patriarchal, religious rules. Usually, I help them find the path that’s right for them. I help them find the spiritual freedom that has eluded them so far. That doesn’t mean abandoning the religion of their youth. Not always.

It can mean deconstructing and re-learning the core truths of that religion, in a way that strips the whole process of the patriarchal bullshit.

It can mean walking away and never engaging with that religion again.

It’s about what’s right for the person I’m working with.

Why am I talking about this?

Bondi Beach

The shootings on Bondi Beach, the murders on Bondi Beach, have the global Jewish community reeling. It’s very soon after the Manchester murders. It’s definitely a sign of rising anti-Semitism across the globe.

But as the article from the Irish Times points out – it’s no better for Muslims right now. Islamophobia is rising as well. (Yes, there are countries – plural – that has Islam as the majority religion, whereas there is only one – singular – where Judaism is the majority religion).

People are often shocked when I won’t decry one religion or the other. I don’t know why – again, I work with (mostly) women to help them find the spiritual freedom they crave!

I will speak to religions I know about – mainly the Irish flavour of Roman Catholicism, and sometimes Christianity more generally. But the faith at the heart of that religion? They all generally come down to the same issues.

  • Treat people right
  • Be decent to each other and the land and the animals
  • Don’t be an asshole

Ok, the technical definition of the above changes according to times and seasons and places, but that doesn’t mean they are wrong, as such.

Spiritual Freedom

I believe, deeply, that we all have the right to spiritual freedom. And by that – I mean, the right to practice our spirituality as long as it doesn’t impact on other people in a serious way.

Because someone told me earlier that lighting a candle in public impacts on other people. Seriously?

90% of my spiritual practice involves lighting candles and you want me to agree it’s wrong?? Go to hell.

Gathering in public doesn’t not, inherently, impinge on your life. Otherwise, people would have limits on how many teenagers are allowed in one place at one time…

Hang on…

It’s not about the religion

It’s about people seeing differences and being uncomfortable.

  • they dress differently
  • they speak a different language(s)
  • attending religious ceremonies on a different day!
  • eating weird food

I hope it’s obvious where I’m going with this.

It’s not about the religion.

Really, it’s about excuses. Deep down – it’s about not wanting to have to learn.

It’s about discomfort and it being easy to just write people off.

I’m just not here for it, people.

Human Rights

According to the Hague, the 18th Human Right is:

18. Freedom of thought and religion

Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.

You see? This is basic shit.

Either we stand for all or we stand for none. In the end, I’m the wrong person to come to, expecting to see me decrying an entire population.

I live in the liminal too often.

I’ve said it before, I will say it again:

This is not about fucking religion.

Control? Sure. Fearmongering? Absolutely. “Othering” folk to make sure that fearmongering keeps strong? Definitely.

So, don’t let them fucking win. Remember – the power is with the people. Vote. Protest. Write. Phone.

Do whatever the hell means you have to remind your friends, neighbours, politicians that these people are just that: people.

Think about it: if people can refer to one group as vermin, who will they come from next?

If there’s a religious group that’s a legitimate target, what happens when they’re all gone?

What are you willing to put up with?

If you want to change, you have to change!

The topic of change came up during our Brigid’s Forge Collective session last night. And I thought it warranted writing about today. Because so often, we want things to be different, we look for it, beg for it – but forget the basics.

I’ve written before about Brigid and liminality, not to mention transformation.

But change, real, physical change is difficult at the best of times. And last night I came out with the sentence: “If you want to change, you have to change!”

Hugely profound, I know. But it’s an extension of the “Be the change you want to see in the world”

An image of a nebula cloud, blue and orange - the original change?
Change can feel amorphous, but it’s usually not!

Why talk about change?

A quick Google Scholar search brought 6.4 million results on “change management process“. There’s a reason for that!

Now, I’ll let you into a secret. The key to a successful change management process is twofold:

  • Successful stakeholder management
  • Clear preferred outcomes

That’s it. Seriously.

You can see how this works in large organisations, right? There’s a decision made somewhere that X is moving to Y. Now this could be as wide ranging as changing the graphics or the company logo down to altering the core working hours by 30mins for a particular office.

It doesn’t matter which it is, to be honest. The point is – it is change.

And people – as a rule – don’t like it.

So, successful stakeholder management. This doesn’t mean getting everyone involved to agree to the new way of doing things. It means making sure everyone is aware of upcoming new way of doing things. Getting alignment rather than agreement.

