Tag: brigid’s path

Brigid, the sea and healing

I’ve written before, on several occasions about Brigid, the sea and healing, which is reminiscent of the Brigid sea’s soothing nature.

A picture of me in the sea at Tramore - healing with Brigid. I've my hair in plaits, the sea is calm as glass, I'm in multicoloured swimming togs and yes, I still have my glasses on!!
A picture of me in the sea at Tramore – healing with Brigid

But a few weeks ago, I was reminded why I associate Brigid with the sea and healing so much. Now the history of healing and the sea is long established. Anyone who has ever read Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, Anne Bronte (or indeed her sisters, Charlotte and Emily) will know that “taking the sea air” was considered a remedy in 19th century Britain at least. (And because of colonialism, in Ireland as well – for those that could afford it!)

That was mostly due to the lack of pollution in sea side areas, as well as the fashion for promenading along the sea front and taking some time away from the stresses of modern living, akin to the gentle embrace of the Brigid sea. Personally, I can’t think of much more stressful than having to change outfits 20 times a day and trying to catch a good husband, who I would then go on to live with from the age of <20… (I may be exaggerating the average experience here, but y’know – it’s my blog!)

And I can equally think that getting enough food on the table might be every so slightly stressful for those not in the higher echelons of society. Not to mention, keeping everyone semi-healthy, alive, clothed… Stress was high in previous centuries. It was just a bit more obvious than today’s stress. But either way, I can’t see how the sea doesn’t help with stress!! From the shore anyway.

Alright, being fair about it, the only story I’ve ever come across linking the deity and the sea was the folk tale in Courtney Weber’s book, where Brigid and Bres met on the seashore to mourn Ruadhán. Neither she nor I have been able to find the source for that – but I’ve not given up yet! Such stories connect Brigid and the sea in intriguing ways.

However.

However.

Let’s not give up hope yet. Through the saint, Brigid is closely related to healing wells. And healing wells have water in them. Usually, anyway. As I have said before, you can’t walk more than a few paces on this island before tripping over a healing well, a stream, a pond, whatever-you’re-having-yourself…

We’re a wet country. Comes from all the rain. We have a lot of wells. We have a lot of water in general. (OK, the water authority will declare drought after 20mins without rain, but they’re known for being a bit concerned about things like that!)

And sea water is basically rain water that’s travelled from the fields to the sea. It’s still water. And therefore linked to Brigid. Even without the folk tale.

But the folk tale is an interesting one – particularly when one of the options for Formorians was coming from either over or under the sea. (Seeing as Ireland was an island, well how else would they get here!) So, seeing as how Brigid married into the Formorians through Bres, she has a link at least to the sea.

Aside from the possibility that Brigid herself came from over the sea (I’ll write a blogpost on this another time. It’s linked to the idea that Brigid came to Ireland via the Brigantes from Northern England. Yes, I have feelings about this…)

The sea itself

Now, bathing in sea water is beneficial for all sorts of things.

  • Skin Health: Seawater is rich in minerals like magnesium, zinc, and potassium, which can help reduce inflammation and soothe skin conditions like psoriasis and eczema. 
  • Respiratory Issues: Saltwater can help with symptoms of hay fever, sinusitis, and asthma. 
  • Immunity: Seawater can help boost a weakened immune system, although more research is needed to confirm this. 
  • Stress Reduction: The relaxing environment of the sea and the minerals in seawater can help lower cortisol levels and promote relaxation. 
  • Pain Relief: Seawater has been used to ease pain associated with musculoskeletal disorders. 
  • Wound Healing: Some believe that seawater can help heal wounds and prevent infections. 

In my family, sea water is notorious for helping with ingrown toenails that get infected and athlete’s foot. And I can confirm that definitely my hayfever symptoms improve dramatically from spending time by the sea. (My hayfever symptoms also improve dramatically from spending time in Monart‘s Alpine salt grotto. But driving to Tramore is significantly cheaper. Usually.)

Now, of course, not all of the above might apply to you. But even the salt content in sea water means people can float a lot easier. And it’s so relaxing on a calm day to bob about in the water. Staring into nothing. A great way to let your thoughts and mind calm a little bit.

Just even from a mindfulness point of view, I highly recommend it.

Healing at home

I appreciate not everyone has the ability to pop off to the seaside when the mood takes them. But there are ways you can do it at home.

A salt water bath is the obvious idea. Add some salt – yes, even just normal table salt – to your bathwater and soak a while. If a bath is beyond you, try a foot bath.

I find it a wonderful way to ground myself as well as just feeling good.

If you live in a hot climate, use lukewarm water. If you’re feeling cold, use warmer or hot water. Just remember, the hotter the water, the more salt you can dissolve.

You can of course add in all sorts of other things as well: seaweed is pretty easily available in Ireland these days, I’m not sure about elsewhere. If you’re trying to clear out sinuses, I find Vick’s extremely good. Science says the menthol only tricks your brain into believing your sinuses are clear, but frankly, I feel better after using it and that’s good enough for me. So, a dob of Vick’s and some salt in some boiling water, with a towel over your head helps immensely.

Be careful and you do you

As always – you can take the healing advice with a pinch of salt. I am only a random person on the internet and am filling you in on my family’s habits. These may or may not work for you. I know there are people with skin conditions who find sea water inflames the condition and doesn’t help at all. Dipping yourself in salt water with an open wound stings like hell. It might not be your cup of tea.

That’s ok, you do you.

But if you’re feeling stressed, out of sorts, miserable, up in a heap and can get to the sea… just give it a go. If nothing else, in Ireland at least, there’s usually a sea breeze to clear out the cobwebs!!

And if all else fails, a bit of seawater in a sealed jar for your altar won’t hurt!

Why collective?

As some of you may be aware, my group coaching program is starting again at the end of July (so there’s still time to join up if you want to!) And while Brigid’s Path is the name I gave the framework I developed and use, people have been asking why I chose the word “collective” to describe the group. Well, now the time has come to dive a bit deeper into my thinking.

Meaning of collective

Usually at this point, I’d hit dictionary.com and give ye a meaning from there. But right now – that doesn’t really work. There are elements of the word “collective” that I want to parse out a bit given the focus of this group.

