Category: Coaching

Brigid’s Path: Three Marks of a Poet

Three Marks of a Poet is one of the steps on Brigid’s Path that people don’t always fully understand. And I get it – one of the marks is understanding! (And yes, this is part of the ongoing series to help people understand what goes on inside the Brigid’s Path Collective)

Brigid's Path: three marks of a poet doesn't really link obviously with Kathleen Ní Houlihan, and yet... gaining understanding from images like this is essential for poets...
Kathleen Ní Houlihan, the inspiration for many Irish poets and personification of Ireland for many more!

I have written about poets before in this blog, most notably RBG, as well as more generally about Brigid the poet. But I’ve not, as yet, discussed in detail the three marks of a poet and why they are important when walking Brigid’s Path. Three Marks of A Poet comes from the triads of Ireland.

Three things that constitute a poet: ‘knowledge that illumines,’ ‘teinm laeda,‘ improvisation.

(It’s line 123 here)

Now, I have done my best to translate teinm laeda, and the best I can come up with is: “breaking open to find”. Or possibly “chewing the cud”. Ruminating and exposing.

But, a) I’m not an Old Irish expert and b) this is cobbled together from various sources… So if you come across a better translation, I’m all for it!

Brigid’s Path: Three Marks of a Poet

So, teinm laeda is one of the marks. What about the rest?

Well, imbas forosnai might be knowledge that illumes. Bringing knowledge to light. It’s very similar to getting to know yourself in the first step of this path. What do you know about yourself? As the first of the three marks, it can be a bit daunting, but this stage is about deeper understanding of what knowledge you need to uncover as yet; what knowledge you already have that you’ve forgotten or never realised you had…

What lies buried inside you as a talent, or knowledge, or skills that can be brought to bear on Brigid’s Path? What hidden depths have you that she can use?

The thirds of the three marks of a poet on Brigid’s Path is dichetal do chennaib. It’s a specific form of extemporaneous composition. As in, a formal sort of poetry that is made up on the spot but according to key rules. Kinda like a modern day rap battle. (Not that I know much beyond a modern rap battle, aside from what’s shown in the film 8 Mile… I know – down with the kids me!)

In fact, in the UCC Celt link above, dichetal do chennaib is translated as simply: improvisation. And, if I’m honest, there is a hell of a lot of improvisation on Brigid’s Path! Within the Three Marks of a Poet and without.

Sometimes, we just have to make it up as we go along. But we do so in line with our ethics and values. Not just willy-nilly.

How do we use this?

All types of knowledge are valid on Brigid’s Path. There is experiential knowledge. Book learning. Street smarts. Divination.

The list could go on for hours- and honestly, investigating the types of knowledge we have available to us is one of the sessions in the Collective. Well, I say one of the sessions. It took a month last time. An individualised process just takes longer to get through… But on Brigid’s Path, the knowledge held in three marks of a Poet is soooo important.

Challenging your preconceived ideas about what knowledge is and isn’t is a vital part of this journey. Because we all have blind spots where we don’t value the knowledge we have. I often use the story of my friend, Sally. When I first met Sal, she had 2 toddlers and another on the way. She taught me pretty much all I know about changing nappies. You may laugh, but the last time I had anything to do with nappies was when my baby brother was born and he was near 30 when I met Sal.

She couldn’t believe that an intelligent, educated person like myself had no clue where to start with a dirty nappy. Genuinely, she thought I was pulling the piss. And I seriously wasn’t. So I learned. And while changing the nappy of a toddler hell bent on running away and not cooperating in the slightest doesn’t really apply in my day-to-day life, I recognise the important of the skill. No knowledge on Brigid’s Path is wasted. And Three Marks of a Poet instils this into us.

Changing nappies? Seriously?

Yeah, seriously. How to distract someone from a determined course of action. Multi tasking. Focusing on what was important and ignoring the rest. And the basic skill of whipping off a wet nappy, quickly getting a rough clean done of the area, and getting on a new nappy before said toddler escaped into the wild, private parts swinging free.

I was very naïve in the way of mothering before that. And yes, these experiences feed into the way I present my courses. Very few of my community have no engagements with children. Most women who come to me have a family. And learning the necessities of working around children was vital for me.