Alignment is one of those weird corporate words. It generally means someone has agreed to go along with whatever is happening and publicly support it, even if they think it’s batshit cracked to be even thinking of this right now.

Yeah, I know.

But the whole process depends on key stakeholders holding the party line, at least long enough to pass through the gauntlet of the process. We’re aiming for minimising resistance, not eliminating it. A bit of resistance is good for a change process – it can highlight key elements that need to be considered that might otherwise have been overlooked.

The second bit – being clear on the desired outcomes – is vital to ensuring success. For a start, if you’re not sure what the desired outcome is, how do you know you’ve been successful? And trust me when I say, the simpler the better.

“Higher employee enthusiasm” is all very well and good, but how are you measuring it, what does “higher” mean, higher than what, which employee, what do we mean by enthusiasm… you can see where this is going?

“Moving from a 3.5 to a 4.0 on the employee satisfaction survey by end of Q3 2026” is much better. It’s clear what’s being measure, how it’s being measure and what the time frame is. Of course there are going to be more detailed elements below this. There will be projects, and initiatives and all sorts. But the key element, the root and heart of the change itself, is simple but clear.

What do large organisations have to do with me though?

Well, here’s the thing. Change management is based on people. And chances are, if you’re reading this blog, you’re a person as well.

Internal change needs to be the same as external change.

  • Be clear on the change you want to see
  • Manage your stakeholders

Now, if you’re looking at yourself, what does this mean?

Well, first off, what do you want to change? Or rather what’s the outcome you hope this change will drive?

“I want to get fitter” is an outcome. But it’s not very clear. Some outcomes from this might be:

  • complete a press up
  • run 5k
  • walk to the gate and back
  • complete a circuits class, doing all the exercises, without dying
  • Complete the Camino de Santiago

You can see how all these would come under the heading of “being fitter” for some people, right?

And I’m using fitness rather than anything else cos it tends to be more commonplace. And less personal. People don’t get as upset by talking about doing a 5k as they do about the mention of a daily prayer, for example.

Alright, I can hear you screaming about stakeholders, now as well.

Here we go.

Stakeholders

I know. You don’t really see the need for stakeholder management when making a more personal change. Allow me to challenge you on that.

How about you? Do you not count as a stakeholder? You need to manage yourself, your own expectations, as much as you manage other people.

Are you going to commit to the work required to make this change? Maybe it’s a daily step goal. Or a 3 day a week running routine. Possibly become a regular attendance at class?

And then think about timelines. Support.

It’s been a long time since I did a couch to 5k program, but I definitely remember the need to manage my food differently when I did so. I had to be more prepared and that meant saying no to other things.

Committing to attending one meeting in work meant missing out on something else. Agreeing to found and run an organisation meant saying no to engaging with a different organisation.

All of this is managing stakeholders.

And that’s before we get into other people.

Explaining to your family that you’re not available at 6pm on Thursdays any more so they may have to eat dinner without you. Rearranging childcare to allow time for your new challenge. Explaining to work colleagues that actually, no, you aren’t available to work late on Monday nights any more and you have a hard cutoff at X time.

This is all stakeholder management.

Planning your change

Any change requires planning. It doesn’t matter if it’s as simple as a reminder on your phone or major changes to family routines. All change required planning.

A picture of the Wellness From Within Journal from Little Penny Thoughts which is my new foray into journalling, Book is sage green with an elastic strap and a pen holder!!
Wellness From Within Journal from Little Penny Thoughts which is my new foray into journaling. A new change for me.

I got the above journal for free at a recent conference I was at and I sat down one Saturday night and talked it through with my husband, how I would use it, when I would use it, where I would use it…

Current goals are a Mon-Fri journaling habit, first thing in the morning. Well, not quite first thing, but close enough. It’s hit and miss at the minute, but we’re getting there.

But I used getting this journal as the catalyst for change. I decided when, where, how I was journaling. What is taken care of by the lovely journal, and why is because it’s good for my mental health!

And I don’t have “journaling” written into my diary or anything, but it is part of my morning routine, which is in my diary.

Planning works.

Bringing it back to spiritual change

I’ve deliberately not mentioned spiritual change the whole way through this post. Well, except for that one bit about prayer daily. But now let’s come full circle and return to Brigid.