  • a group of people acting as one
  • a cooperative enterprise which we commonly call a collective effort
  • a group of entities that share or are motivated by at least one common issue or interest
  • shared by or involving every member of a group of people

It’s the group element that most stands out to me here. But also elements of cooperation. Working together. Striving together towards a common goal as part of a true collective.

A collective depicted by a group of 7 hands of different colours and in different clothes reaching in to put a round jigsaw together
A collaborative group working together = collective

It’s the idea that the enterprise is a group effort. That the people within the group support each other and help each other along the way. This doesn’t mean every decision is a collective decision – the times we can hold sessions are limited by time differences and availability.

Why though?

As humans, our greatest achievements are as a collective. Seriously – think of all the major achievements in human history – the vast majority weren’t single, stand alone efforts. Being blunt about it, most of us humans just aren’t cut out to be singles. We belong in groups.

And yes, I know – that’s rich coming from me! I stand by my need for alone time, but I also know the importance of the group in any difficult endeavour.

  • mammoth hunts
  • growing food
  • building anything bigger than a shack
  • developing supports for those less able
  • collective bargaining/ unions
  • United Nations
  • European Union
  • Ben and Jerry’s

Yeah, I know – possibly ice cream doesn’t belong on that list, but it does bring happiness to millions. And they’re good about ethics as well. So feck it.

From the dawn of time – or at least since humans climbed out of the primordial goo (yes, I know there was a bit of development in between!) – collaborative collectives work better. For most of us.

OK fine, but inner work is personal

Absolutely correct. Inner work is nearly always personal. But there are also a lot of trends and commonalities and it’s so much nicer to have someone walking the path alongside you. OK, it won’t be exactly the same path. I can pretty much guarantee that!

But it will be a similar one. Because we all go through the same shit when trying to grow. There’s pain. And there’s realisation. There’s growth. There’s all sorts of stuff, all made easier with the support of a collective.

If nothing else, having other people around you while you’re going through these exercises and the inner work, means there are people around you for support. For understanding. For even the vaguest comprehension of the types of insights you’re gaining. The laughter, the tears, the hugs, the shoulders… it’s all there.

Y’see, everyone walks their own path. Definitely. But walking Brigid’s Path is about more than your path. It’s about the collective path as well. If you look at the core tenets of pretty much any of the modern religions in the world, they look at the collective experience.

Yes, even Christianity. Despite what various fundamentalist sects are trying to claim. Please read the below post on Jesus.

A post from jspark3000 I think from Twitter/X saying: I struggle a lot with faith these days because of all I've seen at the hospital, but I know this much: My faith follows the life of a man who was ly*ched, under false accusations, illegally disappeared at night, by religious and political powers, as he protested those authorities. He was a child refugee, he built with his hands, he healed & fed & took in the sick & hungry, he constantly cautioned about wealth, he never refused children. To me, if anything his life is resonant more than ever.
A post stolen from Facebook or X/Twitter. But I got it from Facebook.

And no – not everyone walking Brigid’s Path is or ever was Christian. It’s not a requirement at all. It’s just that a lot of the people I work with come from Christian backgrounds.

And it’s easy after a few centuries, or millennia, of patriarchal behaviour to forget the basics.

High control religion, again??

Yes, high control religion again.

The vast majority of those who chose to walk Brigid’s Path are coming from high control religions. And that doesn’t always mean a minority cult. That can mean mainstream religions.

It takes time to recover from these. I’ve described before what I consider to be a high control religion. I won’t repeat that list here, but I will say this: many of us have grown up in high control environments. Too many of us carry scars from that childhood.

This isn’t attacking anyone’s parents or upbringing. Most parents did and do the best they can with the knowledge and resources they had/have. But that also doesn’t mean we can’t unpack what we learned and suffered. And it’s a lonely road to walk on your own.

Something high control religion gets right is the comfort of the group, of the collective. The comfort in other people experiencing similar things to those you are experiencing. It’s enticing, seductive in ways we don’t even realise.

Yes, even those of us who are inherently introverted. Introverted doesn’t mean never needing company. It just means needing a different sort of company.

So… collective

Yes, a collective. A collective for me is a group of people working together on similar projects or towards a similar goal. It’s not a team in the sense that it breaks up after said goal is reached. The understanding that the “goal” might be changeable, or as different awarenesses are reached, might be completed different to that when we started together is key.

This isn’t failure. The whole aim here is to help people understand key aspects about themselves. To develop a path for themselves that is supportive and helpful, not contained and controlled.

There might be elements of control, but it’s self control, not control imposed from outside. It’s an agreement with self, in particular with the inner self. The bit that maintains the core of who we are. And the collective is as safe a space as I can make it to explore these issues and let each person decide for herself what’s right for her.

And it’s about taking action and being held to account for taking that action. There’s power in that as well. A collective action is only as strong as each individual member…

As I type this, there is still one place open on the collective for this year. Click on the link to find out more.

Society: privilege and duty

I was planning a post on colonisation this week to follow on from last week’s one on the Great Famine. But then a conversation at the weekend got me thinking about society instead. And our place within it.

What are our duties to society, as members of that group?

Now, I’m using society here as others would use “culture”, “land”, “people”, “tuath”. I mean the people we live with, the laws we (mostly) abide by, that sort of thing. What do we owe our communities? Our families? Ourselves?

A cartoon image of a bunch of people - loads of them, all different sizes, shapes and colours, trying to represent what society is. Or might be...
People make up society

Let’s define what we mean by society

As you were reading that list of things above you were probably thinking all these are alternatives to society, but don’t really tell me what the damn thing actually is, Orlagh. So cough up!

Dictionary.com comes to the rescue:

the aggregate of people living together in a more or less ordered community.

I mean, of course there are other meanings. It can also mean a group of people coming together because of a specific shared interest, or High Society, where we have defined a subgroup of people within a broader context.

But really, we use society when we’re talking about the people in an area. Sometimes as large as a whole continent, sometimes as small as a single street. It doesn’t really matter.

It’s the people that make up the group. And how those people behave make up the social norms for that group. So, as we go through the rest of this – and I’ll give you the context in the next section – remember, we’re talking about people. Sure, we’re going to mention organisations, groups, individuals, officials, all sorts. But they’re all people at their hearts.