I’ve not been lucky enough to have my own family, and that’s a painful part of my journey. But that doesn’t mean I ignore what I learned during that time period. Partially because treating people like toddlers in work sometimes gets results you might not expect.

Also because treating myself like a toddler sometimes helps me immensely.

But no knowledge is ever wasted.

For Brigid’s Path then, the three marks of a poet

To walk Brigid’s Path, we find knowledge and information and learning in places we never expected. There are a few things to consider, of course!

  • Consider the source
  • Assess the authenticity
  • Not everyone is honest
  • Not all knowledge is relevant at every stage or in every situation
  • Sometimes we have to dig deep to find said knowledge

And sometimes, you need someone asking the right questions to help you find the answers…

How to Find the Right Spiritual Coach for You: A Step-by-Step Guide

We spoke last week about what coaching isn’t, and we’ve identified green flags and red flags as well in previous posts. But how do you find the right spiritual coach for you? Exactly? Well… here we go!

What do you want?

I know. It’s basic. But still. Why are you looking for a spiritual coach? Is there a specific issues, a particular spiritual path, enlightenment? I’ve said before there’s no point seeking a Christian coach if you want to follow a pagan path… so, you know, think about this. Finding the right spiritual coach means you need a starting place and knowing something of what you want can help this.

Mind you, I can’t imagine why you’d seek a Christian coach for helping you follow a pagan path, but y’know, takes all sorts.

Now it does help to set clear goals, but sometimes the point of coaching is first to determine what you want, so don’t be too worried if you can be really clear on what it is you want to achieve. Particularly with spirituality, it can be difficult to go beyond “I want to feel better about this”. Sometimes you need the coach to help with this.

Finding the right coach doesn't need to be difficult, but there are a few things to point you in the right direction! Setting, personal appeal, all that feeds into it!
A lot to think about!

Research

I mean, there are loads of different spiritual coaches out there. Loads of different types of coaches even. So you need to feel into this a bit. I know – I’m getting all woo-woo and it’s only Monday morning! But finding the right spiritual coach is going to take time and effort. And research. So here we go.

There are, believe it or not, many different coaching methods. And processes. And a good coach will be able to explain their process to you. Even better if they can provide reviews and testimonials, but as someone who is trying to gather testimonials right now – those are definitely easier talked about that actually written! It’s not that people don’t want to provide them – it’s more that it takes time and effort to write them. And people forget. It’s completely understandable.

But they should be able to discuss the results other people have had with them anyway.

What credentials/ experience do these coaches have?

There are no legal requirements in Ireland to become a coach, although other jurisdictions differ. However, some sort of accreditation with someone like the ICF (International Coach Federation) or the AC (Association for Coaches) is preferable. It’s not always a requirement, but it’s something you should consider in your quest to find the right spiritual coach for you.

Equally, how much experience does this coach have? Are they starting out? Or have they been coaching for years (either as a main job or a side effect of their main job)? Have they experience with coaching clients similar to you? Are they confident in their abilities?

I know, it might seem obvious, but there are less-than-confident coaches out there. It’s not the end of the world, but a confident coach helps.

You will feel a connection with the right spiritual coach

Most coaches I know, spiritual or otherwise, offer a free initial consultation. This might be called an information call, discovery call, get-to-know-you session, or something else entirely. But it’s as important to the coach that that connection is there as it is for you.

And connection is something that can be difficult to measure scientifically. (Cue a load of people telling me different now!) So, this means trusting your gut. Is your instinct telling you this is very right? If so, you may have found your spiritual coach! If not, the journey to find the right spiritual coach for you is set to continue.

Ideally, you will feel seen, understood and supported in that initial call.

The right spiritual coaching approach

It’s important that the coach have a wide array of tools and techniques to use as the client (you) needs them. Now, if you asked me off the top of my head what tools and techniques I use, I’d be stumped. I’d have to think a bit. But I can generally tell you a few bits and bobs that come up regularly. For example, visualisation is a great tool to use. Breathing techniques, I’m a big fan of. And a few other things as well.

OK, I have books upon books of stuff that I’ve read about, practiced, engaged with. And most coaches do. It’s just that sometimes it’s hard to remember them all!