So many people tell me “I want to deepen my relationship with Brigid”. The problem is that no two people have meant the same thing when they say that. So we probe. And I have a series of questions to help here:

1. Who is Brigid to You?

  • When you say “Brigid,” what does that mean to you? A goddess, a saint, a symbol, a presence?
  • How do you currently experience Brigid in your life?
  • Is your image of Brigid shaped by childhood teachings, personal experiences, or something else?

2. What Does “Relationship” Mean?

  • What does a healthy relationship with Brigid look like for you?
  • If you imagine this relationship as a friendship, partnership, or something else, what qualities would it have?
  • What do you feel Brigid offers you, and what do you offer Brigid?

3. What Does “Deepen” Mean?

  • When you say “deepen,” what would that look like in your daily life?
  • Does deepening mean more trust, more intimacy, more devotion, more freedom, more creativity?
  • What would be different in your life if your relationship with Brigid were deeper?

4. Current Practices

  • How do you currently connect with Brigid—prayer, ritual, nature, creativity, study?
  • Which of these feel nourishing, and which feel like obligations?

5. Desired Feelings and Outcomes

  • What feelings do you want to experience more often—peace, joy, inspiration, closeness?
  • What do you hope will change in your life as a result of deepening this relationship?

6. Barriers and Challenges

  • What gets in the way of feeling close to Brigid? Doubt, guilt, busyness, old beliefs?
  • If those barriers were gone, what would your relationship look like?

Try it out!

Now, ok, deepening your relationship with Brigid might not be what’s on your mind right now. But I bet those questions will help you get clear on some other things as well. Give it a try!!

The one bad apple

A picture of several green apples, with one in the middle obviously rotten and infecting the ones around it. This applies to our spirituality as well!
One bad apple spoils the whole barrel

Very often, we talk about bad apples in organisations. But it’s often in the context of being a “one off” or an unusual event. It seems that people have forgotten about the full phrase and why it is key to root out the bad apples. (Why yes, this is following on from my thoughts last week on people…)

Apparently the phrase goes back to the 16th century, according to Merriam-Webster. (Great article there on the phrase, by the way!) And the full phrase?

One bad apple spoils the whole barrel.

People appear to forget this in the modern usage. The whole point of the phrase is that, given enough time, one piece of rotten fruit will spoil an entire barrel. And given enough time – one rotten person will spoil an entire organisation.

We’ve all seen it. A nice group, focused on a singular goal, working well together. Someone comes in. Starts causing trouble. Not in a positive way, but starts engaging in backbiting, divide-and-conquer tactics to get their own way.

And soon, that’s the way the whole group acts. The original unity of purpose is gone.

I’ve seen it in professional organisations, friend groups, spiritual groups… you name it.

Seriously, though? One Bad Apple?

Yeah, seriously. Y’see, what a person is doing there is moving the Overton Window. They’re moving the band of acceptable behaviour in a group of people.

We’ve seen an example of it in US politics over the last 9 months. Things that were previously thought of as completely anathema, have become normal. OK, I’m not sure that’s down to one, singular bad apple, but the Overton window has certainly moved…

And it works on us, personally as well. Who we spend time with influences our thoughts, our thought patterns, what we consider acceptable and not acceptable in life.

I get it. This feels wrong to be saying, that you shouldn’t hang out with people who you don’t fully agree with on everything. And I don’t think there’s a single person in the world I agree with 100% on everything. But there are lines I draw that make someone ok to spend time with or not.

For example, if I see someone acting in a way I don’t like in a professional setting – being sexist, racist, etc – then that’s not a person I want to spend time with in a social setting. And vice versa. I don’t buy into the idea that business is just that, business. I believe that people show us who they truly where when the repercussions of their behaviour are are minimal.

if someone is a bad apple in a social setting, they are likely to be a bad apple in a professional or spiritual one as well.

What has this got to do with spirituality?

Well, we often speak of community in spiritual circles. And if we’re honest, for many of us, this means virtual community. So it’s not a case of being able to pop round the neighbours for a chat about Samhain rituals. It’s more a case of posting online and seeing who responds.

But sometimes you get so desperate for some face-to-face time with fellow believers that you accept behaviours that are major red flags.

Don’t get me wrong- I’d love to just step outside my door and have a community on my doorstep. But I want it with minimal input from me and to have it ready to go – and life doesn’t work that way. Right now, if I were to take part in that sort of community, I would have to bend some fairly seriously principles of mine…

The bad apple doesn’t always appear as the cartoon villain, y’see.