(OK most of them are people – I have my doubts about some!)

The context

I was talking to a friend at the weekend about the experiences of women during investigations into sexual assaults (SA) and rape. And to start with, he was very much of the opinion that it was a woman’s duty to society report the rape and go through the investigation. Now, I vehemently disagree with this, but being the lovely person I am (and he’s a good person really, just hadn’t thought about the consequences of his line of thought) I kept on speaking with him on the topic.

I know – I’m a saint! (<– sarcasm)

We spoke about some of my experiences with various forms of SA. And how I didn’t report the vast majority of them and why. I explained how women have used “gossip” for generations to warn others of violence or misbehaviour, and why they couldn’t come public about any of it. I spoke of the many, many ways various religions and state organisations have made it so women are not safe to come forward about these things publicly.

But, he replied – that’s not modern Ireland. We’re different. Our society is different. We treat women better.

Are we though?

The following is a series of links to the SA and rape cases I remember in the last decade or so. Please don’t click the links if you’re not able to:

The Thong case.

The Belfast rugby case.

Meath rape case.

Kildare.

Let’s be clear – I could list at least one case from pretty much every county in Ireland. And the treatment of people is improving slightly, but it’s not there yet.

Women are equal in society, but their behaviour is more on trial than an accused rapist in these cases.

He changed his mind

I turned it around then and said I hope his daughters would never face that decision. That got him thinking. He started thinking of the individual women in the case then as people not just victims. He started thinking of the effect on his family, his daughters.

Now to be clear – this man is fairly well educated in these matters. He’s a feminist and walks the walk most of the time. But he has a few blind spots and this was one of them. We talked through what it means to be part of an investigation for SA or rape. We talked about the “rape kit“, re-traumatisation of victims – even with the best of intentions!

OK, we talked through a lot.

Or at least agreed to think about a woman’s “duty” to society in these cases. Because while I agree it’s ideal if a woman can report a SA and/or rape, there is a huge physical and mental toll to doing so.

Which brings me back to the original thought that prompted this post.

What do we owe the society in which we live?

Do we owe it our mental health?

Our privacy?

Our sexual history?

Careers?

Families?

Children?

Relationships?

Where do we draw the line?

What aboutery in our society

The worst part about this is that, it’s such a personal decision for everyone. Gisèle Pelicot took a very brave decision to waive her right to privacy to aid in the prosecution’s case (as far as I understand it. I may be wrong with regard to her reasons mind!) And then she had to go back to court to prove that while she had waived her right to privacy in that one regard, she had not waived it in general.

Now, Mme Pelicot is a class act in general. Her award from the second case has been donated to two charities, helping women. She is some woman, to say the least!

But hers was a relatively “straightforward” place. She was drugged and sold and raped without her knowledge.

What about the woman who has had a glass of wine?

Or who dressed in a way some might find sexy?

Or who – God forbid! – wore a lacy thong?

The whataboutery in our society when it comes to this sort of thing is horrendous. And when reporting crimes of this nature, we have to take into account the effect it will have on ourselves, our families and our society.

So what do we owe our society?

I don’t think we owe our society our privacy, our mental health, our history. What other crime demands so much exposure from the victim?

I said on Saturday I would never suggest to a woman to go to the Guards post-SA. And I defended my position. Because it can be immensely re-traumatising. It’s not something anyone should be forced into, or even have to be talked into. It should be something a victim arrives at by themselves.

I feel very strongly about this.

Now, I write and teach about Brig Ambue – the one who looks after the weak and helpless and less fortunate – literally the cowless. And looking through as many of the texts as I can stomach, the Brehon laws were big on reparative justice. Not confinement – that was for hostages, and even then… not always.

So, what do you think Brigid – in any of her guises – would say about the way we treat victims in this way? To be clear – the Brehon Laws were not brilliant in cases of SA with get-out-of-jail cards for if a woman was in a pub without her husband, or was in a populated place and didn’t call out…

Not perfect. But was it any better than what we force victims to do?

Brigid as Bridge

Brigid as a bridge gives me the heebie-jeebies. Seriously – it’s usually based around some horrendous fake etymology surrounding the traditional Anglicisation of the Irish Bríd to the English Bridget. People take off the “t” and go straight to “bridge”.

It’s not the case. As we know, Brigid comes from Brig, which is linked to being exalted, high, that sort of thing. Nothing to do with bridges at all.

A picture of the kinda-bridge like structure from Brigid's Well in Kildare. On a particularly Irish kinda damp day.
Decorative bridge type structure from Brigid’s Well in Kildare

Bridges are liminal spaces though

OK, even I have to admit that Brigid has a relationship with liminality. And bridges are liminal spaces. They hover between land, sea and sky – much like Brigid herself.

So it makes sense that bridges can be linked to Brigid – of course it does. Bridges connect us. They span the world. In Norse mythology (not Irish, but still), the Bifröst bridge spans Midgard (earth) and Asgard (land of the gods). Now I can already hear practitioners of that spirituality lamenting that I’m over simplifying and it’s not that straightforward. I’ve no doubt they’re correct. I’m not a devotee of that spiritual path. Brigid keeps me busy enough, thanks all the same.

But I suppose my point here is that bridges are recognised as liminal and magical spaces. Across multiple worldviews. They’re magical in and of themselves – allowing us to cross water and depths without injury or getting wet. Those of us familiar with the various bridges across the Liffey in Dublin are particularly grateful for this, since that water isn’t healthy for anything as far as I can see.

Bridges connect disparate worlds and places, joining the un-joinable. Traversing the depths and engaging with the deep.

Brigid as bridge

And we know that Brigid has traversed the depths as well. As the Irish left these shores, they took her with them. She served as a bridge for those left behind and those gone abroad. For many years, “biddy” was a term used in the US for “Irish female domestic servant” and even until the 80’s and 90’s was a recognised diminutive of the Irish name Bridget. Just check out Glenroe.

Brigid essentially ignored the apparent divides between Christianity and paganism in Ireland and kept supporting her people. As bridges do – they don’t usually determine who and what can cross them other than design features. And even then… many old bridges were massively over-engineered for what they were holding.

Much like Brigid.