Most of all at this point, you should be able to discuss with your prospective coach how often you can meet, how long the sessions will last, if homework is a given or not (usually it is, to be fair) and what the expectations are around cancelling sessions on both sides. Most coaches have some sort of contract they will send you that outlines all this anyway, but it’s as well to be clear from the start.

The practicalities of the right spiritual coach

Most coaches these days do online or Zoom sessions, so location isn’t the limit that it used to be. However time zones are. For example, I’m usually in bed by 9:30pm Irish tie, which means if you’re on the west coast of the US, then the latest session I’ll be able to hold with you is 12 noon your time. This may or may not suit!

As well – think of the cost. As always, you don’t always get what you pay for, but it’s worth considering that the cheapest option isn’t always the best. It depends entirely on what you want. Any coach – myself included – will outline a high level price per session and put together a package for you if you wish to bulk buy.

Most of all, don’t rush

Make an informed decision – whether you’re more comfortable basing this on facts and figures or intuition is up to you, but make sure you’re engaging with the coach and making the decision in a way that works for you.

And if you want to discuss coaching options with me, drop me an email: orlagh@mybrigidsforge.com

What coaching isn’t!

The last few weeks I’ve been posting about spiritual coaching, but today I want to explore what coaching isn’t. Because, it’s not a panacea for all that ails you. It can be hugely helpful of course. Just – not for everything. So here we go.

A word cloud with "coaching" in the centre with a hand pointing to it. It's more difficult to get a word cloud with what coaching isn't, but I'll try!!
Coaching word cloud

Therapy, medical assistance

Yeah, coaching isn’t suitable for those with a mental health crisis ongoing. Coaching isn’t suitable for processing trauma or treating mental illness. It’s just not designed for that, and crucially, most coaches don’t have medical degrees/ training.

That last bit is important. I have no problem helping you set goals, work through the questions that help you define your spiritual path, that sort of thing. I’m happy to discuss the challenges you face, what goals you want to set for yourself, what practices you want to set up.

Awesome.

I’m not providing therapy though. I’m not trained or qualified for that. In fact, I have in the past, told potential clients that they would need a trained medical professional for what they wanted, not me. I’m a trained coach, not a trained psychotherapist and that is a massively important difference.

I’m a huge fan of therapy by the way. It’s only very recently I stopped seeing my own therapist on a regular basis because I’m in a stable, positive place in my life right now. I think most of us will need therapy at some point in our lives and it’s important to recognise that.

But any coach who says they will “cure” mental illness, or act instead of a therapist? Steer clear.

Mentoring isn’t coaching and vice versa!

Mentoring is about sharing skills, knowledge, experience with someone else to help them progress in an area of their lives. Coaching is more about empowering someone to find their own answers. Think that’s a scam?

Some do, and that’s ok.

But really, coaching is about having someone who has your back, is wholeheartedly devoted to helping you achieving your goals, and will ask the right questions for you to develop your own solutions.

Your coach might not have the background knowledge you do about your situation. In fact, it’s almost certain they won’t. But they can help you develop your own answers.

We can throw in training or teaching here as well. That’s imparting knowledge more than sharing it, but similar principle. (I can hear any properly trained teacher screaming at me right now – and I get it! Mentoring is not teaching and teaching is not mentoring. The knowledge transfer happens in both though)

There are times in life you need one and times in life you need the other. For example – it would be difficult to be coached into learning how to operate an aeroplane. I haven’t gone through the training, but frankly, it doesn’t seem like something you want to deviate from procedures on.

There is immense value in both!!

Don’t expect quick fixes

Coaching isn’t usually a one and done thing. It takes time to delve into what you want to achieve, and how you’re going to achieve it. Now, this doesn’t means you have to keep going for decades, although you might choose to.

But it does mean you need to consider how long is too long for you. Is the goal you’re chasing worth this time investment? It might not be. That’s really ok. I’ll say this again and again: coaching isn’t for everyone. But if the dream is worth it. If the vision is so clear and so crisp you can reach out and touch it. Those times when you can taste what you want. And it’s worth anything (within reason) to you. Those are the times it’s worth thinking about coaching.