Cartoon villain?

Yeah – you know, ugly, black cloak, likes to hide in corners?

The bad apple is very often a stalwart member of the community. They’ve created that space for themselves. It can very often be you. Or me.

It can be someone working with the best of intentions, but just not doing the right things. And yes, I agree with this.

What about ourselves as bad apples?

OK, so here’s where we need to consider the bad apple analogy in ourselves.

Because so much of what we do as humans is habit, so entering into good or bad habits can have lasting consequences beyond what we currently see. For example, the first time we skip the gym after a few months of solid work – doesn’t seem to bad. There’s a valid excuse or reason. There’s an injury or car trouble or a big meeting at work.

But then skipping the next time is that bit easier. You’ve already broken your streak after all. it’s not as big a deal.

Pretty so0n, you find yourself back to legging it out of the house in the morning, with nary a thought of the gym in your head.

It works like this for spirituality and morals as well. The first time you break a personal rule, it’s tough. You have to think hard about it. But the second time? So much easier.

So if you meditate every day, skipping one day, doesn’t seem so bad. And to be honest, it probably isn’t.

But the second day? The third day? The tenth day? Those are the days to look out for. Because pretty soon, that time you’d dedicated to spending on your spirituality has disappeared into the ether of work, life and non-spirituality work.

And somehow you find yourself not spending the time you want to spend on your spirituality at all, but you’re doing nothing more with your life either? How do you get back on track?

Well, yeah, I have a few courses that can help with that, but sometimes money isn’t the answer.

Sometimes you have to identify the bad apple

I was at a conference on Friday to do with work – cos why else – and the talk was around self care, twisty careers, mindfulness, little thoughts, all that sort of things. But it struck me – cos I see it all the time with myself – that sometimes we need to identify the bad apples within ourselves.

Now with spirituality, the bad apples show up a bit differently. But it starts with self reflection. It starts with assessing who you are, what you’re doing and what you plan to do. What’s something you want to do, what something you want to stop doing?

What are the habits or practices you’re continuing out of habit, but you know they’re problematic?

Where can you see yourself straying from the path you intend to walk in a negative way?

Some examples would help here, Orlagh

OK fair. Here are some things I had to assess over the last few years:

  • I stopped going to Mass. It was the response of the Church to virtual mass and the concern re collections going down that tipped me over the edge here. I’m still ok to turn up to weddings, funerals, etc – although I know many people aren’t – but my line is weekly Mass.
  • I keep track of the authors I’m reading to make sure I’m reading a diverse range, and not just white men and women. This weekend, because of exhaustion, I got through N. K. Jemison’s Dreamblood duology. Really entertaining and promotes a seriously different way of thinking about the world.
  • I’ve stopped reading and mentioning certain authors who don’t align with my views and who use their platform to support some seriously horrendous thoughts. No, not mentioning them here… but y’know, I bet ye could guess one or two.
  • I’ve stopped shopping in certain places. Because they don’t support my ideals of fair trade and fair wages. Now, this is one area where I can improve further. Shein still features because of their excellent size ranges and they really have outfits I can’t get in my size elsewhere. But I tend to focus the majority of my money on places like Tempted

I know you’re probably thinking, “what in hell has this got to do with spirituality?” Well, Spirituality isn’t just for specific periods of the week. It’s about how we live our lives. And when we live our lives in line with our ideals, our morals and our practices, it makes life flow better.

My shopping habit at Shien is a bad apple, and one I have to keep an eye on. I have set spending limits to manage this and if I see something I love, I search elsewhere to see if I can find it in my size from a better retailer. Unfortunately, the answer to the first part is nearly always no.

(Those who are about to suggest making my own clothes – I love to do this. But it takes time and plus size patterns, neither of which are in good supply)

Bad apples inside ourselves don’t have to be cut out. They should be addressed, evaluated, checked… and when they start spoiling the whole barrel, eradicated. I don’t think my €20 a month habit on Shein is the worst thing in the world. It’s not the best, but not the worst. The clothes I get are either worn to bits or passed on to people I know will wear them. Most of the time.

We’re not perfect. And while the bad apple terminology can seem like we should be perfect, it’s not the case.

But be wary of those little slips. And make sure, when the bad habits creep in, you’re conscious of it.