She doesn’t have the glamorous jobs in the TDD. She doesn’t really have a frontline job at all. Even in Caith Maigh Tuired, she is the representative of the land for Bres to marry, and is Ruadhán’s mother. Her power, her works, her deeds are mostly lost to us.

But we see fragments of that power left for us. In Cormac’s Glossary, her protection of poets was great. She commanded the royalty of ox, boar and rams. She appears as the (potential) mother of the three gods of skill (or the three sons of Tuireann, whichever way you read it).

Glamorous doings

Brigid and bridges have that in common – neither are particularly glamorous. And I mean that in sincerity. They operate in the background, half the time we don’t even notice they are there. But they serve functions without which we’d be lost.

Why is this coming to me today?

Well, I’ve been reading about the so-called LA riots over the last few days. (Listen, I was alive during the ’92 riots in LA. Those folks know how to riot. And the pictures I’m seeing right now aren’t in the same league at all. Protesting doesn’t automatically equal rioting…)

And I’ve been seeing a lot of advice about how to manage yourself on a protest and how to engage with the protestors online. Through some really interesting feeds. And there’s a few things that I’ve said before, but that bear repeating:

  • If you’re not physically able, these protests probably aren’t for you. That doesn’t mean you can’t help. But you don’t have to be in the frontlines.
  • Be sensible about your abilities and bandwidth. If everyone is on the frontlines, then no one is about to bail people out afterwards.
  • Protestors need safe routes for escape, potentially shelter from – apparently the National Guard???
  • Food and water are great. So are toilets. Be practical people!

And you know – there are loads of other bits of advice out there as well. If you can do nothing else – spread the stories. People see a mass of people on telly chanting slogans at the police (and dear gods above, when did the LAPD turn into the voice of reason here???) they think riot.

But what about Mary who travelled from San Diego because her cousin is a Latino in LA and she wanted to be sure he was safe? Or John, who lives in LA and sees the ICE crowd as the Gestapo of modern US, and wants to oppose the takeover of his government/constitution.

People respond to stories. People respond to people. That’s why person-interest stories do so well in the modern media.

Yes, movements need leaders, and visibility, and coverage. But they also need the links between communities and people to bring the movement alive.

So, ok… Brigid as a bridge

I give in that Brigid can be related to bridges. And I know from the stats I see on here a huge amount of my audience is US based. Or at least using US internet IDs. So here’s my challenge.

How are you going to be a bridge then? How are you going to support your communities, link your communities, serve as a transit for those who need to know each other and work together?

What are you doing to bring people together?

What are you doing to traverse the depths of misunderstanding and find the overlap between people and communities to make the overarching community better?

Are you willing to do the dirty work, the hard work, the hidden work?

I’m tired – or self-care in dire straits!

“Good morning, Orlagh, you look tired, is everything alright?”
It’s a bit disturbing how often my boss greets me with this phrase – or a variation thereof. And honestly, he’s right. I am tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally – I’m exhausted. And that’s ok.


I searched for “Why am I tired all the time?” or “what causes tiredness?” on Google. The sheer number of results is astounding.

A tired woman sitting on the toilet, leaning over a sink. (Why yes, I have used this image before to indicate illness, but she looks tired as well!)
A woman with a looking tired, sitting on a toilet, leaning over a sink

Why are we so tired?

I know why I’m feeling this way. And, if you think about it, so do you. Whether you’re focused on working through your shadows, or keeping up with a myriad of family activities, or your professional life is being tossed from pillar to post, or you have an illness – either chronic or acute… well it’s not wonder you feel this way.

And that’s before we get into all of this!! {gestures wildly at the world in general} Keeping up with the news along is adding to our already heavy “tired” load.

In the modern world we have access to all sorts of information at all times at our disposal. And while most of the time, I see this as a good thing, when I see so many people worrying about tiredness, I start to question things a bit.

Expectations in modern life keep growing. We think we must do far more than our ancestors had, just in basic expectations. Especially as women. The day job, the childcare and rearing, the marriage stuff, the housework… Now, this isn’t to say that women following a more traditional role, such as a housewife or stay-at-home mother aren’t stressed and tired as well. Most certainly not. Even that work load is hefty!

My point is that no matter what we’re doing, we’re living to higher standards than ever before. It’s taking a toll as we find ourselves utterly tired. How many of us are cutting short of sleep to keep up with what are now considered basics?

Who is skimping on leisure time, rest time, because there’s always one more job to do?

Technology

If you think back to the ads that were prevalent as electricity and new technology came into the home, they all emphasised how much time this was going to free up. It didn’t. What happened was, that we started expecting our homes to be cleaner, to have more clothes, food became a nutritional battleground…

Add in how many of us are so generously gifted a smartphone at work – allowing us to keep up to date with our emails and teams messages even during our off hours. Do we ever switch off?

And if it’s not a smartphone you have at work, you almost certainly have one of your own. And then the internet, with all it’s wonderful news, information, notifications…

We’re experiencing information overload.

And the technology that is meant to help us is at least partially causing the damn problems.

So what do we do?

Well, here the thing. What follows could be posted in multiple different blogs all across the internet. The advice isn’t new or inspiring or revolutionary. Maybe except the last one.

Set aside time for technology free life. Turn off the smartphone – or at least the work phone. Turn off the telly. Take some time to get outside if at all possible.

Spend time in nature. And nature can be your back yard. It doesn’t have to be a massive hike or major holiday.

Go barefoot. OK, not advisable everywhere, but if you can at all, it will help.

Maintain good sleep hygiene. Going to bed at the same time every day and waking up at the same time every day. Not having a massive lie on at the weekend. Not staying up late scrolling through YouTube videos.

Get physically as well as mentally tired. Very often, we are mentally exhausted but our bodies are full of energy. This doesn’t lead to good outcomes. And can lead to increased stress.

Actually – look into stress management.

If all else fails – look into meditation.

I lied.

Meditation probably should be the first thing you try, if I’m honest. It has loads of benefits and help.

But the surprise add-on?

You know you’re an adult, right? (Or you should be, reading this blog – I swear far too much to be child friendly.)

And being an adult means you get to decide what your standards are.

Let’s say it again for the people in the back: you get to decide what’s important for you and what isn’t.