One size does not fit all

Yes, many coaches – myself included – have processes, systems and methods to help people get the best out of coaching. I have shared the six steps with ye, over and over again at this point, but here they are anyway:

  • Know yourself
  • Reconcile the past
  • Joy
  • Three Mark of a Poet
  • The Path Forward
  • The Cauldron

But you can see that just even the first step – knowing yourself – is unique to each individual. While there might be broad themes and ideas coming through from many people, each individual journey is unique. And your coach must buy into this…

Your coach should be as committed to your goals as you are – during sessions anyway! And should be able to craft the sessions and the processes to suit you. And sometimes – that involves a bit of chit chat. That allows time for absorption, a good coach will recognise your need to do that before you will, most of the time.

Lots of other things

I mean, ok, coaching isn’t management, or deconstruction, or consulting or advice giving… and probably a whole lot of other things as well.

But most of all, coaching is about you. You might choose to bring other people into the coaching space, energetically speaking, but you control what gets discussed and how. Coaching isn’t a time for adhering to someone else’s ideals. It’s about you. And if you’re getting a coach who doesn’t know that, or realise that, find a better one.

Spiritual coach: green flags, red flags

This is part three of an ongoing series to talk about spiritual coaches, why you might want to visit one and what to look out for. Today’s post is based on 2 simple lists. Green flags and red flags. Enjoy!

A picture of a green flag next to a red flag on a beach with houses in the background. But what are the green and red flags for a spiritual coach?

Green flags for a spiritual coach

  • A spiritual coach shows compassion and understanding
  • They guide, offer suggestions
  • They recognise when nudging is needed and when something more formidable is needed
  • They push
  • They are well read, or well educated
  • They say no to potential clients
  • They are aware of their own limitations
  • They remember stuff you tell them and are able to correct the dots between experiences and answers
  • They follow up sessions with emails, further information, etc
  • A spiritual coach looks for feedback
  • They recommend other professionals when necessary
  • They care, but separate themselves from your choices and actions

Red flags for a spiritual coach

Ok, so we could probably just say the opposite of the above, but here’s a list anyway

  • Pressure to act now – most spiritual coaches will offer an introductory conversation to make sure ye get on together. If not, and if there’s an “act now or never” type vibe – avoid.
  • A selection process – as if most people aren’t worth their time.
  • Blurred lines (even if they aren’t really) – are you required to sign up to the morals or standards of a whole community or group to work with this coach?
  • They’re “cruel to be kind” -seriously, this isn’t a spiritual coach. This is a bully.
  • No clear endpoint – now ok, you might not have a clear endpoint when you start the process, but if it keeps going on and on and on with no finish in sight – might be worth investigating
  • The coach is unwilling to share their experience and credentials
  • At the same time – leaning heavily on credentials and no experience
  • They blame you for… well… anything

Takeaways

Look, one or two red flags doesn’t mean don’t work with that person. I have sent out emails saying, “hey, I have a coaching spot free, book a free call next week to see if you want to work with me”. That could be deemed as pressure to act now.

It’s intended to highlight I have a spot open up and it’s free to the first comer so to speak.

But if you have someone who’s ticking none of the green flags and all of the red flags? Take a deep look at that person and whether you want to work with them.

In the meantime, if you are interested in exploring this further drop me an email at orlagh@mybrigidsforge.com

Good spiritual coach – what to look for

Last week, we talked about why you might seek a spiritual coach. This week, I want to work through the things to look for in a good spiritual coach. This article actually gave me a lot of food for thought on the topic and helped me crystalise my thinking.

They walk the walk

This is such a big deal. Authenticity is another word here. Do as I do, not as I say is another way of putting it. A good spiritual coach will back up words with deeds.

Essentially, are they living their life in a way that supports the way they speak to you. If they advocate a meditation practice, do they meditate? For people who support daily prayer, what’s their own prayer like?

If someone, looking at no one in particular here but possibly myself, asks you to give yourself a break, do they hold themselves to impossibly high standards or do they allow themselves to be human?

No one’s perfect, myself least of all. But if someone is actively engaged in practices that directly go against what they say for you to do – they are not a good spiritual coach.

A good spiritual advisor will usually be walking the walk. Picture shows a pair of legs in jeans with brown shoes walking along a very narrow path between wilted grass
Walking the walk doesn’t always include actual walking. Just FYI

For example, someone who extolls ethical living, but embraces shady business practices – not a good spiritual coach. Someone who maintains they are a “good Christian”, but practices hate against persons or groups – not a good spiritual coach. Toxic positivity? Not a good spiritual coach. Toxic negativity? Ditto.