That means if having a clean kitchen every night isn’t important – don’t sweat it. Figure out what works for you.

Cooking a meal from scratch doesn’t appeal, but spending on pre-prepared meals or veggies or whatever works really well? Brilliant.

Spending on comfortable pyjamas is really important but t-shirts you can take or leave? Good for you.

This is why getting to know yourself is the first step in any of my coaching programs. And it’s as true in your spiritual life as your professional life as your domestic life.

You are an adult and you get to decide what is important for you in life.

Down to the brand of bread you buy. Or the route you take to work. A quick detour by a particularly nice bit of landscape helps you face the day? Go for it. No one else’s business.

Design the life you want to live.

Even if it’s low income. Even if it’s not “ideal” according to general societal standards. It doesn’t matter.

Your life is yours to live and how you choose to live it is up to you.

We all have choices. Let’s make the most of yours!

Brigid’s Path: the path forward

I know the Path Forward is one of the more complicated parts of Brigid’s Path to explain. Really, it comes at the point where you’re ready to move forward on your own.

Brigid's Path: the Path Forward can be as lonely as this Irish country road - it doesn't technically have grass in the middle, but it's close!
This is a not untypical Irish country road…

And how do I explain what that looks like, when it’s so bloody individual?

But here’s where the value of the Collective comes into its own…

Brigid’s Path: the path forward

So, here’s the thing. At this point in the journey, you’ve done the internal work. Gotten to know yourself. Reconciled the past. Found your joy. Determined your knowledge.

Basically, you have a really strong foundation built for yourself. But on Brigid’s Path, the path forward is yours alone. You take the decisions and decide what way you’re walking. (Or y’know, rolling, crawling, hobbling, etc…) And it can be overwhelming. Or… enough to have you stopping walking the path altogether and scuttle back to – well not safety exactly, but the familiar.

I know – I’ve been round this particular block a few times. Several… hundred… or so. Brigid has been extremely patient with me.

And at times, she’s smacked me up the head with some information she feels I’ve not been paying attention to. She’s usually right.

So determining what your path forward looks like is really up to you. There is a lot of meditation and visualisation work in this session(s). We workshop what your path forward looks like – for now anyway. Things change – and we’ll deal with that in the final step.

But for now – we’re looking at the things you’ve identified on your path with Brigid so far, and looking at the path forward for you.

Unique?

Yes. I firmly believe that while many of our paths might overlap, we each walk our own path. There’s no point in walking someone else’s path. Their path will be fully appropriate for them. It might almost fit you, but you want something tailored exactly for you.

Not something that almost fits.

I’ve said this over and over and over again, even in this short post. I know.

But it’s worth repeating, again and again and again.

This isn’t about finding someone else’s path. This is about your path. What works for you, your life, your desires, your responsibilities.

If my path worked for you – sure, you could copy it. But I’ll admit, very readily, my path won’t work for everyone. In fact, my path won’t work for most. I’m odd and strange in many ways and the way I walk Brigid’s Path is no different. Your path forward might overlap with mine. You might for example have a keen interest in diversity and inclusion, as I do. But you might have a focus on race or ability rather than my focus of gender diversity in engineering.

And that’s great. We need more people working in all these areas, as this enriches Brigid’s Path for everyone and our collective road forward.

Why the focus on the individual?

Because that’s where our “traditional” or “organised” religions are failing us. They come up with a list of rules and conditions and structures that work for those people creating them. And they forget that these might not work for everyone. In fact, there an extremely strong possibility they won’t work for everyone. The whole point of stepping outside these strictures is to construct your own path.

So, the individual is what’s important here. That doesn’t mean you can’t use some of the traditional structures you grew up with, if they are supportive and helpful. A few “Hail Marys” is a great way for me to calm my body and focus my mind, to be honest. But that’s not for everyone. And I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone.

Brigid’s Path is based on the individual. It means more work. More effort on your part. There are very few, if any, shortcuts. Sometimes, you find yourself going back to first principles, over and over and over again. It gets discouraging., at times. So, yes, there is 100% focus on the individual, but by taking part in the Collective you can gain the support and cheerleading of your group.

And oh man, does that come in useful!!

I know this is fairly vague – no more than Brigid’s Path itself!

And that’s partly because of the individual experience here. There are a number of meditations and visualisations to get through. There a lot of discussions around what will and won’t work for you. Whereas with the first four steps, there is a fair bit of overlap in the activities being done, with the last two – it’s extremely individual.

And that’s ok.

The important thing is to remember this is your path to walk!

Brigid’s Path: Three Marks of a Poet

Three Marks of a Poet is one of the steps on Brigid’s Path that people don’t always fully understand. And I get it – one of the marks is understanding! (And yes, this is part of the ongoing series to help people understand what goes on inside the Brigid’s Path Collective)

Brigid's Path: three marks of a poet doesn't really link obviously with Kathleen Ní Houlihan, and yet... gaining understanding from images like this is essential for poets...
Kathleen Ní Houlihan, the inspiration for many Irish poets and personification of Ireland for many more!

I have written about poets before in this blog, most notably RBG, as well as more generally about Brigid the poet. But I’ve not, as yet, discussed in detail the three marks of a poet and why they are important when walking Brigid’s Path. Three Marks of A Poet comes from the triads of Ireland.

Three things that constitute a poet: ‘knowledge that illumines,’ ‘teinm laeda,‘ improvisation.

(It’s line 123 here)

Now, I have done my best to translate teinm laeda, and the best I can come up with is: “breaking open to find”. Or possibly “chewing the cud”. Ruminating and exposing.

But, a) I’m not an Old Irish expert and b) this is cobbled together from various sources… So if you come across a better translation, I’m all for it!

Brigid’s Path: Three Marks of a Poet

So, teinm laeda is one of the marks. What about the rest?

Well, imbas forosnai might be knowledge that illumes. Bringing knowledge to light. It’s very similar to getting to know yourself in the first step of this path. What do you know about yourself? As the first of the three marks, it can be a bit daunting, but this stage is about deeper understanding of what knowledge you need to uncover as yet; what knowledge you already have that you’ve forgotten or never realised you had…

What lies buried inside you as a talent, or knowledge, or skills that can be brought to bear on Brigid’s Path? What hidden depths have you that she can use?

The thirds of the three marks of a poet on Brigid’s Path is dichetal do chennaib. It’s a specific form of extemporaneous composition. As in, a formal sort of poetry that is made up on the spot but according to key rules. Kinda like a modern day rap battle. (Not that I know much beyond a modern rap battle, aside from what’s shown in the film 8 Mile… I know – down with the kids me!)

In fact, in the UCC Celt link above, dichetal do chennaib is translated as simply: improvisation. And, if I’m honest, there is a hell of a lot of improvisation on Brigid’s Path! Within the Three Marks of a Poet and without.

Sometimes, we just have to make it up as we go along. But we do so in line with our ethics and values. Not just willy-nilly.

How do we use this?

All types of knowledge are valid on Brigid’s Path. There is experiential knowledge. Book learning. Street smarts. Divination.

The list could go on for hours- and honestly, investigating the types of knowledge we have available to us is one of the sessions in the Collective. Well, I say one of the sessions. It took a month last time. An individualised process just takes longer to get through… But on Brigid’s Path, the knowledge held in three marks of a Poet is soooo important.

Challenging your preconceived ideas about what knowledge is and isn’t is a vital part of this journey. Because we all have blind spots where we don’t value the knowledge we have. I often use the story of my friend, Sally. When I first met Sal, she had 2 toddlers and another on the way. She taught me pretty much all I know about changing nappies. You may laugh, but the last time I had anything to do with nappies was when my baby brother was born and he was near 30 when I met Sal.

She couldn’t believe that an intelligent, educated person like myself had no clue where to start with a dirty nappy. Genuinely, she thought I was pulling the piss. And I seriously wasn’t. So I learned. And while changing the nappy of a toddler hell bent on running away and not cooperating in the slightest doesn’t really apply in my day-to-day life, I recognise the important of the skill. No knowledge on Brigid’s Path is wasted. And Three Marks of a Poet instils this into us.

Changing nappies? Seriously?

Yeah, seriously. How to distract someone from a determined course of action. Multi tasking. Focusing on what was important and ignoring the rest. And the basic skill of whipping off a wet nappy, quickly getting a rough clean done of the area, and getting on a new nappy before said toddler escaped into the wild, private parts swinging free.

I was very naïve in the way of mothering before that. And yes, these experiences feed into the way I present my courses. Very few of my community have no engagements with children. Most women who come to me have a family. And learning the necessities of working around children was vital for me.

I’ve not been lucky enough to have my own family, and that’s a painful part of my journey. But that doesn’t mean I ignore what I learned during that time period. Partially because treating people like toddlers in work sometimes gets results you might not expect.

Also because treating myself like a toddler sometimes helps me immensely.

But no knowledge is ever wasted.

For Brigid’s Path then, the three marks of a poet

To walk Brigid’s Path, we find knowledge and information and learning in places we never expected. There are a few things to consider, of course!

  • Consider the source
  • Assess the authenticity
  • Not everyone is honest
  • Not all knowledge is relevant at every stage or in every situation
  • Sometimes we have to dig deep to find said knowledge

And sometimes, you need someone asking the right questions to help you find the answers…

Brigid’s Path: Reconcile the past

When I say reconcile the past, most people think of trauma they endured and things that happened to them. And that is part of it. But it’s also about things we have done to other people. And to ourselves. So, let’s dive in and be honest with ourselves for a bit!

(Why yes, this is the second post in a row on the steps on Brigid’s Path. And yes the 2025 cohort of the Brigid’s Path Collective is currently open for enrollment if you are interested. But it’s also bloody important work to be doing!)

What does reconciling the past mean?

Does it mean being happy with everything you’ve done and everything that’s been done to you? Absolutely not. There are things I have done, both to myself and to others, in the past that I couldn’t be happy with them.

But I can understand my behaviour. That’s key. No one but me walked me down that path to an eating disorder. I was the one that chose to engage in seriously risky drinking and sexual behaviour. My physical condition is a direct result of some very unwise decision making when I was younger. All of that has led to consequences in later life that I have had to deal with.

Does that mean I blame my younger self for this?

Well, there was a time when I did. There was a time when I was so angry with myself, I went through a period of decades long self-loathing. That self-loathing both provoked the unwise behaviour, and that unwise behaviour provoked more self loathing.

Reconciling my past has been a long tough road and it hasn’t really involved time travelling and changing what happened. If anyone know how to do that, let me know, but for now, this is the road I’m on.

A picture of an Irish country road with more potholes than road. A pictorial representation of my reconciliation of my past... Reconcile your past early and this might not happen!!
If there was a pictorial representation of my life’s journey…

Acceptance

In my life, the hardest lesson I ever had to learn was to accept where I was and how I was. That didn’t mean I didn’t want to change things. Far from it. But it meant I accepted that this was who and what and how and where I was at that moment in time.

I know there are some of you out there that are wondering how do you not know who, what where and how you are? Well, I am strong in the self-delusion gene. Or the hiding from myself one. Or the pure lying to myself.

Seriously – I have decades of experience of telling myself I’m happy when I’m not. Or of making sure “mind over matter” is my mantra. Of having all sorts of intricate thought processes that just hide the reality from myself so I don’t have to deal with it.

Yes, this included spiritual bypassing. It is a self-defense mechanism and there were times in my life I needed that. But, if you remember from the previous post on this topic, getting to know yourself also includes recognising those times when you don’t act in your own self-interest. Or at least, not your own long term self-interest.

The biggest lesson I had to learn in reconciling my past? Acceptance. First, I had to accept that I had done things, said things that were hurtful to myself and to others. I had not acted or lived in a way aligned with my values. I had papered over cracks, ignored all sorts of signs and symbols and indications. Reconciling myself to the harm I had done to myself was toughest of all.

Damage

After all, the damage I have done to myself is probably the deepest of all. And I can recognise now that I was a transphobe. A homophobe. Sex negative . Not inclusive. For many of the things I now hold dear, I once stood on the other side of history. And there are doubtless beliefs or actions I hold right now that I will need to accept and heal in the future.

When you know better, do better. (Maya Angelou, we miss you!!)