A place of compassion

In my opinion, a good spiritual coach comes from a place of open mindedness and compassion. They understand that not everyone has the same life experiences, or understanding of how the world works.

This doesn’t mean accepting inappropriate or demeaning behaviour, mind. A coach, any coach, is responsible for keeping themselves safe first and foremost.

But just because someone has an outburst against, for example, Irish people in New York, doesn’t mean they’re a terrible person. Someone with questionable judgement, maybe, since the Irish are – naturally – perfect in every way (please read the sarcasm in that last sentence, ok???) But not a terrible person.

A good spiritual coach should be able to deal with people who come to them with different world views, but with the intent of being open to exploration. Or at least be aware of their own limitations.

For example, I would never go to someone who describes themselves as a Christian spiritual coach. Because they would not be able to support a path like mine, crossing over and back between Catholicism and paganism, as if the barrier didn’t exist at all.

Neither would I expect a committed Hindi to come to me for spiritual counselling, unless they were interested in exploring an Irish paganism path, or a path combining spiritual traditions.

But even if someone did come to me already on a path completely at odds with my own, I would treat them with compassion.

A good transparent spiritual coach

I feel like I’m pretty transparent with my views on things. I write and on my email list and in the Facebook group showing what I think on different political, spiritual and personal topics. Even in coaching, I feel I’m fairly clear on where my expertise begins and ends.

This is important. Because, ideally, you will be building a strong relationship with your spiritual coach. Or indeed, with any coach. You have to build trust, rapport, engagement. It’s not enough to show up once a week or once a month and talk for an hour. There needs to be an exchange of words in a deeper way than casual conversation.

If you are discussing your spiritual path with someone, then you need to know who you’re talking to. Daniel Hannah, in the Linkedin article I linked at the start of this post, speaks about the masks that some coaches wear. He also mentions a coach who is clear about where you are at and where they are at. So, for example, I will let people know if life is stressful outside of our coaching sessions – it’s usually to explain a possibly grumpy exterior or a wrinkle in my brow. Many of my clients are very perceptive, so hiding small details only leads to mistrust.

Be honest

By saying, “Hey, the day job is really shitty right now, it’s nothing to do with you and I’m dying to dive in here” it gives them the reassurance that they are not imagining things and that I’m really ok to talk to them, while not putting any pressure on them. Or, indeed, I have had some clients message saying they are feeling out of sorts, grumpy, stressed, whatever and want to rearrange a session. I accommodate these where I can. For the same reasons.

Possibly more important? Is when a coach is self-aware enough to refuse to work with someone. This doesn’t mean you are too much, too weird, too out there. It just means they don’t have the bandwidth, experience or knowledge to be comfortable working with you and give you the best possible outcomes.

A good spiritual coach might explore and guide, but you do the work

This can be critical in achieving a positive outcome from coaching. A good spiritual coach will almost certain explore with you and guide you. But equally – they will not do the work for you.

And they will be very clear about this.

I often describe myself as a torchbearer on Brigid’s Path. Or a guide. But all I can do is show you the way. I can’t do the work for you. Particularly not with spiritual work. Whether it’s inner work, shadow work, exploration of a new path, development of a shallow path, whatever…

The work is for you to do. A coach can be a complete waste of resources if you are not willing to step up and do the work. And frankly, most good coaches, spiritual or otherwise, will challenge you if they notice this pattern with you.

Sometimes if can be a sign you’re not on the right path. Otherwise it can be a pattern of behaviour where you’re subconsciously trying to avoid something. (Or indeed, consciously trying to avoid something) But the work is yours to do. Not the coach’s.

Next week

For the next post, I’ll be looking at red and green flags to look for in a spiritual coach. For now, if you have any questions or want to pursue working with me in this or another context, drop me an email at orlagh@mybrigidsforge.com

Why seek a spiritual coach?

Yes, this is a lead on from the High Control Religion series I’ve been doing over the past few weeks. But there is a strong link in the need for a spiritual coach and those of us who escaped, left or otherwise quit a high control religious environment.