This doesn’t excuse the harm I did, before I knew better by the way. Part of reconciling my past is to actively work to heal the damage I did. Some of the damage, it’s not in my power to heal – so I work on paying it forward and living in a way that at least doesn’t perpetuate further harm.

And yeah – that has meant losing friendships. Relationships. All of it.

But I have to accept that I did the things that caused harm.

Understanding

Acceptance doesn’t mean you beat yourself up for the rest of your life, by the way. I’m not spending hours each day whipping myself for being a transphobe when I didn’t understand what being trans meant. And – to be fair – I probably still don’t understand all of it, but I’m more prepared to accept that when someone tells me they’re a specific gender, I should just go with it. Cos frankly, there are very few people in this world who’s genitalia I’m interested in. And I can barely manage to dress myself, so why would I worry about what other people are wearing.

If it all comes down to it – other people’s gender expression doesn’t bother me too much in the grand scheme of things.

But holy fuck, I took a long time to get here!

Reconciling with my past also means dealing with my younger self. Because she was a very unhappy person, even when she seemed happiest. She was very often miserable and at war with herself, even when she was laughing and joking and acting like there wasn’t a care in the world.

It’s hard to live like this. It takes so much energy. There’s no spare to engage with things you love. Hobbies go out the window. People laugh at me now for my large collection of books. For reading all the time. But in actual fact, that was a coping mechanism, a survival mechanism, for a long, long time. Accepting that I didn’t really love reading so much as I needed to escape into worlds where the good side usually won and the bad side usually lost and bad things got dealt with… that took a long, long time.

Coping

I had to accept that possibly, one of the defining characteristics of my life – reading – wasn’t really so healthy. That even healthy, laudable habits, when taken to extremes, become unhealthy.

That coping mechanisms – whether books, food, drink, exercise, medication, sex – when taken to extremes, aren’t coping mechanisms anymore. They’re millstones round your neck. It doesn’t matter how healthy the habit is, when it’s taken to extremes, it’s no longer healthy.

And let’s be clear here – what’s an extreme for you might be normal for me and vice versa. You’re the one who gets to decide when a glass of wine at work moves from coping to problematic. Or when that daily run becomes an obsessive behaviour rather than a helpful one.

No one else gets to dictate to you how to live your life. But one of the key stages in any reconciliation is that stage where you are figuring out the patterns that used to work and no longer do. And the signs that what was an excellent, useful coping mechanism is now a weight. And needs to change.

You can’t change the past

And some of the things that need reconciliation may need outside help. I’m not the person to engage with if you’re starting to work on childhood abuse or trauma. There are important psychological processes at work there that you may need professional psychological and/or psychiatric help with.

But I can help with the other stuff. The learning to engage with your younger self. Understanding the drivers that are currently influencing your decision making. Making you aware of the forces acting on you – whether it’s guilt or shame or joy or an outdated sense of self.

And it’s important to do this work, because you can’t move forward easily with all that weight hanging from your neck.

Brigid’s Path: Know yourself!

The first step on Brigid’s Path is “Know Yourself”. People often as why? Well, we’re going to explore this in this post. And for those of you wondering if you’ve seen me writing on this before? Well yes, yes you have!

But first, I want to take you to last Friday night. I had a work night out and I really just wasn’t feeling it. I have been having fun in recent years with my make up. I’ve been experimenting with different eye shadows, different lip colours, just generally having fun. And it’s become part of my enjoyment of a night out.

But last Friday? Nope. Just… wasn’t….

And it took me a while to figure out why.

Picture of me, not being 100% happy with how I looked, but struggling with knowing myself enough to figure out why!
Yes this is me with the finished look from Friday night

What was going on?

Well, I didn’t like my foundation. You know when I figured this out? On the car drive home the following morning. Knowing yourself doesn’t always come with instant recognition.

But, I did figure it out and I knew something was wrong.

What didn’t I like? It was too watery. It felt like it was sitting on top of my skin rather than blending in. And – wonder of wonders for a 90’s woman – it was too pale…

(My former Goth-adjacent self is shuddering at that last sentence!)

But it’s all true. It just took me a while to figure out what was going on. I thought I was getting tired of my Il Makiage Woke Up Like This foundation – I hadn’t. I just needed to get a new bottle of it cos I’ve had that one for… (checks emails for last order)… more than 2 years. And even by my standards, that’s a while for a foundation to last. But a) I don’t wear make up that much and b) I kinda forget when I buy things, so I forget they need replacing before I use them all up!

If I didn’t know this about myself, I’d still be worrying about what was bothering me about that look. (And payday’s Thursday, my Il Makiage basket is ready for checkout!!)

Knowing myself in a broader sense

Now ok, ye don’t usually come to this blog for make-up tips. Or if you do, you’re going to be severely disappointed!!

When Brigid came to me first with the idea I had to get to know myself, I honestly didn’t know what she meant. Seriously. It didn’t make sense to be at all. Sure I had been living with myself for decades, my whole life even. How could I not know myself?

Well, I have an amazing skill in not knowing myself. For all sorts of reasons, I had turned not knowing myself into an art form. And a lot of us who grew up in the 80’s and 90’s are the same. Those “journeys of self-discovery” we saw coming from the States weren’t just pompous, entitled bullshit. They were damned necessary in many cases. (Albeit privileged in many ways!) Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love is the one that comes to mind. I’d love to be able to take that year long break that she did and head off to Italy, India and Bali (or, more likely in my case, places with lower temperatures and less spicy food…) For most of us, that option just isn’t available.

But you know what is available?

Tools and techniques

Yes. Now, in the Brigid’s Path Collective. we go through 4-6 weeks of this. So, there is a lot we cover and discuss and engage with. There are journaling questions, meditations, discussions… Lots goes on. But here’s a few things you can do yourself.

Google various quizzes. Here are a few of my favourite free or low(ish) cost quizzes:

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/personality-quiz#1

https://www.truity.com/test/big-five-personality-test

https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/testcenter

https://www.discprofile.com/what-is-disc#:~:text=DiSC%20is%20an%20acronym%20that,on%20accomplishing%20bottom%2Dline%20results.

https://5voices.com

I’m not getting any income from these, they’re just personality quizzes I have found useful in my quest to understand myself better.