The reasons one might seek such a coach are, of course, a bit broader than that, but over the coming weeks, I want to investigate why people look for spiritual coaches, what to look for and some red and green flags to keep an eye out for.

What is a spiritual coach?

I’ve seen a few explanations online for this sort of coach so here’s a few of them. (And yes, the below are all copied from the first page of links Google threw at me when I asked “what is a spiritual coach?”)

  • A spiritual coach (SC) works with clients to better understand themselves and their places in the world.
  • Within a safe environment to explore beliefs and experiences, a SC encourages clients to tap into their inner wisdom and intuition
  • A SC helps people to connect to their desires, identify obstacles and take actionable steps toward their goals.
  • A SC is someone who runs their own coaching business and helps people improve their spiritual lives and develop themselves in various ways.
  • Spiritual life coaching is a type of coaching that focuses on helping individuals connect with their spiritual foundation and purpose
  • A SC, also called spiritual life coach, helps people discover who they are by supporting their self-discovery journeys.
  • Spiritual coaching is a holistic approach to personal growth that focuses on connecting clients with their inner selves.

Even the most specific of those are still a bit woolly, right? Or is it just me?

A picture of a human figure, standing on a black/ shadowed ground, with the stars outlined above them, with colours from oranges, pinks, greens and blues as the background. First picture I found when looking for "spiritual coach"

See, I know what I mean when I describe myself this way.

I mean, I work with predominantly women, mostly 40+ in age, mostly with kids that are getting towards independence, mostly who have the time to think properly about things now and are noticing all the shit they didn’t notice when they were younger and were focusing on survival.

I so sometimes help people a bit earlier in the process, those who are trying to recover from a high control religious environment, but I’m not a therapist. Not a psychiatrist. Not a psychologies.

So, I do my bet to guide people towards the professional help they need if they need that.

So what does that mean?

Mostly, I find coaching is asking the right questions. People generally have the answers themselves. This is especially true when I work as spiritual coach.

Why do people look for one?

There are a number of reasons.

Now, first off, there are loads of extra stresses and strains in modern life, as well as an increased awareness (well in certain parts of the world anyway) of science and nature, that lead people to discount the Divine in the world. At the same time, those stresses and strains can cause us to focus ever more on the material or mundane aspects of life.

It’s hard to think about Divinity, religion and spirituality if you’re struggling to get enough food to eat or don’t have secure housing, after all.

That’s also part of the reason I tend to get women who have children approaching independence. It’s hard to think of the divine when you’re up to your eye balls in dirty nappies. I don’t care what anyone says – there are practicalities in life.

It’s also why I think most cults, religious movements, religions are founded by men… Historically, when would women find the time? (And yes, I know – there have been some founded by women, but look at the percentages ok?)

What can a spiritual coach help with?

There are a few things. But it’s important to remember that who you choose is as important as what you choose here.

A coach can help you clarify where you’re struggling. I mean, seriously, this is true of all coaches, but spiritual coaches as well. Half the time clients come to me with one very clear problem – and as we talk, it’s nothing to do with that at all, but something out of left field altogether.

Getting clear on what is at the root of your struggle, or concerns, or unease is vital.

And then, you can start to figure out the path forwards from there. But when you don’t even know where you’re starting from, it’s even more difficult to find your way.

Usually, spiritual issues come up with that deeper sense of meaning most of us search for in life. Look, you’re reading a blog devoted to an Irish deity and saint, plus some related topics that have been part of my own spiritual journey. You probably have some interest in this topic.

If you don’t – kinda questioning why you’re reading to be honest?

My deeper meaning? Helping women navigate a spiritual path that works for them. And spreading clear, authentic, based-in-lore information about said Irish deity and saint. Brigid, in case you hadn’t realised. And no doubt, this will continue to evolve as I grow and evolve. And yes, I had some strong coaches around me to help me get where i am today. Although, several of them probably wouldn’t identify as such.

Next steps

If any of this resonates with you or you want to chat further, send me an email and we can discuss. (orlagh@mybrigidsforge.com) Now, it’s possible you don’t need a spiritual coach. That’s absolutely fine. Many people work through life never needing one.

But if you do – well, next week, we’ll look at how to identify one…