There are also a mountain of books I have found useful – this surprises no one, right? Ye know by now that my preferred means of absorbing information is a lovely comfy reading session.

The important thing is, you’re collecting information about yourself.

What to do with that information though?

Well, there are another 5 steps in the path, so don’t panic too much yet. But essentially, to understand what you need to progress down any path, you need to know where you are and what you need to survive.

For me, this involves my basic pillars of survival and thrival: food, water, movement, fresh air, sleep. If I get all of these in adequate quantities daily, life is good. And yes, this is all part of the information I had to figure out for myself. Seriously – the food part was so hard. If I can prevent even one more person in this world going down the eating disorder route… it’s not worth it, folks, and we all know better now, so let’s help the younger generations, yeah?

But why the first step?

For any journey to begin, you need to know where you are. That means acknowledging who you are, what you know and don’t know, what you want to learn, what you don’t want to know buy probably need to know anyway…

It means uncovering those shadowed areas of yourself and your soul. Looking in the mirror and determining if you like what you see, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

It means engaging with the times in your life you feel embarrassed and ashamed about. Examining your conscious about certain ongoing activities and see how you feel about it.

You don’t have to change anything just yet. But you do have to know how you feel about yourself. Your actions. Your behaviour.

No one said this would be easy

And it doesn’t always have to be difficult, either. There is plenty of both kinds of work involved in this journey.

But this is where you start.

Who are you?

What are you?

Where are you?

How did you get here?

What are the defining moments of your life to date?

What are the forces that shaped you?

What are you proud of? Not proud of?

Start asking yourself these questions. Spend some time with you and get to know yourself like you would a new friend. It’s worth it.

Rigid Spirituality

I don’t associate Brigid with rigid spirituality. At all. But she is linked with some rigid spiritual structures (ahem, Roman Catholic Church…) and it can be so difficult for people coming from these rigid spiritualities to then explore a looser form of spirituality. So, I’m going to talk about it.

What do I mean by “rigid spirituality”?

Honestly, the most common measure I use for this, is assessing whether people within this spirituality expect everyone to adhere to their social, religious and moral mores.

It sounds easy right? It’s not necessarily a clear rule, but it’s reasonable. I mean, I know plenty of Catholics, Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, etc, etc, etc, who don’t expect anyone to live by their rules. Which is good, cos there are some conflicts even within the broad categories of religious organisations.

A picture of what I think is a nebula, white circle in top of the pic with a blueish background and a wider cloud like corona around it. Towards the bottom right, there's a ray-like red wash of colour. And dots of white/ star like images scattering the background. Got it when searching for "rigid spirituality".
Nebula? Not sure. But this is one of the pics that came up when I searched for “rigid spirituality”

So, for a bit more of a concrete definition of “rigid spirituality”, here we go. First off, there are likely to be a lot of rules. Not just about how to worship, but what to wear, eat, who you may engage with, how you interact with the world.

When I think of these sort of rules, I kinda think of documentaries on the various “family compounds” in Utah. (Not that there’s anything wrong with Utah, it’s just most of the documentaries I’ve seen are based there.) These are usually one man as head of the household and multiple wives. (In the documentaries. Not in Utah in general. Nothing against Utah ok?)

There are strict lines of authority in these religious organisations. There can be very strict control over finances, even outside the family home. Huge emphasis on socialising and engaging with the religious community above secular community or those outside the community. Marriage within the community. Family only within the community. Rigid spiritual structures.

This seems focused on one particular type of spirituality.

Yeah you’re right There are other ways to express rigid spirituality. I mean, if you follow the Roman Catholic Catechism to the letter, it’s fairly strict. Over the years, various things have dropped off the list. It’s no longer a requirement in Ireland anyway for a woman to cover her hair when entering a church, although you do see the remnants of this tradition in the whole “hats for weddings” thing.

When I was growing up, I never considered Catholicism that rigid. The rules didn’t really appear to intrude on my life at all. But when I look back, there were some fairly rigid spirituality rules that kinda permeated my life.

For example, I can count on one hand with fingers left over the number of times I missed Mass as a child. Because it was family routine, I never considered it rigid, until I started looking around me.

The Catholic messages around abortion and having multiple sexual partners entered my subconscious, although probably not with the intentions the church had. I figured having been assaulted at a young age, I was useless as a life partner. Might as well have fun then…

I have a whole series on Catholicism, so check it out…

Why is this a problem?

Well, here’s the thing. Many people leaving rigid spirituality structures can struggle a bit with their new “freedom”. Indeed, the freedom can feel as restricting as the previous restrictions from fear if nothing else.

There can appear to be unspoken rules everywhere in general life. And this affects women more than men, because, patriarchy is inherent in the majority (read: all) of the rigid spirituality structures I’ve come across. So, when you are leaving a strict set of rules, where you always knew how to behave because the rules were usual explicit, it can be really difficult to move into a less rigid, more secular role in society.

For example, if you have always been restricted in your clothing, so that there really was very little choice in what you wore, choosing what to wear in the morning could be reasonably straight forward. Then you leave that environment and there appear to be zero rules. Except there are. Lots of rules really. But no one makes them obvious. No one hands you a rule book. You have to figure it out as you go.

Now take that uncertainty, and think of your spiritual life. There may be parts of your previous spirituality, no matter how rigid, that were comforting and helpful to you. But now, because you have left that community, you’ve lost that connection and those supports.

What do you do?

Well, honestly, this is part of my work and part of what Brigid’s Path Collective is about. It does start with getting to know yourself, as I wrote about in the last post. We move forward in deciding what’s important for you on your spiritual path. How can we develop a path for you that helps you, comforts you, supports you?

Breaking free from rigid spirituality

This work isn’t easy. And many people go their whole lives without even questioning their spirituality. This isn’t work that everyone is drawn to. Most people will just trundle along.

But for some of us, this isn’t enough. We’re not willing to just go with the flow. Not in terms of spirituality. Because it’s too important to leave to chance, or the community you were born into.

Start by questioning. Are questions allowed in your community? If not, that is a major red flag. Do you feel restricted in your current path? Another reason to start questioning.

What do you want from your spiritual life? It’s a real tough one and not one with a quippy, one-line answer. But with hard work, you can get there!